So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

Ok this is really long, rambling and doesn't really go anywhere so feel free to skip it. So, I have always felt comfortable with a family of 2 kids. My DS is 2 years old now and I work part time. Originally my DH was under the impression that we would start trying for our 2nd when DS was 1. He came from a family where all 3 boys were 2 years apart (I am 9 years younger then my brother). I was definitely NOT ready at that point and we kind of agreed that 3 years apart would be a good separation for us. So we are getting to that point now and I'm still not sure if I'm ready. I am so worried about my DS and how he will adjust. He has always been high needs/ pretty clingy/the jealous type when it comes to sharing mommy (he's great at his at home daycare). I am worried about my own state of mind and handling something else on my plate. That being said, I'm not sure if waiting another year will make anything "better" or make me more "ready". Also while I had a very easy time getting pregnant with my DS I know there is no guarentee it will be as easy the second time.
My job is also stressful and I'm not sure if maybe that is my biggest concern/holding me back the most. I have a less then understanding boss to put it lightly and do quite a bit of surgery. With DS I had an excellent technician who kept me safe but now we don't and I'm worried about my exposure while pregnant, I'm also scared ****less about telling my boss I'm not comfortable being around anesthetics because he will tell me to man up and that its fine.
Anyway I guess what i'm asking is whether or not people felt completely ready/at ease with the idea of adding to their family or if they were just as scared or unsure as I am. Is having a newborn and a 3 year old a disaster and am I setting my DS up for a lifetime of jealousy? Would waiting till he is 3 to start trying be better for him (he'd be 4 when the new LO would be born)? Financially speaking waiting 7 years would be ideal but biologically speaking not so much lol. Also my DH feels strongly about having them closer together.
Ok if you read this I'm sorry for wasting 4 minutes of your life but sometimes its helpful to get thoughts out on paper. Feel free to leave any thoughts, suggestions, therapist numbers etc

Re: So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

I had my second when my first was three. I think it was a great age difference. My older son is not that easy going abd he adjusted great. The overall experience of having a second child was much easier then I expected. I was a emotional mess after my first abd it took me forever to adjust. With my second, everything came natural to me in regards to taking care of a baby. It's not as easy as having one of course and it's an adjustment but it always is when you bring a newborn home. I don't think waiting another year will make that big of a difference abd now you are making a even bigger age difference. I wanted my kids close in age as well. I just had my third who is two years apart from my middle child now. The two year age difference is a little harder then the three year. He is still so much a baby. Three is a little more independent. I was 9 years apart from my sister. As much as I love my sister and we always got along, I was lonely as a child at times. I always wished I had a sibling closer in age to me.

I feel if you think too much into it, you'll never have another one. There is never a good time to have another baby. It's a huge adjustment abd hard to get used to at first. Then eventually your life adjusts abd you can't imagine your life with out the child. I brought my third home two days ago abd I'm a emotional mess right now. Trying to adjust to three kids. I feel guilty I'm not giving my youngest enough attention. But I know, eventually I will get into a routine and everything will be okay.

Re: So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

My boys are 3.5 years apart. I always thought I wanted them closer to 2.5-3 years apart, but we weren't ready for a variety of reasons. I love the age difference. My kids love each other and there has never been any jealousy. I don't think there's ever a perfect time to have kids.

Re: So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

There's no right or wrong answer here. There's also no "perfect" time when to have another one. I feel like people who have had their second couldn't imagine it any other way. I really don't remember life too much before DS2. I had DS2 when DS1 was about 25 months so they are close in age. DS1 is much more needy and had some delays. He's doing great now, but at 2 it was much harder. DS1 I find to be much easier and independent. I was nervous as well about DS1, but they are the best of friends now at just 5 and almost 3 yrs old. Were they always this way? No! Took time. They ignored each other for a while. DS1 doesn't like change either, but now they are always together. They have each other to cuddle with, play with, and torture mommy with.

So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

My DS will be almost 3.5 when my twins are born. I wanted them closer together, but it just wasn't happening for us. Now I think the age difference will be perfect. DS is such a helper and he's very excited to meet his siblings. We may be crazy, but we are pretty sure we'll be going for a fourth in a couple years. Point is, I don't think there is a "perfect" time, I really feel it will all work itself out.

So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

While I agree there is no perfect time to have another baby, I do think you should feel ready. Having another baby is a huge commitment and you can't go into it just because you feel like you "should".

I thought we'd start trying when DD was 18 months old, but didn't feel ready until she was about 30 months. Its a larger age gap than I wanted, but I also think it will be a huge help that she's independent, talkative, potty trained, etc.

So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

Are you sure two kids is right for you ? It sounds like you have some major doubts that you might want to resolve before you make any big decisions.

Re: So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

I read it and honestly its a personal decision. I know you probably don't want that as an answer. But I can tell you my experience. I felt very comfortable with one child just getting into a good groove. Then I thought well do I want to have a sibling for her? I always thought that I was going to have 2 kids but felt it a bit selfish for not wanting more kids after my first. I did IVF so i really had to plan this and felt blessed with having #1 the next one would be the cherry on top. I went for the inital meeting with my Dr. He told me the good the bad and and said Are you sure you want kids 21 months apart? I left thinking about it. The next thing I knew I was making the appt for the transfer, I knew I didnt want DD to be an only child but i was scared to take the next step. Fast Forward, I was pregnant and worried about how DD would do etc, having 2 under 2 and all that goes with it. I was pregnant and on auto pilot and you know what? it just works. DH works alot and I knew i would be doing the hands on. And yes there are times that i wondered what i was thinking having 2 so close, but life is starting to get interesting with two. DD is great with her and i worried for no reason. We all adjust. Im sure your son will love him/her when you decide now or 4 years from now. Good luck with your decision.
Now that's my 4 min ! LOL

Re: So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences. Even though I know its a personal decision it helps to hear other peoples though processes. I am pretty sure I still want two though I have thought about it more then I ever thought that I would! One and done has definitely crossed my mind and my DH and I have decided that we do still want two children. I was just really hoping I would have that I'm ready now feeling but I'm not sure that it will ever come. I was much more "ready" for the first (though in reality I wasn't ready at all haha). Also even though I was ready for my first that first month trying I was a ball of nerves and insecurity. When we didn't get pregnant on the first month trying then I realized how ready I actually was.

Re: So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

Message edited 6/11/2014 11:33:34 PM.

Re: So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

Like others said, no on can decide what is right for you. IMO neither of your reasons would hold me back - a job is a job and I would not plan my family around a fear of talking to my boss. I have no medical knowledge, but if you think something is dangerous (and you have back up for thinking so) then can you go above your boss to get what you need? And at 3 I would think your DS would be so happy to have a sibling. My DDs are 2 years apart and they love each other sooo much, as do all of my friends kids with siblings (all 2-3 years apart). Your DS won't even remember life before DC2. IMO a sibling is a gift you give your child and not something you are taking away from them. I would also consider that your DH sounds like he really wants another.

So confused on whether or not, and when to have another baby

I've been on the fence about having a 2nd. We have gone back and forth and at this moment we are on the no side. I love my little family and one and done might be the way we go but we are waiting and seeing. If you aren't sure I wouldn't push it.