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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Posted by loveus
I feel than any party where your bring a gift you shouldn’t bring food. If they were having a random party I would ask what to bring and not be insulted if they requested something simple and easy.
This is my rule too.
If we are having a BBQ in the summer for no reason, and people ask, I will tell them to bring beer/wine/dessert etc (I never ask them to cook anything, ever!)
But if we are having people to our yard for our daughter's Bday, and they are bringing her gifts, I tell them no when they ask what they can bring.
I don't even want them to bring a bottle of wine or anything in that case.
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Posted 3/14/18 10:29 AM  |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Ugh a five hour shower sounds like hell. And having to eat food that strangers made is double hell.
$100 is very generous, given your relationship (or lack thereof with the mom-to-be).
If you need to attend, $40-50 gift and grab a tray of pre-cut veggies and dip? If you decline, a GC in the $40-50 range is nice.
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| Posted 3/14/18 10:43 AM |
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jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
Name:
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Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Tacky. I would decline. When you are having a party, like a shower or a birthday party where gifts are expected, you are not allowed to ask people to also bring food. If you can't afford to have a party, then you shouldn't host one. But the 5 hour time frame just completely killed it for me! No way am I going to a shower for 5 hours, forget about the tackiness of the food.
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| Posted 3/14/18 11:04 AM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
You lost me at a shower at the mother to be's house.
I would decline.
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| Posted 3/14/18 11:13 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
It's now a shower, it's a potluck. If your husband's work together, are you two even friends?
Regardless, I would decline. Send a gift once the baby is born.
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| Posted 3/14/18 11:18 AM |
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BabyBearA
LIF Adult
Member since 7/11 1254 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Posted by NervousNell
What if you don't cook?
That would piss me off.
I work all week, raise a child, take care of a house and cook for my own family, now I have to cook for your shower AND bring a gift?
Ummm no.
Hire a caterer.
Plus it skeeves me to eat homemade food from people that I don't know. I have no idea how clean their kitchen is, their food prep and handling technique. Skeeves me.
I'd probably decline.
I enjoy reading your comments so much btw!
Totally agree with this!
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| Posted 3/14/18 11:35 AM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Sorry that's super tacky. I would decline.
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| Posted 3/14/18 12:09 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
I would decline since you don't really seem to have a relationship with the mom to be unless she is the wife of your husband's boss, then I would suck it up and go.
$100 is only for close friends and family.
$30ish co-worker
$50ish friend
$100 close friend/family
Oh and I would bring wine if you go.
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| Posted 3/14/18 12:19 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Posted by LSP2005
...
$100 is only for close friends and family.
$30ish co-worker
$50ish friend
$100 close friend/family
This is my suggested gift amount as well.
If I were to go at all, I'd go at least an hour late and leave an hour early. 5 hours at someone's house who I don't know very well? Nope. I think I would forget to bring a dish as well... so I'd be a bad guest in response to their tacky invitation.
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| Posted 3/14/18 12:26 PM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1068 total posts
Name:
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Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
I agree with everyone else. You either bring food or a gift, not both.
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| Posted 3/14/18 1:16 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
First I think $100 is a lot my standing spending amount is around $30-$50 for close friends maybe $75 but I am probably considered chearp but I am OK with that.
5 hours for a party is way too long.
Yes, I find it weird that they asked me to bring a dish. I don't trust my cooking ;) lol so that means I would have to go buy something to bring which would annoy me.
Is it tacky no idea I never know what is considered tacky and what isn't
Message edited 3/14/2018 1:27:23 PM.
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| Posted 3/14/18 1:26 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Posted by jamnmore
You lost me at a shower at the mother to be's house.
I would decline.
I see nothing wrong where the party is being held.
Just wondering why you think this is not OK?
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| Posted 3/14/18 1:28 PM |
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justbeachy
So close....
Member since 7/07 2900 total posts
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Phewf. Ok, I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking it's a bit ridiculous.
Did I mention that the mom-to-be's "house" is actually a very tiny 1 bedroom Manhattan apartment? And the guest list is for over 30 people? So standing around for 5 hours.....
Yeah. Declining and sending something around $50.
Thanks for the input ladies!
Oh, and I'm not a good cook, and I'm TOTALLY skeeved by other peoples' cooking (if I don't know them).
This is essentially a nightmare situation for me. 
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| Posted 3/14/18 1:33 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
So you say your husband works with the father to be. Where does your husband fall on the org chart in relation to this guy? Because if he’s your husband’s superior, I’d get my casserole dish ready and plant a huge, fake smile on my face and suck it up.
If not, decline that tacky disaster and send your regrets and a small gift.
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| Posted 3/14/18 1:35 PM |
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justbeachy
So close....
Member since 7/07 2900 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Posted by LuckyStar
So you say your husband works with the father to be. Where does your husband fall on the org chart in relation to this guy? Because if he’s your husband’s superior, I’d get my casserole dish ready and plant a huge, fake smile on my face and suck it up.
If not, decline that tacky disaster and send your regrets and a small gift.
They are on the same level.
Oh! And I forgot to mention that it's co-ed. My husband was like "hell noooooooo"
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| Posted 3/14/18 1:38 PM |
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beachbabe
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/15 731 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Posted by NervousNell
What if you don't cook?
That would piss me off.
I work all week, raise a child, take care of a house and cook for my own family, now I have to cook for your shower AND bring a gift?
Ummm no.
Hire a caterer.
Plus it skeeves me to eat homemade food from people that I don't know. I have no idea how clean their kitchen is, their food prep and handling technique. Skeeves me.
I'd probably decline.
This 100%
I would not spend 5 hours of my weekend at a party that I barely knew the person, plus spend more time cooking. I also get skeeved by eating food strangers make in their homes. I think it's really ballsy of them to expect their guests to cook or buy food AND bring a gift.
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| Posted 3/14/18 1:55 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Posted by justbeachy
Posted by LuckyStar
So you say your husband works with the father to be. Where does your husband fall on the org chart in relation to this guy? Because if he’s your husband’s superior, I’d get my casserole dish ready and plant a huge, fake smile on my face and suck it up.
If not, decline that tacky disaster and send your regrets and a small gift.
They are on the same level.
Oh! And I forgot to mention that it's co-ed. My husband was like "hell noooooooo"
Oh my. That’s a lot of people in a tiny apartment.
Gift and regrets!
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| Posted 3/14/18 2:04 PM |
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Laraaidan
LIF Toddler
Member since 6/17 450 total posts
Name:
Lara&aidansmommy
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Posted by Hofstra26
FIVE HOURS is WAAAAY too long and yes, I think it is EXTREMELY tacky to have a potluck shower.
Yep. I can understand, maybe, asking family members to bring a dish. But everyone. F@ck no.
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| Posted 3/14/18 2:07 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
I think that is old school. I remember my mom and my aunts saying they used to do pot luck back in the day where it was just a gathering of family and they brought gifts without the guidance of a registry. Can you just imagine?! LOL
In your situation, I think $100 gift is very generous.
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| Posted 3/14/18 2:36 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Posted by justbeachy
Posted by LuckyStar
So you say your husband works with the father to be. Where does your husband fall on the org chart in relation to this guy? Because if he’s your husband’s superior, I’d get my casserole dish ready and plant a huge, fake smile on my face and suck it up.
If not, decline that tacky disaster and send your regrets and a small gift.
They are on the same level.
Oh! And I forgot to mention that it's co-ed. My husband was like "hell noooooooo"
If he’s not going, I certainly wouldn’t!!!!!
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| Posted 3/14/18 4:29 PM |
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Sweetlax22
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 1904 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
I see OP is declining, and I don't blame her at all.
Maybe they have the 5 hour timeline because it is going to be more of an open house ? Drop in /drop out show up when you feel kinda deal.
The food thing is strange , like previously mentioned you should not be expected to bring food or drink if you bring a gift. It is different if close friends /family throwing the party in this case want to all make something, but asking all of the guests . Nope.
And maybe I'm cheap but $100 is very generous. To me that is an amount for a much closer person. In this case I would spend $50 max, maybe even less if I didn't go.
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| Posted 3/14/18 4:35 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Posted by FirstMate
I think that is old school. I remember my mom and my aunts saying they used to do pot luck back in the day where it was just a gathering of family and they brought gifts without the guidance of a registry. Can you just imagine?! LOL
In your situation, I think $100 gift is very generous.
My parents also told me about "football weddings" back in the day. Where you would rent out a VFW type hall and have sandwiches on the tables and a couple of bottles of booze with mixers/sodas on each table.
Man how times have changed!
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| Posted 3/14/18 4:41 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
Posted by blu6385
Posted by jamnmore
You lost me at a shower at the mother to be's house.
I would decline.
I see nothing wrong where the party is being held.
Just wondering why you think this is not OK?
Because a shower is held in your honor, not hosted by the recipient.
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| Posted 3/15/18 8:40 AM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this tacky or am I out of touch....?
I wouldn't do it if I were hosting the shower, but it strikes me more as the host is inexperienced or unaware. I wouldn't judge them.
That said, I might decline and send a $30 GC or something off the registry if you aren't close (why do you think are they inviting you though if you aren't particularly close?). If you are interested in going, I'd bring an easy appetizer and honestly, I might give a little less of a gift ($50-75 is ok to me especially if you have to bring a dish).
As for people saying they don't cook, you can just pick up a prepared dish like a fruit platter from a supermarket.
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| Posted 3/15/18 8:48 AM |
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