Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

I know this topic comes up here pretty frequently but strongly kicking the idea around again and I'm looking for experience/opinions.

DH and I both love South Florida, Boca/West Palm Beach area and are dying to move there. We could most likely figure out how to make it work income wise if we get really serious.

The only thing holding us back is lack of family in the area. We have a small family here that we don't spend much time with aside from grandparents. I think we'd be lost without our parents. They help us so much with the kids and I can't imagine not seeing them at least once a month. We've never had a babysitter that wasn't family. DH thinks we'd be ok without their help and support but I have major doubts.

I moved to LI in jr high and hated everything about it. Our kids are 7 and under, so I think they'd be ok with the move itself . . . It's the weekends, holidays, birthdays etc with no family to join us that makes me sad. I know how that is and it's not much fun.

I'm trying to twist my parents arm to retire there, which is a no-brainer to me but my mom isn't interested. I'm sure they'd come visit but that's not the same as being 30 minutes away.

If you made a move like this, how was it having no family around?

Message edited 7/22/2018 10:53:17 AM.

Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

The majority of our cousins have moved to all different states (CO, OH, PA, MA, FL) and they make it work. They come to visit or their parents visit them a couple of times a year. None of them have a desire to move back. It can be hard at times but they seem to be really happy in their respective states.

We entertained leaving at one point, but DH needs to be near NYC for the maximum opportunities for his career. We live four minutes from my parents, 30 from DH’s parents, and we get an incredible amount of help with DS from all of them.

It’s really something where you would have to weigh your pros and cons.

Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

I think at the end of the day, you need to do you! If this is your dream and now is the time, you follow it, only one life to live. If YOU and your DH can live without seeing family as much, go for it, if it isn’t a NEED in your life. However, if you NEED to see family on a frequent basis, then you have your answer, if not you can make it work! We have family close by and don’t always have a ton of help! With that said, you will adapt! I think in terms of your parents not wanting to move it’s their choice. You are their child and the keeper of their grandchildren and if it’s not in their interest to be closer (doesn’t have to be like tomorrow, moving does take time) then so be it. As a parent, I can tell you that I already know where ever my children end up, I’ll be there. They are my babies and will be the parents of my grandchildren someday.... my husband and I keep this in our mind already with the twins being young... my house will long be paid off (no moving or refinance is a definite for us) to be able to see our house when they are done with college and follow them where life takes them. I think you need to live for you not others

Re: Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

I can relate, I lived down south for a few years and then moved back to LI, so it's something we're always thinking about. We always decide to stay though. Only you can say what's best for you and your family, but I'll share my thoughts.

My family wasn't very close when I moved OOS. It was so much harder than I thought it would be because nothing is the same. Holidays weren't as exciting, idk. Everything became so 'blah' for me. I didn't even have kids yet. I moved back after a few years and now our family is super close. I guess not having them around made me realize how much I missed them. Now, with the kids, it would be impossible. I don't even rely on my family for help with them, it would just be so sad for us to not see each other regularly for play dates, dinners, birthdays, holidays. At first, everyone agrees to facetime regularly, but then that becomes a hassle. My BF moved away and we use to talk everyday, now we talk once a month if that. The relationships aren't the same.

It sucks because DH's company has offices everywhere, and I can work remotely. So really we're killing ourselves to live here when we can make the same amount living somewhere much cheaper. We've weighed the pros and cons and really it makes sense for us to leave NY. It's literally only our family that keeps us here and apparently for us, it's worth it to stay.

I wish I could convince myself otherwise. I know we'd be better off financially and not having the financial stress would be amazing. You can't put a price on family though right? Idk obviously I still struggle with it, so I'm no help at all.

Message edited 7/22/2018 12:38:39 PM.

Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

Eh I’m close by to dhs Dad and stepmother and my dad and I still have no help.

Go where you and your dh and kids will be happy.

Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

I hate having no family close by. We miss out on everything. We go down for events (birthdays, holidays, etc), but can never make it to an impromptu bbq or a night out. My siblings are always doing fun things together or with the kids and it makes me upset that my son, DH and I don’t have that same experience.

Re: Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

Re: Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

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Message edited 7/31/2018 11:10:53 PM.

Re: Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

I could never consider that. We see our family a lot and they help us so much. It's unusual for me to go a week without seeing my parents.

I grew up 3 blocks away from my grandparents and I was very close to them. I want my children to have the same experience (although we live about 20 minutes from my parents). DH's parents are in NYC and Westchester so we see them fairly regularly, too.

Re: Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

I would love to leave Long Island, but I could never leave our families. I love how close my kids are to their grandparents, aunts and uncles. We see them all the time, on my side and DH's. Especially while my kids are young, I wouldn't trade that for anything.

If you're not 100% sure that you'd be happier in FL I wouldn't move. It's just too hard to move back to LI once you leave if you're not happy. And south FL pretty much guarantees you'll need to shell out money for a flight every time you want to come back. You can never just hop in the car and make it a long weekend. I've also noticed that when you move away from the majority of the family, they are less likely to visit you- they tend to expect you to be the ones to visit.

Re: Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

I wish I had moved before my kids started school. And I actually love Long Island and the town that I live in. But the thought of moving somewhere with a lower cost of living, better weather, and a more laid back pace of life is so appealing. Now my kids are ingrained in the school system and have their friends. We have vacation homes driving distance and our life is pretty much set. I wouldn't disrupt it but if our kids were a lot younger and I could go back in time I would do it.

Re: Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

It’s a tough decision.
I couldn’t do it even though my kids are certainly young enough so now would be the perfect time, and not bc of the help bc we don’t get any help from family anymore.
We have such a small family as it is that I’d feel bad moving my kids away from the few close relatives they do have nearby.
And change scares me so that’s probably a bigger reason I’m never going anywhere.

Re: Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

We are only 3 hours away, so we still see my family for major holidays. DHs family we rarely see, but thats no different when we lived close.

Life with 4 kids (9,8,4,2) all in after school activities, is getting tough. This fall my older 3 have practice at the exact same time at 3 different places every tues/thurs. Luckily my DH has a semi flexible job and I’m a SAHM, so we divide and conquer. But realistically, my family wouldn’t have helped beyond a random date night, and they rarely did that when we lived in the same town and only had 1 and 2 kids.

If you have a great support system I can see how it would be so hard leaving. My DH and I never had one, so we were always on our own and we figure it out together.

Re: Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

I can relate. We had an opportunity last spring to move to Texas after dh was offered a dream job. It was so fun to go and look at the big beautiful homes we could afford there with taxes a 1/4 of what we pay here. We just couldn't leave my family behind. My kids at the time were 5 & 7 and they would be crushed not to see my parents, aunts/uncles and cousins. Also the lack of help and support really was too hard to leave.

I do sometimes wish we would have taken the opportunity but I know I would be miserable and my kids and parents would be miserable too. So for us it wouldn't be worth it.

You really have to try to imagine yourself there and the feelings you will have without family around. I feel like that is the only way I could decide.

Message edited 7/23/2018 4:17:40 PM.

Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

Depends on you guys. My family and I would adapt. I have a big family that we see for play dates and holidays but they aren’t my go to people for help. We were all set to go but dh got a job offer he couldn’t refuse so we will stay till my dd’s graduate then we are out of here.

Re: Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

I chose to leave an area where i could've had an army of help. i currently have no help and would not trade that for living where i was...that being said do what will make you happy..........we and our DS love all of his babysitters!

Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

As someone who stayed here because of family, who now does not speak to family, go. It's your life. The only regrets you can have are the chances not taken.

Re: Moving away with young kids and no family nearby?

We moved OOS to a place where we knew not one person and a thousand miles away from my family including my parents who we used to see every sungle day, and who were an enormous help and a huge and important presence in my children's lives. My 2 kids were only 8 months and 4 years. It was by choice.

People will give lots of reasons/excuses why they wouldn't/couldn't move but at the end of the day it comes down to what you want for yourself and your family. If you really want it, you'll do it.

Is it hard? Of course it can be hard and isolating in the beginning. I went from having my parents help me every day to having zero help. I'd never even had a babysitter before, only my parents would watch my sons.

But even with all that, we moved bc we expected that our quality of life would improve, and it did. My DH's commute went from 1.5 hrs between the subway and LIRR to 20 minutes driving. That means that now he leaves the house at 7:30am and not 6:15 so we all see him in the morning. He gets the kids dressed for school and talks to them about their day. And if he needs to work until 6pm, he's home at 6:20, not at 7:30 after our DS is in bed bc he doesn't have to take the 6:36 train. His being more of a part of our day has been a big part of my feeling that our quality of life has improved. The weather here helps, and it doesn't get as dark as early, and we're outside more of the year, so that all helps. There's a strong sense of community here and lots of people moved from somewhere else so we're all in the same boat and that helps too. Cost of living is the same and the cost of our house was the same (our taxes are 1/2 though, only $6500) so that's a non-factor.

Do I wish my parents and family were closer? Of course! But at the end of the day we have a really good life and we had to be willing to to change things up a bit and step out of our comfort zone to make it happen. My DH has been asked 3 times by his employer to move back to NY but we choose not to. Had we stayed my kids would have been fine and happy and all would be good but we made our choice and we're lucky that it has been a good one.