Deleted - Thank you!

deleted thanks to all!

Message edited 10/25/2012 4:46:15 PM.

Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

I would tell her that you did some reasearch on line and between what the doc said and the discussion between you and DH you are comfortable with this decision. You appreciate her concern but hope she can respect your decision and any future decisions with YOUR DD.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

Bottom line it's your child and your choice so of course she needs to respect that.

However, I wouldn't be too hard on her for questioning it. Sometimes it's a rough transition for the little ones (I know because my daughter was acting like a crack addict going through withdrawals when we tried to get her off bottles) and as the grandma she probably "felt bad". I know my mom does anytime DD is upset about something.
Also, they are from a different generation- so they don't "get" all these new "rules" and guidelines.

So the fact that she was upset and mentioned someting to your DH- I don't take issue with that.

What I would take issue with is if she went and gave her DD a bottle against your wishes.
Did she do that? I wasn't sure from your post if she did or not.

Either way, maybe your DH just needs to tell her look mom, I know it's upsetting to see DD upset, but this is for her own good and we are planning to follow the recommendations of our ped and we need you on board with this.

At the end of the day, she really has no say in the matter.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

we went cold turkey on the bottles at 1 year too. My son got over it and began drinking more from sippy cups by day 6.

As for the MIL, it probably won't be the last time she does this. Mine makes comments ALL the time about our parenting choices. I've learned to ignore her or to just comment back and shut her down so to speak. I know how aggravating it can be, but try to let it go. Tell her you're the parents and its your choice, not hers. End of story. If she wants your daughter to have her bottles, then she can pay for her dental bills.

but try to let it go as much as you can and let your husband deal with her as much as possible.

Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

In my honest opinion - I feel like 1 is very young to cut the bottles cold turkey. I also think they are still just babies and don't see why it has to be done so young. I have a good friend who's ped told her to do the same and there was just no way. My ped told me to cut it to one or two and be totally done by 18 months. Which we did.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

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Message edited 10/25/2012 4:46:53 PM.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

Tell her that with all the kids around her age, ALL are switching cold turkey. Even B.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

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Message edited 10/25/2012 4:47:24 PM.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

The other thing: YOU know S. M knows S. Your Mil is only there randomly and S probably knows already that she can get one over on her.

Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

At 1 we also went cold turkey with bottles, my DS did great. Would she rather you have a 3 year old walking around with a bottle? To me the earlier you can break the habit the easier it is.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

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Message edited 10/25/2012 4:46:45 PM.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

I find that my parents and ILs don't necessarily agree with or understand a lot of our parenting decisions. No juice? CIO? A schedule that you stick to? Organic food? etc.

But they need to accept that they had their chance to parent and if she is going to continue watching S, she needs to be on board!

Good for M for standing up for the decisions you two have made!!!

We did not switch to cups yet mostly because they have been having a really hard time with them and it took them a while to figure out bottles too. BUT they are just starting to get it, and I plan to go cold turkey as soon as we feel like they are ready. That will probably happen this month. They are 1 year adjusted now, so basically the same age as S.

ITA that you shouldn't go back to bottles now. Just like with anything else, she WILL get it! It'll be a few rough days and then it'll be like she's always been drinking from cups.

Stay strong mama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

Posted by Bearcat

Posted by LightUpOurLife

The other thing: YOU know S. M knows S. Your Mil is only there randomly and S probably knows already that she can get one over on her.

I know... the fact that mil was crying when he got home leads me to believe that S probably sensed her getting upset, and fed into it. S probably got more upset because of that, than she would have due to simply being put down for a nap after a cup instead of a bottle.

WHY THE DRAMA!!!

Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

Wow! For her to cry about it! She sounds like a drama queen...
I would just say to her (or have DH do it, which is what I would do - I hate confrontation) - that you appreciate her concern, but you are going to listen to what the doc tells you to do. And leave it at that.

Message edited 10/25/2012 3:33:28 PM.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

you need to understand that this is also her granddaughter. No grandparent wants to see their grandchild crying and upset. My mother questions us constantly on things because it's different than what they know and how they did it as parents themselves. Plus it's probably more difficult for her to watch an unhappy child and she may not have been prepared for that.

Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

It's your decision and she has to respect that. Some people do it, some people don't. I will be going cold turkey starting Monday and DD is 15 months. I tried at 12 months but felt she wasn't ready, but that doesn't mean I am right or wrong, but that was my decision and I would expect all family to respect that.
Don't feel bad about it, children get used to change very easy, in a couple days she won't even remember what a baba is.

Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

My MIL watched DD FT for 3 months when I went back to work and it was seriously the worst 3 months of my life. She questioned every single little thing we did for/with DD...how we held her, how we picked her up, not using bumpers, how much she ate, what soap we used, washing her clothes before she wore them, not wanting her to have juice, etc. And because she questioned everything, I questioned myself. Our relationship with ILs is horrendous, so there was a huge fight and we stopped letting MIL watch DD. That turned into them not wanting to see DD, but that's a whole other story. But honestly, not having my judgements questioned constantly really helped me find myself as a mom and made me more comfortable and confident with my decisions. None of that was probably helpful, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in questioning your decisions.

And just for the record, my DD was transitioned to milk and off bottles before age 1. She had a bumpy week or two at first, but now she loves milk.

Good luck!

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

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Message edited 10/25/2012 4:47:13 PM.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

If you & your husband were agreed...that's it. I wouldnt turn back now. This is good practice, odds are your MIL will be voicing her opinion on bigger parenting issues in the future. Take a united front on this, stand your ground. "this is how WE are doing things."

as far as bottles... I took them away at 1 year based on my ped's suggestion.
I'm from more of the mentality of take it away before it becomes a problem. Bottles gone by 1 year. pacis gone by 6 months.

But that's just me......I've never wanted to had to deal with the kid that wont give up the bottle/paci @2,3,4. But I have a 22 month old who joins me every night at 2am...so I have other battles.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

I would stay firm in your decision, you are the parent and you call the shots. I think she's doing it purposely to be dramatic. Sit her down and tell her that you and DH make the decisions and if she's going to pull a stunt like that, you'll find someone else to watch DD. Maybe she needs a little threat to know you're the boss

Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

I'm in a similar situation since my MIL questions a TON. However she also watches DD for free and we can't afford daycare. I've learned to let things like that slide.
However I don't think they mean it from a place of questioning. They're grandparents and want the kids to be happy. My DD also acts 10000% different around different people so I wouldn't put it past my DD to throw a fit for my MIL in a situation where she's normally fine for me.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

Maybe your MIL is just having a hard time seeing DD cry. I know that when my DD is upset about something and gives me that curled lower lip and sad eyes, I'd do just about anything to make her feel better. I don't know if I'm giving your MIL too much credit, but maybe it's just really hard on her to do actively do something that makes someone she loves so sad. But she has to respect your decision. You're the parent, you make the tough choices, and it's her job to enforce them when you're not around.


It's also definitely a generational thing. When I told my father that a lot of my friends were taking away bottles at 12m (my ped doesn't start till later), he was pretty horrified too. He said that my sister and I (in the 70s/early 80s) had our bottles past 2 years old.

Re: Advice Needed - MIL issue, at a loss.

I went through the same thing with my Grandmother. She thought (and still thinks) we were awful for making the transition.

DS took a little bit to get used to it but he's fine now. My ped actually suggested doing the total change (formula and bottle to sippy and milk) all at once. I didn't only because I had my appointment after I switched to milk.

Anyway, it's a completely age appropriate change. DD will get used to it and progress as any child would. Don't give it a second thought. MIL needs to cut out the dramatics!