Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

Our good friend moved to Seattle last year. The mom has late stage cancer and will most likely not live through the summer. All her friends and family are visiting to say their good byes. This is one of DH's closest friend's wife.

DH wants to visit them. We are trying to decide if DH should go alone or if we should take the kids. Family said we could stay with them but I do not want to be a burden. I am willing to watch the kids and give the dad a break and let DH and him go out.

Would you take the whole family or have DH go alone for a weekend?

It's so sad. She can pass at any moment.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

I would have DH go alone.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

So sorry to read this

If you take the kids, I would stay at a hotel. Maybe take their kids back to go in the pool/have fun with your kids. If you are close with her, I would definitely want to go and say my goodbyes, but I wouldn't want to add the stress of having more kids running around the house, unless she wants it.

Of course no one knows what they would want if they were in her situation, but I would like to think that I would want to have my nieces/nephews come and see me, but again, it's all absolutely up to her.

Prayers for her family

Message edited 2/24/2016 9:22:23 AM.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

I think it depends on you and how you will feel if you do not get to see her and say your goodbyes. If you are close to her too then I would take the whole family and either stay in a hotel or with family. I don't think I would take the kids to see her but maybe pick her kids up and take them for a play date off site somewhere with your kids. I lost a friend to cancer last november and I wish I had seen her before she had passed - I had so much I wanted to say to her lots of prayers for your friend

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

I was in Seattle this past weekend. I dont have any kids but I dont remember seeing anything for kids there except the ferris wheel. I'd send DH alone

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

Posted by beachgirl

I think it depends on you and how you will feel if you do not get to see her and say your goodbyes. If you are close to her too then I would take the whole family and either stay in a hotel or with family. I don't think I would take the kids to see her but maybe pick her kids up and take them for a play date off site somewhere with your kids. I lost a friend to cancer last november and I wish I had seen her before she had passed - I had so much I wanted to say to her lots of prayers for your friend

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

I don't see anything wrong with bringing the kids to Seattle but I would definitely not bring them to see your friend in that condition. After a certain point, I did not even bring my kids to see my mom in that condition because it is very traumatic, even for adults.

Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

No. It's not family and they're too young imo. Send Dh alone.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

So sorry to hear that! Prayers for your friend. I would go if you're close to her. She'd probably want to see you too. As far as the kids I guess it would depend. How old are they? How much will they get what's happening? Will they play with his and her kids? Would it make their kids happy to see them? Etc. It's definitely a lot to think about. Maybe if you go you can offer to take her kids and your kids out for the day? They might appreciate that. Tough to say without knowing them and knowing more. Either way, there is no wrong choice. Just follow your gut.

Message edited 2/24/2016 9:39:51 AM.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

I don't have kids, so I can't say from that perspective. From the perspective of a friend, however, I would want to do everything possible to go.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

I wouldn't bring them to the hospital and I am not sure I would stay in their home. but if you want to go to help out with the kids and give the dad a break so him and you DH can go out I see nothing wrong with that.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

I would go as a family with the kids however, I wouldn't stay at the house, I'd get a hotel. If you all go both you and your DH will have a chance to say your good-byes.

I know not everyone agrees but I don't feel like it's inappropriate for children to see someone sick or dying, these things are a fact of life and we shouldn't shelter children from it. You just be open and honest with your children about what is happening and they will be okay.

Ultimately, I'd much rather figure it out with the kids there so I could say good-bye rather than stay home and not get that closure with someone I love.

So very sorry for what you're going through.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

first, im so sorry

secondly, I would stay at a hotel for sure if you were going with your DC. I would suggest could you and your DH take turns? ie, he gets to see his friend and you take her kids out with you and your kids? the father and children might need a break as well and she would probably be happy to see them out to get their mind off of things. maybe your hotel would have a pool and you could bring the kids there, the movies...etc.

Again, I'm so sorry

Message edited 2/24/2016 10:08:11 AM.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

Posted by Hofstra26

I would go as a family with the kids however, I wouldn't stay at the house, I'd get a hotel. If you all go both you and your DH will have a chance to say your good-byes.

I know not everyone agrees but I don't feel like it's inappropriate for children to see someone sick or dying, these things are a fact of life and we shouldn't shelter children from it. You just be open and honest with your children about what is happening and they will be okay.

Ultimately, I'd much rather figure it out with the kids there so I could say good-bye rather than stay home and not get that closure with someone I love.

So very sorry for what you're going through.

Message edited 2/24/2016 10:11:48 AM.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

If you stayed at the house, would you be able to do any cleaning, laundry, or cooking?

Are your kids and their kids similar in age? Would they play well together?

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

I think we would all go but stay at a hotel. I would definitely not bring my kids to see her unless you thought she was up for it and her appearance won't freak the kids out. I would see if I could get a hotel with a pool and bring her kids to play with my kids for the day or even keep them with us at the hotel to give both of them a break and some alone time. I would also ask DH if I could go by myself over there to say goodbye and to help out with house work or cooking for a little bit.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

I would go with DH and stay in a hotel. Play it by ear re: how she is feeling while you are there and if she is up to additional company -
Are you and your children close to her? Or is your DH going to support his friend?

I can understand bringing small children to see a parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle - someone they are close to ........but I don't see any reason to subject them to that for someone who is practically a stranger (to them) regardless of mine or DH's relationship w/ the person.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

I'd go with the whole family and stay in a hotel. I'm sure their kids need a break, so it might be a nice distraction to take them out for a few hours.

Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

I would have the family go. I would stay in a hotel. Sending thoughts to the family.

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

im so sorry you are going through this

if you can make it more of a vacation and go as a family, but have DH see the friend alone while there, i would do that. Otherwise, I would send DH alone

DH's grandmother is currently in hospice in Massachusetts, he just made the decision to go visit her alone (well with me) but we are leaving the kids home. Its a tough thing for a child to have to be part of

Re: Would you bring the kids to visit a dying friend?

Message edited 2/26/2016 9:30:10 AM.