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MrsP
LIF Infant
Member since 2/11 303 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/advice needed
This is kind of long, sorry.
A few weeks ago DH my MIL and I went to a baby store. I saw some baby books and was commenting at how cute they were. The lady in the store commented on them too and because I could imagine my MIL going back to the store to buy me one (very sweet!) I said this, "In my family we have a tradition. My grandmother bought my mom her baby book and my mom bought my sister her baby book so I know my mom will buy me my baby book."
Sure enough, I was out shopping with my mom about a week later and she says, "I have to get you your baby book. Let's find one." We found a really cute one and my mom bought it for me. She's holding onto it though to give it to me at my shower (I'm guessing).
Well yesterday I notice a baby book in our back seat as I'm driving with DH. He says his mom bought it for us. I remind him of what happened at the baby store when I said that it's our tradition for my mom to buy me one. He says he remembers but that I shouldn't say anything to his mom about it like, "Don't you remember when I said that..." because she'll get defensive. He tells me to call her, thank her and tell her we already have one bc my mom got it for us.
So I call her and I take DH's advice and say what he told me to say and her response is, "Well is the one your mom got like the one I got? The one I got you has all those questions and it's so detailed." She proceeds to tell me that I can have 2 baby books.
I'm annoyed bc I feel like my MIL is trying to cause problems! I'm thinking that I'll just use the one my mom got us and if MIL asks about hers, I can tell her that we'll use it for our 2nd baby.
The bigger picture is really that my MIL is so competitive and I'm worried about what's going to happen when the baby is actually here!
What do you think?
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Posted 8/16/11 11:49 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19454 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Honestly I never even completed a baby book for my kids. I would keep both. If you think you will fill it in more power to you. I did keep a scrap of paper with their milestones but it is not a book.....
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| Posted 8/16/11 11:55 AM |
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yelley
Fortunate
Member since 11/07 3037 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
I think it was a really sweet gesture -- sometimes I feel like MIL's are damned if they do and damned if they don't. She's excited for you and her son and wants to participate -- even if you never use her book, buying it for you made her feel included and like she was doing something nice -- I'd graciously accept it and not think anything else about it.
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| Posted 8/16/11 11:56 AM |
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RocPin
Life's Beachy <3
Member since 2/08 6765 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Posted by yelley77
I think it was a really sweet gesture -- sometimes I feel like MIL's are damned if they do and damned if they don't. She's excited for you and her son and wants to participate -- even if you never use her book, buying it for you made her feel included and like she was doing something nice -- I'd graciously accept it and not think anything else about it.
ITA! I would keep it and not think twice about it.
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:07 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Posted by yelley77
I think it was a really sweet gesture -- sometimes I feel like MIL's are damned if they do and damned if they don't. She's excited for you and her son and wants to participate -- even if you never use her book, buying it for you made her feel included and like she was doing something nice -- I'd graciously accept it and not think anything else about it.
Ditto
In the grand scheme of things this is not something you should get upset about...she was being sweet and I don't think causing problems...she just wants to be involved.
There are worse things that a MIL could do other than buying a nice keepsake for her future grandchild.
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:10 PM |
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teaforthree
My Handsome Boy!
Member since 12/10 2549 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
I don't blame you for being upset. I know some people will say it was a nice gesture and you should just accept it graciously or whatever, but unless someone has someone like your MIL in their family that they have to deal with, I feel like they won't truly understand where you're coming from. I do!! Only in my situation, it's my mom who can get very competitive with gift giving. It's one of the things that makes me most nervous with having a baby - the competitiveness that comes with every gift, holiday, picture, event, etc. She has a HEART OF GOLD and is SOOOOOO generous and I LOVE HER LIKE CRAZY - but sometimes the competitiveness takes over and it just adds unnecessary stress to situations. I wish she could see that the competitiveness sometimes makes the generosity almost look selfish. Not in EVERY situation, but in enough to cause stress between me and my DH or my brother and his wife.
I think you made your point TWICE with the book by telling her about the tradition in your family and in telling her your mom already gave you one. Just use the one your mom gave you or will give you and if your MIL asks where hers is, just say "I told you about our tradition so I'm using the one my mom bought me, but I have the one you got us at home for the next baby!". And that's it! You were honest with her both times. If she's insulted, it's because she "lost" - not because you're insulting the sentimental aspect of the book. Ya know?
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:13 PM |
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buttercup
St. Jude pray for us...
Member since 1/11 2951 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Posted by yelley77
I think it was a really sweet gesture -- sometimes I feel like MIL's are damned if they do and damned if they don't. She's excited for you and her son and wants to participate -- even if you never use her book, buying it for you made her feel included and like she was doing something nice -- I'd graciously accept it and not think anything else about it.
ITA!! 
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:30 PM |
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jax1
Love my baby girl!!!
Member since 3/09 3405 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Posted by RocPin
Posted by yelley77
I think it was a really sweet gesture -- sometimes I feel like MIL's are damned if they do and damned if they don't. She's excited for you and her son and wants to participate -- even if you never use her book, buying it for you made her feel included and like she was doing something nice -- I'd graciously accept it and not think anything else about it.
ITA! I would keep it and not think twice about it.
SAME. ITA
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:31 PM |
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kimbalina
Bring on the glitter and bows!
Member since 6/08 15158 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Sounds like you MIL is excited about her grandbaby!
I would accept the gift. Also being that it was handed to your DH maybe have him fill it out from his point of view too.
You may have a tradition, but this baby comes from 2 families. It is wonderful that both sides want to be participants in this pregnancy.
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:31 PM |
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MrsP
LIF Infant
Member since 2/11 303 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Posted by teaforthree
I don't blame you for being upset. I know some people will say it was a nice gesture and you should just accept it graciously or whatever, but unless someone has someone like your MIL in their family that they have to deal with, I feel like they won't truly understand where you're coming from. I do!! Only in my situation, it's my mom who can get very competitive with gift giving. It's one of the things that makes me most nervous with having a baby - the competitiveness that comes with every gift, holiday, picture, event, etc. She has a HEART OF GOLD and is SOOOOOO generous and I LOVE HER LIKE CRAZY - but sometimes the competitiveness takes over and it just adds unnecessary stress to situations. I wish she could see that the competitiveness sometimes makes the generosity almost look selfish. Not in EVERY situation, but in enough to cause stress between me and my DH or my brother and his wife.
I think you made your point TWICE with the book by telling her about the tradition in your family and in telling her your mom already gave you one. Just use the one your mom gave you or will give you and if your MIL asks where hers is, just say "I told you about our tradition so I'm using the one my mom bought me, but I have the one you got us at home for the next baby!". And that's it! You were honest with her both times. If she's insulted, it's because she "lost" - not because you're insulting the sentimental aspect of the book. Ya know?
THANK YOU!
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:36 PM |
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MrsP
LIF Infant
Member since 2/11 303 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Posted by kimbalina
Sounds like you MIL is excited about her grandbaby!
I would accept the gift. Also being that it was handed to your DH maybe have him fill it out from his point of view too.
You may have a tradition, but this baby comes from 2 families. It is wonderful that both sides want to be participants in this pregnancy.
Great idea to have DH fill it out!
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:38 PM |
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MrsP
LIF Infant
Member since 2/11 303 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
I hope I'm not coming off as petty and ungrateful, it's just that this isn't the first time she's gotten competitive and it gets frustrating. She gets upset when I hang out with my mom, when DH and I don't go over there enough (even though we go there about 1-2 times a week).
I'm not dwelling on the baby book. It is a sweet gesture. I'm just afraid things are going to get worse when the baby comes.
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:42 PM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Posted by yelley77
I think it was a really sweet gesture -- sometimes I feel like MIL's are damned if they do and damned if they don't. She's excited for you and her son and wants to participate -- even if you never use her book, buying it for you made her feel included and like she was doing something nice -- I'd graciously accept it and not think anything else about it.
Perfectly said just accept the book doesnt mean you have to use it.
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:48 PM |
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Hon, it's been about 33 yrs. since my "baby" boy was born. I had two beautiful baby books, and used both of them!!!  Mary
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:54 PM |
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Jenny614
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 1065 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
I'm thinking that I'll just use the one my mom got us and if MIL asks about hers, I can tell her that we'll use it for our 2nd baby.
I think this is perfect!
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| Posted 8/16/11 12:56 PM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Posted by kimbalina
Sounds like you MIL is excited about her grandbaby!
I would accept the gift. Also being that it was handed to your DH maybe have him fill it out from his point of view too.
You may have a tradition, but this baby comes from 2 families. It is wonderful that both sides want to be participants in this pregnancy.
This is great advice.
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| Posted 8/16/11 1:13 PM |
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MrsG72907
Mommy of 2 girls!
Member since 5/10 2046 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
I can totally understand how you feel bc I have been there many times with my MIL. However, I'll only say something to DH, complain a little, and get over it. I never say antyhing to MIL bc I am sure in part it is just me being a little bit too senstive at times. I try to think of the kindness and thought that might have went into the gesture and remember that her intentions were good.
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| Posted 8/16/11 1:36 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Posted by yelley77
I think it was a really sweet gesture -- sometimes I feel like MIL's are damned if they do and damned if they don't. She's excited for you and her son and wants to participate -- even if you never use her book, buying it for you made her feel included and like she was doing something nice -- I'd graciously accept it and not think anything else about it.
ITA!
I have about six baby books here. Want one Yelley? 
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| Posted 8/16/11 2:03 PM |
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soccer1981
LIF Infant
Member since 5/11 301 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Posted by teaforthree
I don't blame you for being upset. I know some people will say it was a nice gesture and you should just accept it graciously or whatever, but unless someone has someone like your MIL in their family that they have to deal with, I feel like they won't truly understand where you're coming from. I do!! Only in my situation, it's my mom who can get very competitive with gift giving. It's one of the things that makes me most nervous with having a baby - the competitiveness that comes with every gift, holiday, picture, event, etc. She has a HEART OF GOLD and is SOOOOOO generous and I LOVE HER LIKE CRAZY - but sometimes the competitiveness takes over and it just adds unnecessary stress to situations. I wish she could see that the competitiveness sometimes makes the generosity almost look selfish. Not in EVERY situation, but in enough to cause stress between me and my DH or my brother and his wife.
I think you made your point TWICE with the book by telling her about the tradition in your family and in telling her your mom already gave you one. Just use the one your mom gave you or will give you and if your MIL asks where hers is, just say "I told you about our tradition so I'm using the one my mom bought me, but I have the one you got us at home for the next baby!". And that's it! You were honest with her both times. If she's insulted, it's because she "lost" - not because you're insulting the sentimental aspect of the book. Ya know?
ITA!!
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| Posted 8/16/11 5:25 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/advice needed
Ha! The people who just think it was a nice gesture really don't fully understand because they probably have totally normal MILs. I wouldn't say anything else but I wouldn't use the book either. It was rude of her to ignore what you said and try to take that tradition away from your mom. Next it will be about who gets to spend more time with your child and it will warp into this entire competition. My MIL puts so many demands on me now when it comes to my children and I wish that I could turn back time and take the opportunity to set her straight before the first one was born. Believe me, it's a lot easier to put your foot down now than it is to change things years in.
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| Posted 8/17/11 9:09 AM |
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