Need Insight - Religion and Children

A little background.

I'm *technically* Catholic. I went through all of the required religious education as a child and I received all of the sacraments however, my family was never very religious overall. We periodically went to church but it wasn't a regular thing for us growing up and although we celebrate Xmas and Easter we never really got much into the religious aspect of it.

Both of my children have been baptized because "it's what you're suppose to do" when you're Catholic. But now as my DD approaches first grade and the prospect of beginning religious education is looming I'm really struggling as to what to do.

Although both DH and I were raised Catholic we tend to consider ourselves more agnostic and have felt this way for pretty much our whole adult lives. We don't believe in many of the teaching and ideas of the Catholic religion and we aren't even sure that we believe in the existence of a God. (Not to offend anyone, I truly don't have a problem with anyone's faith.........I'm just not religious myself)

Anyway, this kind of presents a problem.

Do we send our kids through religion classes and have them receive the Sacraments so they at least have some religious foundation or do we not bother and let them find their own way as they mature and get older?

I'm just concerned about religion classes because a lot of what is taught does not really align with what DH and I believe so I'm not sure how we handle that as my children are learning about being a Catholic. I also don't intend to all of a sudden start attending church due to my beliefs but how do I explain that to the kids? It goes against everything they will be taught. We don't give up things for Lent, we don't attend church, and religion doesn't really factor into our daily life. I just see all of that as a real issue once they start religious education. It seems hypocritical, right?

I'm just really torn.

Any advice or insight is welcome. What do you think? I want to do what is best for them but at the same time I think we should also be on the same page as a family. It's such a big decision, I'm so conflicted.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Have you thought about checking out other religions? Methodist, Lutheran, Congreationalist, Unitarian Universalist? Maybe a different flavor would suit you better.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

My opinion is if you dont believe/agree with the teachings, why send your daughter?

My DS just completed his first year of religious studies but he also went to kindergarten in a catholic school. He comes home with questions, we have discussions about what he has learned, we had to go to a certain number of mass celebrations this year and write about what was discussed.
I dont consider us overly religious but we do believe. So its not hard to have these discussions with our son.

however I just feel if you dont believe and arent going to be able to really help them grow in the faith, than maybe its a decision you leave to your daughter when she is older and can decide for herself.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

I was raised Catholic and DH was raised Episcopalian. Neither of us believe. We have not gotten either DS baptized and don't intend to. They will not attend religion classes. I just didn't see the point when I don't agree with any of it. If my DS's ask when they are older I will be happy to bring them to church or whatever and support them if they want to receive sacraments or whatever. We currently celebrate Christian holidays, like Christmas and Easter, but have removed the religious elements and make them about family and celebrating the seasons. Good luck with your decision! Just remember that as part of their religious education you will be expected to attend and donate to the church. Do you really want to do that?

Need Insight - Religion and Children

I think about this too though I still have time. I was raised catholic and both my kid were baptized. I still believe in God but I truly believe I don't have to go to church to believe in God and is he ok with that, and I don't believe in everything in the catholic religion preaches. with that said I am torn on having my kids go to religion class . I don't want to deprive them of them learning it and believing it if they want to.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Maybe put them in religion for communion. And let them decide when they are older if they want to do confirmation and continue with practicing Catholicism. The whole point of confirmation if for the preteen/teen to confirm their faith, as in their decision. Unlike communion and baptism where it's usually the parents. They may decide to do it or not. There is also a lot of Non denominational Christian churches that aren't so rigid. Idk if rigid is the right term.

My mom was kind of like this or may be just wasn't into going to church because she was all over the place. I always asked her if I could do my communion but we were always moving around like hobos . Anyway my sister and I had to do our communion much older, which, obviously isn't the worse thing in the world but I always wished I was able to do it with kids my age.

Eta: if you're totally not feeling it you can keep raising them and let them decide when they are older. Although, I go to church, I strongly believe it's what you believe in your heart and what you teach your kids. Mass is just a small part of faith.

Message edited 4/22/2014 10:44:12 AM.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

We feel the exact way you do. My kids have not been baptized nor will they attend religious education. The only thing I do talk about is Heaven because, quite frankly there is no other good way to explain to a 5 year old what happens when things die. If you don't believe it, I don't think you should send them.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Thank you for the responses so far. I appreciate it a lot. I never thought I'd struggle with this so much.

I know realistically, as another person mentioned, if I don't have a strong faith or belief I probably shouldn't send them because I can't really support them as they learn from the church. But then it feels weird to have them do nothing.

It is a lot to think about.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Unitarian Universalist might be a good starting point. We're not religious, but DW and I are looking into them. They accept people of all belief backgrounds. Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Agnostics, Atheists, etc. It would be a good way to get exposure to a lot of cultures and belief systems, but not be forced into a particular doctrine that you don't believe.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Posted by StaceyWill

Posted by Sash

Maybe put them in religion for communion. And let them decide when they are older if they want to do confirmation and continue with practicing Catholicism. The whole point of confirmation if for the preteen/teen to confirm their faith, as in their decision. Unlike communion and baptism where it's usually the parents. They may decide to do it or not.

Need Insight - Religion and Children

I feel like you should still send them. I kinda think you should give them the chance to learn about it and if when they get older they dont believe or whatever then it was their choice - just like how you were given the chance and came to your own conclusion as you got older. I also think alot of the teachings at this age is good for them. Teaches them values and beliefs.
I just think we shouldn't limit our kids exposure to life/religion just bc WE don't believe in it right now. That should be their decision as an adult. I also can't tell you how many people I know that as they got older WISHED their parents made them do all the sacraments! Some grew up and wanted to get married in a Catholic church or had issues being a God parent... I am not overly religious either and my DH is really not religious - but I will put my kids in the religious classes and allow them to make up their own minds when the time comes. At least this gives them some background and the ability to do the things we were able to do (ie get married in a church, be Godparents, etc).

Good luck with your decision!

Message edited 4/22/2014 11:11:12 AM.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by StaceyWill

Posted by Sash

Maybe put them in religion for communion. And let them decide when they are older if they want to do confirmation and continue with practicing Catholicism. The whole point of confirmation if for the preteen/teen to confirm their faith, as in their decision. Unlike communion and baptism where it's usually the parents. They may decide to do it or not.

The only problem with that is the YEARS of religious education leading up to Confirmation. That's where I'm having an issue because I don't think I can support their religious education for all of those years when I don't have a strong faith or belief in what the Catholic religion is teaching. KWIM?

If they do decide to follow their own path as they get older I'm totally okay with that. It's just these years in between that I'm struggling with. I think DH and I just wouldn't be very good role models for them as they go through religious education because we don't practice ourselves.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Posted by StaceyWill

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by StaceyWill

Posted by Sash

Maybe put them in religion for communion. And let them decide when they are older if they want to do confirmation and continue with practicing Catholicism. The whole point of confirmation if for the preteen/teen to confirm their faith, as in their decision. Unlike communion and baptism where it's usually the parents. They may decide to do it or not.

The only problem with that is the YEARS of religious education leading up to Confirmation. That's where I'm having an issue because I don't think I can support their religious education for all of those years when I don't have a strong faith or belief in what the Catholic religion is teaching. KWIM?

If they do decide to follow their own path as they get older I'm totally okay with that. It's just these years in between that I'm struggling with. I think DH and I just wouldn't be very good role models for them as they go through religious education because we don't practice ourselves.

I hear ya.
I can only speak from my experience, but DH's parents only had him baptized and when we wanted to get married in Church, he had to go through a lot of classes to receive Communion & Confirmation. I know that's really thinking ahead because your kids are so young, but it would save them some grief when they are older, IF they want to get married in Church.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Posted by Sash

Posted by StaceyWill

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by StaceyWill

Posted by Sash

Maybe put them in religion for communion. And let them decide when they are older if they want to do confirmation and continue with practicing Catholicism. The whole point of confirmation if for the preteen/teen to confirm their faith, as in their decision. Unlike communion and baptism where it's usually the parents. They may decide to do it or not.

The only problem with that is the YEARS of religious education leading up to Confirmation. That's where I'm having an issue because I don't think I can support their religious education for all of those years when I don't have a strong faith or belief in what the Catholic religion is teaching. KWIM?

If they do decide to follow their own path as they get older I'm totally okay with that. It's just these years in between that I'm struggling with. I think DH and I just wouldn't be very good role models for them as they go through religious education because we don't practice ourselves.

I hear ya.
I can only speak from my experience, but DH's parents only had him baptized and when we wanted to get married in Church, he had to go through a lot of classes to receive Communion & Confirmation. I know that's really thinking ahead because your kids are so young, but it would save them some grief when they are older, IF they want to get married in Church.

Also even though you are suppose to technically keep them in religion classes evey year, a lot parents pull the kids out after communion and then re-enroll them in middle school for confirmation.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Posted by StaceyWill

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by StaceyWill

Posted by Sash

Maybe put them in religion for communion. And let them decide when they are older if they want to do confirmation and continue with practicing Catholicism. The whole point of confirmation if for the preteen/teen to confirm their faith, as in their decision. Unlike communion and baptism where it's usually the parents. They may decide to do it or not.

The only problem with that is the YEARS of religious education leading up to Confirmation. That's where I'm having an issue because I don't think I can support their religious education for all of those years when I don't have a strong faith or belief in what the Catholic religion is teaching. KWIM?

If they do decide to follow their own path as they get older I'm totally okay with that. It's just these years in between that I'm struggling with. I think DH and I just wouldn't be very good role models for them as they go through religious education because we don't practice ourselves.

I hear ya.
I can only speak from my experience, but DH's parents only had him baptized and when we wanted to get married in Church, he had to go through a lot of classes to receive Communion & Confirmation. I know that's really thinking ahead because your kids are so young, but it would save them some grief when they are older, IF they want to get married in Church.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

We do not attend church, wasn't raised religiously, never went to church etc, mom pulled me out after communion. Although we are strict Catholics, we do celebrate Christmas and Easter etc, and we did get married in a church.

BUT in order for me to be my sisters MOH and for her to get married in church, we had to attend adult classes at night to get confirmed. I'm not gonna lie it was a pain. And all my friends went to religion and I missed out that part.

My kids are baptized and will go to religion. I don't want them to have to decide when they are older. If they get confirmed now, and don't want to follow Catholic religion then so be it, but to want to do these things in church when they are older and can't that, to me, is worse

Need Insight - Religion and Children

My mom is Catholic. My dad is Jewish. We were not baptized or had any real formal religious education besides a couple of months at Sunday School at a Methodist Church that my dad pulled us out of when they got to the New Testament lol.

DH was raised Catholic - Christening, Communion, Confirmation, Religion Classes. They didn't go to church though.

We got married in a Catholic Church and during and after Pre Cana and all the other stuff we had to go through, we both agreed that our child(ren) would not be raised religiously. He now leans more Agnostic. I waver between Agnostic and Atheist (depends on my mood lol). We both do not believe in organized religion. If DD wants to be religious when she's older, fine. But we will not be Baptizing her or sending her to religion classes.

If we don't believe or practice, why should we force DD to?

Message edited 4/22/2014 12:09:13 PM.

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by Sash

Posted by StaceyWill

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by StaceyWill

Posted by Sash

Maybe put them in religion for communion. And let them decide when they are older if they want to do confirmation and continue with practicing Catholicism. The whole point of confirmation if for the preteen/teen to confirm their faith, as in their decision. Unlike communion and baptism where it's usually the parents. They may decide to do it or not.

The only problem with that is the YEARS of religious education leading up to Confirmation. That's where I'm having an issue because I don't think I can support their religious education for all of those years when I don't have a strong faith or belief in what the Catholic religion is teaching. KWIM?

If they do decide to follow their own path as they get older I'm totally okay with that. It's just these years in between that I'm struggling with. I think DH and I just wouldn't be very good role models for them as they go through religious education because we don't practice ourselves.

I hear ya.
I can only speak from my experience, but DH's parents only had him baptized and when we wanted to get married in Church, he had to go through a lot of classes to receive Communion & Confirmation. I know that's really thinking ahead because your kids are so young, but it would save them some grief when they are older, IF they want to get married in Church.

Also even though you are suppose to technically keep them in religion classes evey year, a lot parents pull the kids out after communion and then re-enroll them in middle school for confirmation.

You can do that?

My mom kept that info from me as a kid!!!

Don't you have to make all of that missed time up or do they just let you continue on as if you've been in religion classes the whole time?

Re: Need Insight - Religion and Children

FWIW -
I am finding that as DS gets older (he is in 5th grade) the parents role is more involved in Catholic Faith Formation. I'm not sure I would have him continue if I were not somewhat practicing. For example this year in addition to almost weekly homework he had to complete 5 Mass Reflections, 5 hrs. of community service and a reflection on
4 sacraments. This was not stuff you could pull out of the workbook. The Mass reflections were very specific- Who was the Priest, was there a Deacon, what color were they wearing, what was the Gospel about, what did you take away from the Mass etc. I guess you could wing it and make stuff up or ask around but why bother?

I guess what I am saying is if I was not participating to some extent I would not expect DC to either. If I felt a need to give DC a foundation in faith I would want to find something that I was personally comfortable with and introduce it to my children.