My grandma's will was read..

and she left my mom (her DIL) in charge of distributing her jewelry..the only thing I care about is my grandma's diamond eternity ring from my grandpa. She wore it all the time.

My sister and my cousin want it too...they are 22 and 23. I am the first grandchild (and the favorite according to my grandma ) , I am 30 and married.

My DH (of course) thinks I should get it, being that I am the oldest girl, etc. and the most responsible.

I don't want this to be WWIII....what's the best way to decide this?

Re: My grandma's will was read..

No advice -- just remember, whatever happens, family is far more important than jewelry. Period. Don't make a huge fight out of this if it doesn't go in your favor. Your grandma wouldn't want you all fighting over it.

Let it be known to your mom that you'd like it and then let her make the decision - and stick to that. That's what your grandmother requested, so do it that way.

Fighting over "things" after a loved one's death isn't productive or helpful.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

I think in most cases the oldest would get first pick of what they want.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

Express your interest and then see what happens. I agree with Kara. Don't let this pull your family apart.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

If you don't want it to be a war, maybe your mom can offer them 2 pieces of jewelry to pick for the you want.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

Re: My grandma's will was read..

Things like this can break a family apart. I wish I had an answer that could help you settle this amicably. But there isnt.

You would think that birth order should determine "who gets what." But speaking as the youngest of 4 children and 10 grandchildren, it hardly seems fair if things are left according to birth order or order or marriage. I have cousins that are 15 years older than me whom I wouldn't trust with anything.

However if you are truly the most responsible, you should have it. That determination can only be made by your mother.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

hmmm, a tough one. I tend to think you should get it, based on you being the oldest, married, etc. But then again, that is easily disputable. The truth is, if they are responsible and your mom doesn't know what to do, you may just have to pick from a hat who gets it to be the most fair.

Things like this make it so tough, had the will spelled it out that it was for you, obviously that would have taken the guilt off of your mom's hands.

When my grandma died, she left a lot of jewelry and my aunt had to decide who to give what to (5 granddaughters, 2 of us and 3 of my cousins).

It was around Christmas and my aunt placed peices of gold jewlery in little boxes and wrapped them. We each picked a box and whatever we got we got. It was a very fair and easy way to decide....

Message edited 11/4/2007 7:21:37 PM.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

I don't think married should have anything to do with it, but being the oldest girl certainly does.

Does your mom want it though? She probably gets first pick.

I would just make it known that you want it, but don't get your heart set on it.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

We had a similar situation in my family when my grandmother died. My grandfather really wanted my younger sister to have her wedding ring but was afraid that the oldest grandchild would be offended, so he ended up giving it to her (the oldest).

Because you are the oldest grandchild, you should get it... and that is how it should be explained. That's how it was explained in our family (even though we heard thru the grapevine who my grandfather really wanted to have it), and all of the other granddaughters got other peices of jewlery.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

Re: My grandma's will was read..

An eternity ring is stones all around the finger, right? If that is the case, split the stones amond the cousins this way you all get a piece of remembering her.

Being the last of six doesn't make me the least wanted. In my mind it doesn't make a difference that you were first born. Sorry for the loss of your grandmother.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

Hey Jenn!! I have to be honest. I am sure that ring meant just as much to you as it does to your sister and your cousin. If it becomes an issue I think you guys should take the stones and make 3 rings out of it (matching) this way you all have a piece of that ring that belonged to your grandmother and since it was special from your grandfather. Honestly, when my grandmother passed away, she didn't have much. So we split whatever she had and it could have been an issue with her wedding band, my oldest cousin (Nina) got it, but I said I didn't care, I just wanted a piece of her to hold on to.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

i'm guessing drawing straws would be out of the question

Re: My grandma's will was read..

Thanks guys, I hope I did not come off as selfish or anything, I didn't mean it that way...

I just don't trust my sister or my cousin bc they are young and irresponsible. I was thinking that too actually, maybe we can take the stones and make a necklace for each of us

thanks

Re: My grandma's will was read..

I don't think being the first GD has anything to do with it. I would think that it would go like this: children, grandchildren, niece...etc.

I think if everyone wants it, making it into new jewerly is the best option.

Sorry for your loss

Re: My grandma's will was read..

My Mom was in charge of my grandmothers jewelry. I am number 8 granddaughter.
I always loved my grandmothers ring she received when she made her confirmation in Italy. Other older family members tried to convince my Mom why they wanted it. I never said a word after my grandmother died. My Mom knew how much her ring meant to me and she gave it to me. She knew I would treasure it always

Re: My grandma's will was read..

I know when it came to my grandma's jewlery, I got first pick since I was the one & only granddaughter. I think your family should do it by age & since you are the oldest, you get to pick...

Re: My grandma's will was read..

also, speaking from being the youngest, I feel the jewelry should be distributed in a non biased way.

It's not my fault, I'm the youngest.

So sorry about your grandma.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

like the others said---just be careful with the whole situation. my brother STILL is angry at my cousin for taking all of the "best" jewelry from my grandma's collection right after she died. (like literally before the funeral even happened) and my brothers both wanted to take certain pieces that they had given her to have as a keepsake and pass down to their children--and my cousin just took whatever he wanted and went back to PA. whenever that cousins' name is brought up---bad blood boils over!

Re: My grandma's will was read..

I would just ask for it....and give a good reason why you should get it!

When we split up my Parents house....we all decided that if you wanted something....you should plead your case. Why is this ***** important to you and why you should get it.

It worked for us and there isn't any hard feelings.


just wanted to add.....i'm the youngest in the Family and I took care of both my parents. and i didn't get any special treatment for doing that.

Message edited 11/7/2007 11:07:58 AM.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

My nan always said that I could have one of her engagement rings --- that she wanted me to have it and didn't want anyone else's "Filthy" hands on it....she had a lot of issues with other family members in the last 10 years of her life.

Anyway, when my Nan died --- my aunt took the rings right off of her fingers during the wake. My dad was the oldest and had made the decision to leave the rings on her because she didn't have a will --- and he didn't want it to cause a fight --- and then my aunt took them off.

My aunt gave the ring to my cousin's girlfriend. They are married now, and she has her own engagement ring, but it has always bothered me that she got it. She isn't even a blood relative. I would ahve liked to pass it on to my daughter one day.

I would just say that you should be honest about your feelings for the ring. Be open and polite about how it's the one thing that you really want, and everyone else can have the rest. Hopefully it'll go the right way.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

My grandma is still alive, but gave me her platinum wedding band to get married in (she also had a gold one blessed at the time she & my grandpa got married and she wears that one all the time). I know some people were PO'd that she gave it to me, but I am the oldest grandchild by a long shot (i'm 32, next is 22)... I was the first to get married and also the favorite (I am not ashamed, it just is the way it is).

I say make your case--- i think you should get it- you are the oldest and probably more responsible than the other girls (after hearing some stories... heh heh)

Re: My grandma's will was read..

I've seen things like this divide families. To avoid that, I'd break it apart so you all can share it.

Being the oldest is a matter of circumstance, nothing more, nothing less and really doesn't make you entitled to anything. And this is coming from someone who had to split all my grandmother's jewelry with my cousin who was born a year AFTER my grandmother died.

Re: My grandma's will was read..

Posted by CaseyGirl

Thanks guys, I hope I did not come off as selfish or anything, I didn't mean it that way...

I just don't trust my sister or my cousin bc they are young and irresponsible. I was thinking that too actually, maybe we can take the stones and make a necklace for each of us

thanks