How did you know you were ready? (long-sorry)

I hope this isn't an inappropriate forum to ask this question, and I posted something similar on LIW. I'm a fairly young bride (25) and though I know that with regards to fertility I have TONS of time, I am also a very high-risk patient in every situation, and pregnancy will be the highest risk thing I have been allowed to do in my whole life.

Brief (very abbreviated history): i was born with heart problems, had surgery, but still have complications. though i'm told i'm healthy, my heart will never be "normal". i have narrow valves and high blood pressure (though i'm not overweight or diabetic). long story short i'm already so high risk that the older i get the higher the risk climbs, and fast.

in the end that leaves me wanting kids early to minimize the risk as much as possible. DH knows this, (he is older than me, 29), and agrees, but still vaguely says "a couple years" when we talk about TTC.

so in the longest way possible my question is- how/when did you (and your DH) know you were ready to start TTC?

Re: How did you know you were ready? (long-sorry)

I am still more ready than DH. He is happy to be involved, but would be content without kids right now. But that is just him. We took forever to get married, he was content w/o marriage too, and now thinks it's the greatest thing ever, he needs a push. Anyway, I know I'm ready b/c I think about it all the time. But that could also be based on the fact that many of my friends have 1 year olds or are starting to get pregnant, and our age, we are 33.

Re: How did you know you were ready? (long-sorry)

I think men are never fully ready It seems to me like you are ready and you are in a loving marriage, financially stable and emotionally ready then go for it! DH will come around. If he loves you he'll support you no matter what. I mean, dont surprise him with this but def. explain to him that you would like to actively start trying now. I understand your situation regarding the health concerns and to me, that would def. be an incentive to start sooner than later but thats just me..Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Oh, and to answer your question...Ive always wanted kids...but a couple of months ago it really just hit me..out of no where I decided I wanted a baby now! lol.

Re: How did you know you were ready? (long-sorry)

For me it was kind of like a "light switch" if you will. I was always like yeah I want kids..but always was thinking...in the future..in the future. And I was always not 100% sure and didn't really think much about it...

Then one day I held my cousin's twins..and its like something in my body clicked! I think my ovaries were touched somehow HEHE!

Since then (which was over a year ago)...all I could think about was babies. All I saw was babies. I obsessed babies and its all that was on my mind (and still is) 24/7.

That is how I knew I was mentally ready. Of course I am still scared and 2nd guess...but that fact remains that it is all that is on my mind and that is how i know i am ready...

On our 2nd month ttc as we finally decided we were financially ready as well!

Re: How did you know you were ready? (long-sorry)

We wanted to be married first. We wanted a solid relationship with a year under our belt, even if it meant waiting till I was older (39). We wanted the time to drop everything and go to dinner, or a friends, or away for the weekend....

So we waited the one year and are now TTC. We have a strong bond as a married couple, we are financially secure with no debt, feel mature, and feel we are ready.

For us, though, we wanted time together FIRST before getting PG.

Re: How did you know you were ready? (long-sorry)

we just knew..even before we got married..we love kids..always have..i have 8 neices and nephews and they r by our house at least 5 times a week...watching dh play polly pocket with my neice meltsmy heart..we take them to movies,concerts and have watched them for the weekend...

its just something we knew we wanted and unfortuntley have had some bad luck since trying..when we mc it was very veryhard but we got through it and r going to continue to try

i dont know if anyone is ever fully fully ready but i think when u r ready to make that life changing decison u will just know and never look back

best of luck


eta..also wanted to add i totally hear u on the health issues..after seeing both my parents sick and me having a heart issue as well(i have a leaky valve )..i just figured why not now cause u never know..

i would def talk to ur md and ur obgyn and see what they say about how ur condition can affect ur chances of ttc and how it will affect the pregnancy..if it doesnt then that could change when u guys try

Message edited 11/30/2010 5:34:21 PM.

Re: How did you know you were ready? (long-sorry)

DH & I had talked at great length about the 'right' time well before we ever started ttc. We were married about 10 months before we decided to try. We wanted to be finacially ready, this was very important to us. We took a few bigger trips and started house hunting. Our ds was born about 10 months later!


Good Luck!

Re: How did you know you were ready? (long-sorry)

i think we knew we were ready, because we can't imagine our lives without children at this point. we are young, too (im younger than you) and we want to be young parents. we are also finacially ok, and are making a big move so i think we just know. however, we are having a little trouble getting PG, so you may want to factor that in too (not that im saying you will have problems, but who knows)

have you talked to your cardiologist about the risks of waiting a little longer (a year or so)? maybe you will be more ready at that point

Re: How did you know you were ready? (long-sorry)

we knew we were ready..i think initally i was more excited than DH..he was very nervous i think...i must be honest money and age played a role for us. We both hav always wanted kids but not before we were really financially ready. Now, we will never have enough money but he has a long time secure job and my position is now secure. We wanted to be settled in a home and make sure we can afford a child on top of home ownership and other bills.

Our ages also played a role. We both want at least two kids and do not want to have to have them factory style. I am 32 and DH is 35. I think we felt age wise it was really time to start.

For me, I lived a lot..had a alot of fun and am ready to completely devote myself to a child. You may want to consider if you would like some more "u time," time for u to hav unfettered fun, alone time with DH etc. Seeing as u hav age on ur side u hav some more time.

If DH is not ready yet and there are no medical costs for u to wait..u may want to wait and not push the issue with DH. I would think, u would not want to push DH into something hes not ready for..the outcome could be problematic.

Best,
A