Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

A letter from late singer’s ex-wife, Mary Weiland, on behalf of his two children

Mary Forsberg Weiland is the mother of the late singer Scott Weiland's teenage children, Noah, 15, and Lucy, 13. She wrote this with their help in the days after his death on Dec 3rd.


December 3rd, 2015 is not the day Scott Weiland died. It is the official day the public will use to mourn him, and it was the last day he could be propped up in front of a microphone for the financial benefit or enjoyment of others. The outpouring of condolences and prayers offered to our children, Noah and Lucy, has been overwhelming, appreciated and even comforting. But the truth is, like so many other kids, they lost their father years ago. What they truly lost on December 3rd was hope.

We don't want to downplay Scott's amazing talent, presence or his ability to light up any stage with brilliant electricity. So many people have been gracious enough to praise his gift. The music is here to stay. But at some point, someone needs to step up and point out that yes, this will happen again – because as a society we almost encourage it. We read awful show reviews, watch videos of artists falling down, unable to recall their lyrics streaming on a teleprompter just a few feet away. And then we click "add to cart" because what actually belongs in a hospital is now considered art.

Many of these artists have children. Children with tears in their eyes, experiencing panic because their cries go unheard. You might ask, "How were we to know? We read that he loved spending time with his children and that he'd been drug-free for years!" In reality, what you didn't want to acknowledge was a paranoid man who couldn't remember his own lyrics and who was only photographed with his children a handful of times in 15 years of fatherhood. I've always wanted to share more than anyone was comfortable with. When writing a book years ago, it pained me to sometimes gloss over so much grief and struggle, but I did what I thought was best for Noah and Lucy. I knew they would one day see and feel everything that I'd been trying to shield them from, and that they'd eventually be brave enough to say, "That mess was our father. We loved him, but a deep-rooted mix of love and disappointment made up the majority of our relationship with him."

Even after Scott and I split up, I spent countless hours trying to calm his paranoid fits, pushing him into the shower and filling him with coffee, just so that I could drop him into the audience at Noah's talent show, or Lucy's musical. Those short encounters were my attempts at giving the kids a feeling of normalcy with their dad. But anything longer would often turn into something scary and uncomfortable for them. Spending so many years immersed in Scott's multiple illnesses led to my own depression; at one point, I was misdiagnosed as bipolar. I feared the same would happen to the children. There were times that Child Protective Services did not allow him to to be alone with them.


When Scott did move on to another relationship, I hoped it would inspire him to grow. I had often encouraged him to date a "normal" girl, a woman who was also a mother, someone who had the energy that I no longer had to love him. Instead, when he remarried, the children were replaced. They were not invited to his wedding; child support checks often never arrived. Our once sweet Catholic boy refused to watch the kids participate in Christmas Eve plays because he was now an atheist. They have never set foot into his house, and they can't remember the last time they saw him on a Father's Day. I don't share this with you to cast judgment, I do so because you most likely know at least one child in the same shoes. If you do, please acknowledge them and their experience. Offer to accompany them to the father-daughter dance, or teach them to throw a football. Even the bravest girl or boy will refrain from asking for something like that; they may be ashamed, or not want to inconvenience you. Just offer – or even insist if you have to.

This is the final step in our long goodbye to Scott. Even though I felt we had no other choice, maybe we never should have let him go. Or maybe these last few years of separation were his parting gift to us – the only way he could think to soften what he knew would one day crush us deep into our souls. Over the last few years, I could hear his sadness and confusion when he'd call me late into the night, often crying about his inability to separate himself from negative people and bad choices. I won't say he can rest now, or that he's in a better place. He belongs with his children barbecuing in the backyard and waiting for a Notre Dame game to come on. We are angry and sad about this loss, but we are most devastated that he chose to give up.

Noah and Lucy never sought perfection from their dad. They just kept hoping for a little effort. If you're a parent not giving your best effort, all anyone asks is that you try just a little harder and don't give up. Progress, not perfection, is what your children are praying for. Our hope for Scott has died, but there is still hope for others. Let's choose to make this the first time we don't glorify this tragedy with talk of rock and roll and the demons that, by the way, don't have to come with it. Skip the depressing T-shirt with 1967-2015 on it – use the money to take a kid to a ballgame or out for ice cream.


So utterly honest and poignant and incredibly sad. Too many families have experienced this pain. Not just those in the limelight.

Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

I don't think anyone is glorifying his death. I think everyone knows it's tragic and not surprising b/c of his history with drugs. It's sad when anyone dies.

Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

that was very brave of her to write. people do sometimes use an overdose has an excuse for rock and roll. these people have families. he was an amazing talent and a shame he really did have demons. a shame his kids had to suffer.

Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

As I said on FB:

Strip the incredible music away because so often the tragedy is not the loss of the artist that couldn't fight his demons but the family that lost hope the day the person died.

Re: Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

Beautifully written. Incredibly sad.

Re: Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

She wrote a whole book on this, it is good (not written terribly well, but very interesting)

Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

So honest and sad.

Re: Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

I'm not understanding how (or who) would "glorify" this.

Re: Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

Posted by Sparrow

I'm not understanding how (or who) would "glorify" this.

Message edited 12/9/2015 6:32:07 PM.

Re: Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

Posted by Blazesyth

Posted by Sparrow

I'm not understanding how (or who) would "glorify" this.

People do glorify this, but not directly.
There will be tshirts that have his face and his dates. There will be in-memoriam items. I mean, reading the comments sections of websites makes it seem that it was OK and normal for him to be an addict.

Think of Kurt and how many people put him on a pedestal. I love Nirvana as much as anyone else, but they get a LOT more credit than deserved because Kurt killed himself. If Kurt wasn't an addict and killed himself (ultimately due to his addiction) then they might not be number 1 in EVERYTHING.

She is also speaking about glamorizing the druggie rockstar lifestyle. Somehow, it's OK for rock stars to live a wild lifestyle yet for everyone else it is not acceptable. How many people think they would love to be a rock star because then they could party all the time? People think addiction is OK for rock stars, and the NORM is for a rock star to be living a drug lifestyle.

2 of the rock bands I listen to are sober. In 1 band, the members are 100% sober and are about health and fitness. The other band are 100% sober when on tour, recording, writing but will drink in their 'personal' life. This is not the norm in the industry because it is the standard to be drunk and high all the time.

Re: Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy

Reading this broke my heart. Those poor kids