How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

Both my parents and in-laws live in different states so we or they have to travel to spend holidays together.

My parents came to our house for Thanksgiving and now in-laws coming to our house for Christmas. I want to go up to NY to visit my parents either for Xmas eve or day after Xmas but DH thinks we don't have to go since we already saw them for Thanksgiving.

How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

ugh!!! this is us, too. its SO SO hard!!! my parents live 2 hours away, and my in laws are about 4.5 hours away, out of state. DS is the only grandchild on BOTH sides (well... my sister just had a baby on Thanksgiving...) so they all want to see him on the holidays. AND DH is his parents only child, so that makes us feel guilty if we don't see them...
this year, we just had everybody come to us for Thanksgiving... it was just 6 of us, so it wasn't TOO bad. ILs stayed for 3 nights, so that was kind of annoying LOL but we survived!!
For christmas... my mom has 3 brothers and i have 5 cousins on that side, and they all get together on christmas- so its fun and festive so we usually go there christmas day. my ILs don't do anything with their families on christmas day, so theres not much point in us driving out to them, when we could stay here and go to the fun party with my mom's side of the family!! (i thought about taking ILs to my family party, but theres already a lot of people, and my aunt usually hosts, so i don't want to add anymore people for her....) SOOOO My ILs usually come out a couple days after christmas and stay here for new years eve ( they watch DS while we go to NYE party with our friends, and my birthday is New Years Day, so DH and I usually go on a lunch date while they watch DS).
Honesly, i don't think they're happy about it-- when DH calls his mom on christmas day, she always sounds upset that they're just by themselves.... BUT what can we do?? we're not gonna make everybody happy, so we just have to do whats easiest for us.
ITs hard though!!! i hate that i almost dread the holidays now with feeling like no matte what we do, we're disappointing somebody....

How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

My family has always done christmas eve and his family always does Christmas Day

Re: How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

We are fortunate to live close to both of our families. Thanksgiving is always split- my sis's for the app's and part of dinner and then his family for dinner and dessert. My sis starts at 3 and his family usually around or 6.

Christmas was tricky and I think we finally have a good compromise going. My family does a huge Christmas Eve so we spend that with my family, Christmas morning we do a big breakfast at our house and invite both families and whoever comes, comes. Then we do Christmas dinner with DH's fam. It's a lot but I love to see my family for the holidays and I try to be fair to DH and his fam as well.

It's hard and splitting it even was a huge stress to us and I was just tired of having that loom over us during the holidays. I hope you guys could find a good compromise. I do think it's fair to see your family the day after Christmas. It puts no stress on the actual holiday and gives you a reason to visit family.

How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

We do thanksgiving at my ILs and Christmas with my family. We do his extended family party sometime in December. His parents usually visit us in January. I prefer to do Christmas with my family since he has a lot of cousins. On my husbands side, he's the only grandchild. If my ILs had their way, we'd do ever holiday with them.

ETA: we live 3 hours from both of them (they're in opposite directions)

Message edited 12/6/2016 5:46:28 PM.

Re: How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

Re: How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

We do Christmas Eve/Christmas morning with my family and Christmas dinner with ILs.

Re: How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

Its so chaotic, Christmas Eve is my family and DHs family at his uncles house. Christmas morning we wake up really early to open gifts and rush out the door to SIL house in NJ for few hours then go back home for a little then to my parents in Queens for dinner. Its really exhausting because X-mas eve party ends late and we are rushing all day Christmas. Since I am due beginning of Jan we are staying home in Christmas and so excited for that!

How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

My SILs used to throw hissy fits when we would leave early to split the holidays. One of the reasons why I'm not close with them.

We spend Easter with my family, Thanksgiving with ILs, and we split Christmas. Dinner with my family, dessert with ILs.

Re: How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

we are "lucky" that despite a complicated situation the pieces shake out well. We live near my family and ILs are a flight away and we are an interfaith family. Thanksgiving is a big deal for my family (the big event my parents host) and Xmas is a big deal for my ILs as extended family travels from all over the country so we spend thanksgiving with my side every year, non negotiable (ILs tried for one year but we immediately said no) and we visit my ILs for 7-10 days for Xmas every year which more than makes up for it to them. We host a low-key Chanukkah and schedule it at a time convenient for us/others. This year Chanukkah and Xmas overlap which is a little annoying so we are going to celebrate a week early so we can celebrate with my family before going away.

We have friends who are OOS from both families and they alternate Xmas and Thanksgiving each year as far as which family gets which holiday. In our case it makes more sense to do it the same each year. My BIL/SIL are local to everyone (10-45 minutes away from various family members) and they all celebrate Xmas and its crazy drama every year for Thanksgiving and Xmas.

Message edited 12/6/2016 12:24:25 PM.

Re: How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

We always spend Thanksgiving with my family on LI. Sometimes we have a belated Thanksgiving dinner as well back in CT with FIL that weekend.

We host Christmas Eve with my parents, MIL and DH's siblings. This year, my brother and his family will be there too. Chanukah happens to fall at the same time so we'll celebrate that with my family at our house. Sometimes we'll go down to LI if it falls on another weekend to celebrate with my family. ILs are divorced so we spend Christmas Day at FIL's house. My parents are invited to go there too. Luckily, it all works out.

How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

My parents live in FL and my ILs (divorced) live local. My parents come here for xmas and not for thanksgiving. Since I only see my parents a few times a year we have decided that Xmas day is dedicated to them. We invite MIL over xams morning for gifts and we go to FIL for xmas eve.

IMO I would not drive up to NY the before or after Christmas. It just makes for a crazy holiday. Since I got married my family (DH, DS and I ) take priority and if we can work others into plans etc then great but I will not go crazy trying to see everyone anymore.

Re: How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

Xmas Eve morning we do brunch and gift exchange with my parents, siblings, and our kids.

Xmas Eve night is ALWAYS with my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc)

Xmas Day morning is always just DH, me and the kids.

Xmas Day afternoon we have DH's parents and brother over as well as my parents and my brother.

Re: How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

I feel really fortunate because either my parents host my in laws and us, my in laws host my parents, or everyone comes to my house. My brothers split the holidays, so one year one family gets them and then the next year the other family gets them. They rotate the holidays through the year, so each family gets at least one important holiday. Then they will go to see the other family after the holiday.

How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

Christmas Eve we go to my aunts- there is usually about 50 people and the party goes on until midnight ususally. Christmas morning after we open gifts with just us and the kids, my in laws come over around 10 and have brunch with us and give the kids their gifts. They usually leave around 1 because they go to extended family for Christmas dinner. We then have my parents, siblings, and their kids over around 4.
Thanksgiving and Easter are both at my house- with 5 kids it's just easier for everyone to come to us, and this way both sides come. It is usually something crazy like 35 people, but everyone brings food and stays late to help clean up, and we aren't trying to get 5 kids dressed and ready and out the door.

How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

We are all local (within 45 mins) so it's easier for us.

Christmas eve-we go to my aunt's house and then spend christmas eve over my parents house.

Christmas AM-open gifts and then back to my house for dinner so MIL can come over also.

Thanksgiving-my parents and MIL come over to our house

Easter-we go my parents and my MIL does her own thing (my MIL declines invites to my parents every year and that is the one holiday in my family where I get to see all my cousins so I am not giving that one up)

Re: How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

My in laws are about 1.5-2 hours away and the arrangement that has worked best for us is to give everyone a day (no splitting days and making ourselves crazy)...

Sunday before thanksgiving : at MIL's & w/ her family
Thanksgiving : at my mom's & w/ her and my dad's family
Xmas eve : at FIL's & w/ his family
Xmas day : at our house (everyone is invited to join us but we will not go anywhere on xmas day, usually my parents come)
Weekend after xmas : celebrate w/MIL's side of the family

everyone gets a day and they don't expect us at any other time. it was just becoming too much to try to be at everyone's celebration doing all of the traveling and running around.

How do you split your holidays with your family and in-laws?

We don't, I get the pleasure of having them all at my house for flucking everything.