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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
Has anyone ever heard of or had this happen to them?
I have a relative whose child is getting married. Invites were sent out. A distant relative of theirs was invited with her spouse. Two people only on the invite envelop. On the returned RSVP card, this person indicated in the "number of people" section that they will be a total of four people - herself, her spouse, AND her child AND their child's significant other! This person is from another country, but has been in the tristate area for something like 40 years.
My relative does not know how to respond to this, and says she is just going to just suck it up and not say anything.
Reactions? WWYD?
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Posted 6/20/16 9:55 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
happens all the time. i do invites for a living. often times i have people doing this now on the reply cards:
2 seats are reserved in your honor
accepts / declines. etc.
already prefilling in the # of seats.
thats just rude and I would totally call the person out on it.
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| Posted 6/20/16 10:02 AM |
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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
I had something similar happen, it was supposed to be 2 people and turned into 6 people, it was my moms cousins and there 2 kids with 1 kids boyfriend, and they didn't show up. I was livid.
I don't think there's much she can do, but I'm sorry they did that to her, some people are just rude.
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| Posted 6/20/16 10:09 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
That is why on my invites I made sure to not include a section where you can write in "number of people".
It was Attending/Not attending and they checked it off
I don't get why there is a line for number of people attending. The invite is addressed to you and a guest. Period end of story.
And I am sorry but it is INCREDIBLY rude to bring extras who weren't invited.
OMG insanely rude!
I would 100% call them up and tell them they cannot bring ANY extras.
Message edited 6/20/2016 10:15:10 AM.
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| Posted 6/20/16 10:11 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
I personally would be letting them know that they can not bring their kids knowing they probably would not come.
my wedding was adult only and I would not be happy they thought they can bring their child without even asking first.
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| Posted 6/20/16 10:14 AM |
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APT910
Let It Be
Member since 2/11 5021 total posts
Name:
Ashley
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
This happened to my cousin. She invited a friend with a guest and the response card said 3 people were attending. She brought a date and her mother. Very strange but my cousin didn't say anything.
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| Posted 6/20/16 10:16 AM |
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HeyJude
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 820 total posts
Name:
p
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
If the person is from this area, they should know better. I had a good friend add her 2 children to my wedding rsvp, but she is from & lives in a different part of the country where weddings are not as formal or expensive. It was a very uncomfortable conversation, but I had to tell her kids were not invited. 
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| Posted 6/20/16 10:22 AM |
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Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
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Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
I just chalk this up to the perils of wedding planning. I think it eventually evens out. It's rude, of course, but I just can't see getting worked up over it. Weddings bring the crazy.
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| Posted 6/20/16 10:26 AM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
I had that happen at my wedding. Invited to, they replied SIX!!! And then to add insult to injury, they were all no shows. They were on my MILs side, and my MIL refused to call them and tell them. 
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| Posted 6/20/16 10:29 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
I would absolutely say something. Guests don't just get to invite extra people to a wedding. That presents not only a financial issue but a logistical one too when the bride and groom are planning out tables in their venue. Also, imagine if every guest tacked on a person or two, there would be a real issue at the venue in terms of capacity.................that's why you do not take it upon yourself to invite whoever you want to someone else's wedding. That is the BEYOND rude and tacky. I would without a doubt call them out on it, I wouldn't suck it up at all. No way.
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| Posted 6/20/16 10:32 AM |
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luvbuffet
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 6470 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
I wouldn't sweat it. People drop out at the last minute. There's always one or two ppl that include their children that were not invited. In the end it usually balances out.
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| Posted 6/20/16 10:33 AM |
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jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
Posted by luvbuffet
I wouldn't sweat it. People drop out at the last minute. There's always one or two ppl that include their children that were not invited. In the end it usually balances out.
From the OP, I don't think these are small children though, I'm guessing they are adult children as she said the child is also bringing her Significant Other.
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| Posted 6/20/16 11:01 AM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
ugh that's so rude, but happened with my wedding too. i didn't bother saying anything
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| Posted 6/20/16 11:03 AM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
Its rude, but it happens. I say don't say anything and let the cousin come.
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| Posted 6/20/16 11:17 AM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
Very rude and I'd be really annoyed, but I probably wouldn't say anything
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| Posted 6/20/16 11:19 AM |
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jams92
Member since 1/12 6105 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
it happens...especially when you put # of guests and for them to fill out
To give them the benefit of the doubt....when DH opens invitations he NEVER looks to see who they are addressed to and throws away the envelope. So maybe they didnt realize it was just them that were invited?
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| Posted 6/20/16 11:22 AM |
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HomeIsWithU
Baby #2 on the way!
Member since 9/07 7816 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
I had this happen at my first wedding. I called and explained to them that the invitation was just for her and her spouse, no one else. She wasnt happy and I believe she ended up no-showing, but I didnt care. The invitation was clearly addressed to only her and her guest. No one else. I wasnt going to pay for 2 extra people just because she decided she wanted her grown kids there.
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| Posted 6/20/16 11:26 AM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
We had this happen and it wasn't cool. We have huge families so we had no choice but to draw the line somewhere and it would have created big family problems if some of our cousins were allowed to bring their kids and others weren't. So it's not always just a matter of letting it go.
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| Posted 6/20/16 11:44 AM |
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luvbuffet
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 6470 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by luvbuffet
I wouldn't sweat it. People drop out at the last minute. There's always one or two ppl that include their children that were not invited. In the end it usually balances out.
From the OP, I don't think these are small children though, I'm guessing they are adult children as she said the child is also bringing her Significant Other.
Either way, people cancel. I'm going through this myself and I got pissed at first but after you're already spending thousands and thousands, what's a few more plates? is it rude? Absolutely! But not worth stress or a potential wrinkle
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| Posted 6/20/16 11:56 AM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
Didn't happen to me. But if it did I would speak up.
People are unreal.
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| Posted 6/20/16 12:01 PM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by luvbuffet
I wouldn't sweat it. People drop out at the last minute. There's always one or two ppl that include their children that were not invited. In the end it usually balances out.
From the OP, I don't think these are small children though, I'm guessing they are adult children as she said the child is also bringing her Significant Other.
Yes- the person wants to bring her ADULT son and his girlfriend. So it would be two extra full price seats. And there is a space issue at the venue, plus the additional cost.
I know what I would do, but my relative isn't into confrontation and wants to just eat it.  I've honestly never heard of someone doing this and think it is the height of rude, but I guess it's actually not that uncommon!
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| Posted 6/20/16 12:15 PM |
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ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
Posted by Peainapod
happens all the time. i do invites for a living. often times i have people doing this now on the reply cards:
2 seats are reserved in your honor
accepts / declines. etc.
already prefilling in the # of seats.
thats just rude and I would totally call the person out on it.
I did this and it worked so well.
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| Posted 6/20/16 1:22 PM |
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Summergrl14
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/16 625 total posts
Name:
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Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
Not only did we have people who tried to add additional relatives on their response card, but my IL's had several relatives who were not invited, but heard from other relatives that we were getting married and then had the audacity to call us and ask whether their invite had been lost in the mail and wanted to know details so they could book their flights, hotels, etc.
I think this is unfortunately very common. That doesn't make it any less rude however. Can your relative call them and say right now there is a space issue at the venue so they can't accommodate two more people, but will let them know if there are cancellations.
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| Posted 6/20/16 1:24 PM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
I had a couple invited that rsvped and showed up with their adult son. They're Israeli and that's how they do it I guess. Everyone and their gardener are invited.
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| Posted 6/20/16 1:25 PM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: Sort of spinoff to wedding rudeness/etiquette
Posted by Kitten1929
I just chalk this up to the perils of wedding planning. I think it eventually evens out. It's rude, of course, but I just can't see getting worked up over it. Weddings bring the crazy.
Ita. Happened to me and it was a coworker she responded one on the day she brought her nephew with her, who was young like 5 or 6. On my wedding day another coworker pointed it out to me. I didnt notice or really care. I loved my wedding day LOL.
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| Posted 6/20/16 2:13 PM |
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