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Advice Needed (long)

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Nik09
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

1982 total posts

Name:
Nikole

Advice Needed (long)

I'm not a mom but thought this would be the best place to post. DH and I just moved across country away from all our family and friends. We moved for a great opportunity for DH. I have not found a job yet. We've been married 4 years together 9. We both would like to start a family, we both feel ready but I am hesitant because of being so far away from everyone. We don't have a support system here and just a handful of friends that we've reallly just met. Our plan is to someday move back to NY. Maybe in 2 years maybe in 5years, who knows. I guess I'm just looking for your advice - I know being a parent is very difficult no matter where you are. But are we crazy to do this without a support system? I'm also afraid because we are new in town that we'll seclude ourselves from certain opportunities (going out for dinner w/ couples or a weekend trip etc) by having a child. I'm not saying that a child will hold us back but without having parents or trusted friends to babysit it will be hard.

Your advice/thoughts are greatly appreciated! Chat Icon

Posted 2/24/06 5:11 PM
 
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!

Member since 5/05

12013 total posts

Name:
Shana

Re: Advice Needed (long)

I've done it!! We just had our first baby and I live 1,000 miles away from my family. We moved to GA to have a better life...we only have DH one sister and her family, but they are 45 minutes away and we don't see them much....

I'm basically alone. DH works and I work P{T and bring my baby to work with me (but I'm TRYING to figure out how to stay home more cuz I just can't seem to handle all the work with running the house, caring for DD, and working!).

You CAN do it and you must do what you feel is right for the both of you. We will never come back to NY to live.

I love my life here in Georgia and I CAN raise my family on my own. Hopefully more of MY family will make the move...but till then, we're on our own.

Posted 2/24/06 5:22 PM
 

yankinmanc
Happy Days!

Member since 8/05

18208 total posts

Name:

Re: Advice Needed (long)

We also have done it, I moved to the UK with my British Husband in 1999 and we have had our first baby last month.

I feel the same as Shana does, its hard work but I love my life here in Manchester (although the weather stinks and they drive on the wrong side of the road) and feel that we can make this work. Your friends become your support system and its amazing how much you can rely on them in your times of need. I have met most of my friends through work and now that I have the baby, I am going to as many baby playgroups, support groups etc that I possibly can in a day so that I can meet more people with babies.

Sometimes I feel alone and just wish that my Mom could just pop over and look after the baby, but I know thats not going to happen so I just get on with things.

I will have maternity leave for a year and then after that we will decide what to do...will I go back to work, will it be worth it, do we want baby to go into daycare...but I both love and hate being far away from my family so it can go both ways!

Message edited 2/24/2006 6:00:00 PM.

Posted 2/24/06 5:56 PM
 

Nik09
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

1982 total posts

Name:
Nikole

Re: Advice Needed (long)

Btrfly & Rachee - Do you feel lonely without the family around? I'm thinking only the negatives I guess Chat Icon

Posted 2/24/06 7:32 PM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: Advice Needed (long)

I don't have the experience of being without a support system since we're all in LI. We also all rely on each other (my 2 sisters and my mom) for helps with kids, etc.

I can say that I think it would be tough depending on the type of person you are. I think the first thing you need to concentrate on is finding a job, which makes it easier to make friends. Are you the type that makes friends easily? If you were a SAHM, would you join mom's groups? Your friends will be each other's support group. My good friend moved up to Boston & started her own mom's group, which later turned into a non profit agency focused on upgrading playground equipment.

The first person in our group of friends had a baby - and they brought him along to everything. It made a big impression on me that this child was fitting into his parents' schedule rather than vice versa. I wouldn't worry so much about being excluded from dinners out because you have children. That's what sitters are for...

Posted 2/24/06 10:10 PM
 

btrflygrl
me and baby #3!

Member since 5/05

12013 total posts

Name:
Shana

Re: Advice Needed (long)

Posted by Nik09

Btrfly & Rachee - Do you feel lonely without the family around? I'm thinking only the negatives I guess Chat Icon



at times yes...but not nearly as much as when we first moved (no baby then). the holidays are the worst and i cried on the way to the hospital to deliver...i wanted my dad here so badly.

Posted 2/24/06 10:36 PM
 

Nik09
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

1982 total posts

Name:
Nikole

Re: Advice Needed (long)

Posted by btrflygrl

at times yes...but not nearly as much as when we first moved (no baby then). the holidays are the worst and i cried on the way to the hospital to deliver...i wanted my dad here so badly.



Aww, I'm sorry. Chat Icon I know that I will feel the same way.

Posted 2/25/06 12:39 AM
 

yankinmanc
Happy Days!

Member since 8/05

18208 total posts

Name:

Re: Advice Needed (long)

I don't feel lonely as such, but I do miss the family from time to time. My husband is lovely and he is me bessie mate (best friend as they say in the North) and we laugh all the time!

Posted 2/25/06 3:33 PM
 
 

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