family and career

How or do you plan on having both? If so how will you balance it?

I started my career or better to say I fell into my career accidentally when I was 30 ill be 32 next week. . I have almost unlimited possibilities in my market but have a lot to still learn. My boss keeps sdaying in round about ways not too have kids yet and focus on my career. That's my dilemna. I want a baby and I want my career so I can give my chilren what my parents couldn give me because we were on the ooor side growing up. And I don't really want to give up ttc because let's face it I'm not getting any younger. 2 of my managers waited and they both had to go through several treatments of invito bc they waited.

Do you think a woman can have both?

Re: family and career

i think it's weird that your boss would suggest waiting, it's not really their place. you have to do what's right for you. i'm a 31y-o lawyer, 4 years out of law school, so i got a late start on my career in some ways. however, i knew that if i waited much longer to TTC and it didn't go perfectly, i'd resent my job for it (because it would have been the reason I waited), regardless of whether the waiting was the cause for the issues.
just my thoughts.

eta yes a woman can have both. there are many female partners at my firm that have 2+ kids.

Message edited 2/16/2011 7:04:27 AM.

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Everyones situation is different but I know I waited (4 years) because I was doing well at my job and kept moving up. I knew that having a baby would limit my possibilities-only because it would change my priorities-and I wasnt necessarily ready for that. Looking back, I wish I didnt wait so long because now it's taking a lot longer than we thought.. and Im resenting my job because of the choices I made.
I know now that I can have both. And I will. I will be a better mom if Im out working.
You have to do what's right for you but I would say try to ask yourself what advice you'd give a friend if they were asking you the same thing. Disreguard your boss's opinion and see what you come up with. That's the best way to find out what's right for you.
Good luck!!

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I don't like your boss "hinting" at you to wait...that is something that is up to you and DH decide!

Istarted my career young, at 22. I am a guidance counselor with tenure technically I can take off 4.5 yrs and walk right back into my job-no questions asked. Obviously though no pay or benefits.

Baby is due in October and I am taking the rest of the school year off for sure.

DH and I think I might take the following year as well and then put the baby in day care at 2 yrs old.

This is all subject to change though. I love my job and since I have great hours I may decide to only take one year. I make really good money so while we CAN do it on DH's salary we will be sacraficing. If we feel like we are too tightly squeezed by me not working odds are I will go back sooner. Otherwise I CAN stay home until LO goes to kindergarden (unlikely I will want to be out this long though I love my job).

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i always used to say that there was no way I could be a SAHM and that I wanted to have a full-time career after putting in so much time/effort in college and grad school. However, now that we are actually trying I am feeling like I would much rather spend time with my LO. At this point, we couldn't afford for me to be a full-time SAHM which is okay because I don't know that I want that, but I would love to be able to work part-time only so I have more time at home.

Re: family and career

I think a woman can have both.. but something's gotta give.. you are only human. Please don't take it the wrong way, my mom is a professional and she worked long hours, she was on call and she multiple back to back shifts and growing up, we knew this was it. She would come to our events, only to get paged and run out the door. We didn't hold it against her.. she had to do this because we were growing up, expenses were building up and I'm sure it pained her but as a family we decided to move to NY to change things around. Before it was just my dad.. and then it was both my parents. It was hard, we do appreciate it.

Believe me, women are good at prioritizing. As your child grows, and your career evolves, things will change. So please don't let someone else dictate your life. We would have been fine with my dad's salary but my mom wanted more for us, and it did mean that we do take out more, and learn to do our homework alone more, PTA mtgs sometimes did not work out, but she was in the loop with it but she had to work.

I'm in a similar situation.. a former boss of mine is harping on me to switch and move to her but I know if and when I do get pregnant, she would really get so mad and probably even tell me some mean and harsh stuff.So as much as I want to move and leave, I am staying put. I know, you don't know when you will end up ttc and get preggo, but I know this is not it.

I'm not sure why your boss would even suggest something like that.. mothers have moved up the corporate ladder and balanced life and work beautifully.

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I agree that women can have both BUT that is a relative concept. I believe that ppl can do whatever they put their minds to BUT you might not be able to be like the mom down the street that doesnt work and is super PTA / class mom. Nor will you be able to be like your coworker who has no family and lands all the awesome deals and never seems to go home. I am a fan of the saying..."Everything in moderation...." I def believe that is how someone can have it all.

Also, only you and DH / SO can decide when its time to have a kid. Whats right for 1 isnt always right for another. Look at where you are, take stock and then decide.

Good Luck!!!!!

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This is something that hits home, because I am planning to tell my boss today. I know my boss is pro-family but I can't help but worry that I'm destroying my career.

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First off shame on your boss to tell you it's not a good idea right now to have kids!!!! That makes me angry! He doesn't run your life!!!

And Yes, woman can have both! I know allot of people who have kids and a career at the same time. When my time comes I already have a plan worked out with my job!

So you go ahead and make those babies!!!!!!

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Yes, I do think a woman can have both - if that's what you truly want. It's all about finding the right balance and what works for you. Just make sure that whatever you decide it's YOUR decision (or yours and DHs), and not a decision based on what your boss, co-worker, friend, etc suggested.

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I see where your boss is coming from, but I disagree. I know that I will be a working mom, and I feel that its better to start my family first, while my career is still in the earlier stages (but my job is still very secure). Once I take on added responsibility at my job, it will get more and more difficult to step back and TTC. So we decided to try now, and see what happens. I hope that it will be much easier to jump back into a full time career while I'm still young, and in the meantime we've already started our family.

Either way, you have to do what's right for your family, and the only people who should influence that are you and your DH. Women have successfully balanced careers and families for decades, I'm sure you would be no different.

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I think only you can decide how or if you want to have both. It's a balance that all Mom's, SAHM's and FTWM's struggle with. IMO it comes down to what is best for your family.

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It depends on what career you have. In law, I really don'tthink you can have both. I'm 34 and CF by choice. I only got married last year and told my family I have no desire to have kids.

My firm is run by a female partner with 2 kids however she could have moved up the partnership ladder faster had she not become a mother. I also worked at male dominated law firms where women were pushed out once they announced their pregnancy or returned from maternity leave. My female friends who work in Finance have also said the same thing.

However for fields like Education (teaching, etc), I think it's possible to do both with no trouble because of the flexibility afforded by school schedules and increased percentage of female bosses who know the drill...

Message edited 1/18/2013 2:12:28 PM.

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i am 21w preg and still struggling with this. i know im going back to work shortly after is born and I am so upset about it. but i dont have any other choice since DH and I make about the same amount and my job is more stable than his, and pays our medical insurance.

DH and I have always said we wanted a few kids,and iit took me 18 months and IVF to conceive #1 so i dont regret the decision at all, its just is so much harder now that it's reality. i work for a new startup company, i was the second person hired in the company, and it's growing extremely fast, meaning that i work about 11 hours a day and am accessible all weekend even when i dont physically go in. there is no one else who can do my job, and the person who takes over for me while im out hasn't even been hired yet. outside of the health of my pregnancy itself, it has been the most stressful thing ive had to deal with. but honestly, i know i will make it work, frankly because i dont have a choice. i just pray that I can hang in there for another 3-5 years and hopefully the company will grow large and go public and I'll have my payday and maybe ill get to stay home for #2!!

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Do I think a woman could do both? Of course.

Would I want to do both if I had the choice? No. I'm more family-oriented than career-oriented. I would give up my job in a second if it meant being able to stay home with my future child.