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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Posted by DRMom
We feel the exact way you do. My kids have not been baptized nor will they attend religious education. The only thing I do talk about is Heaven because, quite frankly there is no other good way to explain to a 5 year old what happens when things die. If you don't believe it, I don't think you should send them.
This exactly
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Posted 4/22/14 12:36 PM  |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Need Insight - Religion and Children
Message edited 4/23/2014 10:22:06 AM.
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| Posted 4/22/14 12:49 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Agnostic (borderline Atheist) here
I let her know things and teach her of other faiths. But Faith is what we are taught by our parents. Its that simple.
So I teach my child tolerance and acceptance. They believe in God in a way I don't. They do things we do not. We do things they do not. We do not pray, we instead 'talk to Grandpa'.
I explained that Faith is what they have and what we have. And Faith is something you believe that isn't able to be touched. You just have to believe. Like the way it feels when you stand outside and close your eyes. You can feel the sun and sometimes see it but never touch it. You can not see the wind or taste it but it moves you. Faith is similar. You don't need to touch or feel it to have it move you.
She knows that people believe in god. Some believe in jesus, some to do not. Some pray and some don't. My opinion of god and jesus however have been passed on. Something I won't repeat here out of respect. She is learning that too. The idea is to respect them all.
As long as you strive to do good and be good to others, you are ok in my book, regardless of how you spend your Sundays or what you say before your meals or bed time and to whom you say it to. God has many names, shapes and forms. I am not to judge which is right or wrong. I just want her to know she needs to be good to others and all of nature because its the RIGHT thing to do. Our belief is we don't need a church, book or anyone else to tell that us that fact. Do good on others as much as you can.
Just my $0.02.
Would I send mine to a religious class? No. Has she been exposed? Yes. I just prefer to be the one to tell her what I perceive is the truth versus what others believe. Peer pressure is enough to work with, I couldn't handle a whole class dedicated to it.
My daughter is 5.
We've spoken of god, religion and death as well as afterlife. Oh and birth.. that was the most fun. "God made me".. no darling *I* made you along with dad. So we've had sperm and egg talk because to me... WE made her and my parents made me and so on, god had nothing to do with it.
Fun stuff!
Message edited 4/22/2014 1:29:21 PM.
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| Posted 4/22/14 1:25 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Posted by Xelindrya
Agnostic (borderline Atheist) here
I let her know things and teach her of other faiths. But Faith is what we are taught by our parents. Its that simple.
So I teach my child tolerance and acceptance. They believe in God in a way I don't. They do things we do not. We do things they do not. We do not pray, we instead 'talk to Grandpa'.
I explained that Faith is what they have and what we have. And Faith is something you believe that isn't able to be touched. You just have to believe. Like the way it feels when you stand outside and close your eyes. You can feel the sun and sometimes see it but never touch it. You can not see the wind or taste it but it moves you. Faith is similar. You don't need to touch or feel it to have it move you.
She knows that people believe in god. Some believe in jesus, some to do not. Some pray and some don't. My opinion of god and jesus however have been passed on. Something I won't repeat here out of respect. She is learning that too. The idea is to respect them all.
As long as you strive to do good and be good to others, you are ok in my book, regardless of how you spend your Sundays or what you say before your meals or bed time and to whom you say it to. God has many names, shapes and forms. I am not to judge which is right or wrong. I just want her to know she needs to be good to others and all of nature because its the RIGHT thing to do. Our belief is we don't need a church, book or anyone else to tell that us that fact. Do good on others as much as you can.
Just my $0.02.
Would I send mine to a religious class? No. Has she been exposed? Yes. I just prefer to be the one to tell her what I perceive is the truth versus what others believe. Peer pressure is enough to work with, I couldn't handle a whole class dedicated to it.
My daughter is 5.
We've spoken of god, religion and death as well as afterlife. Oh and birth.. that was the most fun. "God made me".. no darling *I* made you along with dad. So we've had sperm and egg talk because to me... WE made her and my parents made me and so on, god had nothing to do with it.
Fun stuff!
I agree with a lot of what you said.
I too think being a good person and having admirable morals and values begins in the home.
I also am struggling with the idea of somebody else instilling beliefs and faith in my child, especially when they don't necessarily align with my own.
Everyone gave me a lot to think about. Thank you. I appreciate everyone's POV. 
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| Posted 4/22/14 3:38 PM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Posted by Hofstra26
I thought about that actually.
My friend had to actually go back and take classes and get confirmed so she and her DH could marry in a Catholic church.
I thought about the marriage thing, the Godparent thing, and so on. I know it's a lot to consider, that is what makes this decision difficult. 
But the marriage thing, Godparent thing, etc, is only if DC decided to stay Catholic. If you raised them 100% Atheist until they moved out of the house, then in college they decided to be Protestant, they could join a church, get married in that church, and have their DC baptised, etc.
Since you seem torn about religion in general, and don't seem to follow or want to follow the Catholic doctrines, I wouldn't even worry about trying to raise them in that faith.
Right now, your faith seems to be non-practicing Agnostic. There is nothing wrong with embracing whatever you currently believe in. As others have said, you can still expose DC to various religions and beliefs. Actually, if you don't follow any faith, but expose them to many, they can make an informed decision on their own as adults. If you force them into a religion that you don't believe in, they will most likely stick with that religion as adults because "it's how I was raised", or rebel against it because Mom and Dad obviously didn't like it. Either way, it won't necessarily be an informed decision.
There's nothing wrong with being Agnostic, Atheist, or non-theist.
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| Posted 4/22/14 4:13 PM |
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REKoz412
LIF Infant
Member since 5/10 148 total posts
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Need Insight - Religion and Children
Just one more thing to add to your contemplation which may make your decision easier. IF you did put them in CCD or joined another church, are you and your husband willing to attend on Sundays? Because realistically, unless they see their parents "walking the walk" so to speak, kids will not perceive whatever it is you try to instill in them as important.
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| Posted 4/22/14 4:16 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
I am in the EXACT boat as you. I am going to go through with the motions just for tradition sake. I do cringe at the thought of my child being taught Jesus was nailed to the cross, at such a young age. I don't know what I believe at this point in my life and I do cringe. I didn't even really want to get married in a church but did it b/c I was raised Catholic my whole life.  I do feel I have to go through with it b/c it's the religion my family is and for some religious background for my child.
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| Posted 4/22/14 4:24 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
I was raised Catholic, received all my sacraments etc.
My views do not align with the Catholic faith. I did not baptize my child and I will not send them to religious school. I have a lot of trouble with a lot of what organized religion teaches and I do not want my children exposed to that.
We will celebrate Christmas in a secular way but I will not force organized religion on them. You can teach your children values and morals without religion - frankly I am horrified at some of the so called Catholic values.
I don't do things just because it is tradition, or it is what my family has always done, or its what you are supposed to do. I make my own decisions for myself and my family.
Message edited 4/22/2014 4:28:26 PM.
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| Posted 4/22/14 4:27 PM |
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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Need Insight - Religion and Children
I have the same 'problem'.
DH and I were both raised Catholic and were holiday church goers. At least in my family- not sure about his. I know they didn't get their confirmations because it interfered with sports.
Anyway- I am not even a holiday church goer. I don't agree with/believe a lot of what the Catholic church preaches. I now consider myself to be agnostic, as well. I'm not sure what I will do for my girls, though.
ETA: Both of my girls were baptised.
Message edited 4/22/2014 4:36:59 PM.
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| Posted 4/22/14 4:36 PM |
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LotsaLuv
Us
Member since 6/10 4094 total posts
Name:
F
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Need Insight - Religion and Children
Funny that you posted this b/c DH and I are the same. His family is very religious though. I got a whole "talk" on Easter about how I should still be teaching my daughter and letting her decide etc etc. Mind you she is 2.5 We are going to send her to religion when it's time and she can choose her own path from there. I don't plan on changing anything until then, because I am not religous at alll and can't see myself finding my way anytime soon. We did the church thing on Easter with her, and we were even more turned off than we were before.
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| Posted 4/22/14 5:59 PM |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
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S
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Need Insight - Religion and Children
If you are not religious I do not think you should enroll your child in CCD classes. It is expected that the parents will work with the child at home and will attend mass with them on Sundays. It involves a lot more then sitting in a class for one hour a week. I would teach your children about religion from the point of view that there are different religions and so forth- if you child chooses to practice a religion later they can make the choice when they are old enough to do so.
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| Posted 4/22/14 6:08 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Posted by GoldenRod
Posted by Hofstra26
I thought about that actually.
My friend had to actually go back and take classes and get confirmed so she and her DH could marry in a Catholic church.
I thought about the marriage thing, the Godparent thing, and so on. I know it's a lot to consider, that is what makes this decision difficult.
But the marriage thing, Godparent thing, etc, is only if DC decided to stay Catholic. If you raised them 100% Atheist until they moved out of the house, then in college they decided to be Protestant, they could join a church, get married in that church, and have their DC baptised, etc.
Since you seem torn about religion in general, and don't seem to follow or want to follow the Catholic doctrines, I wouldn't even worry about trying to raise them in that faith.
Right now, your faith seems to be non-practicing Agnostic. There is nothing wrong with embracing whatever you currently believe in. As others have said, you can still expose DC to various religions and beliefs. Actually, if you don't follow any faith, but expose them to many, they can make an informed decision on their own as adults. If you force them into a religion that you don't believe in, they will most likely stick with that religion as adults because "it's how I was raised", or rebel against it because Mom and Dad obviously didn't like it. Either way, it won't necessarily be an informed decision.
There's nothing wrong with being Agnostic, Atheist, or non-theist.
You're right. What you're saying makes a lot of sense. Thanks for shedding some light. 
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| Posted 4/22/14 6:12 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Posted by REKoz412
Just one more thing to add to your contemplation which may make your decision easier. IF you did put them in CCD or joined another church, are you and your husband willing to attend on Sundays? Because realistically, unless they see their parents "walking the walk" so to speak, kids will not perceive whatever it is you try to instill in them as important.
No. We really wouldn't all of a sudden be religious and start attending church. It's just not who we are.
Perhaps that's why religion never really resonated with me. My parents seemed to just be going through the motions, we were never really raised with a strong faith.
There is truth in what you say which is why I'm leaning towards not having them attend religion classes. I feel like the teachings and expectations of the church are at odds with my own personal beliefs.
I guess that's really my answer. Looking over what I keep saying and taking into account what everyone else has said I think the reality is sending them makes no sense given where my head is at.
I don't know why but I feel bad about the possibility of not sending them even though I know it's probably the right (and best) decision. Is that weird? I guess because it was always the expectation, maybe I'm just afraid of disappointing anyone.
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| Posted 4/22/14 6:22 PM |
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SandL
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/12 541 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
DH and I were both raised catholic. Fast forward to today, my husband does not believe in god, and I think I'm agnostic. We caught some grief when we got married since it wasn't in a church. When DS was born, everyone already knew we had no intentions of baptizing him, so when comments were made, we just brushed it off. Luckily, it wasn't made into a big deal, but had it been, we would have def done what we wanted. He is our child, and we are choosing not to raise him as a catholic, or any religion at this time. That may change, but at this time, we are not emphasizing religion.
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| Posted 4/22/14 6:27 PM |
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peanutbutter2
Carpe diem!
Member since 11/10 5287 total posts
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Message edited 7/26/2014 8:38:05 AM.
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| Posted 4/22/14 6:50 PM |
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Posted by JDubs
Posted by blu6385
I think about this too though I still have time. I was raised catholic and both my kid were baptized. I still believe in God but I truly believe I don't have to go to church to believe in God and is he ok with that,
I feel the same. We did baptize DS and will send him to religious ed, so that he can have a foundation and then as he gets older, make that decision for himself.
This is what we are doing. I want my kids to have there sacraments because we have them, but they can choose what they want when they are older.
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| Posted 4/22/14 7:28 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
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Janice
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
My 7 yr old goes to CCD.
It is a lot of work.
We must go to mass each Sunday.
He is only allowed 2 absences for the year.
Communion is a 2 yr program.
I cannot see doing all this work if you really are not into it.
Dh is not catholic. There is no way all this work would not get done if it wasn't for me.
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| Posted 4/22/14 8:38 PM |
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nraboni
Uggh...
Member since 10/09 6905 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Posted by JME78
I was raised Catholic, received all my sacraments etc.
My views do not align with the Catholic faith. I did not baptize my child and I will not send them to religious school. I have a lot of trouble with a lot of what organized religion teaches and I do not want my children exposed to that.
We will celebrate Christmas in a secular way but I will not force organized religion on them. You can teach your children values and morals without religion - frankly I am horrified at some of the so called Catholic values.
I don't do things just because it is tradition, or it is what my family has always done, or its what you are supposed to do. I make my own decisions for myself and my family.
This is exactly how I feel too.
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| Posted 4/22/14 8:45 PM |
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IVFmiracle
Complete
Member since 12/12 4088 total posts
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Sounds like you could do your own religious program for the kids and talk about the things you want ie:heaven on an as need basis. If you choose to go the religious ed route, you might have to be prepared to answer the difficult questions about Jesus and his super powers.
DH and I were both raised in serious Catholic households. Went to church every Sunday, were involved ourselves, etc. now, we have decided we don't believe in Catholocism, or Christianity in general.
We checked out some other options, but have found that our beliefs are really unique. Since our families celebrate Christmas and Easter we wanted our children to be included so we decided on the following...
No baptism, no church unless someone is celebrating something and wants us to attend. Our children will also be at Jewish celebrations, Hindu celebrations etc of friends and family. This way they can be exposed to different things and choose their own path.
Christmas is a celebration of our ancestors who had to fight to survive. We are going the Pagan route and focusing on the burning of the tree. We will also do presents. Easter is about the coming of Spring. We will color Easter Eggs and have Easter baskets.
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| Posted 4/22/14 8:53 PM |
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Sixofus
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/13 594 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Posted by REKoz412
Just one more thing to add to your contemplation which may make your decision easier. IF you did put them in CCD or joined another church, are you and your husband willing to attend on Sundays? Because realistically, unless they see their parents "walking the walk" so to speak, kids will not perceive whatever it is you try to instill in them as important.
ITA. My ds is making his communion in a few weeks, and while dh and I consider ourselves Catholic, life had gotten in the way and we werent exactly regulars at church. We have really had to step it up this year. It is a big commitment and would be very hard to do if we weren't wholehearted believers.
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| Posted 4/22/14 9:52 PM |
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LIRascal
drama. daily.
Member since 3/11 7287 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
Posted by GoldenRod
Unitarian Universalist might be a good starting point. We're not religious, but DW and I are looking into them. They accept people of all belief backgrounds. Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Agnostics, Atheists, etc. It would be a good way to get exposure to a lot of cultures and belief systems, but not be forced into a particular doctrine that you don't believe.
I was going to suggest this! It's about celebrating people, good deeds, and being a good and kind person all around without having religion forced down anyone's throat. I've never met a more understanding and welcoming bunch of people of different faiths, backgrounds and sexual orientations as I have in my best friend's Unitarian church. She and DH were both raised catholic and feel just like you do. It was refreshing.
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| Posted 4/22/14 10:02 PM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children
OP: I could have written your post almost word for word. My DS just turned 4 so I have a little time but I'm not sure what to do.
Posted by Goobster
I do cringe at the thought of my child being taught Jesus was nailed to the cross, at such a young age.
What I have to say is probably my most vivid childhood memory is being around 7-8 years old and standing there while my mother made alterations to my Girls Scouts uniform crying hysterically because I found out that day that Jesus was nailed to a cross and I couldn't figure out how someone could do something so horrible to someone else.
I think I turned out ok and all  but every time I think about that I start to lean towards NO.
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| Posted 4/22/14 10:23 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Need Insight - Religion and Children
I would not put them through religion and communion if you don't believe in it yourself. I feel like many people do this because it's expected and not what they eleven in...
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| Posted 4/22/14 10:30 PM |
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MommaG
Yay Spring!
Member since 5/05 5133 total posts
Name:
Gloria
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Need Insight - Religion and Children
As someone who goes to church on a regular basis and has a DS in Catholic school, I would say don't send them. At times I go to mass and I see adults who obviously have no interest and no idea what they should be doing during the mass, and are there just for the kids and I wonder why they would bother - why they would teach them something that is obviously not important to them and holds very little if any meaning to them.
I also went to Catholic school and we learned about religions - mainly Catholicism, but also many other religions. We were exposed to many different traditions and religious beliefs and I think that is something you can do on your own with your DC if you choose. You can teach them (or learn together) about various religions and maybe one will ring true for you. To me, it just seems hypercritical to put your DC in CCD when you can't encourage them or explain questions that they have because you don't believe. If you look at various religions together, you can explore them as a family and see what happens.
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| Posted 4/22/14 11:57 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Need Insight - Religion and Children
One last thing. Whether they go to religious class or not. You need to have your head on straight. haha I got caught on that.
I was raised by a Pentecostal and a Catholic. As fun as a childhood can get! So as I grew up and went to other churches and found my own way and I do believe what I believe it is STILL instilled into me the belief of my parents. I went to Catholic school as a child. There was no making up my own mind later without serious internal struggle. What we learn as children is the foundation and the skeleton of what we make all our decisions on. I want to basically take that away from my daughter and give her instead a wide spread exposure and not a specific set of rules (other than morals of course).
That said.. the first time my daughter repeated my words back to me with understanding and clarity.. the first time she was looking to me to validate a belief I had taught her... it shook me to my core. Because although I want her to believe god is many things to many people and the name is unimportant to hear her SAY it back to me was hard, because I was raised and taught he was so much more, etc.
I had to seriously put my faith aside and follow my beliefs. That's not easily done. So I had to really self investigate what I believe because I didn't want to send her mixed messages and like I said.. what *WE* teach our children, they believe. They can know nothing else than what mom or dad says is true because they all have Faith.. their first faith is their faith in us.
Gotta be all in!
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| Posted 4/23/14 9:39 AM |
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