I was told I am a bad mom

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just to vent, but here it goes. DS is 2.5 and since it's so cold out and a lot of indoor play places are closed today, we took him to the mall to play in the play area. We go a lot, to 2 different malls without ever having an issue. DH was with me, so we were both watching DS play. We weren't playing on our phones or anything like that, we were just chatting occasionally and watching him while we sat. Well after about a half hour a woman with a little girl taps me on the shoulder as she's leaving and asks me "where were you when your son was pushing my daughter and all the other children? I had to discipline him. Great parenting." And walks away.

I have been a helicopter parent until the last couple of months now that he's older and plays well with other kids. So I wasn't right on top of him but I was watching and NEVER saw him push anyone. He's in daycare 5 days a week and I've never been told he was pushing anyone. So I was stunned. The only thing I can think is that when he was going on the slide maybe he pushed past kids and didn't wait his turn? It's an enclosed slide and there's no place to sit where you can see into the enclosed part. So if that happened, I didn't see. And if that's what happened, to me that's not really pushing but still inappropriate. Regardless I told DS he is not allowed to push and he has to wait his turn. I'm terribly embarrassed and upset. I really thought he was being well behaved and now I feel like the worst mom. Ugh

At that age did you/do you stay right on top of them at public play areas? It was very crowded and the kids were running like maniacs so I also felt like hovering would only add to the chaos but maybe that's wrong? Sorry this is so long, can you tell the mommy guilt is getting to me??

I was told I am a bad mom

my ds is 3 and i am rarely on top pf him unless we are at the playground and he is on a high slide type of thing. kids push......ALL of them do so if this mom thinks her girl doesn't she is living in a dream world.

ignore her and don't let it get to you.....i am sure some parent may have to tell her daughter not to push.....its just life.

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

I think at 2.5 at a mall you need to be on top of him particularly if it is crowded. My DD is almost five and I always am nearby. What if someone took him? A child always needs to be in view for a lot of reasons. Too many things can happen. Two and a half is still very young.

Message edited 1/1/2015 4:57:18 PM.

I was told I am a bad mom

My DD is 2.5 and I'm all over her at playgrounds, etc.
But, I think it's a really crappy way that the other mom told you. I prob wouldn't have said anything if I was her. Or, at the very least I'd say something politely.

Message edited 1/1/2015 5:07:15 PM.

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

I.am.all over DD in public places only due to my own paranoia, but if some strange b!tch ever said that to me I would have probably called her the C word and it wouldn't have been pretty. .

Message edited 1/1/2015 5:18:28 PM.

I was told I am a bad mom

So sorry that happened to you. Are you talking about the smith haven play area? I ask bc the slide there makes it impossible to watch your kid the whole time. I can't stand the way that place is designed. I try to keep my eyes on dd at all times but you literally can't even if you're up following them around. It sounds like that mom had a chip on her shoulder to make it sound like your kids was pushing everyone when you were watching most of the time. No kid is perfect and no parent catches everything that happens. Don't let it get to you

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

Ok I might border on helicopter parent bc I have anxiety and fears that someone can hurt or kidnap my kids so I'm like a hawk at public places and maybe sometimes to some it could be seen as too much ....with that said I have been that parent where her kids were being bullied at a park etc and I let it go and let it go waiting for the parent of "said bully" to step in and discipline only for no one to do a thing and then I'm put in a position to have to say something to someone else's kid ....it is extremely frustrating to be put in that situation and it's actually a big pet peeve of mine to be at a public place watching my kids and disciplining them when necessary only to have to do the same with strangers children when what they are doing is affecting mine....I understand that you don't want to be a helicopter parent and I understand that you didn't personally see the pushing being done by your child but that doesn't mean he didnt .....I'm hoping she was just a
b-itch and she was overreacting which is a strong possibility but it is also possible that you didn't
witness what was going on bc like you said it would've been out of your ds character to push and bc you did say you were talking to someone at the time so that might've been a distraction....now with all that said I don't by farrrr think you're a bad mom I think it's normal to not always be on "your game" as a parent (if ds did in fact push kids in the first place) and I wouldn't let it bother you to the point that you truly believe this makes you a bad mom but if it were me I would use this as a lesson for myself to pay attention more for my own piece of mind

Message edited 1/1/2015 6:06:03 PM.

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

Im not standing right behind my kids but i can always see them. If they push i tell them no. But im not one to stand right next to them and hover.

ETA: you shouldnt feel like a bad mom. Stuff happens and maybe that mom was being overly protective. When we were at Epcot at a splash station my DS was stomping in the water and got a little girl wet. Her mom came up to my dS and said WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER?? I was literally standing a foot away and I said im standing right here whats your problem? She was surprised didnt think i was his mom and said your son got my daughter wet. I said if you dont want her wet you should remove her from the SPLASH station. So she did. Some parents are just a$$holes. You cant change stupid lol.

Message edited 1/1/2015 6:55:01 PM.

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

You're not a bad mom & you did nothing wrong. People are a*sholes, plain & simple.

I was told I am a bad mom

Wow I can't believe she said something. I have had to say no pushing, or hitting, or whatever to other parents children, but I would never say anything to them unless they said something to me. I try to stay on top of my 3 year old, but let's face it, at some point we look down or whatever we are not 100% engaged for whatever reason. I am sure someone has corrected my kid at some point too. Kids will be kids, all she had to do was tells yours to stop pushing and move on.

I was told I am a bad mom

I like those play areas. I sit down and let DS play. I try not to hover, but I'm always watching him. I have seen a few parents not pay attention at all when my DS is almost pushed over. Kids are kids and I make sure I'm keeping an eye on my son. If he knocks someone over or tries to do something he's not supposed to (like climb up a slide), I discipline him. Sometimes he'll be borderline bad (push past someone, etc) and I don't say anything. You're not a bad mom. We all need to cut each other a little slack- raising kids is hard!

I was told I am a bad mom

Public malls or parks or beaches we are always keeping an eye on dc.... there are just too many kid snatchers or pedophiles.

I have seen kids get pushed past alot on the public playgrounds mainly it seems the older kida too impatient for the younger ones to go through

I was told I am a bad mom

I definitely don't think you did anything wrong. I hate that slide bc there really is no where to sit so you can see what's going on inside it. When we first started taking dd there, before she was 2 and still needed help, we would take turns following her around and making sure other kids didn't push her. There were times we had to tell other kids to be careful around her or to wait their turn, but we never went over and blamed their parents. It's just kids having fun in a small area so there's bound to be some pushing and bumping into each other. Now that dd is 2 and a little more independent, we tend to sit on the benches within the play area and let her roam freely, but we always cringe when she goes into that stupid slide. I think that the fact that they have signs up to take shoes off makes it so parents are less likely to follow their kids around. I would love to stay right next to dd the whole time, but I don't want to take my shoes off and I don't want other parents getting mad that I'm walking on the mats with shoes. Don't sweat it. It might not have even been your son pushing. If you didn't see him pushing, the maybe it was another kid and that mom mistook him for your son. Either way, she could have told you sooner and in a nicer way.

I was told I am a bad mom

I just want to clarify that DH and I were both watching him in the play area, and I always watch him when we go to public play areas. I was more asking if it's expected/appropriate to physically follow him around the play area in this setting. At an outdoor playground, I absolutely follow his every move. It is wide open and he could run off, the playgrounds are much higher and more dangerous, etc. At the mall play area though, it is enclosed and much smaller. I used to follow his every step but other kids ended up slamming into me, I was blocking their way on the slide, etc and THAT seemed to annoy parents too because nobody else was doing it lol.

I just don't want it to come across that we weren't watching him at all. Obviously we missed something if this woman was that upset, so I know I'm not perfect. But I watched as a much older kid slammed into DS and he was knocked to the ground and cried. The kid kept running, nobody apologized, I didn't say anything. He was fine. It happens, I wasn't upset. So I was surprised at the reaction and the way it was handled.

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

DD is almost 4 and I freak out of I can't see her for 2 seconds. I wouldn't be able to sit and chat and not have my eyes on her (or my younger DS) at all times. I'm very paranoid about someone doing something bad or my kids accidentally hurting another kid.

I'd probably stay closer and watch more carefully next time. I've seen my DD push before and she's typically very polite.

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

My kid is 6 and I'm just NOW letting that rein loose. But like previous poster said you could be standing right NEXT To them and there's always 'that one mom'. Around 5 I told AJ to stop crying if someone pushes her and push back (yeah there's bad mom award material) The mom next to me was shocked and then realized it was her kid doing the pushing. LOL I had said it on purpose. "If that little boy in the blue shirt with green stripes pushes you again for like the 5th time, shove him back. Just be prepared to run cause he's a lot bigger than you" To AJ's credit she did not shove back. But the other mother stepped up to her kid and told him not to push AJ anymore (that little girl). If you won't watch your kid, I will. But I'm also the mom who sends her bigger daughter to look after smaller kids.

I don't discipline other kids. I will suggest they play nicer or differently but never would assume to discipline them. I have enough fun doing that to mine thanks ever so much!

I do hate that AJ will say that kid did this and no one told him/her not to, why can't I? Because *I* am *YOUR* mother and you will NOT jump off the highest surface you can find backwards and hope you can twist in time to stop your fall or break an ARM because TMNT can do it!

This woman sounds like she was just all around pissy. Remember us moms have bad days too where EVERYTHING bothers us. I am so guilty of this. I won't take it out on AJ but if some kid shoves her I am loud about it. "HEY be careful, she's smaller than YOU!" haha Guilty as charged. Jim will usually tell me "have a snickers" which is my sign to chill out. (I don't actually eat snickers but we all know the commercials)

On a side note, I love when Jim loses it on some pushy mom or dad. He's much more quiet than me and really you don't ever see him angry but if this had happened to him I can nearly hear him saying "Get off that cross, use the wood, build a bridge and get over it!" then walking away. But that's only when he's already pretty angry to start with. He looks so unassuming and nonaggressive. Then he drops that bomb and calmly walks way and you just see folks staring at him. I so him when he gets a little defensive of AJ. LOL Altho I hate that is so very rare to happen.

ETA: in general AJ runs by these rules
1: Boys are pushy and play rough, be warned
2: Always keep an eye on the smaller kids, they aren't as fast and are easily pushed over
3: Big a good girl (girl scout) and be kind.
4: if all else fails, step away.

She'll come over and say "Mama I am gonna sit with you awhile, those kids are rough" haha

Message edited 1/2/2015 9:53:20 AM.

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

You can't be on top of them every second. If this lady had a problem she could have just said it nicely. She was a ****** and I would just let it go. You aren't a bad parent.

Re: I was told I am a bad mom

Yes, at 2.5 I would personally stick pretty close by my child in a public play area. I don't think your a bad mom at all! I think even the fact that you were upset enough over this incident that you came on here looking for feedback shows you are a great mom trying to do the right thing for your child!

With that said, and while I have NEVER done what that other mother did, I have felt similarly frustrated. So so many times when I have been at the playground over the years there are the moms that sit on the benches (or the nannies) and just let their kids be independent. Unfortunately, the mothers that do follow their kids from equipment to equipment are left being the disciplinarians of the whole group as well as the playmates and entertainers and that is just not fair either. Honestly, it can be very very frustrating and unfair to the other mothers and children. If this woman came to you and complained I think it's pretty much a given that your DS was rough (probably not intentionally) at least once or more times (I highly doubt the woman would have been that frustrated if it were not true) and, the fact that you didn't see it is a bit unsettling honestly because he is 2.5. Having had two 2.5 year olds so far lol I do think it's a bit young and I don't think watching your child and helping them to interact appropriately is being a helicopter parent. Maybe if he was 6 but not at 2.5 - I think it makes you a good parent and is only fair to the other kids and their parents.