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DandN
Twins are here!
Member since 3/06 3597 total posts
Name:
Deirdre
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Re: Children of Divorce
Posted by nov04libride
Looks like there may be some truth to these generalizations though...From the book "Between Two Worlds". Though I like to think of it as all of us succeeding despite setbacks, in which case it makes all of us even better!
Children of divorce are three times as likely to be expelled from school or
to become pregnant as teenagers as those from intact parents and are five
times as apt to live in poverty.
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The study compared 750 Generation X adults of divorced parents with 750 who
grew up in intact homes. The differences are stark. Two-thirds of children
of divorce who stay in contact with both parents (and many do not) say they
felt like they grew up in two families, not one, which creates "endless and
often painful complications for a child."
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Fully 44 percent of children of divorce said "I was alone a lot as a child"
vs. only 14 percent of those in intact families - a three-fold difference.
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A fifth of young adult children of divorce agree that "I love my mother, but
do not respect her," triple that of those from intact homes. A quarter of
young adults from divorced homes disagree with the assertion, "My father
clearly taught me the difference between right and wrong." That compares
with just 3 percent of those from intact homes. If the study had included
the many children totally abandoned by divorced dads, the ratio would have
been much worse.
...
What are the lessons of "Between Two Worlds?"
First, two-thirds of those who divorce who are in low-conflict marriages,
should work harder to save their marriages, or at least wait until children
are grown before divorcing. Only a third of the divorced said that they and
ex-spouses tried to save the marriage.
I'm sorry - but a study that only looks at 1500 people is not nearly large enough. There are lots of holes in that study (location of participants, age, socio-economic level, etc.) I'd take those results with a HUGE grain of salt.
My DH's parents are divorced. My sister's husband's parents are divorced and he was pretty much left to take care of himself when he was in high school (lived alone in a house with his brother - had to do everything for himself)
Honestly, I'm hard pressed to find two more decent, caring men than than my husband and my brother in law.
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Posted 12/9/07 2:29 PM  |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Children of Divorce
It has nothing to do with divorcing in and of itself, but with how the parents ACT during the divorce.
If they are openly arguing, and putting each other down in front of the kids and making things nasty and uncomforatble, OF COURSE it's going to impact the kids negatively.
But if it's handled maturely and communications are good I think some people are better off divorced than together.
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| Posted 12/9/07 2:36 PM |
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Re: Children of Divorce
It has nothing to do with divorcing in and of itself, but with how the parents ACT during the divorce.
... As well as during the marriage!!!
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| Posted 12/9/07 3:23 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Children of Divorce
Posted by DandN
I'm sorry - but a study that only looks at 1500 people is not nearly large enough. There are lots of holes in that study (location of participants, age, socio-economic level, etc.) I'd take those results with a HUGE grain of salt.
My DH's parents are divorced. My sister's husband's parents are divorced and he was pretty much left to take care of himself when he was in high school (lived alone in a house with his brother - had to do everything for himself)
Honestly, I'm hard pressed to find two more decent, caring men than than my husband and my brother in law.
I'm a child of a divorce, but I also have a doctorate in education and can say that there are literally thousands of studies that prove that children of divorce have more behavioral problems. Just google scholar "childhood behavioral problems and divorce"...you'll get thousands of articles. It depends also on the age that the parents get divorced. This site gives a good breakdown on the age of the child when the divorce took place, and initial and later reactions.
I'm not agreeing with the ladies at dinner--obviously as a child of divorce I think you can lead a normal life--but there are known childhood problems of children from divorce.
I think it's so funny that everyone says their education level as a measure of--well I guess being a well-adjusted, successful child of divorce? Does having a master's degree mean that you didn't experience any problems from the divorce? I'll admit, I was depressed when my parents got divorced. It did affect me, and not in all positive ways. It doesn't mean I won't be a good partner or wife, but it did change me and perhaps color my views on relationships for a while. I do wish I had an older couple whose relationship I idolize.
Message edited 12/9/2007 3:25:50 PM.
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| Posted 12/9/07 3:24 PM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
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Re: Children of Divorce
I was the first person who mentioned having a Master's degree. After listening to those two denigrate children of divorce and speak about "problems", I started to wonder what types of problems they were referring to.
I never had academic problems...never had substance problems, never had criminal or legal problems, never had mental or physical problems...
Ironically, one of these women has a deeply troubled daughter (in most of the areas that I just listed above)...
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| Posted 12/9/07 3:46 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Children of Divorce
My parents are happily married. They have never had a fight in front of me.
My dh's parents celebrated their 40th anniversary in October of this year by filling for divorce.
Honestly it's something that should have happened A LONG time ago.
I'll never forget being there for the first time and them screaming at each other slamming cabinets and doors. I was actually scared  
My DH is hurt and I think it would have been easier had it been done earlier in life (I know he would still be hurt)
I have a hard time because my parents are happily married and they way I saw his parents always fighting i feel it's something that should have happened 39 years ago.
Even thought he is an adult of divorce we still have a great marriage and love each other.
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| Posted 12/9/07 3:52 PM |
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ChattyKathy
LIF Infant
Member since 8/07 346 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Children of Divorce
I am a child of divorce and I think I have one the best views on relationships of all my friends. I have a husband who is wonderful, and we've been together for 5 years, married for 3 months.
My one friend, who's parents are still married, has the worst view of marriage out of all of us. Their relationship is really destructive. She has had the most destructive relationships because she ends up in a relationship just like what her parents have.
I do not think its just children of divorced that have the issue or problems, that is a very narrow way of looking at a situation.
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| Posted 12/9/07 3:55 PM |
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Re: Children of Divorce
I have 2 masters degree, an advanced degree, and 3 certifications!!! 
I'm still an F-Up, though - but I think its because my parents are nuts - divorced or not!
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| Posted 12/9/07 3:57 PM |
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