What to do about over-excited grandparents?

I’m having issues with my dad and step-mom when they watch DS (which is about 10 days per month). They love him and are so excited to be grandparents (bc step-mom never had kids and this is her chance with a baby) but their excitement sometimes interferes with their ability to listen to me !

For example:
o Before bringing him to their house for when they watch him I asked them get baby proofing stuff (gates, outlet covers etc) and they were offended bc “they will watch him.”
o I buy organic stuff for DS, and they give him stuff like chicken salad (with mayo, onions and peppers – before he had eaten any of that stuff), flounder (when we have a family history of fish allergies - which is why I was waiting to give him fish).
o They feed him with a spoon when he really only likes to feed himself (he is 1!)
o They gave him jelly beans for Easter (in a plastic egg, which he threw on the floor, shattered, and jelly beans went everywhere. Choking hazard!!).
o They are super “thrifty” and buy everything at yard sales (toys, a stroller and a high chair), even when I offered to buy these things for them. They don’t understand that they don’t know if these items have been recalled, are broken, came from a house with bedbugs, etc.
o They are not participating in my routine for him. I would like DS to follow somewhat of a routine so that he naps better, and they are not following that at all.

Plus, they do weird things that I don’t understand – like if he has a solid poop they throw the poop in the toilet instead of the diaper pail so “he can learn that poop goes in the toilet” Um, he’s 1. I’m not working on potty training yet.

But they love him and they are doing us a big favor by watching him. But ultimately I don’t trust that, in their excitement, they won’t do something stupid.

Any advice?
Should I just let it go?
They aren't doing anything dangerous.
Yet....


Ed: to be clear I will pay for anything they need for ds. I never asked them to purchase anything, just to use it

Message edited 4/1/2013 9:08:26 PM.

Re: What to do about over-excited grandparents?

I'm a pretty laid back person, so for the things you mentioned, they wouldn't really bother me much. However that being said, you have to trust whoever you leave your child with.

If you don't trust them, then find someone else to watch your son. You aren't going to change them. Parents are stubborn.

I know I don't trust my mother-in-law. She loves my son, but does not follow any of my requests. Ex: Please don't cover him with a blanket when he's sleeping in his crib. I walk in to find a blanket basically covering his head. . . . and this is when I'm with her at home. I'll never trust her to be alone with my son.

What to do about over-excited grandparents?

Only way around it is to pay for child care.

I don't mean that snarky either
Just my own experience
When it's free... And especially when its older family members...You have to ease up and let go

Message edited 4/1/2013 3:16:06 PM.

What to do about over-excited grandparents?

For the baby proofing - I would buy the items for them and put them up myself, they are doing a favor and watching your DC, you should supply the safety supplies.

For the food, I would pack the food that you want him to eat and bring it with you.

The yard sale thing wouldn't bother me as much. Most of the items that get recalled seem to do so for misuse. I wouldn't buy used stuffed toys but, the plastic ones can be cleaned well.

For the other things, I agree with pp - you have to let a few things slide when you aren't paying for the care. I noticed that only when I use a paid babysitter, my instructions get followed to a t.

Re: What to do about over-excited grandparents?

Re: What to do about over-excited grandparents?

For the baby proofing stuff I would tell them that you trust them 1000% to watch the baby, but accidents happen anyway. They happen to you as well, I'm sure, and i would tell them that. It has nothing to do with trust, it's just an added precaution that everyone needs - why wait for a worst case scenario?

The food issues and choking hazards you just have to keep reminding them over and over again about it.

I cringe at some of the things DD's grandparents do, but they love her and are excited and when they are watching her for us for free there's not much more you can do unless you feel they are doing something that is directly putting your DC in danger, in which case they shouldn't be caring for your kids anyway.

What to do about over-excited grandparents?

Well I think you have 2 options... Tell them exactly how you feel about some of the things they are doing and ask them to do it your way or
Find another option for childcare

Re: What to do about over-excited grandparents?

Re: What to do about over-excited grandparents?

All of the things you described to me would upset me too and many of them are hazards that I could not "let go" of. I am a SAHM so I didn't have to face this choice, however, I have a mom who is like this in some aspects and frankly I don't really ever have her watch my DC unless I am absolutely desperate.

To me I don't see it as overexcited, I see it as people who think they know better, people who are set in their ways and people who don't respect the rules of the parent. And for that I have no tolerance, especially when it comes to my child's safety.

If they don't listen to you, then you can't trust them. If you can't trust them, will it consume you or can you just let it go? Only you can decide.

Re: What to do about over-excited grandparents?

The safety issues you cannot ignore. I would not allow it. I have my own issues with the grandparents, but I try to let them go because most of it is my own irrational, crazy things and I know I need to relax. But if one of those issues became about safety... I would put my foot down HARD. That is a non-negotiable area.

What to do about over-excited grandparents?

I tend to lie. "The ped said his sugar is a drop high." "Yesterday he stuck a fork in an outlet!!!" Stuff like that. You have to pick and choose though- decide which issues NEED to be addressed.

Re: What to do about over-excited grandparents?

Re: What to do about over-excited grandparents?

Message edited 4/1/2013 9:06:38 PM.

Re: What to do about over-excited grandparents?

Buy them the safety things you think they need. But they probably ARE watching the baby and playing with it the whole time. They, unlike us have probably set aside that time just for your baby whereas we often have other things we try to get done like cleaning, cooking etc. As for the yard sale stuff that wouldn't bother my in the least. I doubt they'd buy or put your baby in anything dirty and I'm sure they would wash what they can wash in the washer and hand wash anything else.

The food issue is the only thing that would really be an issue for me...explain that to them and prepare food for your child in advance

Re: What to do about over-excited grandparents?

My mom and MIL never did any baby proofing. Like a PP mentioned, when they were watching my boys, they were literally watching them like a hawk. Not doing laundry, dishes, jumping in the shower, etc like I do.

As for the organic food, I'm pretty laid back. But if you feel that strongly about it then you need to talk to them. And talk to them again. And talk to them again. And do it once again until they get on board or just get tired of hearing your mouth.

So what if they feed him with a spoon. They want to baby him a little. It won't hurt him. Eventually he'll just refuse if he doesn't want to eat off the spoon.

The jelly beans I would just take away. Remind them that he is not to have such small things. He's not ready to chew them and he can choke.

My mother and mother in law never bought a thing for my boys. I either brought over what they needed without them asking or they got used stuff from friends. I didn't love it either, but it really wasn't that big of a deal to me.

As for the routine, how do you ask them to follow your routine? If you mention something here or there, they're probably going to ignore you. What I used to do was literally write out when I wanted him to eat, what time he needed to nap, what he could have for a snack when. Spell it out. Don't make suggestions, be a little more assertive. That said, I was a much looser with the schedule by the time DS was 1, it was more so when he was a baby because he was colicky and would be a nightmare if you messed with he routine.

So what that they flush his poop? I don't think that's a big thing at all.

Re: What to do about over-excited grandparents?

First I think every situation is different.

I would personally be upset about some of the things your parents are doing, too. So I understand where you are coming from.

When DS was young, my mil watched him. It was kind of a nightmare. Things like blankets on his head when we asked for no blankets during naps, etc.

She really meant well and I think she tried so hard to remember to do the things we asked. But it just didn't work out. I am so great foul for her help, but I ended up being a sahm (this was eventually an option for us, so I took the opportunity!!!)

I love the ideas of YOU baby proofing the house. And love the idea of you providing all the food.

My mil doesn't watch my DC routinely anymore, but now that. My oldest is 5, I feel a lot more comfortable leaving them with her. When she had kids, they did things so differently.....now that it has been 5 years, she knows how we do things. Maybe your parents will catch on after a while too

I hope things work out for you. It is soo great to have family who can and want to help! But it can be difficult, too.