| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 2 [3] |
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
Posted by BellaRock
Posted by JennZ
Nope. I love my mom to death, but dont want to ever live with her again. I personally think that having her in your space, cooking every night will get old. Boundries will get crossed and it will turn bad quick. Thats JMHO.
I have to agree with this.
I could never live with my parents again.
ITA
As an adult who happily moved out of my parents house years ago, I only wish to live with my DH and child alone. I could never be happy with a parent butting in or even helping too much, in our lives daily. The thought of having someone live with me to help with my child/ren or cook for me doesn't appeal to me in the least.
Huge house or not, every day involved with them and daily aspects of my life, no thanks. That goes for my parents and my ILs. I would support them if I had to, but they get to live elsewhere and just visit.
JMO
Message edited 6/27/2012 1:03:59 AM.
|
Posted 6/27/12 12:45 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
Posted by GioiaMia
Yep. I live with my parents in a much smaller house LOL
While some people probably think my life is horrible. It is great!
If my mom is cooking, she makes extra for us. My dad and DH work long hours so my mom and I will cook and eat together with DD. When I leave for work in the morning, DD sleeps for an extra two hours and then my mom gets her. If DH and I go out, my mom will just put her to bed for us (or we go out after bedtime) and that's it. . we don't have to pick her up on the way home or pick her up the next morning, she is in her nice comfy crib. If we were to go on a solo vacation (we have never done it) DD's routine would not be affected at all.
The best part though, is living day to day with my family around me. I can't think of a better way to raise DD.
The negatives have more to do with how OTHER family members view our living space. . .but your space is separate so you wouldnt have these problems.
I have a similar arrangement and my mothers health has deteriorated severely. At this point she does come over to eat at least 4 nights per week but my husband doesn't mind cause she does so much for us....home for kids al the time...I can run errands alone. If I am not home when my kids are dropped off she is always their to greet them. It makes a huge difference in our life. My mother does have her own bedroom, kitchen, livingroom, dining room. It helps for visits from my siblings which are frequently unannounced. They definately need a seperate entrance. I suppose the kitchen is not a necessity, especaiilly since she is a great cook!
|
| Posted 6/27/12 4:28 AM |
| |
|
KristenRSF
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/10 487 total posts
Name:
Kris
|
Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
I'm pretty sure you knew/know what you're going to do. Based on your past posts you were more excited to tell us you bought a gigantic house and skipped the 20K wet bar so your parents could live with you. Congrats on the new house.
|
| Posted 6/27/12 7:12 AM |
| |
|
BeachGal
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 2827 total posts
Name:
J
|
Re: Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
Back in 2007 when I was house hunting I wanted to have a new construction mother/daughter built but my mom would pay for her share of everything. I wasn't married then but dh was against it and now I am so glad!! While my mom would have hooked us up, taken care of the yard, run errands for us and then some it would not have been good for my marriage. My mother is not nosy but my dh has a very loud speaking voice so I wouldn't want her to hear everything and if my dh missed a day of work my mom would get mad because she never gets sick ever and is not the sympathetic tyPe! Needless to say I am very happy in my single family home!! Good luck!!
|
| Posted 6/27/12 7:45 AM |
| |
|
spa118
LIF Adult
Member since 3/09 2157 total posts
Name:
Shari
|
Re: Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
My parents lived with my grandparents when they got married. They were still in college and engaged and preggo. My mom and dad eloped when my mom got pregnant, and they moved in with my dad's parents, and my dad finished college and my mom dropped out and was a stay at home mom ever since. Originally, this arrangement was to help the young couple, but once my dad was out of school and working and could afford it, they bought a two family house together. So I grew up with my grandparents living upstairs. It was their own home, but it was like we lived together - there were no boundaries- we were in and out of each other's home. Everyone took everyone for granted. My mom became like my grandmother's servant. She did all of her cooking and cleaning an laundry. As they grew older, my parents took care of them. My poor mom lost both her parents when she was in her 40's, and my dad 5 years ago. She is still living in the house I grew up in, and taking care of my grandmother who takes her for granted. I think their relationship would have been much different if they didn't live together.
All that said, I know your relationship is much different, and I think its wonderful that you are able to help your parents, but I'm afraid you might end up resenting them if they live with you. I think some boundaries and personal space are good for relationships.
Good luck!
|
| Posted 6/27/12 8:06 AM |
| |
|
LotsaLuv
Us
Member since 6/10 4094 total posts
Name:
F
|
Re: Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
Heeeeellllllllll to the N O
I like my privacy
I HATE that my inlaws live 5 min away, it's so annoying.
|
| Posted 6/27/12 8:25 AM |
| |
|
Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
|
Re: Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
Posted by KristenRSF
I'm pretty sure you knew/know what you're going to do. Based on your past posts you were more excited to tell us you bought a gigantic house and skipped the 20K wet bar so your parents could live with you. Congrats on the new house.
No, I am totally torn and undecided.
I know it makes sense for them to live with us but I am quite against it. DH is trying to talk me into it.
If anything, we may try it out for a test run.
My mom can be great but she can't help but nag. She sees so many things that can be improved (so she says) that she cannot help herself but to have these suggestions. It drives me bonkers.
It would only work if they stayed on their level. The kitchen is the reason why she would come to the main level. We could build them a kitchen but I don't cook so our kitchen would then be wasted.
Message edited 6/27/2012 8:56:50 AM.
|
| Posted 6/27/12 8:54 AM |
| |
|
lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
IMO you're thinking of the kitchen wrong. You'll get dinners regardless of whether there's one or two kitchens but with two you don't need to be bothered every time your parents want Cheerios.
|
| Posted 6/27/12 9:50 AM |
| |
|
mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
Posted by Bridex100
Posted by DRMom
I would not. Why don't you buy them a townhouse or something close by...
This is what I prefer and one of our options.
DH is the one who prefers them to live with us. Strange, I know.
DH likes the idea of having another set of hands. It would give us the availability to go out. We won't feel pressure to rush to pick up the kids from school. The one major stress we have is cooking. My mom cooks very healthy tasty meals.
DH is also obsessed with saving. He thinks we can knock out the cost of a full time nanny and the cost of a second household. We are already pretty good savers but we can probably save ~$100k more per year.
Your DH's points are right and valid, but they are only the pros.... You have to look at the downside as well. I lived in a 2 family with my parents for 3 years. we definitely had separate space, but there were still some issues. My folks did all of the things your DH mentioned, and that part was great. It was also great that when DH worked, I hung out with my folks more, and my kids did as well. They are now very close as a result. However, there were some major downsides that nearly destroyed our relationships. One is that they knew every time DH and I fought. Every little argument, they were basically aware of. It wasn't good. And of course, because they were close, they would ask me what happened, and it was hard to refrain from saying, and they would be mad at DH, too. Another downside was I felt like neither DH or I could ever be in a bad mood. If we came home cranky and not wanting to talk or to just be alone, it was taken as inconsiderate. (This was more an issue for DH, who can be moody. I know how to deal with it, but my parents did not, and got very very angry about it). My mom is also moody. And when she is in a mood, she can lash out at those nearby. Being nearby, I was a much more frequent target. So, as beneficial as it was in some ways, it nearly destroyed all of us. Now we live separately, and the love between us all is amazing. We have our hands full for sure. But when we all get together, everyone adores each other and we have a great time. That means everything to me.
|
| Posted 6/27/12 10:04 AM |
| |
|
DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
|
Re: Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
Posted by lynnd126
IMO you're thinking of the kitchen wrong. You'll get dinners regardless of whether there's one or two kitchens but with two you don't need to be bothered every time your parents want Cheerios.
I agree with this. IMO two kitchens = two houses. In my family at least the kitchen is the "heart" of the home and where we all gravitate, if there were two it would be separate.
|
| Posted 6/27/12 10:29 AM |
| |
|
WNA01
my 2 boys
Member since 10/08 4240 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
Posted by DRMom
I would not. Why don't you buy them a townhouse or something close by...
this
|
| Posted 6/27/12 10:48 AM |
| |
|
GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
|
Re: Would you live with your parents if you had a big house?
Posted by Ophelia
people like to comment and scoff and get all twisted about it, but really, with the right people, it's a great arrangement. especially the arrangement you've described. it sounds like a no brainer to me!
This is the key point that everyone is talking about.... "with the right people".... not all parents are "the right people" to be living with their kids.
MIL and FIL live in a house next door to SIL and BIL. MIL has a key to their house, and just wanders in whenever she feels like it. She'll take their mail out of the box and leave it in random locations for them. Sometimes in the house, but not always.
My mom is more passive-aggressive than my ILs, so it wouldn't be as obvious at first, but she would definitely get under our skin very quickly.
For us, it would never work out living with our parents. My sis lived with us for a while, and it didn't work out well, either.
With the wrong combination, you could destroy a great parent/child relationship that you currently have. With the right combination, the relationship could be much stronger than it is now.
|
| Posted 6/27/12 10:58 AM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 2 [3] |
