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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
I'm coming out in a wedding in April as a BM. The MOH is the Brides cousin who seems to be a bit of a control freak. When asked if a Bachelorette party was planned she said "they opted out of that". I spoke to the fiance and he said by no means did they say they did not want a party. The MOH is VERY religious and tends to think she has power to make decisions for both him and her cousin. Ok we weren't planning anything with strippers or anything raunchy..so we decided to go ahead and try and book a cruise for her.
A few of the BM's and myself got ALL the information, told her Fiance who was COMPLETELY excited about it, let everyone know to see who was interested, and the MOH decided to take it upon herself to let the Bride to be know that "someone" was planning to take her away and asked her how she felt about it? She did it out of spite, I"m assuming because we went against her (in her eyes) and decided to do it anyway. She had plans to take her cousin out for dinner in the city and then to a spa which quite frankly is fine but we still wanted to do something else for her. Now ..she ruined it.
To top it off, I've never met this woman (only communicated w/her via email) and she had the nerve to call me and leave me a nasty message all the while adding how her cousin HATED ships and water. NOT TRUE!!! Her cousin was going to come on my Bachelorette cruise last year but couldn't because she was in the hospital!!!!
Why would she do that when we specifically told her that it was going to be a surprise?? Why deliberately ruin something just because you didn't want to come??
So now..we decided we aren't going to do anything for her. Since the MOH seems to want to control everything, she can now have the pleasure of handling everything herself.
Let me just add that she booked a hall for the shower, ordered food like it's a damn wedding, ordered the invitations and expects each of us to give $200 or more towards this OVERPRICED shower, a gift basket and visa gift card for the couple without even asking us for our opinions.
WHAT THE F***!!!!
Message edited 11/10/2007 6:10:39 PM.
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Posted 11/10/07 6:10 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
LMF123
My Boys.....
Member since 4/07 1526 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
WOW...why do weddings bring out the worst in people? I am sorry the MOH ruined your surprise...that sucks!!
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| Posted 11/10/07 6:18 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
I'm sorr that happend- the MOH sounds like a real piece of work.
But I gotta ask-Why are you punishing the bride for the MOH being a beeotch? So what if she knows- take her on the cruise......
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| Posted 11/10/07 6:28 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
Posted by Porrruss
I'm sorr that happend- the MOH sounds like a real piece of work.
But I gotta ask-Why are you punishing the bride for the MOH being a beeotch? So what if she knows- take her on the cruise......
ITA
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| Posted 11/10/07 7:25 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
Posted by Porrruss
I'm sorr that happend- the MOH sounds like a real piece of work.
But I gotta ask-Why are you punishing the bride for the MOH being a beeotch? So what if she knows- take her on the cruise......
We aren't punishing her, she said she won't go, and that's because her MOH won't be going.
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| Posted 11/11/07 2:20 PM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
See, I tend to disagree with you here.
First you said the MOH wasn't doing anything, then you said she was doing dinner and a spa...maybe that's all the bride really wanted.
I tend to let the MOH run the show when I am in a wedding party. If you guys were going to pay for a cruise, $200 for a shower doesn't seem that expensive...I've paid more than $200 for most showers I've been a part of.
Seems to me like you just don't like the MOH much, and that's okay...but I wouldn't try to override her ideas for the wedding - try to go along and make the wedding party an enjoyable one.
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| Posted 11/11/07 3:08 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
nm
Message edited 11/11/2007 3:10:12 PM.
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| Posted 11/11/07 3:09 PM |
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Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9924 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
I'm having flashbacks to my own wedding. Every step of the way was one disaster after another. I was constantly being called up on the phone by my MOH about my shower, my other BMs, etc. MOH was very pushy and I spent many nights crying. One BM decided that SHE was taking the reins when it came to my Bachelorette Party. It was her opinion that if MOH didn't like it, tough toodles. IMO you should do everything in your power to not involve the bride in any of the drama. If you want to do BP then do it. Its up to the MOH if she wants to attend or not. Brides have enough stress without having to worry that her bridal party cant get along.
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| Posted 11/11/07 3:17 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
My .02
1) Im sure the MOH felt like her toes were stepped on. I would love to plan my friends bach. party but not my job.
2) Why does it have to be a surprise. And now she knows and you are saying forget about it. Thats just wrong.
3) The cousin was bringing her to the spa and dinner. Not everyone wants to go out and get drunk on the bach. party. Actually to me the spa sounds awesome!!!!
Message edited 11/11/2007 5:41:42 PM.
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| Posted 11/11/07 5:39 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
Posted by june262004
My .02
1) Im sure the MOH felt like her toes were stepped on. I would love to plan my friends bach. party but not my job.
2) Why does it have to be a surprise. And now she knows and you are saying forget about it. Thats just wrong.
3) The cousin was bringing her to the spa and dinner. Not everyone wants to go out and get drunk on the bach. party. Actually to me the spa sounds awesome!!!!
1) I don't consider it stepping on toes when I specifically asked if that was how they felt to let me know, and the only response I got was "oh what a nice idea".
2) Why a surprise? That is what we wanted for her, the same way the shower is a surprise. Why not a surprise? And now that she knows ..no we aren't going to do it, because she said she won't go.
3) I don't know what kind of party you think we would have, but the Bride to be doesn't drink, so as far as getting drunk...won't happen. We weren't and aren't looking to do anything raunchy for her, that's NOT OUR STYLE!
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| Posted 11/11/07 8:12 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
Posted by Domino
I'm having flashbacks to my own wedding. Every step of the way was one disaster after another. I was constantly being called up on the phone by my MOH about my shower, my other BMs, etc. MOH was very pushy and I spent many nights crying. One BM decided that SHE was taking the reins when it came to my Bachelorette Party. It was her opinion that if MOH didn't like it, tough toodles. IMO you should do everything in your power to not involve the bride in any of the drama. If you want to do BP then do it. Its up to the MOH if she wants to attend or not. Brides have enough stress without having to worry that her bridal party cant get along.
I have no intentions of involving the Bride or letting her know the drama that unfolded. I too was a bride last year and knwo what it was like.
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| Posted 11/11/07 8:13 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
Posted by mitabtrfly
Posted by june262004
My .02
1) Im sure the MOH felt like her toes were stepped on. I would love to plan my friends bach. party but not my job.
2) Why does it have to be a surprise. And now she knows and you are saying forget about it. Thats just wrong.
3) The cousin was bringing her to the spa and dinner. Not everyone wants to go out and get drunk on the bach. party. Actually to me the spa sounds awesome!!!!
1) I don't consider it stepping on toes when I specifically asked if that was how they felt to let me know, and the only response I got was "oh what a nice idea".
2) Why a surprise? That is what we wanted for her, the same way the shower is a surprise. Why not a surprise? And now that she knows ..no we aren't going to do it, because she said she won't go.
3) I don't know what kind of party you think we would have, but the Bride to be doesn't drink, so as far as getting drunk...won't happen. We weren't and aren't looking to do anything raunchy for her, that's NOT OUR STYLE!
1) If they thought it was a nice idea why not still go through with it?
2) Why won't she go? Cause maybe a cruise isn't her thing like the MOH stated already
3) I never said it was going to be raunchy
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| Posted 11/11/07 8:15 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
Posted by Gertyrae
See, I tend to disagree with you here.
First you said the MOH wasn't doing anything, then you said she was doing dinner and a spa...maybe that's all the bride really wanted.
I tend to let the MOH run the show when I am in a wedding party. If you guys were going to pay for a cruise, $200 for a shower doesn't seem that expensive...I've paid more than $200 for most showers I've been a part of.
Seems to me like you just don't like the MOH much, and that's okay...but I wouldn't try to override her ideas for the wedding - try to go along and make the wedding party an enjoyable one.
I'm not sure where you got that I said the MOH wasn't doing anything. I never said that. Also, no one knows what the bride wanted or didn't want, the MOH took it upon herself to decide that for her.
If the MOH wants to run the show I have and had no problem with that, I merely tried to see if there was anything else planned besides the shower. If they didn't want to participate in the Cruise that was fine, but they also didn't have to ruin the surprise we were trying to do for her. I wasn't alone in it..her other cousin and Fiane was helping!! However, there is a way to talk to people that you have not met. I haven't met her, but she defenitely did leave a bad taste in my mouth.
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| Posted 11/11/07 8:16 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
Posted by mitabtrfly
Posted by Gertyrae
See, I tend to disagree with you here.
First you said the MOH wasn't doing anything, then you said she was doing dinner and a spa...maybe that's all the bride really wanted.
I tend to let the MOH run the show when I am in a wedding party. If you guys were going to pay for a cruise, $200 for a shower doesn't seem that expensive...I've paid more than $200 for most showers I've been a part of.
Seems to me like you just don't like the MOH much, and that's okay...but I wouldn't try to override her ideas for the wedding - try to go along and make the wedding party an enjoyable one.
I'm not sure where you got that I said the MOH wasn't doing anything. I never said that. Also, no one knows what the bride wanted or didn't want, the MOH took it upon herself to decide that for her.
If the MOH wants to run the show I have and had no problem with that, I merely tried to see if there was anything else planned besides the shower. If they didn't want to participate in the Cruise that was fine, but they also didn't have to ruin the surprise we were trying to do for her. I wasn't alone in it..her other cousin and Fiane was helping!! However, there is a way to talk to people that you have not met. I haven't met her, but she defenitely did leave a bad taste in my mouth.
You said when you asked she said "they opted out of that" Thats sounds a lot like they aren't planning anything
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| Posted 11/11/07 8:23 PM |
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leese
Sarge!
Member since 5/05 1965 total posts
Name:
Leese
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Re: Why would someone do this? (sorry it's long)
I get that you wanted to do something else for her - but the dinner/spa sounds lovely! I think you should let the original plans be the plans and enjoy the massage! It sounds like a great b-party.
I'm sure she was annoyed that she felt like alternate plans were being made and I'd agree - I've been a MOH and if members of the bridal party were doing something else other than what I was planning - I'd be so upset!
Overall, I'd just say not to let the Bride get in the middle of it and just enjoy whatever plans are made!
GL!
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| Posted 11/11/07 8:36 PM |
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