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Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

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avamamma
My Girl

Member since 7/06

3395 total posts

Name:
Tara

Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

*****UPDATED ON PAGE 2**

I went to the mall tonight to force myself to buy a bathing suit, and left in tears...

I know it's stupid and that I should just be grateful for all of the good things in my life, but I really truly have been devasted by what pregnancy and childbirth have done to my body. Deep down, I believe that my sadness over this is what has made me continue to put off having baby #2..

I gained 42 lbs during pregnancy, all of it in my stomach. I lost all of it within the first 6 months after Ava was born.

But , I was left with a belly, that I really feel is deformed. My belly button never went back to normal and my skin just hangs. I know that my wonderful, beautiful little girl should over shadow everything else, but I am soooo upset about this.

I went to a plastic surgeon when Ava was a few months old, and he said that no amount of diet or exercise could fix it!!! Ouch!!!! So even when I start Weight Watchers or join the gym to try to tone and tighten (if possible), I feel soo hopeless that I give up.

This is really effecting every area of my life- my self confidence, my relationship with my husband and my desire to do things and go places. I feel soo badly about myself, that it really just stinks...

I was no super model before I was pg, but I always took great pride in looking nice, cute clothes, hair, nails, etc... Now, even when I do shop, I usually just end up buying stuff for Ava, because nothing looks good on me.

I am about 5' 4 1/2, and about 130lbs. I know that I am not over weight, but I still look terrible. I cannot wear fitted shirts, because I look about 5 months pg.

I know that in the grand scheme of things, this is trivial, and I feel ashamed to be soo upset about this, but I really don't know what to do.

I have read on other sites that many Mother's are proud of their bulges and see their stretch marks as "badges of Honor". Really??

I def want to get a tummy tuck in the future, but if I have baby #2, it will have to be afterwards. I am soo afraid to have #2, because I feel that I will look even worse.

My Mother is totally against it and says that it is selfish to put my life in jeopardy, when I have a DD who needs her Mother. She tells me to "get over it" or "snap out of it" but I can't.

I don't want this to be an issue in my life any longer. I also don't want it to effect Ava. I want her to be a strong and healthy woman who does not define herself by the way she looks.

DH is supportive of whatever I want to do..

I have told this to my PCP and OB?GYN, they suggested a gym...

Any advice would be really appreciated.

Message edited 6/24/2007 3:07:40 PM.

Posted 6/22/07 9:17 PM
 
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!

Member since 5/05

27530 total posts

Name:
me

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon I have to say that I think speaking to a therapist might help. If it's affecting you that much and you are seriously considering surgery, a therapist can help you look at it with an objective opinion. Of course your mom is going to tell you not to have the surgery, and of course the plastic surgeon will tell you that surgery is the only way.
How about finding a personal trainer, working with them for 6 months or so and then reevaluate? Hang in there. It's hard. I never had a great body to begin with, so I've lived with all the feelings your having since I'm a teenager. I know just how devastating it can be to look in the mirror and hate what you see. Chat Icon

Posted 6/22/07 9:23 PM
 

pmpkn087
Life is good...

Member since 9/05

18504 total posts

Name:
Stephanie

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

No advice because I have a very similar struggleChat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Hang in there. I invested in a really great body shaper. it helps me feel a little better with clothes on.

Posted 6/22/07 9:26 PM
 

twobabies
Praying

Member since 7/05

9662 total posts

Name:
Mrs. Honeybee

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

fmChat Icon

Posted 6/22/07 9:26 PM
 

teacherwheart
LIF Infant

Member since 3/06

347 total posts

Name:
Tara

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Unfortunaely I don't have any words of wisdom to give you but I totally understand what you are saying. I too cannot stand looking at my stomach. I sometimes cringe when I look at it especially since I have to so many times a day while I BF my DS. I do know that when I start to get upset about it I usually look at my DS and know theres a reason for it. I know that my stomach does not define who I am and neither should it define who you are. Stomach and all your DH and DD will still love you.

Posted 6/22/07 9:27 PM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

I weighed less after Maddie than I did before I got pregnant with Joseph.

I'm going to be honest & I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I think you should consider seeing a different kind of doctor, a therapist. It's very possible that you have a distorted body image. If you can't be with your husband, consider a second child because of a weight issue, it's already affecting other areas of your life.

I know how you feel because I'm not thrilled with my body either nor have I ever been. I know what it's like to have that self-hate - and it absolutely sucks. The hate I felt for my body at 97 lbs is the same hate I felt for my body pregnant & 158lbs. Pregnancy changed my body in ways I couldn't deal with either.

My weight started affecting my social life. I didn't want to see old friends, getting dressed in the morning was a nightmare.

I've met you in person & thought you were absolutely beautiful. Before you think "yes but she didn't see my stomach", stop & remind yourself what you said - "I know I"m not overweight".

No one should have to go through life feeling such self-hatred, coming home in tears.

What I'm truly sorry for most is that you can't see yourself as others see you.Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 6/22/07 9:34 PM
 

aidamarie
My Precious Angel

Member since 9/05

1093 total posts

Name:
Aidamarie

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

AWWWW, I know how you feel, I had a flat stomach my entire life, I thought after having my DD, I would get it back with ease. Well here I am a year later and my stomach makes me sick when I look at it, But then I look at DD and think, It was sooo worth it just to have my little Angel. Hang in there, try working out. I know the surgeon told you that it would never be fixable, but they always say that. I worked for a Plastic surgeon at NYU hospital a few years back and they tell people anything just to get them to do the surgery. Heck they lied to a patient that I had breast implants because she said she liked ths shape and size of mine. The manager told her that the doctor did them for me and he could do the same for her. I never had any surgery, she could of had my look from a Victoria secret push up bra. Hang in there!!!!! Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 6/22/07 9:34 PM
 

JTK
my 4 boys!

Member since 6/06

7396 total posts

Name:
Kristi

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

i know exactly how you feel... i spent much of my life obsessing about my body... working out all the time... having personal trainers, dieting. i am not overweight at all and at times have even been underweight.. but my midsection is full of nasty stretchmarks and saggy skin.. after my second son under much guidance from a personal trainer i was actually able to get it back into good shape (not perfect) but the hangy skin and stretch marks were still there.. (i was still able to look good in a bikini) after my third i have not been able to get it back.. i definitly want a tummy tuck and WILL get one. i think it will make me feel better and more confident.. do what makes you feel comfortable with yourself.Chat Icon

Posted 6/22/07 10:02 PM
 

oops123
LIF Adult

Member since 8/05

2509 total posts

Name:
michelle

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Posted by avamamma

I have read on other sites that many Mother's are proud of their bulges and see their stretch marks as "badges of Honor". Really??

Girl...please! Who the hell loves that pouch??? I know I hate mine...
and even after excercizing, theres no getting rid of that stretched skinChat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon
Sooo... if your DH supports your decision, go for it! (the tummy tuck!)

And of course your mom is going to say dont do it- She's nervous for you,thats what moms are for.... but if it will make you feel better then do it!
THen you can go for baby #2!

Posted 6/22/07 10:21 PM
 

CunningOne
***

Member since 5/05

26975 total posts

Name:

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

I am going to agree with Barbara and Rachel, and maybe seeing a therapist will help you through this. I've been there, I know how it sucks to feel that way. Honestly, it took me a long time, and I am still dieting, but I have come to accept my body each time I look at my two children. I used to be a size 6-8. I know I will never be that thin again, but tomorrow I am taking my kids to the pool for the first time, and I will sit amongst a ton of other mommies and I will be ok with my body.

Posted 6/22/07 10:22 PM
 

veeandrich
LIF Infant

Member since 5/06

325 total posts

Name:

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

I personally think there is nothing wrong with getting a tummy tuck after your second child is born. I feel like the gym can't get rid of the extra skin. Just because you are not happy with a certain area of your body doesn't necessarily mean you should see a therapist. Do whatever will make you happy Chat Icon

Posted 6/22/07 10:23 PM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

I don't think there is anything wrong with getting a tummy tuck either.

I do think when you're so down on your body, you can see easily become a surgical junkie. (not in your case, just talking in general terms)

Posted 6/22/07 10:29 PM
 

Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!

Member since 5/05

12165 total posts

Name:

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Aw, don't be so hard on yourself. I know you probably hate to hear that...
I know what it's like to have body issues--I had them *before* I had babies...you can imagine now, so I know how you feel.

First, don't listen to that plastic surgeon--of course he would tell you that diet and excercise don't work--he gets paid to surgically alter people!

Secondly, I doubt that anyone is proud of their bulges and stretch marks--they've come about through the best cause, but they're not attractive! I love my c/s scar because it's a living mark of my daughters, but it's far from pretty!!

Last, if you want that tummy tuck--that's *your* decision and feel confident doing it--if your heart and mind are in the right place.

I think most of us here can relate, so if you want a sit-up buddy or something, let me know because I look like I'm 5 mos. pregnant too!
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Posted 6/22/07 10:29 PM
 

Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!

Member since 6/06

14437 total posts

Name:
C

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

I know how you feel. DH and I went away for a couple of day to my cousins beach house and went to the beach everyday. I wore a tank top and skirt. I refused to put on a bathing suit. I couldnt even find one that I felt comfortable in. I feel like my stomach is gross since I had DS. It has only been about 2 1/2 mo. and I know I still have some time before it goes back to "normal" if that even ever happens. I went for my post-partum check-up thinking I had lost a majority of the weight and found out I am still 20 lbs. heavier than before I got pregnant. And I joined a gym but I still havent gotten there b/c I am too busy and never get a chance to go. And I dont feel as comfortable walking around infront of DH likes I used to. I figure if I am going to get anything fixed, it will be after I'm done having kids.

Posted 6/22/07 11:44 PM
 

gottaluvmusik
Just the 4 of us

Member since 12/06

3554 total posts

Name:
Andrea

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

i completely understand.... I didnt see this before I posted about how sad I was about my body..... and then I read this.... I cant tell you how much I feel the same.

Posted 6/23/07 12:06 AM
 

dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!

Member since 10/05

11561 total posts

Name:
Dina

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

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Posted 6/23/07 12:07 AM
 

Tany
Becoming a different woman

Member since 5/05

24460 total posts

Name:
Tania

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

just wanted to give you hugs.

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Posted 6/23/07 12:54 AM
 

Beth
The Key to your new home....

Member since 2/06

24849 total posts

Name:
Beth

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Posted by veeandrich

I personally think there is nothing wrong with getting a tummy tuck after your second child is born. I feel like the gym can't get rid of the extra skin. Just because you are not happy with a certain area of your body doesn't necessarily mean you should see a therapist. Do whatever will make you happy Chat Icon



I am not a parent yet- but I agree with this 100%

when you are done having childern, get a tummy tuck- I plan on it

see a good doc- I have a name I can give you Chat Icon

Posted 6/23/07 1:12 AM
 

lipglossjunky73
My Everything!

Member since 11/05

35670 total posts

Name:
<3

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Like I posted in lovmusik's post, no one posts more complaining posts than me, I feel -

I am slowly, slowly siing my body come back

everyday I ask myself - what would I rather have? My size 4 body and no Cailen? Or my size 8 body, a little flabby, with a wonderful baby?

I am dead set against surgery. I had a breast reduction 10 yrs ago because I was massive - but I have seen women in their 40's and 50's in my kickboxing classes with the tightest bodies ever, and they have had kids, and look awesome. I am determined to get to that point. these women did it by working out - so I think it's BS what this surgeon is telling you, who has hisr cars, homes, and swimming pools paid by women with body issues

sorry - but I think before you are so hard on yourself and throw in the towel, you should give yourself a chance, and a little more time! Chat Icon

Posted 6/23/07 1:45 AM
 

liatheart
LIF Zygote

Member since 6/07

6 total posts

Name:
kelly

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Quite honestly, I think that you are completly self absorbed. You have a wonderful healthy child, maybe you should spend more time focusing on building her self esteem and less time looking @ yourself, and instead of spending $ on a tummy tuck invest in a good therapist.

Posted 6/23/07 2:30 AM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Posted by liatheart

Quite honestly, I think that you are completly self absorbed. You have a wonderful healthy child, maybe you should spend more time focusing on building her self esteem and less time looking @ yourself, and instead of spending $ on a tummy tuck invest in a good therapist.



W*T*F?

She has a wonderful, healthy child so she can't complain? Many new (and old) moms are upset that their body isn't the way they envisioned it after having children. I suggested therapy because I've personally met Tara & worry that she has a distorted body image of herself.

This was cruel & unnecessary. Maybe you should spend less time making up fake screen names & more time learning some tact. Otherwise have some guts & post under your real screen name so we can all know firsthand who the b1tch is.

Posted 6/23/07 7:19 AM
 

BaroqueMama
Chase is one!

Member since 5/05

27530 total posts

Name:
me

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Posted by liatheart

Quite honestly, I think that you are completly self absorbed. You have a wonderful healthy child, maybe you should spend more time focusing on building her self esteem and less time looking @ yourself, and instead of spending $ on a tummy tuck invest in a good therapist.



Seriously, I don't know who you are, but go away. You're nasty, negative and unwanted.

Posted 6/23/07 7:23 AM
 

maybebaby
LIF Adult

Member since 11/05

6870 total posts

Name:
Maureen

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Posted by liatheart

Quite honestly, I think that you are completly self absorbed. You have a wonderful healthy child, maybe you should spend more time focusing on building her self esteem and less time looking @ yourself, and instead of spending $ on a tummy tuck invest in a good therapist.



Way to jump on LIF and spew out nice comments like this!

I am sure her child's self esteem is just fine...you should save your comments for something else.

Everyone goes through their own battles, and it doesn't make her self absorbed for not feeling great about her body...I think 90% of moms feel this way at some point, all to different levels.

The OP even stated that she feels terrible worrying about this when she knows she has a great child. We all feel guilt at times for wishing something was one way and not the other....I'm assuming you have NEVER felt like this over anything??? Hmmmmmm....

Posted 6/23/07 7:24 AM
 

JTK
my 4 boys!

Member since 6/06

7396 total posts

Name:
Kristi

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Posted by liatheart

Quite honestly, I think that you are completly self absorbed. You have a wonderful healthy child, maybe you should spend more time focusing on building her self esteem and less time looking @ yourself, and instead of spending $ on a tummy tuck invest in a good therapist.




self absorbed!!! you are totally out of line and you don't belong posting something like that! you obviously don't know the people on this board and need to change your attitude or go away

Posted 6/23/07 9:19 AM
 

dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!

Member since 10/05

11561 total posts

Name:
Dina

Re: Advice please, I just cried the whole way home from the mall.

Posted by prncss

Posted by liatheart

Quite honestly, I think that you are completly self absorbed. You have a wonderful healthy child, maybe you should spend more time focusing on building her self esteem and less time looking @ yourself, and instead of spending $ on a tummy tuck invest in a good therapist.



Seriously, I don't know who you are, but go away. You're nasty, negative and unwanted.



ITA!

Way to post under an alias and spew this garbage! Chat Icon You need the therapist, you obviously have some unresolved issues about how you feel others ought to parent their children. GO AWAY!
Chat Icon

Posted 6/23/07 9:38 AM
 
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