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Re: Need Opinions
It seems now like there is a more complicated teenager relationship going on here. Perhaps your sisters kids don't want her over for whatever reason and your sister is covering for them? There are plenty of reasons a teen may not want their cousin interacting with their friends. Perhaps they want to gossip or talk about boys/girls/taylor swift, whatever, and they don't interact that way with their cousin.
At this point, if the cousins are not close than its not going to happen anytime soon. Where are your dd friends? Why would she want to hang out with pre-teens? The last thing on earth I would have wanted to do is swim in my cousins pool at that age. She is more than of age to have a summer job. I would just let it go.
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Posted 9/2/15 7:47 PM  |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
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DiamondMama
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by nferrandi
Clearly I'm in the minority, but I completely see your point. I don't see the big deal with your kids going to their aunts house whenever they feel like it. My niece knows she's welcome here at all times. And she's 17, my kids are 5 and 8, so there's a big age difference. Even when they were all younger I always took my niece with us to do fun stuff while my sister worked. I feel like with family that is what you do.
I practically live at my best friend's house in the summer and she's totally fine with it. Her pool is the neighborhood hangout. Sometimes we're even there when she's at work. I can't imagine my best friend, let alone my sister telling me my kids can't come over for a swim.
Same . I have a pool and a nephew and he is welcome whenever. I would never leave him out especially when specifically asked, IMO it's not nice. Your sister sounds selfish.
To the point of separating groups, she could have your kids over another time, when your daughter asked she could've said no today were having a school party how about Thursday or whatever. To have them over once all summer when they clearly love the pool is mean.
Message edited 9/2/2015 8:45:50 PM.
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| Posted 9/2/15 8:26 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by LastLightGlow
It seems now like there is a more complicated teenager relationship going on here. Perhaps your sisters kids don't want her over for whatever reason and your sister is covering for them? There are plenty of reasons a teen may not want their cousin interacting with their friends. Perhaps they want to gossip or talk about boys/girls/taylor swift, whatever, and they don't interact that way with their cousin.
At this point, if the cousins are not close than its not going to happen anytime soon. Where are your dd friends? Why would she want to hang out with pre-teens? The last thing on earth I would have wanted to do is swim in my cousins pool at that age. She is more than of age to have a summer job. I would just let it go.
Ok, I think this has been taken way out of context lol.
The teen doesn't NEED to go over to swim but it would be nice, especially since she is on a swimming team. She does work and have friends but once in awhile would be nice to ask.
The other child is a tween who is the same age, same gender and they all get along great.
This was about the teen asking to stop and say hi, not to come swimming or hang out all day.
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| Posted 9/3/15 6:52 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by DiamondGirl
Posted by nferrandi
Clearly I'm in the minority, but I completely see your point. I don't see the big deal with your kids going to their aunts house whenever they feel like it. My niece knows she's welcome here at all times. And she's 17, my kids are 5 and 8, so there's a big age difference. Even when they were all younger I always took my niece with us to do fun stuff while my sister worked. I feel like with family that is what you do.
I practically live at my best friend's house in the summer and she's totally fine with it. Her pool is the neighborhood hangout. Sometimes we're even there when she's at work. I can't imagine my best friend, let alone my sister telling me my kids can't come over for a swim.
Same . I have a pool and a nephew and he is welcome whenever. I would never leave him out especially when specifically asked, IMO it's not nice. Your sister sounds selfish.
To the point of separating groups, she could have your kids over another time, when your daughter asked she could've said no today were having a school party how about Thursday or whatever. To have them over once all summer when they clearly love the pool is mean.
It seems the friends are more important than family and I guess this is something I have to deal with if she and her dh don't want to talk like adults about it.
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| Posted 9/3/15 6:53 PM |
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SJSM
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/09 764 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Wow
My sister and my niece and nephew would NEVER have to ask to come over and use the pool. I think your sister is selfish. I also would not ask my sister if i can come over and use her pool. I would just go even if she was not home and vice versa
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| Posted 9/3/15 7:56 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by SJSM
Wow
My sister and my niece and nephew would NEVER have to ask to come over and use the pool. I think your sister is selfish. I also would not ask my sister if i can come over and use her pool. I would just go even if she was not home and vice versa
Yeah that seems to be a sore subject too as we were told no if they were not home which my friends have told us come over anytime they are not home.
You would think your friends would worry more about liability issues than your own family.
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| Posted 9/3/15 8:46 PM |
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Poppyseed79
LIF Adult
Member since 10/14 935 total posts
Name:
"Reg"
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by SJSM
Wow
My sister and my niece and nephew would NEVER have to ask to come over and use the pool. I think your sister is selfish. I also would not ask my sister if i can come over and use her pool. I would just go even if she was not home and vice versa
Yeah that seems to be a sore subject too as we were told no if they were not home which my friends have told us come over anytime they are not home.
You would think your friends would worry more about liability issues than your own family.
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| Posted 9/3/15 11:29 PM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with not wanting people at your house when you are not home....pool or no pool, family or not family.
Doesn't make it a "sore subject".
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| Posted 9/4/15 5:59 AM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by sameinitials
Posted by afternoondelight828
Once a summer I think is really not fair, I am sorry but to me, this is a big thing for kids in the summer.
I think this is the problem right here. It's not an issue of fairness - it's your sister's pool, she doesn't have to make sure that your children get enough pool time this summer. Would it be nice if she did? Sure. But it's not remotely her responsibility. If you think getting to go in a pool over the summer is important for kids in the summer then it's your job to make sure that happens - whether that means joining a Y with a pool, or a town pool, or whatever.
I'm sorry, but I agree with this. Her pool, her house. Of course it would be nice of her to offer an invitation. But I don't think she should have to be obligated to do so. If her kids are having friends over, then maybe they just want time alone with their friends. I don't see anything wrong with that. I have a pool, and I wouldn't want to have to feel like I owe it family members to let them come over and swim any time they want to.
Do your and her kids normally get along great/are they close? If they're not very close, then maybe try inviting her kids over once in a while, just to hang out even without a pool or offer to take them somewhere fun, and maybe they will start to feel like reciprocating.
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| Posted 9/4/15 6:58 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
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DiamondMama
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Re: Need Opinions
It is funny to me to see the differing opinions. I grew up with cousins and friends in and out of our house, no pool, but it was a hangout for sure. I have a pool and our house is the same way, friends and family over all the time, I like it, I get not everyone is like that BUT I still stand by the fact that inviting nieces and nephews once is not nice.
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| Posted 9/4/15 8:06 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with not wanting people at your house when you are not home....pool or no pool, family or not family.
Doesn't make it a "sore subject".
No, there isn't but give an honest answer. Don't just skate around the question and change the subject. You know what I mean?
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| Posted 9/4/15 8:30 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by LiveItUp
Posted by sameinitials
Posted by afternoondelight828
Once a summer I think is really not fair, I am sorry but to me, this is a big thing for kids in the summer.
I think this is the problem right here. It's not an issue of fairness - it's your sister's pool, she doesn't have to make sure that your children get enough pool time this summer. Would it be nice if she did? Sure. But it's not remotely her responsibility. If you think getting to go in a pool over the summer is important for kids in the summer then it's your job to make sure that happens - whether that means joining a Y with a pool, or a town pool, or whatever.
I'm sorry, but I agree with this. Her pool, her house. Of course it would be nice of her to offer an invitation. But I don't think she should have to be obligated to do so. If her kids are having friends over, then maybe they just want time alone with their friends. I don't see anything wrong with that. I have a pool, and I wouldn't want to have to feel like I owe it family members to let them come over and swim any time they want to.
Do your and her kids normally get along great/are they close? If they're not very close, then maybe try inviting her kids over once in a while, just to hang out even without a pool or offer to take them somewhere fun, and maybe they will start to feel like reciprocating.
Yes, they get alone great and are close as they are the same age and close in age (the same gender).
I have offered and have done things with them, both me and my husband. It is not like it is a one way street though with me expecting things for her to do with my kids without me doing the same.
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| Posted 9/4/15 8:31 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by DiamondGirl
It is funny to me to see the differing opinions. I grew up with cousins and friends in and out of our house, no pool, but it was a hangout for sure. I have a pool and our house is the same way, friends and family over all the time, I like it, I get not everyone is like that BUT I still stand by the fact that inviting nieces and nephews once is not nice.
We never had that growing up so maybe that is why she is like that? Her dh's family though is very outgoing and invites everyone and anyone to their home. My own dh's family was always like that too with their family. They spent a ton of time with their cousins and other family members and had an open door policy.
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| Posted 9/4/15 8:32 AM |
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Katareen
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Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
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Katherine
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with not wanting people at your house when you are not home....pool or no pool, family or not family.
Doesn't make it a "sore subject".
No, there isn't but give an honest answer. Don't just skate around the question and change the subject. You know what I mean?
If this is the case then it sounds like she might have a problem with one or both of your kids, and doesn't want to start a big fight about it. Clearly she's avoiding the topic for a reason so I'd just let it go.
If your kids are teenagers they're almost off to college so it'll be a moot point in a couple of years.
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| Posted 9/4/15 8:41 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Katareen
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with not wanting people at your house when you are not home....pool or no pool, family or not family.
Doesn't make it a "sore subject".
No, there isn't but give an honest answer. Don't just skate around the question and change the subject. You know what I mean?
If this is the case then it sounds like she might have a problem with one or both of your kids, and doesn't want to start a big fight about it. Clearly she's avoiding the topic for a reason so I'd just let it go.
If your kids are teenagers they're almost off to college so it'll be a moot point in a couple of years.
No, I don't think it has anything to do with the kids as she never has had a problem with them.
Only one is a teen, as I said before and the relationship is the closest with her. (ages seem to not to be understood).
I think I am more of a straight to the point person. I tell it like it is. She is more "fluff" and sweep things under the rug until she bursts and flips out. I think this is where she is at now. Just say it as I respect someone more that tells me the truth and doesn't try to hide from it.
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| Posted 9/4/15 8:45 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Katareen
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with not wanting people at your house when you are not home....pool or no pool, family or not family.
Doesn't make it a "sore subject".
No, there isn't but give an honest answer. Don't just skate around the question and change the subject. You know what I mean?
If this is the case then it sounds like she might have a problem with one or both of your kids, and doesn't want to start a big fight about it. Clearly she's avoiding the topic for a reason so I'd just let it go.
If your kids are teenagers they're almost off to college so it'll be a moot point in a couple of years.
It could be this or if you are bringing the issue up all the time she might just not want to have the conversation again and again.
If I told me sister no this is how my family and house is going to be then that's it. leave it alone. If she kept at it I would not be happy and would probably just ignore her when she asked.
IMo its about respecting peoples boundaries. SHe for whatever her reasons are does not feel the need to invite people over unless its on her terms. Respect that. You can't change someone just because its not what you would do
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| Posted 9/4/15 8:46 AM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by LiveItUp
Posted by sameinitials
Posted by afternoondelight828
Once a summer I think is really not fair, I am sorry but to me, this is a big thing for kids in the summer.
I think this is the problem right here. It's not an issue of fairness - it's your sister's pool, she doesn't have to make sure that your children get enough pool time this summer. Would it be nice if she did? Sure. But it's not remotely her responsibility. If you think getting to go in a pool over the summer is important for kids in the summer then it's your job to make sure that happens - whether that means joining a Y with a pool, or a town pool, or whatever.
I'm sorry, but I agree with this. Her pool, her house. Of course it would be nice of her to offer an invitation. But I don't think she should have to be obligated to do so. If her kids are having friends over, then maybe they just want time alone with their friends. I don't see anything wrong with that. I have a pool, and I wouldn't want to have to feel like I owe it family members to let them come over and swim any time they want to.
Do your and her kids normally get along great/are they close? If they're not very close, then maybe try inviting her kids over once in a while, just to hang out even without a pool or offer to take them somewhere fun, and maybe they will start to feel like reciprocating.
Yes, they get alone great and are close as they are the same age and close in age (the same gender).
I have offered and have done things with them, both me and my husband. It is not like it is a one way street though with me expecting things for her to do with my kids without me doing the same.
Well, if they get along great and are close, and it sounds like your DD and sister have a good relationship since you mentioned they text a lot, then I would think that's the important thing. She shouldn't have to feel obligated to open her home and pool to your kids on a regular basis. Even if she's not working, it doesn't mean she's not very busy. Whatever her reason, and whether you agree with it or not, I don't think it's worth possibly ruining an entire family relationship over it. There are plenty of other ways your kids could swim- public pools, beaches, your friends pools, or even just get them one of those cheap inflatable pool that are a couple hundred dollars just so they have something to cool off in. It sucks that your kids and her kids don't hang out more, but you can't force it. They seem to be at the age where if they really wanted to hang out with each other, they would make plans and make it happen. Unfortunately it just sounds like her kids would prefer to spend their time with their friends. Like I said, that sucks, but next summer don't wait for an invitation. Try to find some other things your kids can do.
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| Posted 9/4/15 8:53 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Need Opinions
I am off in the summer, I have a pool, if my niece and nephew were sitting home while their parents worked and myself and my kids were hanging at the pool it would be the obvious thing to include them. I get that maybe it isnt necessary to do it all the time but knowing that they are sitting home, your sibling is at work, it seems the natural thing to invite them over, moreso that they are big kids not toddlers that need to be truly babysat, I mean you must be monitoring your own teens in the pool so what is two more??
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| Posted 9/4/15 11:19 AM |
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Lola0703
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/07 677 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by DiamondGirl
It is funny to me to see the differing opinions. I grew up with cousins and friends in and out of our house, no pool, but it was a hangout for sure. I have a pool and our house is the same way, friends and family over all the time, I like it, I get not everyone is like that BUT I still stand by the fact that inviting nieces and nephews once is not nice.
I grew up like that as well. Cousins, family, friends over all the time and vice versa. It seems odd to me that your sister doesn't invite you or your children but I guess every family is different. My brother and my aunt both have pools and I can go to their houses with my daughter anytime even when they are not home. Again, that's my family and how we are with each other.
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| Posted 9/4/15 1:14 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by alli3131
Posted by Katareen
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with not wanting people at your house when you are not home....pool or no pool, family or not family.
Doesn't make it a "sore subject".
No, there isn't but give an honest answer. Don't just skate around the question and change the subject. You know what I mean?
If this is the case then it sounds like she might have a problem with one or both of your kids, and doesn't want to start a big fight about it. Clearly she's avoiding the topic for a reason so I'd just let it go.
If your kids are teenagers they're almost off to college so it'll be a moot point in a couple of years.
It could be this or if you are bringing the issue up all the time she might just not want to have the conversation again and again.
If I told me sister no this is how my family and house is going to be then that's it. leave it alone. If she kept at it I would not be happy and would probably just ignore her when she asked.
IMo its about respecting peoples boundaries. SHe for whatever her reasons are does not feel the need to invite people over unless its on her terms. Respect that. You can't change someone just because its not what you would do
Yep ITA with you, IF that actually happened. Again, no real answer is ever given, just the run around and subject changed. Not very mature and adult-like.
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| Posted 9/4/15 1:23 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
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Re: Need Opinions
Message edited 9/4/2015 10:45:03 PM.
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| Posted 9/4/15 10:36 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
I agree that its a complicated teen relationship. For whatever reason your niece and nephew don't want your kids there. There comes an age when you have to accept their feelings. Maybe you can ask your sister if she knows of a problem between them because you are concerned they are not as close as they used to be.
I think you are responsible for your own children's entertainment. I'm sorry, but in my opinion you have no right to expect her to take care of your children while you work. It sounds like your children are old enough to go to the public pool with friends. Maybe its time for them to start planning their own outings.
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| Posted 9/4/15 10:51 PM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
You know, I keep reading your posts and obviously this is a very strong issue for you that you wish were better....but...I can't help but notice how critical and judgmental you sound about your sister.
Your last post even said she was not very mature and adult-like.
I know this is just a forum and I could be reading into it, but IMO I am wondering if you are coming off like this IRL.
And like I said a ton of pages back....it's not just here but in other posts you've written. It seems to be a common theme against the human race when you don't get what you want.
I say this not to start drama, but hopefully for you to start thinking about how you come off.
Not everyone in the world is going to respond how we want them to. And that's not going to change no matter how often we write about it on LIF or ***** about it IRL.
Message edited 9/5/2015 7:58:59 AM.
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| Posted 9/5/15 7:57 AM |
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alexb
LIF Adult
Member since 5/13 960 total posts
Name:
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Need Opinions
I can see why you are upset about this as i would possibly be as well but it doesnt seem like you guys have an extremely close relationship. I know you have asked her in the past as to what her issue is and she has skirted around the topic but i would ask again and be as assertive as possible. Just point blank ask 'is there an something going on because i feel as if you are avoiding me'. The fact that you have asked in the past seems like either she wants to avoid confrontation or she thinks you may be overly sensitive and doesnt want to hurt your feelings. Either way, i would bring up the topic again ONLY if you are able to not be defensive and have an open mind. Whatever is the real issue, i hope you guys figure things out- good luck!
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| Posted 9/5/15 8:08 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by twicethefun
I agree that its a complicated teen relationship. For whatever reason your niece and nephew don't want your kids there. There comes an age when you have to accept their feelings. Maybe you can ask your sister if she knows of a problem between them because you are concerned they are not as close as they used to be.
I think you are responsible for your own children's entertainment. I'm sorry, but in my opinion you have no right to expect her to take care of your children while you work. It sounds like your children are old enough to go to the public pool with friends. Maybe its time for them to start planning their own outings.
You have genders and ages incorrect so the story has become twisted. lol
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| Posted 9/5/15 8:57 AM |
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