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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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I am getting very depressed...
I think SIL plans to announce that she is pregnant when we all get together for Hannukah. I am not even sure that she is pregnant but something she said to me last night gave me a good idea that she is, even though she keeps insisting she isn't trying until next summer. I don't think I am going to be able to handle it if she announces it in front of everyone instead of just telling us personally. She knows what we are going thru so I do feel that it would be a little insensitive to announce that and make it so we have to react in front of the whole family (the rest of the family does not know what we are going thru). I don't want to rain on her parade or take away from her excitement if she is pregnant but at the same time I think that it will be bad for me to find this news out in front of everyone else. My husband plans to ask her if she plans to do this and tell her that he thinks it will be difficult for me. We each already have a child so I don't think that this announcement is as huge as if it was their first child, but all the same, I don't want to take away from her joy. I really don't think I can handle it though. Has anyone experienced something similar? Any words of advice on how to get thru something like this without starting to cry?
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Posted 12/1/09 8:33 AM  |
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skinny
3 boys and a princess!
Member since 11/08 8178 total posts
Name:
Momma
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
I think the only thing u can try to do is put on a smile and then deal w/ your pain/ emotions later when u r not around everyone. When my sis told me she was preggo, I told her how excited I was (which I was in some ways). As soon as I was away from her, I sobbed for hours.
It suck s but u just have to have faith that your time will come too.
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| Posted 12/1/09 8:45 AM |
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ODonnell
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Member since 9/05 5983 total posts
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
Unfortunately this is a situation we all experience. It has happened quite a few times to us since we started trying 18 months ago. I had my first miscarriage just before my best friend's wedding, she ended up having a honeymoon baby who is now 5 months old. It hurt like he!! to watch her go through what I was wishing for, but I had to suck it up and put a smile on my face.
Also, I am a firm believer in not worrying about something until it actually happens. *IF* she is pregnant, she may not announce to everyone at once. Hopefully she will speak to you beforehand to take the sting out of it.
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| Posted 12/1/09 9:40 AM |
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6months
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/08 598 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
I can relate. My SIL announced her third pregnancy at Thanksgiving dinner last week. She is only 2 years older than me and on her third!!
DH and I just sat there all smiles...  Since this child will be my niece or nephew, I am genuinely happy for her but it still hurts.
No one knows what we are going through, but my brother did tell me a few days before about their big announcement as a 'courtesy.' I am sorry you are going through this, especially since your SIL knows about your IF issues.
Message edited 12/1/2009 10:32:45 AM.
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| Posted 12/1/09 10:11 AM |
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Daisy32
Mommy
Member since 2/08 8081 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
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| Posted 12/1/09 10:25 AM |
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
Posted by skinny
I think the only thing u can try to do is put on a smile and then deal w/ your pain/ emotions later when u r not around everyone. When my sis told me she was preggo, I told her how excited I was (which I was in some ways). As soon as I was away from her, I sobbed for hours.
It suck s but u just have to have faith that your time will come too.
ITA with this!
I think we just have to try to put on a happy face...
while we go through pain and suffering to get pregnant, there are always going to be people who find it easy to get pregnant... people who "oops" are pregnant... etc. while we were in our whole TTC/IF battle, my DH's 18 year old cousin got his GF pregnant accidentally and they had their baby... all before we even got our BFP and it was hard! - but we put on that happy face and tried our best to be happy because a child is a blessing. and later, when we were alone... i cried about it and vented about it.
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| Posted 12/1/09 10:38 AM |
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BA2008
Need to find some hope!
Member since 2/08 2485 total posts
Name:
Beth -Ann
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
Personally I keep trying to figure out what really bothers me when this happens and for me its the "what about me?" syndrome. Our best friends are pg with twins. We all waited so long to TTC and we were all stuggling at the same time and then BAMM! I'm left out and still in this place. And I did cry when DH told me and now because I did that he is afraid to tell me anything about them (they also now live in Texas so we only see them once a year for a week at New Years...not going this year of course). And then I also realized I was upset that they didn't tell me direct and its just so emotional. And personally, I don't want to be this person. So, I fight it with everything I have. And I try not to let it bother me, when it does. But in reality I am happy for them and it is exciting....but this place we are all in doesn't let us share that properly and I've been in this "place" longer than most of you at this point. Ha...I'm now the last one of my friends and family IRL to have kids. So, I guess I don't have to worry about this happening anymore. Is that good or bad?
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| Posted 12/1/09 10:45 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
Thanks everyone. I am starting to feel a little bit better. I just hope that she lets us know beforehand so that I don't have to have a reaction on the fly, because I know that it won't come off like I am happy for them, which I really will be very happy for them. It's just I feel like it's a big reminder of the fact that we have been trying for a year now with no luck.
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| Posted 12/1/09 12:50 PM |
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mcl916
my two loves
Member since 10/06 5133 total posts
Name:
Megan
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
Posted by lululu
It's just I feel like it's a big reminder of the fact that we have been trying for a year now with no luck.
That's what gets me every time. No matter how well I have come to terms with what we have to go through, things like that always remind me it will never be that easy for us.
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| Posted 12/1/09 1:24 PM |
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diva7531
My Peanut
Member since 2/07 5199 total posts
Name:
Ryan 3 boys EDD 11/6!
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
You shouln't pressure her into telling you beforehand. You think you have an idea, so try to mentally prepare yourself.
I have been doing this for 2 years now and have watched my 2 best friends, sister and literally 23 other friends and family have babies in the 2 years since I have been trying. As hard as it is, it's not fair of me to take anything away from them. I hope you know I mean this all in the nicest way possible and am not trying to talk your pain away, it hurts, it stinks, it's not fair, but it is what it is.
I hope it all goes well
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| Posted 12/1/09 3:46 PM |
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Athee
I believe in miracles!
Member since 8/07 2462 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
Dont worry you will have something to announce soon too!!!!! 
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| Posted 12/1/09 3:50 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
Posted by skinny
I think the only thing u can try to do is put on a smile and then deal w/ your pain/ emotions later when u r not around everyone. When my sis told me she was preggo, I told her how excited I was (which I was in some ways). As soon as I was away from her, I sobbed for hours.
It suck s but u just have to have faith that your time will come too.
Unfortunately, I agree  I remember, after trying for over a year, and going through intense rounds of medicated IUI's, one after the other, with absolutely no success, one night we were at a friend's house with our closest friends for dinner, and one of my best friends whispered something in my daughter's ear. And then my daughter announced that "aunt Erica" was having a baby.
Seriously. My heart shattered, and I don't know why, but my own daughter making the announcement made it hurt a thousand times more.
But, I put on a happy face and congratulated my friend - truth was, as much as it hurt so deeply, I was also so very happy and excited for my friend. It's ok to feel both emotions at once, but at the moment, I knew the best thing was to only show the happy ones for her, which I did.
And on the ride home I SOBBED while DH held my hand. And that night, my other closest friend, who was there, called me to make sure I was ok.
It's hard... it really is, but like Skinny said, you just have to have faith that it WILL happen for you eventually
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| Posted 12/1/09 5:15 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
Posted by diva7531
You shouln't pressure her into telling you beforehand. You think you have an idea, so try to mentally prepare yourself.
I have been doing this for 2 years now and have watched my 2 best friends, sister and literally 23 other friends and family have babies in the 2 years since I have been trying. As hard as it is, it's not fair of me to take anything away from them. I hope you know I mean this all in the nicest way possible and am not trying to talk your pain away, it hurts, it stinks, it's not fair, but it is what it is.
I hope it all goes well
I know - I actually have been thinking about it a lot and I told my husband not to say anything to her. It's her news (if she even is pregnant. I am not 100% sure just have an idea) and she needs to decide how she is going to share it. I guess I was just hoping that knowing what we are going thru she is somewhat sensitive to giving us an opportunity to digest the news privately before having to show how happy we are for her in front of a group of people. Like I said though, I don't even know for a fact that she is pregnant, I am just trying to mentally prepare for it.
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| Posted 12/1/09 7:12 PM |
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PhillyGirl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/09 890 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
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| Posted 12/1/09 7:39 PM |
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diva7531
My Peanut
Member since 2/07 5199 total posts
Name:
Ryan 3 boys EDD 11/6!
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Re: I am getting very depressed...
Posted by lululu
Posted by diva7531
You shouln't pressure her into telling you beforehand. You think you have an idea, so try to mentally prepare yourself.
I have been doing this for 2 years now and have watched my 2 best friends, sister and literally 23 other friends and family have babies in the 2 years since I have been trying. As hard as it is, it's not fair of me to take anything away from them. I hope you know I mean this all in the nicest way possible and am not trying to talk your pain away, it hurts, it stinks, it's not fair, but it is what it is.
I hope it all goes well
I know - I actually have been thinking about it a lot and I told my husband not to say anything to her. It's her news (if she even is pregnant. I am not 100% sure just have an idea) and she needs to decide how she is going to share it. I guess I was just hoping that knowing what we are going thru she is somewhat sensitive to giving us an opportunity to digest the news privately before having to show how happy we are for her in front of a group of people. Like I said though, I don't even know for a fact that she is pregnant, I am just trying to mentally prepare for it.
Itwill go well, I went thru a m/c and PG w/ twins with my sister and I am over the moon happy for her and love my nieces. But at the same time I sometimes wonder, why not me. Then my BF got PG, now mind you I told her once during a scare that she was not "allowed" to get PG before me. She was scared to death to tell me, I was so sorry I had done that to her, she should have been able to share that news w/ me w/o fear. You will get thru it, and someday you will have your own special new sto share.
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| Posted 12/2/09 9:15 AM |
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