does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

obviously dh has been by my side through the process, and been as supportive as he can i'm sure, but he's still a guy - and even though he gets disappointed each month... i don't think he's on quite the same emotional roller coaster as i. i just feel like i'm starting to fall into a depression over it all, it effects my daily mood and motivation - i don't feel like the same smiley-giggly person as i normally was. and i just don't feel like anyone really GETS it. my family has been less than supportive through this year-long process, and i harbor a lot of hurt feelings because of it... and i don't have a lot of close girlfriends - the ones i do have, they're THERE for me and compassionate as friends but, no one who's not in it, gets it. is it just me?

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

While I know I have a huge support system.. I also know my road is so unique.. and there are times I feel so VERY .. VERY.. alone So, just know that you're not alone in feeling alone, if that helps at all!

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

When I read your post I felt like you were talking about my life and what I have been going through. Everyone just keeps telling me, when it happens it happens. Not exactly what you want to hear. So now I just don't talk to anyone about it. Thankfully I can come on here and express how I feel. Well If you ever need someone to vent to FM me.

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

I definitely feel that way! My DH is supportive but we're not telling anyone in our family that we're ttc. We want to wait until we have good news to share. I have told a few close friends, but they don't have kids yet and aren't ready to start trying so they don't really get it. And as supportive as DH is, he doesn't really understand the pressure I put on myself and all the little things I do to try to help the process along. The other day, when I found out I was out again this month and I was feeling down, he was like "Don't feel bad, it's not like we're really going to any trouble, just having lots of sex!" And I was like "WE'RE just having sex, but I'M temping, poas for opk tests, taking prenatals, avoiding caffeine, alcohol, and exercising as much as I used to, obsessing on LIF, obsessing over every symptom I think I feel, sometimes when I'm exhausted and don't even feel like it just because I don't want to miss my fertile window, etc. etc." So even he doesn't REALLY get it. BUT, I feel so lucky to have found LIF. All of you TTC ladies are so helpful and supportive! It's so nice to have this forum to turn to!

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

Even with a supportive DH, it's hard not to feel alone. We're the ones going through the daily calendar, temping, timing, emotional ups and downs, etc. Most people don't really get it at all unless they go through it themselves.Its hard to explain. There are a lot of resources that have helped me... this board, a few books, and 1 or 2 girlfriends that actually understand... or can sympathize really well because they're good at it :)
My mom and a few friends ask me about it.. but again, it's hard to discuss b/c most people respond with "it will happen when its time" and some other response that gets us more upset than when we started
in all, you really have to find a way to deal with it because it can really mess with you and put you in a dark place if you're not handling it well.
Know that there are many girls experiencing this so you are never really "alone". If you ever need to chat feel free to FM me.
Good luck!!! Hope you feel better

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

Sorry, crashing...

I definitely did. My college friends weren't exactly helpful - they had no interest in babies at the time. I spent months wanting to punch people that told me to "just relax."

I "met" a bunch of girls on the TTC boards, and two more friends from my book club were also TTC. We all talked each other through it, and it helped.

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

thank you for your responses... tonight my sister and i got in a huge argument - as she has NOT been supportive over this last year - and she tells me, when i say that 2011 was one of my worst years - how can i say that when i have a brand new beautiful kitchen; and that she doesn't understand how anyone can say that "only" a baby would make them happy - there's so much else to be grateful for.
i lost it.
i said that just bc she hasn't endured this process, just bc she doesn't understand it, doesn't make it any less real and i know i cannot be alone in feeling this way. yes, i know i have things to be grateful for - but this last year has been an emotional roller coaster: every month is a waiting game ending with a disappointment, and this summer i experienced the most emotionally painful thing i have ever gone through - a miscarriage. as a grown woman, as a mother, as my sister, as a friend and as someone who has, at 2 different points in her life, worked in an ob/gyn office - how could she even say that to me?

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

Posted by MrsKelly

thank you for your responses... tonight my sister and i got in a huge argument - as she has NOT been supportive over this last year - and she tells me, when i say that 2011 was one of my worst years - how can i say that when i have a brand new beautiful kitchen; and that she doesn't understand how anyone can say that "only" a baby would make them happy - there's so much else to be grateful for.
i lost it.
i said that just bc she hasn't endured this process, just bc she doesn't understand it, doesn't make it any less real and i know i cannot be alone in feeling this way. yes, i know i have things to be grateful for - but this last year has been an emotional roller coaster: every month is a waiting game ending with a disappointment, and this summer i experienced the most emotionally painful thing i have ever gone through - a miscarriage. as a grown woman, as a mother, as my sister, as a friend and as someone who has, at 2 different points in her life, worked in an ob/gyn office - how could she even say that to me?

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

i def feel alone in this...

my brothers and sisters have kids no prob and my bff's same..

one time my sister said to me i dont get it we all had no problems..i was like duh! just bc u had no prob does not mean i wont either bc we r related

it is the same thing when u get the stuppid comments of relaxing or your time will come and are u sure u r having enough sex...u know what stfu..thats what i say in my head

i just believe with all my heart if u have not gone through IF you just do not know..i know people mean well they just dont understand but that does not make it hurt any less

i am so sorry she said that to you..was completely out of line

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

Posted by MrsKelly

thank you for your responses... tonight my sister and i got in a huge argument - as she has NOT been supportive over this last year - and she tells me, when i say that 2011 was one of my worst years - how can i say that when i have a brand new beautiful kitchen; and that she doesn't understand how anyone can say that "only" a baby would make them happy - there's so much else to be grateful for.
i lost it.
i said that just bc she hasn't endured this process, just bc she doesn't understand it, doesn't make it any less real and i know i cannot be alone in feeling this way. yes, i know i have things to be grateful for - but this last year has been an emotional roller coaster: every month is a waiting game ending with a disappointment, and this summer i experienced the most emotionally painful thing i have ever gone through - a miscarriage. as a grown woman, as a mother, as my sister, as a friend and as someone who has, at 2 different points in her life, worked in an ob/gyn office - how could she even say that to me?

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

Posted by gina409


u know what stfu..thats what i say in my head

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

to you all for responding, for your support and understanding. and for all of you that had to endure your own insensitive comments from people, or for the times you felt alone in this process. i'm here if anyone needs to talk/fm as well. this process just sucks. period.

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

I def feel alone since I really have not told anyone that we are TTC so this has been a bit lonely...DH tries to understand but he is trying to be positive and tell me it will happen for us eventually. These boards have been extremely helpful!!!

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

I don't feel alone in a depressed way, but I definitely do not have friends who are presently ttc. That's because all my friends who were ttc got pregnant!!! Grrrrr. Although, a few really struggled and didn't get pregnant until getting an IUI. Now, it's like they never struggled cause they are so damn happy. And, I'm happy for them.

Truthfully, that's why I like this board. We're in the same boat.

Also, I have to say that since I stopped temping I feel much less stress! It took over my life.

Message edited 12/27/2011 9:58:20 PM.

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

I completely understand what you are going through. I do not know anyone else TTC so I have no one to talk to about it (other than my DH). Plus - everyone else I know who has been pregnant got pregnant their first or second months of trying and I know no one in real life who has had to undergo IVF which is in our future.

Message edited 12/28/2011 8:33:26 AM.

Re: does anyone else feel like this is a really LONELY process/experience?

A lot of people know I am TTC. I wouldn't want people to know, but all my friends and family knew I was having surgery and cancelled it and want to know how I am doing, so its hard for them not to know. I still try to keep it from friends telling them we are still up in the air how the doctors want to handle it (but I can only hold them off from knowing for so long) but my parents and DH's mom know all. But it actually is nice to be able to talk about it a little.

My mom had a lot of problems having kids. I am a miracle baby and she did IVF twice. She was going to try it a 3rd time when she was told her uterus was so thin it could kill her and she had me at home, so wanted to be there for me. So no matter how difficult this process gets for me my mom understands what I am going through. Also one of my best friends from college tried everything for about 5 years, after IVF failed multiple times she finally gave up and adopted, so its nice to have her to know there is always a way to have a beautiful family.

So no, I actually don't feel alone... most of the time.

Message edited 12/28/2011 9:01:54 AM.