What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

I always had my doubts about this, but now I'm beginning to think there's something to it.

My DC are 7, 5.5, and 2. The middle one has always been sort of a "larger than life" child...developed sense of humor, crazy/funny behavior, and she definitely marches to the beat of her own drum. She was like this from birth!

Her older sister is "St. Katherine of {our town}" Seriously. She is the sweetest, most thoughtful and empathetic child. Her younger brother is 2. And while he can certainly test one's patience, who doesn't love a two year old?

Then, there's Abby. I find her behavior at home to be getting worse and worse. I actually think I show her more positive attention than I do her sister though. With every passing season I keep thinking, 'OK, she's 4.5; this has got to pass,' 'OK, she's 5; this has got to pass,' 'OK, she's 5.5...' She has meltdowns at home very frequently...2, 3 times a day--usually fights with the sister (that she usually starts!). Full on sobbing, etc. It makes me very angry and I find myself saying things I probably shouldn't for example, "This is NOT NORMAL!!! You're FIVE!!" etc. It's like she wants us to yell at her. Yep, definitely giving her a complex. But seriously, I'm worried this further makes her the "black sheep." At the same time, I love her black sheep qualities...I get a kick out of this kid like you wouldn't believe.

Sooo...do you have a middle child? Were you or your sibling a middle child? Does this syndrome exist? Any advice?

Message edited 11/14/2012 1:09:47 PM.

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

I have no advice/experience but I'm very curious to read what people have to say.

I would love to have a 3rd, but sometimes I worry that my current little one will get lost in the shuffle. As it is, her older sister is very demanding of attention that I feel guilty.

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

I dont have a middle child at this point. But I am 1 of 3 as well as DH.

In my family I can say my brother is the definition of the middle child! I think he did things purposely just to be different than his older sibling. (I was younger so it didnt have the same effect) My brother still to this day, remembers things differently than they happened, (usually more negatively towards himself - like he was least loved or something) and the funny part is, he was the youngest child for 8 years. He was also a sick child so he got ALOT of attention, well after I was born. We always joked that he was my mom's favorite.

I can say my brother totally has a black sheep complex. He was the one who got in the most trouble, he was the one who tested my mom the most, whereas my older brother and I liked to be under the radar.

In DH's family, you can totally tell who is the middle child. Whereas child 1 &2 are very similar in personality, quiet, giving, selfless. The middle one is loud, in a way demanding (I am not using this word in a negative sense), really somehow, even though all 3 kids are grown, all 3 have kids of their own, somehow the family dynamic revolves around child #2! Its truly amazing to watch LOL.

I dont have any advice, but I do feel our family position does play a big part in who we become. Not that one can't "break free" from that but I do feel its a factor in personality.

GL!

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

My Dad is the oldest of 3, with 2 younger sisters.

In his family, #1 and #3, though 8 years apart, are the closest. They are very similar personalities. Outgoing, high achievers, the life of the party, etc. The middle one, is quiet, cautious, a bit judgmental of others. She is not a big socializer and enjoys reading, hiking and mostly solitary activities. She also gave her parents the least bit of headaches compared to #1 and #3, as a rule follower. She is a nice person, but keeps to herself.

I don't know if that was a result of being the middle child. My Dad claims that she is withdrawn because she was overlooked a lot. My Dad took after his mother, and the baby took after her father. So I think that it has to do with personality more than birth order in many cases.

In most families I know, the youngest is the one that is the most challenging. If not when they are young, then definitely during the teen years.

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

My older sister is middle child. We always joked that she had "middle child syndrome." She was the only one who went away to college and never came home, not even temporarily. Still to this day she lives OOS. She always griped about being left out, etc. - in retrospect I really don't think she was. Nor do I think she acted out/etc. any more than I or my oldest sister did.

ETA: now as adults we are all pretty normal, lol. I'd say two sisters are closer to each other than either of them are to me, but I think that's due to age difference (they're 3 years apart, i'm 7 & 10 years younger).

Message edited 11/14/2012 2:26:19 PM.

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

My DH is the middle child, and has an older and younger sibling. He is the agreeable peace keeper. I think growing up in a house of females made him learn to fly under the radar and just try to keep things nice and calm. He is just like his dad, who is also super easygoing. His older sister and mother always had some tension between them, and his younger sister is the true "baby" of the family and has quite a temper, but my DH never showed any typical middle child syndrome.

ETA: That should read that he has an older and younger SISTER. Obviously he has an older and younger sibling!

Message edited 11/14/2012 3:25:23 PM.

What are your experiences/thoughts on

I have a middle child my DS is 6, his older brother is 8 and his sister 2.

I don't see any of those middle child syndrome symptoms in him....he is lovable, outgoing, athletic, friendly, funny, more so than his older brother and definitely not like his temper throwing sister lol.

I think it is more of a complex that a child can develop no matter what position they are on the sibling totem pole if they feel they dont have the attention.

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

I am one of three. I'm the youngest. My sister, who is the middle child, is not at all like a middle child though. I think it's probably due to the fact that she is 7 years younger than our brother though. If they had been closer in age, maybe.

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

My DH is a middle child. He has an older brother (2 yrs older) and twin sisters (2 yrs younger). DH has always been the more mature of the bunch, most athletic, most outgoing, most independent, and by far the most intelligent. Things have always come very easy to him...........school, making friends, sports, etc. He was always the kid you didn't ever have to worry about. He is NOTHING like his siblings...........at all.

I see the same traits now even though they are all adults. DH is the most well adjusted of the bunch, he has life together and doesn't rely on his parents for anything. The other three are a little more all over the place and babied by his mom and dad.

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

Message edited 11/26/2012 2:45:27 PM.

What are your experiences/thoughts on

This sounds EXACTLY like my family. I do not have good advice form a mom's perspective (I was the "St. Katherine" in your example) but I will say hold onto your patience and try not to give into negative attention. That will become hard to break free from if it continues. Try to find positive things in common with your middle child and everyone else in the family and try to get her to focus on those things/experiences/hobbies/etc. I completely believe that it exists and I would look for ways to deal with it specifically.

What are your experiences/thoughts on

I am the second of three girls aged 2yrs apart. I definitely have the middle child syndrome, I always felt like the victim and that nobody loved me, was picked on, was withdrawn, and always got into trouble without trying. I did not get along with my systers and was always jealous of the youngest who got everything and never got in trouble.

As an adult, I was/am the overacheiver, very independent, peace-keeper between my sisters and mom, and ironically get along the best with my youngest sister.

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

I am a middle child, however I am the only girl so it's different.

I think a middle child who has a sibling or siblings of the same gender is a different thing altogether because they are trying to distinguish themselves still whereas I was always the only girl which trumped my middle childness.

I have 3, but again my middle child is the only boy and also has other stuff going on that gets him attention without him having to work for it.

All of that said, my 5 year old is the oldest and she acts just like your middle kid. Full on crying, sobbing. She wants my attention whenever her younger siblings need me. Lots of drama. She is a sweet child but when it's on, man is it on.

So, I think you need to wait it out longer before you chalk it up to middle child syndrom-but I do believe in it, I just think your DD's stuff may be part middle child part 5 year old.

In any case good luck!

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

I am a middle child (older sister and younger brother), and I definitely gave my mom the most trouble out of all 3 of us, especially as a teenager.. but maybe that was just my "rebellious phase" im not really sure it was middle child syndrome.

What are your experiences/thoughts on

I'm a middle child. I was a good kid, but was pretty much the "forgotten" child.

What are your experiences/thoughts on

DH is the middle child, but he was the only boy, so he never really had this....

Re: What are your experiences/thoughts on "Middle Child Syndrome?"

For us #1 has middle child syndrome. He is always acting out, crying for silly reasons and definitely takes more attention away from his younger siblings (he is 6.5). #2 is sweet, gentle, easy going child. She has no demands, never gets in trouble, rarely asks for things (she is 5.5). #3 is 20 months and all over the place. She is very loud and happy and right now gets a lot of attention for being literally a baby.

I do feel like sometimes that #2 gets the short end of the stick when it comes to attention because she is so good and the other 2 are draining me for various reasons.

This post opened my eyes on certain things and will make me try harder with #2.