Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP

I'm torn on this one - believe me I get the behavior issue - I have a 5.5 year old and sometimes NOTHING works here either! I get that you have to be really dramatic sometimes with the punishment.

That said, I think there are other issues here. Is this a good friend or just a random classmate? I know amongst our group of friends parties are a big deal - the moms clear the date in advance to make sure we can come and alot of time and effort and $$ is put into the party. Yes, a party is fun but, I don't see it as a play date type of thing. I also see it as a respect/obligation thing. If someone is his friend - he should be there to support and celebrate with them - that is what you do in life - whether you want to go or not - you suck it up and go to life's milestone parties for friends and family. I feel that once you have RSVP'd to a party you have made a commitment to that child and his family that you will be there. I think it is the wrong thing to do honestly to back out at the last minute just to suit your purposes and I think it sends a totally wrong message to your child.

That is not to say that I don't think this is a serious issue that should be addressed with serious punishment - I definitely would be addressing the situation and coming up with something fitting. That said, I don't think this is the right thing AT ALL. It totally doesn't sit well with me.

Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP

Definately do the punishment. I find that at 5 year old taking what my kid wants away when he is bad in school works

Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP

I am shocked at how many people are more concerned with the childs party and parents then dealing with the issues of their own kids.

Yes maybe the child is having issues in school and it looks like this mom has been dealing with the teachers and with her son. AS a parent of twin 5 year olds in Kindergarten that I still have problems with one of them everyday going I support this mothers position 150%. I know kids go through stuff and you have to get to the root of the problem but them acting out and being disrepectful is unexcusable. If they are not happy they need to learn how to communicate. I have spoken to my son numerous times about things, got in touch with his teacher, speech teacher, and the psychologist. He problem is he doesnt want to go.. You bet your ass that I started taking toys away and making other punishments. School is their job just like I work and they have to be respectful no matter what the situation is and they need to learn to communicate. If we do not do this as parents then they are never going to learn.

I am sorry but I dont care if it was a family members party if they are acting out they are not going. If they dont learn consequences now you are going to have a ton of trouble when they get older. This is the problem with our society now..

Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP

So, I wanted to give everyone an update since this has been such a lively thread. ; )

DS has been very good since we spoke.

The teacher thanked DH yesterday at drop off for our help in getting him to understand that his behavior was not acceptable and for supporting her in disciplining him.

The friend is one of DS' favorites in his class (he talks about him all the time, and they bring little toys/books to share with each other), but DH and I have never met the parents, so he is just a school friend.

Regardless, I will not change how I discipline my child for a 5 year old's birthday party. To me, that sends the wrong message on priorities. Doing something fun and celebrating with your friends is something that is a reward, a special day. He is not entitled to go to parties and have fun if he can't control his behavior. If a mom decides to make a big deal out of a birthday, it is not my concern. You can spend $1,000 at a bounce house or $100 on cake and pizza at home. That's your decision, and should not affect my decision. I will be sending DS with a present to give his friend.

So, I am comfortable in my decision.

He is not going tomorrow, and he fully understands and accepts why he is not going.

I think if I changed my mind and let him go now, it would just undermine the punishment.

Thanks for everyone's feedback!

Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP

Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP

5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP

I strongly believe in immediate response to bad behavior. I dont believe in 'earning with good behavior' Good behavior isn't something we reward her for. Good behavior is expected. Because of good behavior, fun things happen. If you act up you lose those privileges.

Kudos for sticking with your guns

By no means is this 'harsh' in anyway in my mind. It may not be FUN to have to cancel but its worth it to teach the lesson.

5 certainly CAN understand it. AJ was at party and a kid got in trouble and she told "mama, he didn't listen" and shook her head. She knows if she acts up we leave a bday party as well. Her behavior is MY job.

Good for you!

Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP