LIFamilies.com - Long Island, NY


RSS
Articles Business Directory Blog Real Estate Community Forum Shop My Family Contests

Log In Chat Index Search Rules Lingo Create Account

Quick navigation:   

Am I A Bad Person?

Posted By Message
Pages: [1] 2

Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew

Member since 5/05

14266 total posts

Name:
Jes

Am I A Bad Person?

Ok, so.....
FINALLY after 3 months of being married me and DH start getting gifts from his side of teh family....
today i arrive home from work to see $1000 worth of Lenox china from his sister. There are 8 full settings,,,
Anyway, me and DH live by ourselves, NEVER entertain for dinner, dont cook, etc etc...
if we ever used this china it would be for like thanksgiving or Xmas when we have a house (which wont be for like 10 years)
We want to return this china and get ourselves clothes (which we really need)
i feel REALLY guilty returning this gift, but honestly it is a waste and we will NEVER use it.
is it bad for us to return it for what we really need?
not to mention, we live ina small apartment and have no where tostore it even if we did wnat to save it til our haouse.
i truly appreciate their gift, but it is useless for us.
please give me your opinion.

Message edited 6/4/2005 12:56:07 AM.

Posted 6/4/05 12:54 AM
 
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource

SoinLove
Making big changes

Member since 5/05

16541 total posts

Name:
Kristin

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

No, I honestly don't think it makes you a bad person at all. Why have expensive china sitting around collecting dust, when you could have tons of stuff that you could actually be using right now? Do you think his sister would ever come over or ever question you about the china? Do you think she'd be offended to find out your returned it? Perhaps you could keep some of it, just to show her that it means something to you, but I'm sure she'd be understanding that it's something you're not going to use.

Posted 6/4/05 1:16 AM
 

Redhead
You Live, You Learn

Member since 5/05

31871 total posts

Name:
Jennifer

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

hmmm tough call here. You don't want to offend her one day when she asks about it.

But i agree...if you are not going to use it, why have it. BUT i think i wouldn't return it to buy clothes...

Posted 6/4/05 10:04 AM
 

Stefanie

Member since 5/05

23599 total posts

Name:
Stefanie

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

You're not a bad person and you're right...there really isn't room for expensive china in an apartment...that's why I didn't register for any.

Posted 6/4/05 10:13 AM
 

WoodIAm
My Boys!

Member since 5/05

5498 total posts

Name:
JoAnne

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

I definitely don't think it makes you a bad person!

Personally, I would exchange it for something for my home that I would use and that I would have forever. You'll end up getting rid of the clothes one day and have nothing and she may be a little offended.

Posted 6/4/05 10:24 AM
 

Miro127
LIF Infant

Member since 5/05

204 total posts

Name:

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

you're probably not a "bad person," but i don't think you'd be doing the right thing to exchange the china for clothing.
personally, i do not consider exchanging a wedding gift for clothes to be appropriate. besides the fact that you'd highly insult your SIL, it's just not sensible. like an earlier poster said, at least get something that can last many years (if not a lifetime, as the china would).

Posted 6/4/05 10:36 AM
 

neenie

Member since 5/05

22351 total posts

Name:

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Posted by WoodIAm

I definitely don't think it makes you a bad person!

Personally, I would exchange it for something for my home that I would use and that I would have forever. You'll end up getting rid of the clothes one day and have nothing and she may be a little offended.



i agree Chat Icon

Posted 6/4/05 10:50 AM
 

june262004
But I love the Snow!

Member since 5/05

15379 total posts

Name:
Kristin

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Posted by Miro127

you're probably not a "bad person," but i don't think you'd be doing the right thing to exchange the china for clothing.
personally, i do not consider exchanging a wedding gift for clothes to be appropriate. besides the fact that you'd highly insult your SIL, it's just not sensible. like an earlier poster said, at least get something that can last many years (if not a lifetime, as the china would).




I agree.

Posted 6/4/05 10:52 AM
 

Sassyz75
Turning a new page

Member since 5/05

9731 total posts

Name:
Dina

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

I don't think you are a bad person- if it is not something you'll ever want to use then why have it around.

However, I would use the $$$ to get something else home related- whether it's a nice set of casual dishes or something else.

Also, keep in mind that typically this is your only chance to get china.. unless 5+ years down the roade you want to spend $1000+ on it yourself should you want it one day.

Posted 6/4/05 10:52 AM
 

Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew

Member since 5/05

14266 total posts

Name:
Jes

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

oh, well i dont know for SURE if we would just get clothes, i just know thats something we need. i know Macys has EVERYTHING, so im sure we would fingd stuff for our place there too.
i should have made it more clear i just meant that as an example.

Along with the 8 lenox settings, she also got us 8 kate spade settings, and i REALLY want to keep those. and i will.

she lives in Virginia and NEVER comes up really, she has a like mansion there, so we all go to visit her. I honestly doubt that it would ever come up and if we had them over for dinner ever i know it wouldnt be anything fancy that we'd use the china for, i would have the kate spade dishes. (which are also fancy, so i will use those for nicer dinners and such)

thanks for all of your honest opinions. i'm not sure what we will get if we exhancge it. we REALLLY wnt a laptop, but Macys doesnt sell those.

(lol and to everyone that knows me, dont worry Macys doesnt sell dog clothesChat Icon )

Posted 6/4/05 10:59 AM
 

Redhead
You Live, You Learn

Member since 5/05

31871 total posts

Name:
Jennifer

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

ok i am confused..you got 2 different place settings? 16 total?

Posted 6/4/05 11:15 AM
 

TheInfamousOTG
Waiting for Lil' M....

Member since 5/05

3468 total posts

Name:

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Personally... If I gave someone that gift, and I found out they returned it. I would be kinda offended. She went out of her way to buy you a $1000 worth of fine China. When you buy a house your going to entertain people, and going to need nice china. This is only my personal opinion. I don't think your a bad person.

At my engagement party Bri's uncle bought us our set of Swarovski toasting flutes, and so did my brother. We kept both sets because they were from family, and it meant alot to us.

Posted 6/4/05 11:24 AM
 

Scotty-CassidysMom
and Dylan too!

Member since 5/05

4331 total posts

Name:
Stacy

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Posted by WoodIAm

I definitely don't think it makes you a bad person!

Personally, I would exchange it for something for my home that I would use and that I would have forever. You'll end up getting rid of the clothes one day and have nothing and she may be a little offended.



I agree

Posted 6/4/05 11:32 AM
 

btrflygrl
me and baby #3!

Member since 5/05

12013 total posts

Name:
Shana

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

I don't think it makes you a bad person...BUT what are you going to say when she asks "Why aren't you using the china I gave you?" when some nice occasion comes around.

Is it new or a regift? Also remember people give gifts thinking "I want to give them something they want/will use/need but I know they'd never buy for themselves" and maybe someday you'll want nice china for special occasions

I didn't register for any, I inherited my grandmothers bone china

Posted 6/4/05 7:56 PM
 

Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew

Member since 5/05

14266 total posts

Name:
Jes

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Posted by Redhead

ok i am confused..you got 2 different place settings? 16 total?



kinda. she gave us 8 FULL Lenox settings (big plate, bowl, teacup, saucer etc) and then 8 Kate Spade plates. not full settings on hte KS.... and they are VERY nice too (havea platinum band around them)

the thing is also, we see her MAYBE once a year. and like for one day for a few hours. they are sooooo not close.
Also, she already got us china when we got engaged, we use that.
She is a millionare and the money means nothing to her, in fact this is the cheapest wedding gift shes given anyone in her family (and i honestly dont mind one bit, just saying)
I think she just didnt know what to get us b/c we arent very close and she doesnt know us all that well.
Like i said, i totally aprreciate the gift, dont get me wrong, but it will just collect dust. Even when we have a house i coubt we'll use it. MAYBE one time for a christmas or soemthing....

we're DEF keeping the Kate Spade plates though. DH hates them, but screw him i want them! and i want to at least keep SOMETHING she gave us.

i still dont like to have it on my conscience though.
but i dont even have anywhere to KEEP it right now! lol theyre huge!

Posted 6/5/05 1:38 AM
 

Sassyz75
Turning a new page

Member since 5/05

9731 total posts

Name:
Dina

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Posted by Lolita4Life

Posted by Redhead

ok i am confused..you got 2 different place settings? 16 total?



kinda. she gave us 8 FULL Lenox settings (big plate, bowl, teacup, saucer etc) and then 8 Kate Spade plates. not full settings on hte KS.... and they are VERY nice too (havea platinum band around them)

the thing is also, we see her MAYBE once a year. and like for one day for a few hours. they are sooooo not close.
Also, she already got us china when we got engaged, we use that.
She is a millionare and the money means nothing to her, in fact this is the cheapest wedding gift shes given anyone in her family (and i honestly dont mind one bit, just saying)
I think she just didnt know what to get us b/c we arent very close and she doesnt know us all that well.
Like i said, i totally aprreciate the gift, dont get me wrong, but it will just collect dust. Even when we have a house i coubt we'll use it. MAYBE one time for a christmas or soemthing....

we're DEF keeping the Kate Spade plates though. DH hates them, but screw him i want them! and i want to at least keep SOMETHING she gave us.

i still dont like to have it on my conscience though.
but i dont even have anywhere to KEEP it right now! lol theyre huge!



then why dont you return the ones you don't want and get the rest of the Kate Spade instead?

Posted 6/5/05 12:13 PM
 

suvenR
designer mutt

Member since 5/05

4239 total posts

Name:

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Jess, did you register?

For us (tiny condo), whatever we were given that wasn't on the registry had to be returned. We just don't have the space. A set of DH's 2nd cousins all got us pieces of a Mikasa china pattern. But, they were all at my shower and saw when I received the china that I registered for. So, there shouldn't be any surprise that their set has been returned.

However, I wouldn't return every single thing she gave you.

(and, hey, what pattern is the Lenox??? It should be written on the bottom of the pieces)

Return the Lenox. Get some more pieces to the Kate Spade- maybe a set of bowls.

Then, use the cash to get stuff for your home that you can have in the future.

Posted 6/5/05 12:23 PM
 

CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)

Member since 5/05

19978 total posts

Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

This is a hard decision but I personally would never exchange the Lenox for clothes...that is a very expensive, thoughtful gift and even if you can't use it right now, you'll be glad you have it for the future. Maybe if you feel you have to, return 1/2? Then someday you can add on to it.

Posted 6/5/05 12:31 PM
 

dm24angel
Happiness

Member since 5/05

34581 total posts

Name:
Donna

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

I dont think your a bad person.

Im actually off to Fortuneoff's today to finally before time runs out return stuff, I didnt ask for and or cannot use.

We only got 2 place settings of the China I did ask for, and I dont know what to do with them. I cant see if I come up with the $1000 to buy the rest that I would spend an extra $1000 on china at this time. So, do I keep the 2 settings? My MOH bought them for me, and I know she meant well , and so I feel bad. I probably will keep them just because I feel bad.

BUT...in your situation, I think its TOO much China and you dont need it.

I dont think you will ever TELL her what you bought with it, so then why feel guilty...she meant to do something nice it appears, and so Im sure what ever you use the money for , will be still in her generosity..

Dont let anyone tell you what to do..Do what ever makes you guys happy..if you will feel guilty...then keep it..if you really truly dont want it, need it..exchange it.

Posted 6/5/05 12:37 PM
 

MommyofG
just the girls

Member since 5/05

9461 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

I dont think it makes you a bad person. I would def get something for the house though incase she ever does come up and asks ( since you guys arent close she may use that as an ice breaker for conversation) and you dont want to offend the 'family". Use the rest of the money for whatever you want.
we actually returned a lot from BBB that we knew we wouldnt use even though we registered for it- our eyes bigger than our kitchen and bought outdoor furniture so we still had something to remember by.

Posted 6/5/05 1:00 PM
 

TwoGirls4Me
Treasure what you have

Member since 5/05

1839 total posts

Name:
Marie

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Posted by Redhead

hmmm tough call here. You don't want to offend her one day when she asks about it.

But i agree...if you are not going to use it, why have it. BUT i think i wouldn't return it to buy clothes...



i agree

Posted 6/5/05 2:57 PM
 

saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!

Member since 5/05

16555 total posts

Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

i think the gift had the best of intentions, but wasn't really clearly thought out. i mean, nice lenox tosting flutes would've been nice. i think if you return it, use it for something for your place. evveryday dishes, maybe. and a few clothes for yourself, cause that is something you need too.

Posted 6/5/05 3:30 PM
 

Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew

Member since 5/05

14266 total posts

Name:
Jes

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

ok thanks everyone for your nput, i still dont know what i'm going to do yet!

Posted 6/5/05 7:04 PM
 

DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it

Member since 5/05

18602 total posts

Name:
The cure IS worse!

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

If I sent someone 1k worth of keepsake presents and found out that they returned it for clothes...damn I would be ticked off! However, if they purchased items that could use for a while in their home I would be happy that they could get new items to start thier life off together.

Posted 6/5/05 8:05 PM
 

Bri
I Love You to Pieces!

Member since 5/05

9919 total posts

Name:
Brianne

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Posted by Miro127

you're probably not a "bad person," but i don't think you'd be doing the right thing to exchange the china for clothing.
personally, i do not consider exchanging a wedding gift for clothes to be appropriate. besides the fact that you'd highly insult your SIL, it's just not sensible. like an earlier poster said, at least get something that can last many years (if not a lifetime, as the china would).



i agree

Posted 6/5/05 9:22 PM
 
Pages: [1] 2
 

Potentially Related Topics:

Topic Posted By Started Replies Forum
Does this make me a bad person? Scotty-CassidysMom 12/14/05 35 Families Helping Families ™
Anyone else have a bad mail person?? AJsMommy122 8/19/05 9 Families Helping Families ™
Bad Mommy - forgot to post these pictures Marcie 3/23/06 16 Pets
Bad News! Moehick 3/22/06 35 Pregnancy
help- white coat + raspberry margarita=bad Beth 3/20/06 0 Families Helping Families ™
x MommyofG 3/17/06 19 TTC
 
Quick navigation:   
Currently 58671 users on the LIFamilies.com Chat
New Businesses
1 More Rep
Carleton Hall of East Islip
J&A Building Services
LaraMae Health Coaching
Sonic Wellness
Julbaby Photography LLC
Ideal Uniforms
Teresa Geraghty Photography
Camelot Dream Homes
Long Island Wedding Boutique
MB Febus- Rodan & Fields
Camp Harbor
Market America-Shop.com
ACM Basement Waterproofing
Travel Tom

      Follow LIWeddings on Facebook

      Follow LIFamilies on Twitter
Long Island Bridal Shows