A little annoyed...

A friend of ours was over telling us about their new job, which will pay significantly more then either me or DH make combined. Said person was talking about buying a house, and having kids and said that they don't understand how someone could have a kid, and then have someone else raise the child, and only be a parent on the weekend.

Well, excuse me, but me and my DH work very very hard for the little that we have, and unfortunately, no matter what we do there is no way that I would be able to be a SAHM, even though you have absolutely no idea how much I want to.

This has led to me having the worst, saddest afternoon ever, thinking about how me and my DH maybe should rethink things (which may be impossible, I was o-ing, and we BD this weekend) and not have LOs for awhile. I am not certain that our money situation will change (DH owns his own business and money is tight, although he is busy) anytime soon. We both feel that we want to have children young, and that we will make it, but now I'm not so sure.

FTR, we do both have good jobs, and bring home decent money every week. The longer that I am at my position, the more I will make, with room for advancement to management and a killer pension, and free health benefits. We don't own a home, and I'm not sure that we can do that just yet. We have no credit card debt, and just one car payment. I don't want anyone to think I am crying about being poor, because we aren't by any standards. I'm just having all these second thoughts.

Sorry for venting.

Re: A little annoyed...

Crashing but that person is a dumb a s s! Plain and simple! I guess it's fine to think things like that in your head, but to say them out loud is just stupid and careless and insensitive. Don't you dare let your moron friend have an affect on your plans to TTC. She sounds mean!

Re: A little annoyed...

I hear it ALL the time, just don't pay any attention, it's not a personal attack.

My husband and I used to work very long hours, and which are better now but still bad. DS is perfectly happy. Our time with him is intense and precious.

If you decided to stay home, you'd probably hear arguments on the other side.

There's no perfect way to raise a family, it's different for everyone. If there was a perfect answer, it would be a law.

Re: A little annoyed...

Hey my luv dont worry about what that friend of yours said. They seem to be the type to show off but you know what that just shows low self esteem.
All I know is you know I had Taylor young and had to work, granted the 1st 2 yrs was at home but, I have worked ever since and he was, still is, a great kid!!!
The time you spend with your kid just spend it wisely, thats the difference.
As far as money... PSH single mom here, til last year. You guys will make it trust me.

Re: A little annoyed...

From experience - there are always reasons why NOT to have a baby right now... always reasons why you think it might be better to wait - financial, house/living situation, job situation, family issues... etc.
If you and DH decide that you want to have a baby, you have income and a place to live and medical insurance, then that's all you need to know. You figure out a way to make it work. I'm sorry, but you dont need to be a SAHM to be a good mom. It doesn't mean you love your children less because you have to work. While I'm sure your friend didn't mean to be hurtful, she really needs to be careful what she says and maybe try to be a bit more sensitive and consider herself fortunate for having the ability to stay home. Living on LI, it is especially hard. Most of my friends work and have wonderful children who adore them.
I am not rich either - far from it honestly... but I think sometimes I'm glad I'm not. Because I always hear things like this and I feel like people with money kind of lose perspective on things like this... Sorry just my 2 cents....

Re: A little annoyed...

That is stupid. There are many very very wealthy people that are not SAHMs as well. Their reasons are theirs, and no one else's concern. As long as you baby is being well cared for, whether it be by you, a day care provider or a family member, it isn't anyone else's business.

Re: A little annoyed...

I hate when people say things like this!!! I plan on working 4 days a week when I have a baby and I am probably going to getting into arguments with people who think I am a bad mom b/c of it. I am out of the house 13 - 17 hours a day which is very tolling on me but I have a very good job so I do it for the $$ and to be able to provide a great life for my future kids. I am working like this to pay for the house I bought (before the market crash) in a good SD so my kids will have space and be able to go to a good school. I want to pay for college, weddings, car, and help my kids with a down payment on their first house. This is why I get annoyed because working moms are working for their kids benefit!!!!! I want to take my kids to Disney, islands or Europe once a year as well as frequent trips to amusement parks, Manhattan day trips, restaurants, and all sorts of activities that you need extra money to do. In order to fulfill my goals I will need to work because unfortunately by DH doesnt make the 250k a year this will cost. This is such a sore subject with me b/c people are so ignorant. Struggling would not be ok with me.

Message edited 9/5/2010 9:32:35 PM.

Re: A little annoyed...

i love you ladies. thank you to everyone for making me feel better. we will make it work, whenever we get PG

Re: A little annoyed...