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olive98
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 791 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
OK, now I'm really confused.
How is that not an invite?  
I often get impromptu last minute texts to stuff.
An invite is still an invite.
After pages of posts, are you going at least?!
My sister is not a "last minute" type of person. If she is having a party or bbq or whatever, she knows weeks in advance. She got it that I was annoyed by what she did and never intended to invite us but made it sound like, it shut you up, you can come to something else we are having. It was like she felt she had to and didn't want to. We had something else anyway, which we knew weeks in advance so we can not attend.
I don't want to be "invited" just to shut me up. I want to be invited because when the plans were made, I was thought of at THAT time, like the plans we have with friends.
Are you serious?? Now I understand why she may not invite you over. You seem like you just want to have an issue with your sister.
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Posted 9/6/15 5:14 PM  |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Mara1017
Honestly it sounds like no matter what your sister does it is not going to be enough for you. Now she is inviting you over and you have an issue with how she invited you.
I agree with this. Just accept that you have the type of relationship you do. You can force her to be something you want. And by continuing to try and talk to her about how she is will just push her away. Maybe when you stop trying to change someone you will actually have a better relationship.
Honestly I just don't get this. You seem to really be pushing the issue with her and it's not changing.
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| Posted 9/6/15 5:30 PM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Need Opinions
I wouldn't rely or depend on other people to keep my kids entertained. I would appreciate the invites but never expect them from anybody. I get the point you are trying to make that family should be more "inviting" but there is obviously more to the story here and a reason why there is some distance between you and her.
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| Posted 9/6/15 9:06 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Need Opinions
Just go to the pool party. Your friends are instigating trouble between the two of you. Who cares how you got the invite. My siblings and I text invites all the time, even at the last minute. Some things are planned weeks in advance, and other times, it is last minute. I really feel that nothing your sister does is good enough for you. So what she has a pool? There is a huge difference between male and female cousins, even if they are similar ages. They will hang out as family, but not friends. I see this in my own family too. There is nothing wrong with that. You should seek a therapist to discuss your feelings of jealousy. I honestly feel badly for your sister, because nothing she does is good enough for you, why is that. why can't you accept her for who she is unconditionally?
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| Posted 9/7/15 6:57 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Honestly at this point I think I would focus on your other friendships and ties and continue to cherish and build those. It sucks that family ties aren't always what we want but that's when having good friends is important. :)
I wouldn't pay her any mind and maybe would pull back a bit and just have fun on your own.
Yes I think that is what I am going to do. I will be the bigger person and invite her to parties I have. She has the choice to come or not, she usually does (as she is nosy and did try and follow one of my ex-friends on fb years ago which makes NO sense to me, why does someone do that?). Other than that, I am not getting upset anymore as it is not worth it and I have friends who are more like family who WANT to spend time with me and my family.
 you want a relationship with her supposedly, but then complain that she is coming over because she is nosy.
Honestly, you sound like some people with personality disorders I know.
Which would take therapy to help make a dent in, not LIF.
Wow, thanks for your advice. Seems you have a problem walking away. 
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| Posted 9/7/15 8:57 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by olive98
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
OK, now I'm really confused.
How is that not an invite?
I often get impromptu last minute texts to stuff.
An invite is still an invite.
After pages of posts, are you going at least?!
My sister is not a "last minute" type of person. If she is having a party or bbq or whatever, she knows weeks in advance. She got it that I was annoyed by what she did and never intended to invite us but made it sound like, it shut you up, you can come to something else we are having. It was like she felt she had to and didn't want to. We had something else anyway, which we knew weeks in advance so we can not attend.
I don't want to be "invited" just to shut me up. I want to be invited because when the plans were made, I was thought of at THAT time, like the plans we have with friends.
Are you serious?? Now I understand why she may not invite you over. You seem like you just want to have an issue with your sister.
Ummm...no and funny as I talked to another person yesterday and they said the EXACT same thing without that it was not an invite so I go by someone who actually knows the situation and person.
I want NO issues as I am too old for this drama crap. I guess I just want the same relationship I have with my friends and it seems I never will. Oh well.
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| Posted 9/7/15 8:59 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by alli3131
Posted by Mara1017
Honestly it sounds like no matter what your sister does it is not going to be enough for you. Now she is inviting you over and you have an issue with how she invited you.
I agree with this. Just accept that you have the type of relationship you do. You can force her to be something you want. And by continuing to try and talk to her about how she is will just push her away. Maybe when you stop trying to change someone you will actually have a better relationship.
Honestly I just don't get this. You seem to really be pushing the issue with her and it's not changing.
Not really as I asked one question, got the pity invite and have left it alone and don't plan to say another word about it.
Thanks :)
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| Posted 9/7/15 9:01 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by adeline27
I wouldn't rely or depend on other people to keep my kids entertained. I would appreciate the invites but never expect them from anybody. I get the point you are trying to make that family should be more "inviting" but there is obviously more to the story here and a reason why there is some distance between you and her.
Thanks and I would LOVE to know the more to the story as she has never told us. I would rather have the honest truth than to skirt around issues. Maybe that is why I get along so well with my friends as we don't sweep things under the rug and fluff everything. When we have a problem with each other, we sit down and talk like adults. Not just ignore the problem and make the other person feel like they are wrong.
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| Posted 9/7/15 9:02 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by LSP2005
Just go to the pool party. Your friends are instigating trouble between the two of you. Who cares how you got the invite. My siblings and I text invites all the time, even at the last minute. Some things are planned weeks in advance, and other times, it is last minute. I really feel that nothing your sister does is good enough for you. So what she has a pool? There is a huge difference between male and female cousins, even if they are similar ages. They will hang out as family, but not friends. I see this in my own family too. There is nothing wrong with that. You should seek a therapist to discuss your feelings of jealousy. I honestly feel badly for your sister, because nothing she does is good enough for you, why is that. why can't you accept her for who she is unconditionally?
Thanks but like I said I had another party that was I was invited to first and went there and had a better time as I would have felt like it was a pity invite (as it was as we were never going to be invited in the first place).
Not sure what I would be jealous of. I honestly would not want to have to live the life she does trying to impress everyone and keeping up with the Joneses. Too tiring, too many jobs to have to have to do that. Too many "friends" who are all just trying to one each other up.
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| Posted 9/7/15 9:10 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
If you want to work on the relationship with your sister, you are going to have to let some things in the past, event the very recent past, slide.
In order to move forward with a better, stronger relationship, you can't harp on the past (again, even VERY recent past). It will just drag you down. Either go to the barbecue and see if you can work toward a better future, or accept that you and your sister are not going to have the relationship you've envisioned.
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| Posted 9/7/15 11:15 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by oldtimerocknroll
If you want to work on the relationship with your sister, you are going to have to let some things in the past, event the very recent past, slide.
In order to move forward with a better, stronger relationship, you can't harp on the past (again, even VERY recent past). It will just drag you down. Either go to the barbecue and see if you can work toward a better future, or accept that you and your sister are not going to have the relationship you've envisioned.
Thanks, I am realizing that and actually said that to my dh as it is not worth it.
The bbq was this weekend already so can't go and did go to friend's bbq and had a great time there 
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| Posted 9/7/15 12:27 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
I read every single post here because I have to say I could probably earn an honorary doctorate in f*cked up family issues.
Here is what I think:
With every post you make about your sister on this thread, you open the door wider and wider on your feelings for her. I am not saying you are wrong or right, but you clearly have issues with her and I am sure they come out in passive aggressive ways towards her. And if you have those issues and they come out, your kids by default have those issues and they come out.
Just because sister and DD text everyday does not mean they are close - if she is nosy maybe she is finding she can get info out of DD, but she is not worth having over to swim in her pool. Maybe.
I have a feeling there are a lifetime of issues and resentments that we are not privy to that also contribute to your kids nearing adulthood and not being included in family things.
When you have any issues with a person, they show - no matter how hard you try to keep those cards close to your chest, they still show.
That being said, it would be nice for your sister to invite the kids over more often, but there is a definite reason she does not and we cannot possibly know what it is. If she is not giving you a straight answer, there is a definite reason she won't, and we also cannot possibly know what it is.
If it means that much to you, I would ask her when school is back in session to go out for coffee, sit down with her, and ask her point blank what is up. Tell her how much she means to you, how much you want your kids to have their cousins, etc. And then really listen to her answer without chiming in, without interrupting. Don't feel the need to answer immediately. Don;t answer at all. sit with the answer and maybe in another week or 2 ask her out for coffee again and tell her you have been thinking and here is your response (make that response well thought out and not defensive).
This is not about the pool or your kids, IMO. This is something way deeper.
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| Posted 9/7/15 3:58 PM |
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quasi3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/07 1764 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Need Opinions
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| Posted 9/7/15 4:11 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by lipglossjunky73
I read every single post here because I have to say I could probably earn an honorary doctorate in f*cked up family issues.
Here is what I think:
With every post you make about your sister on this thread, you open the door wider and wider on your feelings for her. I am not saying you are wrong or right, but you clearly have issues with her and I am sure they come out in passive aggressive ways towards her. And if you have those issues and they come out, your kids by default have those issues and they come out.
Just because sister and DD text everyday does not mean they are close - if she is nosy maybe she is finding she can get info out of DD, but she is not worth having over to swim in her pool. Maybe.
I have a feeling there are a lifetime of issues and resentments that we are not privy to that also contribute to your kids nearing adulthood and not being included in family things.
When you have any issues with a person, they show - no matter how hard you try to keep those cards close to your chest, they still show.
That being said, it would be nice for your sister to invite the kids over more often, but there is a definite reason she does not and we cannot possibly know what it is. If she is not giving you a straight answer, there is a definite reason she won't, and we also cannot possibly know what it is.
If it means that much to you, I would ask her when school is back in session to go out for coffee, sit down with her, and ask her point blank what is up. Tell her how much she means to you, how much you want your kids to have their cousins, etc. And then really listen to her answer without chiming in, without interrupting. Don't feel the need to answer immediately. Don;t answer at all. sit with the answer and maybe in another week or 2 ask her out for coffee again and tell her you have been thinking and here is your response (make that response well thought out and not defensive).
This is not about the pool or your kids, IMO. This is something way deeper.
Thanks so much and I agree that there is something deeper and that we are unaware of.
I think we are very different too as her friends are more snobby and materialistic then mine and always have been and she is the same way. I am not impressed by money and we don't have to work as hard and as many jobs to survive like they do. Their relationship is a lot different too. They don't seem as close and don't communicate as much as my dh and I do. Maybe she just feels more comfortable with people who need to "struggle" as much as they do then people who are a little older, don't care about what people think of themselves and what kind of bag they carry as that is how myself and my friends are.
Who knows. I am not going to kill myself to try and make it different anymore. If she wants to, the ball is in her court.
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| Posted 9/7/15 6:38 PM |
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an9elic
♥ HJ ♥
Member since 6/07 3331 total posts
Name:
kristen
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Katareen
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Katareen
Posted by afternoondelight828
I think it really is the person she is as I have friends who have offered their pool for us to use with or without them there and have been to their houses more than my own family.
Family should come first before friends and I find it sad when they don't but I guess some people are just that way.
I don't think it's fair to say that she's not putting "family first"... This isn't a life or death situation it's the use of the pool. It's not like she's choosing a night out with friends over a family event.
Are you sure your kids are behaved over there? I love one of my SIL's but never have her kids over because they're animals.
No, that was not my point. My point was that my dd, asked if she could stop by and was told no. It was adults AND kids, not like it was an all adults party and it was in the middle of the day.
Yes, I am sure my kids are behaved. They are tween and teen and are more than a help than a hinder. lol.
Are you sure she also feels that way? I think most people view their children much differently than others do.
This was my thought too. Maybe her kids do not enjoy spending time with your kids, maybe your sister thinks your kids are a lot of work or not well behaved.. who knows? It sounds like for whatever reason they don't want your kids there when they have their friends over. I am still reading replies, so I am sorry if this has been addressed already. Sounds to me like you should find alternate means for entertaining your kids in the summer. Sorry you're dealing with this and sorry if my response sounds rude, I do not mean it to be. I am playing devil's advocate for your sister and her kids. Good luck!
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| Posted 9/8/15 8:02 PM |
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an9elic
♥ HJ ♥
Member since 6/07 3331 total posts
Name:
kristen
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
You know, I keep reading your posts and obviously this is a very strong issue for you that you wish were better....but...I can't help but notice how critical and judgmental you sound about your sister.
Your last post even said she was not very mature and adult-like.
I know this is just a forum and I could be reading into it, but IMO I am wondering if you are coming off like this IRL.
And like I said a ton of pages back....it's not just here but in other posts you've written. It seems to be a common theme against the human race when you don't get what you want.
I say this not to start drama, but hopefully for you to start thinking about how you come off.
Not everyone in the world is going to respond how we want them to. And that's not going to change no matter how often we write about it on LIF or ***** about it IRL.
"Not everyone in the world is going to respond how we want them to"
I totally agree with you on this. I have been fighting so hard for some things in life for so long that I have come to the reality that some things will just not change, no matter what I do.
She is a very materialistic type of person, very impressed by money and we are very different in the way we go about things so that might be the main problem. My friends are more down to earth while hers are snobby and snotty (and yes I have known them a long time to make this judgement).
Well here we go, this is probably why your sister doesn't want to mix family/friends at her get-togethers. She can probably tell you feel that way about her and her friends... and they probably do not like you as much as you don't like them. 
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| Posted 9/8/15 8:18 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by an9elic
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
You know, I keep reading your posts and obviously this is a very strong issue for you that you wish were better....but...I can't help but notice how critical and judgmental you sound about your sister.
Your last post even said she was not very mature and adult-like.
I know this is just a forum and I could be reading into it, but IMO I am wondering if you are coming off like this IRL.
And like I said a ton of pages back....it's not just here but in other posts you've written. It seems to be a common theme against the human race when you don't get what you want.
I say this not to start drama, but hopefully for you to start thinking about how you come off.
Not everyone in the world is going to respond how we want them to. And that's not going to change no matter how often we write about it on LIF or ***** about it IRL.
"Not everyone in the world is going to respond how we want them to"
I totally agree with you on this. I have been fighting so hard for some things in life for so long that I have come to the reality that some things will just not change, no matter what I do.
She is a very materialistic type of person, very impressed by money and we are very different in the way we go about things so that might be the main problem. My friends are more down to earth while hers are snobby and snotty (and yes I have known them a long time to make this judgement).
Well here we go, this is probably why your sister doesn't want to mix family/friends at her get-togethers. She can probably tell you feel that way about her and her friends... and they probably do not like you as much as you don't like them.
I have never spoken to her about how I feel about her friends. I am friendly and cordial with them whenever I am around them, as well as my dh.
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| Posted 9/9/15 10:20 AM |
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summertime
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/10 852 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
I don't get why your kids r sitting home all day if your husband is home in the afternoons? It doesnt take much money to hit the beach or a park for a hike, etc... Not eveyday but it should be possible a few days a week. Also why not coordinate playdates with friends?
I get why you are upset about them not being asked to your sisters but there sounds like there is something else there. I would either have a real conversation with her about it or move on.
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| Posted 9/9/15 10:32 AM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by lipglossjunky73
I read every single post here because I have to say I could probably earn an honorary doctorate in f*cked up family issues.
Here is what I think:
With every post you make about your sister on this thread, you open the door wider and wider on your feelings for her. I am not saying you are wrong or right, but you clearly have issues with her and I am sure they come out in passive aggressive ways towards her. And if you have those issues and they come out, your kids by default have those issues and they come out.
Just because sister and DD text everyday does not mean they are close - if she is nosy maybe she is finding she can get info out of DD, but she is not worth having over to swim in her pool. Maybe.
I have a feeling there are a lifetime of issues and resentments that we are not privy to that also contribute to your kids nearing adulthood and not being included in family things.
When you have any issues with a person, they show - no matter how hard you try to keep those cards close to your chest, they still show.
That being said, it would be nice for your sister to invite the kids over more often, but there is a definite reason she does not and we cannot possibly know what it is. If she is not giving you a straight answer, there is a definite reason she won't, and we also cannot possibly know what it is.
If it means that much to you, I would ask her when school is back in session to go out for coffee, sit down with her, and ask her point blank what is up. Tell her how much she means to you, how much you want your kids to have their cousins, etc. And then really listen to her answer without chiming in, without interrupting. Don't feel the need to answer immediately. Don;t answer at all. sit with the answer and maybe in another week or 2 ask her out for coffee again and tell her you have been thinking and here is your response (make that response well thought out and not defensive).
This is not about the pool or your kids, IMO. This is something way deeper.
Thanks so much and I agree that there is something deeper and that we are unaware of.
I think we are very different too as her friends are more snobby and materialistic then mine and always have been and she is the same way. I am not impressed by money and we don't have to work as hard and as many jobs to survive like they do. Their relationship is a lot different too. They don't seem as close and don't communicate as much as my dh and I do. Maybe she just feels more comfortable with people who need to "struggle" as much as they do then people who are a little older, don't care about what people think of themselves and what kind of bag they carry as that is how myself and my friends are.
Who knows. I am not going to kill myself to try and make it different anymore. If she wants to, the ball is in her court.
But tell us what you REALLY think of her 
This is one of the most condescending things I've ever read on here. Sounds like you don't respect anything about your sister's life. Not to mention it oozes of jealousy, whether you even realize it or not (you don't I'm sure, and I'm sure you're going to tell me how wrong I am).
I have a really good idea about why she doesn't want you and your family around much, and I don't blame her. Based on how you interacted in this thread, she probably knows by now not to bother voicing her opinions to you - it's exhausting and accomplishes nothing.
Let it go. You said you have amazing friends so focus on those relationships instead. A lot of people are closer to friends than they are siblings. It is what it is.
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| Posted 9/9/15 11:00 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by lipglossjunky73
I read every single post here because I have to say I could probably earn an honorary doctorate in f*cked up family issues.
Here is what I think:
With every post you make about your sister on this thread, you open the door wider and wider on your feelings for her. I am not saying you are wrong or right, but you clearly have issues with her and I am sure they come out in passive aggressive ways towards her. And if you have those issues and they come out, your kids by default have those issues and they come out.
Just because sister and DD text everyday does not mean they are close - if she is nosy maybe she is finding she can get info out of DD, but she is not worth having over to swim in her pool. Maybe.
I have a feeling there are a lifetime of issues and resentments that we are not privy to that also contribute to your kids nearing adulthood and not being included in family things.
When you have any issues with a person, they show - no matter how hard you try to keep those cards close to your chest, they still show.
That being said, it would be nice for your sister to invite the kids over more often, but there is a definite reason she does not and we cannot possibly know what it is. If she is not giving you a straight answer, there is a definite reason she won't, and we also cannot possibly know what it is.
If it means that much to you, I would ask her when school is back in session to go out for coffee, sit down with her, and ask her point blank what is up. Tell her how much she means to you, how much you want your kids to have their cousins, etc. And then really listen to her answer without chiming in, without interrupting. Don't feel the need to answer immediately. Don;t answer at all. sit with the answer and maybe in another week or 2 ask her out for coffee again and tell her you have been thinking and here is your response (make that response well thought out and not defensive).
This is not about the pool or your kids, IMO. This is something way deeper.
Thanks so much and I agree that there is something deeper and that we are unaware of.
I think we are very different too as her friends are more snobby and materialistic then mine and always have been and she is the same way. I am not impressed by money and we don't have to work as hard and as many jobs to survive like they do. Their relationship is a lot different too. They don't seem as close and don't communicate as much as my dh and I do. Maybe she just feels more comfortable with people who need to "struggle" as much as they do then people who are a little older, don't care about what people think of themselves and what kind of bag they carry as that is how myself and my friends are.
Who knows. I am not going to kill myself to try and make it different anymore. If she wants to, the ball is in her court.
this sounds horribly judgemental, kind of obnoxious, and tells me you don't particularly like your sister at all .......so why the push to be invited to spend time with her and her friends? As someone previously said, your attitide comes across ......if you're so easy to say all of the above things, I'm SURE it's obvious that is the way you feel about her, and i'd be you probably even verbalized it before .......
If she wouldn't 'fit in' with your friends, and you don't like hers .......why would you WANT to comingle?
I do it b/c everyone in my circle is basicallyon the same page - those who are not, I don't hang out with aside from the obligatory family events ........so, just accept your relationship for what it is and move on. It's NICE is sisters are also BFFs, but it's not a guaranteed thing. -
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| Posted 9/9/15 12:06 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Sorry everyone. I just tell it like it is. I don't fluff anything and I also don't try and keep up with the Joneses. I can't stand that lifestyle and I guess I should be happy not to be invited to parties with these people.
I guess it is just basically that you can't pick your family so the friends that you do, they are considered family more sometimes.
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| Posted 9/9/15 12:24 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Sorry everyone. I just tell it like it is. I don't fluff anything and I also don't try and keep up with the Joneses. I can't stand that lifestyle and I guess I should be happy not to be invited to parties with these people.
You can't stand her lifestyle yet you want to use her for her pool. Ok.
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| Posted 9/9/15 12:32 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by JME78
Posted by afternoondelight828
Sorry everyone. I just tell it like it is. I don't fluff anything and I also don't try and keep up with the Joneses. I can't stand that lifestyle and I guess I should be happy not to be invited to parties with these people.
You can't stand her lifestyle yet you want to use her for her pool. Ok.
No, I did not say that. If you got the entire gist of this thread, it would be, I would like my children to have close cousins since they are close in distance and close in age.
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| Posted 9/9/15 12:37 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Why do you want to be invited to her parties if you don't like her friends? Why would be expect her to invite you if she senses you are uncomfortable around her friends? I'm sure she can sense that you are just being cordial and not your relaxed self.
I do think it's just as judgemental to assess someone by what they do have as it is to judge by what someone else dosent have.
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| Posted 9/9/15 12:39 PM |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Sorry everyone. I just tell it like it is. I don't fluff anything and I also don't try and keep up with the Joneses. I can't stand that lifestyle and I guess I should be happy not to be invited to parties with these people.
I guess it is just basically that you can't pick your family so the friends that you do, they are considered family more sometimes.
That is sage advice. Also, keep in mind that the feelings may be mutual which, thus, may be the reason for the lack of invitations for the pool.
I have no relationship with my sister because, in general, I don't like her as a person.
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| Posted 9/9/15 12:43 PM |
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