looking for opinions to help in our decision

We went to the Social worker last night as required for our IVF cycle. She presented a situation which my husband and i are to think about but i would really like everyone's opinion...

Just remember its your opinion and no one will hold anything against anyone..
i am just curious where some one else stands...

Our re has a very high success rate for freezing embryos.. my dh and i only would like one child but if twins result.. we are fine with that.
we are scheduled that if any embies make it to the freeze point that they will be frozen. we discussed it last night and are leaning toward what we are calling "adoption". They go to a childless couple who other wise wouldnt be able to have kids. Our thoughts are since i am adopted by a loving couple who were willing to take me in when my birth mother tossed me away.. why cant i look at it as allowing my "children" who otherwise would spend eternity in cryonics have a chance at life with a couple who would the same as my parents. Give a child a chance that i wouldnt be able to do..since i know we can afford one.. or two if that situation arises.

now your thoughts...to help us out

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

I think it is a very selfless option and it's great that you are so open to it. It's a very personal decision. I'm assuming u would wait to see if your cycle is successful first?

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

I think its a very amazing things to do if you truly feel that it is right for you. For a couple who cannot have a child on their own I think this decision is a beautiful one.

Personally for me I couldn't do it. My main feeling would be for the child who would be adopted that one day they would look for DH and I and wonder why we gave them up, or gave them to another family. I would always wonder what happened to the child, do they look and act like my other child, are they happy. I just couldn't handle all the what if's, but that is me. I would also feel for my own child who would have a brother or sister out there in the world and would never know them.

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

I THINK IT IS AMAZING!

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

It's what DH and I would like to do as well.

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

Its a great thing to do but a very personal one at that. DH and I decided (when we no longer need the frozen embryos) to donate them to research- specifically Parkinsons Disease which my dear grandmother passed away from. Again a very personal decision that only you and your husband have to come in terms with. I dont think one decision is better than the other however and I wont ever judge someone by what they decide to do with these embryos...

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

Thank you for all your insights. Its very helpful..

we are pondering the what ifs for if the child hunted us down.. me being adopted.. i never new my birth father and my birth mother abandoned me, so for me, being adopted was a great thing.

Dh and i would more than likely wait till after the birth of our child.

Thanks again

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

I agree with the PP's it's a very personal decision.

For us personally, we could not donate our embryo to another couple. I would not feel "right" about it. Knowing I have a bio child out there and we are not the parents doesn't sit well with me/us.

Had we had any left after this past FET cycle, we would have either just left them in storage forever, or donated them for research.

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

I think it is a totally wonderful and selfless thing, however I personally would not be able to do it. I do really struggle with this as I have three frozen embies and only plan to have at most, one more child after this one. If I still have remaining embies after any future FET cycles, I will probably donate them to science, although it will be a hard thing for me to do. I have thought about the fact that they would be better off having the opportunity to have life, but at the same time I would not be able to live with the unknowns of where my child is and how they are being raised.

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

Our social worker gave us this option too. She said if it is what we decide, then she'll need the names/address/phone numbers of our immediate families, in case the child/children wanted to find their birth families.

We ultimately decided to donate to research.

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

thank you for that info..
i'm sure with my side of the family it wouldnt be so easy.. mom, pop, grandparents all passed.
Dh's family is very small.. one grandma, mom and dad and one sister (who by the way is too busy with trying to have a career to have kids).

This is very vital info. I appreciate the enlightenment.

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

Wow, I dont know what I would do..I think i would rather have them OUT there, then not giving them the chance to live but honestly, i really dont know....very tough decision

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

This is a very personal choice. If that is one you feeling comfortable with then it is a beautiful thing and an amazing gift! DH and I decided we would donate our frosties to research, however, if it was just my eggs, I would want to donate them. I would love to be an egg donor once I am done having my own children. Unfortunately, I am not getting any younger and not sure if they would even want mine when I was ready. You should also speak with your doctor because I believe there is extra testing that you need to do if you plan on donating. Good luck no matter what you decide!!!!!!

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

That's an amazing idea!

I like it.

I'd wait a while to make sure everything works with your PG...

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

as long as you and DH are comfortable with the decision, it is beautiful!

i have heard you can also donate them for research.

Re: looking for opinions to help in our decision

This is what we planned to do if we had more frozen embies than we thought would ever be used. We only have 4 leftover- so we will def be using them all. However, in the event my DH and I die before they are used- I have left them to my sister who knows to donate them to another couple. I could not have gone through IVF without this option because it's against my beliefs to discard embies or donate them to research.

I think it's a truly wonderful thing. However, you should wait until you've had a successful pregnancy and delivered your baby because godforbid something goes wrong you would have to start all over again.

good luck!