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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
About 2 weeks ago I was called down by HR bc 2 co-workers were having a dispute and I heard the whole thing. I didnt want to get involved bc the male co-worker is a real AZZ and will make your life a living hell. I told HR I didnt want to get involved but they told me I had to. I told them "See ya in two weeks when he takes me down". Sure enough, I was called down Friday. Apparently when I was returning a student back to his office, she had eggs on a plate and I put them on his desk. Of course he told HR that this is against his religion and expects an appology from me. How would I know? We cook our food in the same microwave and store our food in the same fridge. Honestly, i truly believe it is all made up. HR is telling me to just appologize so he doesnt take it further. For real??? What do ya think? Any advice would be so helpful. AM I obligated to appologize? I am soooo trapped!
Message edited 3/10/2008 9:57:38 PM.
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Posted 3/10/08 9:56 PM  |
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Kara
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Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Honestly curious -- what is his religion and what about what you did is against his religion?
Maybe I am showing my ignorance, but I honestly don't understand.
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| Posted 3/10/08 10:00 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
im confused
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| Posted 3/10/08 10:01 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Posted by Kara
Honestly curious -- what is his religion and what about what you did is against his religion?
Maybe I am showing my ignorance, but I honestly don't understand.
He is very sneaky with this whole religion thing ...I hear him on the phone saying "this is brother...". I believe he "could" be Muslim but I am not certain. He always ate regular foods until about a yr ago when he decided to do vegan and then vegetarian foods. I am not quite certain. The ONLY thing I know is that he is telling them it is against his religion to have the eggs on his desk.
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| Posted 3/10/08 10:05 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Also, I wanted to add that I dont think HR is certain of the whole Religion aspect but they feel since he is offended ....I should appologize.
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| Posted 3/10/08 10:07 PM |
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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
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Jesss, duh.
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
I don't get the situation either. Unless he is Jewish and keeps kosher I'm not sure why he would be offended by a dairy product. And even if he is Jewish if the eggs were on their own plate (separate from any meat) I don't see the problem.
If apologizing will make the issue go away, I would just do it to be able to move on with life.
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| Posted 3/10/08 10:08 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Posted by sunflowerjesss
I don't get the situation either. Unless he is Jewish and keeps kosher I'm not sure why he would be offended by a dairy product. And even if he is Jewish if the eggs were on their own plate (separate from any meat) I don't see the problem.
If apologizing will make the issue go away, I would just do it to be able to move on with life.
I am considering doing EXACTLY what you are saying BUT someone also told me that once I appologize, I am stating that I did do something against his religion.
Funny thing, I am the Jewish one and I am not carrying on like this. I listen to his Holy music every day.
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| Posted 3/10/08 10:10 PM |
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
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:)
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
ask him personally whether or not you offended him and how ?
just get an idea from the tone in which he replies to you.
why do you have to have an intermediary to speak between you ? that's even more annoying.
I would ask him directly, and tell him you didnt realize, it, and I guess, apologize just to end it then and there. 
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| Posted 3/10/08 11:29 PM |
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Arieschick29
aries+cancer= pisces&gemini
Member since 3/06 4268 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Posted by anna
ask him personally whether or not you offended him and how ?
just get an idea from the tone in which he replies to you.
why do you have to have an intermediary to speak between you ? that's even more annoying.
I would ask him directly, and tell him you didnt realize, it, and I guess, apologize just to end it then and there.
Yes...this is what i would do to. Just confront him in a non-aggressive way and show him that you are not intimidated by him. He sounds like a major bully to me and he needs to stop tattling on others
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| Posted 3/10/08 11:36 PM |
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SPECIALNEEDSMOMMY
A Healing for Gregory
Member since 1/07 1217 total posts
Name:
Barbara
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
I would not apologize.
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| Posted 3/10/08 11:40 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Posted by anna
ask him personally whether or not you offended him and how ?
just get an idea from the tone in which he replies to you.
why do you have to have an intermediary to speak between you ? that's even more annoying.
I would ask him directly, and tell him you didnt realize, it, and I guess, apologize just to end it then and there.
You make ALOT of sense. However, do you believe they dont want me to talk about the religion aspect. they just want me to appologize. they said the Religion part is confidential. So technically I am not supposed to know what I am sorry about... i am just sorry. This is getting crazier and crazier.
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| Posted 3/10/08 11:58 PM |
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PreshusSmurf
So in love with my little guys
Member since 1/07 2963 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Posted by sunflowerjesss
I don't get the situation either. Unless he is Jewish and keeps kosher I'm not sure why he would be offended by a dairy product. And even if he is Jewish if the eggs were on their own plate (separate from any meat) I don't see the problem.
I'm not sure of the connection you are making here between Judaism and eggs ....
I do not keep Kosher as an adult, but I did grow up in a Kosher home. To the best of my knowledge, eggs may be eaten with either meat or dairy. This link seems to back that up. Kashrut: Jewish Dietary Laws
Also, in response to previous posts about him being a Vegetarian or a Vegan ... I don't think either is really considered a "religion"???
I do agree that if apologizing will make this all go away, it might be worth it to just "be the bigger person" so you can go on with your life. While it might seem like a natural reaction to want to confront him directly, like another poster suggested, I think you have to be careful in a work place situation ... and especially if this guy is everything you say he is. Having a 3rd party present will protect you.
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| Posted 3/11/08 2:23 AM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Posted by PreshusSmurf
Posted by sunflowerjesss
I don't get the situation either. Unless he is Jewish and keeps kosher I'm not sure why he would be offended by a dairy product. And even if he is Jewish if the eggs were on their own plate (separate from any meat) I don't see the problem.
I'm not sure of the connection you are making here between Judaism and eggs ....
I do not keep Kosher as an adult, but I did grow up in a Kosher home. To the best of my knowledge, eggs may be eaten with either meat or dairy. This link seems to back that up. Kashrut: Jewish Dietary Laws
Also, in response to previous posts about him being a Vegetarian or a Vegan ... I don't think either is really considered a "religion"???
I do agree that if apologizing will make this all go away, it might be worth it to just "be the bigger person" so you can go on with your life. While it might seem like a natural reaction to want to confront him directly, like another poster suggested, I think you have to be careful in a work place situation ... and especially if this guy is everything you say he is. Having a 3rd party present will protect you.
I dont see the connection to vegan and vegetarian to religion either BUT in terms of getting HR to raise the bar on this case...throwing in RELIGION worked I guess. This is EACTLY his kind of thing. Go for the throat!!!!!!!
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| Posted 3/11/08 4:46 AM |
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JRG71
*****************
Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Eggs aren't dairy. I'm confused as well.
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| Posted 3/11/08 7:18 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
I would go to HR and tell them you would like to talk to him to learn how you offended him, so you know not to do it in the future. They can't tell you to apologize if you don't even know what you did.
so i would go up to him (maybe with an HR rep) and apologize for offendign him and ask, how exactly did you offend him. Tell him you don't understand what you did wrong, and want to know so that you won't do it again in the future.
So basically, you are calling this guy out on any alleged religious issues (in a nice way), so its all out in the open.
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| Posted 3/11/08 7:33 AM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Posted by JRG71
Eggs aren't dairy. I'm confused as well.
Maybe he is saying that bc of his religion he made the decision to become vegan? 
I have no idea. I guess I will have to see how it pans out later. I will let everyone now. hes such a creep. Funny thing...the people who went to HR on him the first time NEVER got an appology for the things he said about their families....interesting, huh!
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| Posted 3/11/08 8:10 AM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by JRG71
Eggs aren't dairy. I'm confused as well.
Maybe he is saying that bc of his religion he made the decision to become vegan?
I have no idea. I guess I will have to see how it pans out later. I will let everyone now. hes such a creep. Funny thing...the people who went to HR on him the first time NEVER got an appology for the things he said about their families....interesting, huh!
Some religions dont eat meat as part of their "practices"..I guess it's kind of like being Jewish and being Kosher..KWIM???
Some Hindus and Hare Krishnas dont eat meat and they have religious connotations regarding choosing to do so.
I can understand not being able to tell you what his religion is..But in the same respect..if he is so hush hush regarding his religious beliefs how can you make sure you dont offend him??
I mean seriously. You placed a plate of eggs on his desk...To me that could be a fairly common occurrence.
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| Posted 3/11/08 8:21 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Posted by Shelly
I would go to HR and tell them you would like to talk to him to learn how you offended him, so you know not to do it in the future. They can't tell you to apologize if you don't even know what you did.
so i would go up to him (maybe with an HR rep) and apologize for offendign him and ask, how exactly did you offend him. Tell him you don't understand what you did wrong, and want to know so that you won't do it again in the future.
So basically, you are calling this guy out on any alleged religious issues (in a nice way), so its all out in the open.
I totally agree with this. You could tell HR that in order for this to not happen again, you need to know what the story is so you don't offend him again. He is making the workplace hostile. Apparently, this is happening to more than one person with him. Rest assured though that he will shoot himself in the foot with the stories he is coming up with to stir the pot. It won't last long.
And, the desk is not his. He does not own it, did not pay for it. Your HR is laying down on this for some reason. He puts his food in the microwave with everyone elses? He sits at tables that every one else does?
Have an HR person with you so you can clear the air. You can't go to work everyday not knowing if you will offend him in some arbitrary way. It creates a hostile work environment for you.
eta: I think it's crap the way this is coming out. This guy for whatever reason enjoys this.
Message edited 3/11/2008 8:37:47 AM.
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| Posted 3/11/08 8:36 AM |
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CouponKT
Our family is complete
Member since 6/06 16494 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
I think this guy is an absolute arse for taking this situation this far. I think he is looking for some kind of attention from either you or HR to make such a big deal.
I think the right thing to do would be to apologize because it's not worth the problems that could arise should you not.
But, maybe tell him that he needs to post a sign on his door with his rules and preferences so nobody can OFFEND him 
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| Posted 3/11/08 8:48 AM |
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JennasMom
?**?
Member since 11/05 3463 total posts
Name:
does it matter
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
I wouldn't apologize until I knew EXACTLY what I did wrong. If his religion and food practices were so important to him, he would have taken measures long ago to preserve them, but JMO
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| Posted 3/11/08 9:05 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Paulette, this will not stop here. HR needs to realize that he will continually cause problems.
He's not a good fit for the office. What does he do?
can we kick him in the shins for you?
I agree, he needs to have a pamphlet or something to alert everyone about his rules.
Whether they are real or imagined, everyone needs to know them to prevent further crap.
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| Posted 3/11/08 9:08 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
I wouldn't apologize until I was told exactly what I did wrong otherwise, next time it might be a bagel with cream cheese that offends him.
Why is HR coddling him? Is such a great employee that they can look past all his nonsense and put him on a pedestal just to keep him around? Ridiculous.
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| Posted 3/11/08 9:09 AM |
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Kara
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Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: I need help for tommorow...I am on the fence...any thoughts? TIA
Posted by Blu-ize
Posted by Shelly
I would go to HR and tell them you would like to talk to him to learn how you offended him, so you know not to do it in the future. They can't tell you to apologize if you don't even know what you did.
so i would go up to him (maybe with an HR rep) and apologize for offendign him and ask, how exactly did you offend him. Tell him you don't understand what you did wrong, and want to know so that you won't do it again in the future.
So basically, you are calling this guy out on any alleged religious issues (in a nice way), so its all out in the open.
I totally agree with this. You could tell HR that in order for this to not happen again, you need to know what the story is so you don't offend him again. He is making the workplace hostile. Apparently, this is happening to more than one person with him. Rest assured though that he will shoot himself in the foot with the stories he is coming up with to stir the pot. It won't last long.
And, the desk is not his. He does not own it, did not pay for it. Your HR is laying down on this for some reason. He puts his food in the microwave with everyone elses? He sits at tables that every one else does?
Have an HR person with you so you can clear the air. You can't go to work everyday not knowing if you will offend him in some arbitrary way. It creates a hostile work environment for you.
eta: I think it's crap the way this is coming out. This guy for whatever reason enjoys this.
ITA with both of the above posters.
Good luck. I would make it clear that you need to know exactly how you offended him so you can avoid doing it in the future.
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| Posted 3/11/08 9:15 AM |
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