januarymrs
LIF Zygote
Member since 8/07 1 total post
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Advice Needed *UPDATE*
Since being married (7 months now), DH and I have had some really hard conversations and some really hard fights.....over money.
I know that money is not something that should ruin a marraige, but we have such different attitutes toward it....its very stressful and I just don't know how to handle it. Its destroying our marraige.
Its not a day to day issue....we both have similar spending habits; however he never thinks about the future, while I am obsessed with it. At almost 40 years old, he has no 401K, no life insurance.... while I, in my early 30s strongly believe in it and have been contributing toward it for years.
In the background that I come from, it is both the husband and wife that take control of the families finances, together. However, there is always an overwhelming feeling that the man takes care of the family. I know that today is 2007, and it is both spouses responsibility,,,,,but as conversations go for having children, the idea of my continuing to me the main breadwinner, without him taking over, with no thought of our future down the line is really eating away. I have tried to broach the topic, but it always ends in a horrible fight.
It just happened tonight and he stormed out of the house while venting to one of his friends.
Some very nasty words were exchanged.
I don't know what is the bigger issue....the money, or all of the fights, and horrible things that are said during the fights, all which are precipitated by the topic of our finances.
I know that you are probably thinking that we should have discussed this before marraige....and we did. However, the actual act of being married and going through a day to day life is much different than the list of questions one goes through when their blissfully engaged.
I don't know if any of you even have any advice.......
UPDATE: This was killing me. I coudn't take it anymore. We went tonight to see a counselor, who said this is totally fixable. Apparently, many new couples struggle with the topic of money since we only discuss it so superficially before marraige, and even if it is formally discussed, "its different when your in it" .
Marraige is a huge event, and we need to "rewrite the contract" and get onto the same page.
We talked it out, respect each others views, and next week we have an appointment with a financial advisor who is going to take everything into consideration (how much we make, how much we save, what our expenses are, our goals for future, etc.) and put us on track with a plan for savings, 401Ks, investments, paying off any debt, etc.
I'm glad that we did this.......and if we have to "rewrite the contract" with other big life events (children, moving, etc.), then so be it. This was very effective.
I never thought that I would want to have to go to a counselor, but I'm so glad we did!
Message edited 8/21/2007 10:09:49 PM.
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