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Going to look at churches Sunday
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
Name:
Mrs Dee
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Posted by twinkletoes807
And here is something else to think about... If you were not married in a Catholic church, technically they do not recognize the marriage as valid! At least that is what the Reverend who married us told us. We got married in a Protestant line church since DH was previously married in a Catholic church. Now, do you think that even if you went to your local parish they would have a problem baptizing your DC b/c you weren't married in a Catholic church?  I bring this up b/c it is something I have been thinking about for myself.
DH and I moved to my neighborhood less than a year ago and have not been to the local Catholic church. Truth be told, we were both never church goers to begin with. I wish all churches just welcomed people in because they want people to be closer to God, not b/c of living in a particular zip code.
It is fine if the parents weren't marrried in a catholic church, as long as the baby is being brought into the religion. The sponsers need to be practicing catholics. The godparents are considered the spiritual leaders.  You live in East Islip, right? St. MAry's on Main Street is BEAUTIFUL!
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Posted 7/16/08 2:03 PM  |
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twinkletoes807
Mommy's Girls! ♥
Member since 11/07 10116 total posts
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Gabi
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Posted by 1stimemom
Posted by twinkletoes807
And here is something else to think about... If you were not married in a Catholic church, technically they do not recognize the marriage as valid! At least that is what the Reverend who married us told us. We got married in a Protestant line church since DH was previously married in a Catholic church. Now, do you think that even if you went to your local parish they would have a problem baptizing your DC b/c you weren't married in a Catholic church? I bring this up b/c it is something I have been thinking about for myself.
DH and I moved to my neighborhood less than a year ago and have not been to the local Catholic church. Truth be told, we were both never church goers to begin with. I wish all churches just welcomed people in because they want people to be closer to God, not b/c of living in a particular zip code.
It is fine if the parents weren't marrried in a catholic church, as long as the baby is being brought into the religion. The sponsers need to be practicing catholics. The godparents are considered the spiritual leaders. You live in East Islip, right? St. MAry's on Main Street is BEAUTIFUL!
Good!! I need to get my act together and find out what the deal is... you are right, I live in EI and St. Mary's is our parish. I hear it is a beautiful church... I need to get my butt over there. Maybe this weekend!
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| Posted 7/16/08 2:18 PM |
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MommyAgain
lovemygermies
Member since 6/08 3195 total posts
Name:
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Im gonna send the OP FM :)
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| Posted 7/16/08 8:08 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Posted by kerrycec03
If you got married in a Catholic church, then this isn't new. You will find when you "visit" churches, they will not just welcome you if you are affiliated with another parish (ie where you got married, unless you moved). Also, due to restrictive guidelines by the Dioceses, you can't just pick which church you like best to have your child affiliated with.
This is not necessarily true, it was when my parents were raising children, but not now.
I joined a Catholic church that is in a neighboring parish because that is where I attended mass most often and where I liked the congregation best. I moved here 3 1/2 years ago when I got married and went to several churches before sticking with this one. When I got pregnant, I registered as a parishoner since I knew that was where I wanted to baptize DS.
Like many things in the Catholic Church, it really all depends on the pastor and the parish staff. Not all parishes are so strict with all of this stuff.....
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| Posted 7/16/08 9:51 PM |
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snowflake08
Love my boys!!!
Member since 8/07 5148 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Posted by mommysboy
I dont think the church would turn you away there supose to welcome families and if they dont welcome you then there not the right kind of church..
i am not christian, but i was thinking this as well
i can understand in terms of school, that the church would accept "local" kids first, but i didnt know you had to live in a "jurisdiction"
I do not, in any way, mean this disrespectfully - I truly didnt know
Message edited 7/16/2008 10:05:03 PM.
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| Posted 7/16/08 10:01 PM |
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puppylove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/05 561 total posts
Name:
Summer
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Posted by mirla122
sorry if this doesnt sound right, and I don't mena to offend, but a church is not like a catering hall. It should be one you feel comfortable in and if you haven't been involved in the church, maybe you might want to go to a couple of masses to get a feel for the liturgy and congregation.
I agree. As as well I don't meant to offend. But the church should have some meaning to you. Maybe the one you got married at or one your parent's were married in? If you haven't been involved in a particular church for various reasons maybe you should go to a few services before the event so you are more of a part of the church community, instead of using a random church that you have never been to and plan to never go back to. If you are baptizing your child you are bringing them in the faith, so why not pick a church that means or could mean something to you and that you may continue to be an active part of in the future.
Again not to offend, but I am confused as to why many parents who were not married in a church or by a priest, have not been practicing for years and years and don't plan on bringing their children to services in the future, are so adimate about baptizing their children. Why bring a child into the faith by baptism and yet have no intention to be involved in the future practice the faith and church functions? Then these parents think it their right to get offended when churches become picky as to who can and cannot be a member? Why should the church let in tons of members who have no commitment to the church and will only use the church when it suits them such as for marriages and baptisms. If you are not and do not plan to practice why bother? Fill me in.
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| Posted 7/16/08 10:05 PM |
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snowflake08
Love my boys!!!
Member since 8/07 5148 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Posted by puppylove
Posted by mirla122
sorry if this doesnt sound right, and I don't mena to offend, but a church is not like a catering hall. It should be one you feel comfortable in and if you haven't been involved in the church, maybe you might want to go to a couple of masses to get a feel for the liturgy and congregation.
I agree. As as well I don't meant to offend. But the church should have some meaning to you. Maybe the one you got married at or one your parent's were married in? If you haven't been involved in a particular church for various reasons maybe you should go to a few services before the event so you are more of a part of the church community, instead of using a random church that you have never been to and plan to never go back to. If you are baptizing your child you are bringing them in the faith, so why not pick a church that means or could mean something to you and that you may continue to be an active part of in the future.
Again not to offend, but I am confused as to why many parents who were not married in a church or by a priest, have not been practicing for years and years and don't plan on bringing their children to services in the future, are so adimate about baptizing their children. Why bring a child into the faith by baptism and yet have no intention to be involved in the future practice the faith and church functions? Then these parents think it their right to get offended when churches become picky as to who can and cannot be a member? Why should the church let in tons of members who have no commitment to the church and will only use the church when it suits them such as for marriages and baptisms. If you are not and do not plan to practice why bother? Fill me in.
i totally understand what you are saying, but i think sometimes, these symbolic events are done more as "tradition" than anything
i could be wrong, but as someone that is more "traditional" than religious; i can relate to this
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| Posted 7/16/08 10:08 PM |
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puppylove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/05 561 total posts
Name:
Summer
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
To the op, I understand what you are saying.
Message edited 7/17/2008 6:09:08 PM.
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| Posted 7/16/08 10:54 PM |
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MrsBlueSash
Love my sailor
Member since 6/05 5793 total posts
Name:
Christian
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Posted by 1stimemom
Posted by twinkletoes807
And here is something else to think about... If you were not married in a Catholic church, technically they do not recognize the marriage as valid! At least that is what the Reverend who married us told us. We got married in a Protestant line church since DH was previously married in a Catholic church. Now, do you think that even if you went to your local parish they would have a problem baptizing your DC b/c you weren't married in a Catholic church? I bring this up b/c it is something I have been thinking about for myself.
DH and I moved to my neighborhood less than a year ago and have not been to the local Catholic church. Truth be told, we were both never church goers to begin with. I wish all churches just welcomed people in because they want people to be closer to God, not b/c of living in a particular zip code.
It is fine if the parents weren't married in a catholic church, as long as the baby is being brought into the religion. The sponsors need to be practicing Catholics. The godparents are considered the spiritual leaders. You live in East Islip, right? St. MAry's on Main Street is BEAUTIFUL!
I think the OP and this statement kinda make it sound as if you are looking on the exterior of the church and not at the congregation. That's kinda weird.
Maybe go to the church where your practicing Godparents (one or both) go. That way the child can go more regularly with them, and not for this one occasion with you. Just an idea.
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| Posted 7/17/08 6:39 AM |
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twinkletoes807
Mommy's Girls! ♥
Member since 11/07 10116 total posts
Name:
Gabi
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Posted by MrsBlueSash
Posted by 1stimemom
Posted by twinkletoes807
And here is something else to think about... If you were not married in a Catholic church, technically they do not recognize the marriage as valid! At least that is what the Reverend who married us told us. We got married in a Protestant line church since DH was previously married in a Catholic church. Now, do you think that even if you went to your local parish they would have a problem baptizing your DC b/c you weren't married in a Catholic church? I bring this up b/c it is something I have been thinking about for myself.
DH and I moved to my neighborhood less than a year ago and have not been to the local Catholic church. Truth be told, we were both never church goers to begin with. I wish all churches just welcomed people in because they want people to be closer to God, not b/c of living in a particular zip code.
It is fine if the parents weren't married in a catholic church, as long as the baby is being brought into the religion. The sponsors need to be practicing Catholics. The godparents are considered the spiritual leaders. You live in East Islip, right? St. MAry's on Main Street is BEAUTIFUL!
I think the OP and this statement kinda make it sound as if you are looking on the exterior of the church and not at the congregation. That's kinda weird.
Maybe go to the church where your practicing Godparents (one or both) go. That way the child can go more regularly with them, and not for this one occasion with you. Just an idea.
Actually, I could care less if the church is beautiful or not... I was simply commenting on the obvious beauty of the church when one passes it by.
If the baptism decision were up to me, my baby would not get baptized in the Catholic church. But my DH wants our baby girl to be baptized there so that is what we are going to do. I rarely, if ever, go to church and doubt I will start going when the baby is born. My husband would like to start going to church [he was an altar boy and always went to church every week] but with him working on the weekends and getting overtime, it just doesn't work out that way.
My experience is that, even though I was brought up Catholic, it is the most unwelcoming religion there is. It seems to be all about money and antiquated rules that are followed when it suits that particular church. Tradition is wonderful... but when scandals are exposed, and high members of a church are held to a different standard than other Catholics, it makes me mad. But... that is neither here nor there. Catholic religion is what my DH wants so that is what this baby will have!
ETA: The Godparents that we have choosen do not live near us, nor are they regular church goers so my DD attending church with them is not going to happen. I think faith in God and living by His example is more important than attending mass in a particular building.
Message edited 7/17/2008 9:30:16 AM.
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| Posted 7/17/08 9:27 AM |
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
Name:
Mrs Dee
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Sorry to keep this one going, but it seems that inquiring minds have to know....
Just to "fill you in", here is my background~
I was raised Roman Cathiloc from birth. I was baptised and continued on to make all of my sacraments (as did my husband). I grew up going to Catholic school for 12 years, mass every sunday, and to this day I still say my prayers everyday and wear my crucifix on my chain 99% of the time. I believe in God and consider myself to be of the Catholic religion. I do attend traditional masses occasionally, just not as often as I should . I did not get married in church, because my husband was previously divorced, and it is not allowed~ however, I was married by a priest in a chapel and had the wedding "blessed".
My husband and I are choosing to raise our son in the same faith and traditions we were brought up with, which is why we want to have him baptised. I fully intend on bringing my child to mass and sending him to a Catholic school.
The reason I am "shopping" for a church as one poster said, is because I am not currently affiliated with a parish. It is not so much "shopping" as it is wanting to find a church that my family and I will feel comfortable with and want to continue to grow with. IMO, that should not necessarily mandate me to my local church.
I do not have a church that has meaning to me in the area as of yet. The only church that has "meaning" to me is the one where I made all of my sacraments, which is also the one where my parents were married and my godparents were married. I t also happens to be the parish of my child's Godparents. However, that church is 50 miles away from my home, and I wanted to find one local so that my son could have that same connection to a church that I did. IMO, churches should not be "picky". The whole idea behind a church is that it is supposed to be a safe place of worship which welcomes ANYBODY. They should not discriminate based on anything, let alone "jurisdiction". I understand that some, unfortunately, do, but then that is not the right church for my family.
Someone else mentioned that I simply wanted to find a church based on appearance, and while that is not the case entirely, it does play a small factor. A baptisim, IMO is a celebration of life and a celebration of the fact that a new member is "being born into God's community". I do not think it is terrible to want to do that in an attractive setting. Why should my child (or any child) have to be baptised in a run down, antiquiated church in a sketchy neighborhood, simply because that may or may not be my "local" parish? Since when is it wrong to want the best for your child?
I hope I clarified my situation for anyone who was curious.
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| Posted 7/17/08 9:40 AM |
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runlikethewind
Love my babies!
Member since 12/06 2941 total posts
Name:
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Posted by 1stimemom
Sorry to keep this one going, but it seems that inquiring minds have to know....
Just to "fill you in", here is my background~
I was raised Roman Cathiloc from birth. I was baptised and continued on to make all of my sacraments (as did my husband). I grew up going to Catholic school for 12 years, mass every sunday, and to this day I still say my prayers everyday and wear my crucifix on my chain 99% of the time. I believe in God and consider myself to be of the Catholic religion. I do attend traditional masses occasionally, just not as often as I should . I did not get married in church, because my husband was previously divorced, and it is not allowed~ however, I was married by a priest in a chapel and had the wedding "blessed".
My husband and I are choosing to raise our son in the same faith and traditions we were brought up with, which is why we want to have him baptised. I fully intend on bringing my child to mass and sending him to a Catholic school.
The reason I am "shopping" for a church as one poster said, is because I am not currently affiliated with a parish. It is not so much "shopping" as it is wanting to find a church that my family and I will feel comfortable with and want to continue to grow with. IMO, that should not necessarily mandate me to my local church.
I do not have a church that has meaning to me in the area as of yet. The only church that has "meaning" to me is the one where I made all of my sacraments, which is also the one where my parents were married and my godparents were married. I t also happens to be the parish of my child's Godparents. However, that church is 50 miles away from my home, and I wanted to find one local so that my son could have that same connection to a church that I did. IMO, churches should not be "picky". The whole idea behind a church is that it is supposed to be a safe place of worship which welcomes ANYBODY. They should not discriminate based on anything, let alone "jurisdiction". I understand that some, unfortunately, do, but then that is not the right church for my family.
Someone else mentioned that I simply wanted to find a church based on appearance, and while that is not the case entirely, it does play a small factor. A baptisim, IMO is a celebration of life and a celebration of the fact that a new member is "being born into God's community". I do not think it is terrible to want to do that in an attractive setting. Why should my child (or any child) have to be baptised in a run down, antiquiated church in a sketchy neighborhood, simply because that may or may not be my "local" parish? Since when is it wrong to want the best for your child?
I hope I clarified my situation for anyone who was curious.
I totally get what you're saying, you do not need to explain, there is nothing wrong with what you are doing!! Just do what is best for you and your family. It is perfectly ok to seek out a few churches!! I am in the same boat, as DH was married once before and we did not get married in a Catholic church, but an Episcopal church since he did not get an annulment. We were both raised Catholic and I would like to raise my children Catholic as well. We are going to most likely look into the church in our town, DH grew up in that church, was an altar boy there, etc. I grew up in a different town, so I have only been there a few times.
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| Posted 7/17/08 10:24 AM |
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puppylove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/05 561 total posts
Name:
Summer
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
Message edited 7/17/2008 6:10:04 PM.
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| Posted 7/17/08 6:08 PM |
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newday21608
LIF Toddler
Member since 2/08 381 total posts
Name:
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
i have no input, but I find this thread incredibly interesting because I am a baptist and it's sooooo different in the Baptist faith. I"m learning so much.
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| Posted 7/17/08 6:34 PM |
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juju
Welcome to the World!
Member since 5/05 6747 total posts
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Re: Going to look at churches Sunday
I don't think you'll have a problem looking outside your area and being accepted by another church. You should go where you feel comfortable. I don't currently go to my local parish and I don't see the other church turning me or my donations away. I listen to the Catholic Channel on Sirius and they are always mentioning that if you don't feel comfortable in your parish, then attend other churches.
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| Posted 7/17/08 7:55 PM |
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