DH just said something that scared me

So we're texting back and forth about our office and our guest room and I said let's just get rid of the guest room since no one really stays with us anymore anyway. He replied back "My mom is going to want to help us." Oh crap does that mean she's planning on staying with us after the baby comes home??? (She lives in Indiana) It's totally too early to be freaking out about this, but I know for a fact I def do not want someone staying with us when we first bring our baby home.

Anyone else have a situation like this? How do I politely put the kabosh on this now?

My mom lives a mile away so I know she'll be around to help alot, but she's MY mom and she won't be staying with us, so it's different. I can already see this is going to be an issue.

Re: DH just said something that scared me

I'd be honest with him and tell DH that you do not feel comfortable with people staying at the house with you after birth. Make it known now.

DH just said something that scared me

I had my parents stay with me for about 4-5 days after birth. I don't see it as a big deal unless she was to stay for a long period of time.

Are there people close by she can stay with??? If not I would never be able to tell DH his mother had to stay in a hotel or not come.

Re: DH just said something that scared me

I'm going to give you an answer you are not going to like.....I'm on the other foot, my parents live in Alaska and are coming when the baby is born. As long as our house is done, they will be staying with us and DH will have to deal with it. Will it be chaotic, will I freak out, yes, but it's family and I can't say no!!!! My MIL lives next door so she is already going to be up my a$$ so given the situation, I say you may be stuck with your MIL staying with you right after you bring baby home.....The joys of having out of state In Laws!!! Of course my FIL will NOT be staying with us, but my parents are pretty good excuse as to why he can't!

Re: DH just said something that scared me

Posted by neener1211



I'd be honest with him and tell DH that you do not feel comfortable with people staying at the house with you after birth. Make it known now.

DH just said something that scared me

I'm in the same boat and told my dh and his mom that I need a couple of weeks of recoup time before I have someone stay at my house. She was upset she wanted to be here for the birth but honestly we don't know when that will be. I could go early, I could go late and even though I love her I think I would kill her during the last and first couple of days. She's not self sufficient and I plan to be selfish and want dh and baby all to myself the first couple of weeks.

Re: DH just said something that scared me

if she is flying in when u have the baby was she supposed to stay at the house anyway or u figured a hotel?

i think if it is like a week or so i would let it go..

u might actually like the extra help,unless u hate her to start with lol

i wish i had someone to let me nap lol

Re: DH just said something that scared me

Have to be honest, I would NOT have wanted a house guest AT ALL after bringing my DD home. NO way. I appreciated my mom coming over throughout the day but I would NOT have wanted anyone there 24/7. I wanted my own space to recover, get use to our DD, and do my thing. It would have been more of a hassle for me then a help.

If it's NOT what you want, make that known now and handle it. Save yourself the headache later.

Re: DH just said something that scared me

I put my foot down with all family when I had DS that I wanted to adjust and spend that cherished first few days home without any "help". It did not go over very well on both sides of the family but I didn't really care. I wanted to focus and put all my energy into my little man and not worry about cleaning and feeding everyone. After we were home about three days I started inviting over our parents to ease the guilt trips I had endured. Since our parents live here on the Island there was no sleeping over but not because they didn't offer to stay. I say stick to your guns if it's going to stress you out to have family stay with you! Any chance your MIL has other family near you she could stay with and still visit you without the rooming in?

Re: DH just said something that scared me

My MIL lives out of state. She usually comes a couple of weeks after the birth (this is my 3rd) and stays for about 5 days. I would never tell my DH that she couldn't stay with us because it is his mom and I'd be furious if he ever said that my mother couldn't couldn't stay. I do ask for at least a week or two after we get home from the hospital once the baby is born before she comes because I am usually a hormonal mess and just to get used to the adjustment of a new baby. He is usually ok with that because it is an adjustment for him too.

I'd just ask DH for a little time before she comes and visits. Good Luck!

Message edited 2/5/2013 5:53:15 PM.

DH just said something that scared me

I think you just have to be honest with him and tell her you don't want her there long term. I mean, if she's coming to see the baby for a few days that is one thing but if she thinks she's staying for two weeks and you're not good with that, you have to say something.

My ILs haven't mentioned when they want to come see the baby but I have already told DH he has to manage the situation. I don't want them there when we first come home. This is our first child and we don't know what to expect and want time to get into a routine and figure out what we're doing before we have overnight guests.

Re: DH just said something that scared me

You've gotten some good advice here. I would say that she could stay for a week but not until you've been home for a couple of weeks. You want a chance to settle in and you don't know how your hormones are going to be fluctuating! My milk also came in during the first week so since I wasn't breastfeeding I needed to wear tight sports bras to try to get them to go down. I was in a lot of pain and didn't enjoy visitors those first few days back because it hurt so much. There's just so many reasons why 24/7 visitors right away is intrusive. Hopefully your DH will get it.

DH just said something that scared me

Thanks for all the responses! I think the best bet is to talk to DH about it now so there's no surprises when the baby comes. I know my IL's will fly in immediately, so they just need to be prepared to visit in the hospital and then give us at least a few days breathing room. His parents are very nice giving people, but this is our first baby and I know I'm going to want to be alone with DH and baby for a few days. It's ok to be selfish with your baby at first, right?

Re: DH just said something that scared me

Honestly I don't feel like should stay with you when you first get home. It will be too much unless you have an amazing relationship.

My inlaws came when I was in the hospital still and stayed with dh. That was stressful enough...they needed to be driven around etc and it made less time for me and dh to be together.

For this baby I made it clear to DH they could not stay with us until the baby was at least 3 or 4 weeks old. They stress me out on a regular visit. He was great about it and in conversation one day with them said something like " so when you come visit a few weeks after we have the baby...." It was great.

Re: DH just said something that scared me

Posted by MarsB

Thanks for all the responses! I think the best bet is to talk to DH about it now so there's no surprises when the baby comes. I know my IL's will fly in immediately, so they just need to be prepared to visit in the hospital and then give us at least a few days breathing room. His parents are very nice giving people, but this is our first baby and I know I'm going to want to be alone with DH and baby for a few days. It's ok to be selfish with your baby at first, right?

Re: DH just said something that scared me

Message edited 2/5/2013 7:58:20 PM.

Re: DH just said something that scared me

Are you planning on breast feeding? If so I would remind him that in your house you might want to whip a boob out to feed at any time and you would prefer to know that you don't have to worry about someone seeing that!
I have never tried it but it kept DH grandpa away from mil when DH was a baby.

Re: DH just said something that scared me

I could've written this post myself! DH and I recently had this conversation and his response was that I should relax.

My parents live close and his are divorced and oos. I completely agree and understand about not wanting people underfoot when you first bring home the baby. I know I want the time to adjust, bond with baby, and just spend time as a threesome since this is our first (not that I'll feel any differently about future LOs!!!).

DH mentioned that my parents will be around all the time but I also replied that I could tell them to leave or not come by on any given day because they're my parents and I don't have to worry about hurting their feelings. I can't do that with mil especially when she's staying with us.

I think it's completely reasonable to want that initial time to yourself with baby and DH. Just let him know how you feel so that you are on the same page.

Re: DH just said something that scared me

Honestly, I found the amount of visitors in the hospital and at home overwhelming. I already told my parents when we have our next one we'd put limits of visiting. You will want that time to adjust and bond with your baby. If you are nursing you are going to want some privacy to establish it. For us DH went back to work after 2 weeks, that's probably when I'd be willing to have some house guests. I would never say the ILs couldn't come (probably because it's my parents OOS) but I'd ask them to wait a week. HTH GL

DH just said something that scared me

I am going to give you an answer you may not like...if its for a few days I would do it(my mil is not one of my favs). Especially if like me I have to have a repeat c-section. I remember I was tired and had to nurse ands had to cook! If I could take a nap while they had the baby I would! Fortunately my DH comes from a family of 9 siblings and when they come from out of state they stay with the oldest (6miles away).

DH just said something that scared me

My dhs parents are divorced and oos. With my first his mom came aboutabout ten days after she was born and stayed for 5 days. It wasnt too terrible but I felt pressure to cook more and I got royally pissed when one day dh was on his way home and she suggested that she watch the baby for a bit so that I could make dinner bc we know dh is hungry when hen he gets home and gets cranky when he doesn't eat. Just a day or so afyer she left dhs dad came and stayed for several weeks. That was too much. He was pleasant but I needed more privacy especially for nursing. His dad saw my boobs way too much and I didn't want to hide in the bedroom or use a nu rsing cover in my own house.


With my second his mom came 3 weeks after the birth and it was even worse. All I wanted tob do was hold and snuggle my baby and take care of my 14mth old. Dh was working the whole time so it was just me and his mom during the day. She complained to my parents that we didn't pay enough attemtion to her. Then she got snowed in and complained more about having to miss work. His dad didn't come that time. Instead we visited his brother when baby was 8 weeks and his dad visited at the same time dh and I and the kids stayed at a hotel. That was perfect.

This time a lot of people are saying they will come in june. Baby is due mid june. Dh and I both agree rhat nobody can stay with us before 4th of July, nobody can stay more than 4-5 days. And people can't come back to back so that we have weeks of guests. This is my last and I need to be a little selfish and just enjoy my baby and some privacy especially while I'm physically recovering and nursing all the time.

Talk to your dh. Find something that works for both of you. I know it's their grandbaby too, but you will be going through some things physicallyand having guests around can make that more difficult.

Message edited 2/6/2013 8:09:22 AM.

Re: DH just said something that scared me

Definitely discuss having a window of space when first bringing baby home. We had a houseful of family when we got home from the hospital and looking back we would not do that again! It was so incredibly stressful! It was, however, really nice having the help soon after so I could get some rest. Even if it's just a day or two it will be nice not having everyone in your face the second you walk in the door.