family Qs

do you live near your family? your DH's family? how has this affected your decision to TTC?

Re: family Qs

its a very good question!!

we are upset by the fact that DH has no parents, and nobody from his family is near us...

i only have my immediate family living in suffolk, we live in Nassau.. so when you think about babysitters for emergencies.. things like that.. its kind of scary!
we always look at the big picture.. of course its OUR baby but still !

Re: family Qs

Most of my family live outside of the country so we only see them once or twice a year. I have a sister who lives in the city but thats it..it is difficult sometimes especially for times when DH and I would like to go out - we have been out once by ourselves in the past 2 1/2 years! if we had a regular babysitter that we trusted then we would use her but so far we dont.

It didnt affect my decision one bit - I didnt even think about it at the time and now we are ttc#2 so obviously its not an obstacle for us.

Message edited 9/4/2008 2:27:09 PM.

Re: family Qs

We live about 5-10 mins from my in-laws and my parents live a little over an hour away in NJ. My DH and FIL own a construction co together so they gotta live close.
We get along Great with each other's fams so we're very lucky and Yes, that does help with TTC knowing my parents can stay the weekend at our house and my MIL would be more than thrilled to babysit whenever we need her for a night out.

Re: family Qs

We live less than 10 miles from my parents, my one brother & his one brother. When we were getting married we considered leaving NY, but in the end we stayed so that we could be near family when the time was right for little ones.

My other brother lives in England with my niece, so while I wish that we could be closer, it's unfortunately not an option We do manage to see each other 2 or 3 times a year though!

My dh's parents live in PA now & I know that he wishes his dad was closer, but it's not a terrible drive so we hope to see them out here more once we have children...

Re: family Qs

We do live under 45 mins from my family and DH's. I think we would TTC wherever we lived, but I am so excited about having children that will rgow up close to their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I always wanted my children to have that type of relationship where they can see their grandparents freqently.

I'll never impose by havng them babysit F/T, but knowing that they are near in an emergency if very comforting.

Re: family Qs

We live an hour from DH's family and 2.5-3 hours from my family. My grandparents live in the town where I grew up and most of my aunts and uncles live less than 20 minutes away. It's hard knowing that our (future) children won't have a similar experience, but DH and I are happy where we live and have no plans to move closer to family.

In an ideal world, we'd have family nearby who could watch our children either on a daily or emergency basis. DH and I are kind of struggling with the childcare issue now b/c we both work long hours and daycares in our area close very early. The lack of nearby family didn't affect our decision to TTC, but it will definitely have an effect on our childcare situation.

Re: family Qs

DH and I don't plan to TTC for a couple of years, but we're at a crossroads where we have to make some big location decisions.

We currently live in the midwest where I go to law school (in my last year) and where his family lives. My family lives on LI and I've been away from them for 6 years. I have job offers in NYC and out here for after graduation. DH has a job here.

The idea of raising a family 1000 miles away from my family makes me very upset, especially since DH and I have never lived close enough to my family to see them regularly -- the way we can with his family. I'm starting to get resentful and it's upsetting me. DH is fine with moving to NYC, but he would only want to stay 2-3 years and would want to leave before we have kids.

The cost of living and housing especially in NY is starting to scare me, but I grew up extremely close to all of my grandparents and thinking about all of this is really depressing me now, more than it would have say a year ago. If we stayed here we could buy a big house easily -- but I'm afraid if we buy a house here it means we'll be here forever and that is not what I want.

I wish there was a way to have a reasonable COL and still be close to my family but I dont know if that's possible.

Message edited 9/4/2008 3:14:57 PM.

Re: family Qs

Both sets of parents and siblings live OOS. This did not affect our decision to TTC.

Re: family Qs

When we were TTC #1 we really didn't think about it. But now that we live in nc and all our family and friends are in ny things start to run thru your head re: babysitters and emerg. but it is not stopping us from TTC #2

Re: family Qs

Both of our parents live about 5 minutes away.

Re: family Qs

Re: family Qs

My parents and DH's parents both live within a 3 mile radius of us. It has had little to no impact on our decision... given that his parents have outright refused to help us if we need it and my mom hasn't offered, nor has she refused, to help... we figure when it happens we'll work it out.

It our life, our decision, our child, so our parents have had no decision on our timing, since they have shown no interest in helping... tho my MIL is a PITA about when I'm going to get PG.

Re: family Qs

DH's mother and all of his family lives in Ireland. My parents are a 5 min drive.

The location of our families never
affected our decision to have a baby. We always wanted children.

One thing we will do is make sure our children are in close contact with DH's mother and visit her and the rest of the family as much as possible. We will really have to work at that but it is very important to me that my children are VERY close to all family members, near and far.

Re: family Qs

We left NY 3 years ago- no family around us now. I don't really worry about it. We are both really independent and never really leaned on family for anything- we tend to be the ones leaned on...so life has gotten easier if anything.

Re: family Qs

We live about 10 minutes from both sets of parents and our families are a lot of help when I'm working, but not so much otherwise. They each watch DS for 3 hours twice a week, from September through May. But they're not that great with weekends or nights. Now trust me, I'm not complaining, it's a big help that I don't have to hire someone to watch him. But to be honest, they "promised" more help then they deliver. Now we're trying for #2 and I know better what to expect from them. I don't really know if they'll be able to handle DS and a baby, so next year I may have to hire a sitter for them, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Re: family Qs

We live about 20 mins away from my family and his family is OOS

Re: family Qs

When we began TTC my parents were less then 3 miles from us & my dad was retired, so we had a good "babysitter" in place. They decided to move OOT last August, so now they are 400 miles away but both are retired. My parents have told me over & over again that they will do the commute when the time comes if we need them. I am happy to have this.

My DH's parents live a good 20 minutes from us but definately are ready & willing if needed. My MIL works her schedule around her other grandchildren & that really comforts us. My BIL & SIL only live 5 minutes from us so that comes in handy as we have watched our nephews numerous times. The downfall is they have 2 young children (3 & 1) so it can become difficult.

We do have a lot of friends that live in a 5-10 mile radius & we know we can count on them in times of need.

Re: family Qs

I lived with my parents for the 1st 6 years of DD's life. Now we live in an apt downstairs from MIL. Having family around is PRICELESS!

My dad is moving to FL next week and I don't know what I will do w/o him!

I sometimes wonder if DH's mom passes or moves away if we will stay on the island.