Question regarding gift giving etiquette

I hope I can keep this brief. My immediate family is huge (5 siblings, nieces, nephews the whole thing) and DH and I both have a really large extended family.

Things are super tight for us financially and this time of year is SO hard. We don't even really exchange gifts with each other anymore, we try to just get a few things from Santa for our 18 month old DD and small, "thoughtful" gifts for our closest relatives.

Here's the issue: DH's cousin's wife (following!? LOL) just texted me asking what my DD would like for Christmas. There is a gathering of his extended family happening and traditionally we just bring something small for his Grandmother. Now I feel obligated to buy a gift for all of my daughter's 2nd cousins (there are like 8 of them!) and I'm not sure what to do because we really can't afford it. Even $5, $10 gifts x8 is going to add up.

If I now know that my husband's cousin is buying something for my daughter am I obligated to get something for her kids? And then that opens the flood gates to the rest of his cousins children.

I feel like it is worth mentioning that we are NOT that close with this side of the family - we see them once or twice a year tops.

HELP! Thanks if you made it this far.

**Edited to add that I really, REALLY politely insisted that she doesn't need anything and whatnot and got a "would you really be upset if we got her something?" in response***

Message edited 11/17/2016 11:19:05 AM.

Re: Question regarding gift giving etiquette

How about suggesting a grab bag or a secret santa idea for the kids at the party. They all don't need another pile of gifts especially if they are coming from large families. This way every kid gets one gift and they don't feel left out.

Re: Question regarding gift giving etiquette

Re: Question regarding gift giving etiquette

Re: Question regarding gift giving etiquette

I am probably in the minority but as a child I remember how exciting it was opening tons of gifts from extended family on Christmas. Is it necessary of course not but I think Christmas should be about the kids. I'd probably get something small for all the children you will be with on Christmas Eve.

Re: Question regarding gift giving etiquette

This is super tough

I think you either have to flat out tell her not to by a gift bc you cannot reciprocate

Or buy either tiny gifts for all the kids or one share gift maybe like in the 25 dollar range

Re: Question regarding gift giving etiquette

Message edited 11/17/2016 1:17:25 PM.

Question regarding gift giving etiquette

I'd suggest a grab bag. This is what we switched over too as financially we all in different places and it was getting out of control. My dd now gets 2 or 3 gifts instead of 20 and we are all ok with it.

Question regarding gift giving etiquette

Thanks everyone!

Re: Question regarding gift giving etiquette

It's a tough situation. I'd suggest a grab bag like the a PP suggested, otherwise unfortunately I feel like it's just tough to get out of.

We are in a really similar situation. We have my one DS and between all the other kids who will be at the holiday this year, we will be getting gifts for 7 other children. I got a text this morning from a family member asking what my DS may like. I gave a very general response, like "cars" which can be anywhere from a $5 gift to something more... I asked what their kids would like and in response I got a detailed list with specific toys, some (edit- MOST) above the price range we wanted to spend. I just don't understand people sometimes..... not to mention a specific list takes away from the fun of gift giving. Sorry for this rant but I can relate to the frustration here with the whole gift giving etiquette.

Message edited 11/17/2016 3:28:32 PM.

Re: Question regarding gift giving etiquette

Be honest. Say it adds up... ask her if you can switch tradition to secret Santa only. This way every kid gets a gift. It helps to have another mom in on your plan.