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cowgirlkate
Twins times TWO!
Member since 1/11 1197 total posts
Name:
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Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
Hi ladies,
I am at a loss for how to deal with my feelings anymore. I am sad, hurt, and angry about what has happened this week to two fine NCPD officers, but I am also scared, scared for me, scared for my girls. The events of this week are not the first times we have dealt with death of fellow officers at DH’s job. Two more died just before we got pregnant with our twins. Now these two men have died just before my twins turn 1.
Please share with me how you deal with these feelings of uncertainty and fear at such a difficult time for DH. I do my best to be there for him, especially this week since the death yesterday was a friend, but I can’t help but need someone to be there for me too.
Thanks,
Kate
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Posted 10/24/12 8:53 AM  |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
there are many relatives of those who serve (military, police, fire, ESU etc) who may be able to give you answers here...
my brother is NYPD - was on the same squad as PO Figoski  was at the scence the early morning PO Figoski lost his life on duty. It was a SHOCK, things became real. I was shaken. I literally thought about it constantly for days, weeks. My brother was mere steps away. 3rd to respond, a good friend on the squad acutally made the arrest.
Unfortunately, there is not anything that I can do except support my brother's career choice. He loves his job, he loves serving the community. He knows there are risks, uncertainties but he signed up knowing this. My sister-in-law supports him, my mother does - we all do.
We are proud of him and  that he is never involved in an incident like what happened yesterday or last December or like any of the other countless incidents that happen all the time all around the country, the world.
I am sure there must be support groups, wives of NYPD/NCPD/SCPD etc. Just know that you are not alone - however comforting that may be 
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| Posted 10/24/12 9:05 AM |
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Bearcat
Love my little girls!!! <3
Member since 6/10 10818 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
I am also an NCPD wife and am dealing with many of the same feelings. Our DD just turned 1 last week. Yesterday's tragedy really hit my DH hard. I don't have specific advice but just wanted to let you know you are definitely not alone. 
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| Posted 10/24/12 9:51 AM |
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Smileyd17
kids
Member since 5/05 20997 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
I CRIED watching the news. So so sad about the this whole thing.
I just pray for the families who have dealt with the loss.
It hits close to home, of course and all I can think is, what if that was my husband?
so sad.. just terrible.
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| Posted 10/24/12 9:52 AM |
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july4mrsO
Happy boy!
Member since 5/10 2867 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
I'm not a law enforcement wife but I am a law enforcement child and sibling. Both of my parents are retired from NCPD. It was such a shock to have that happen and so terribly sad.
There's nothing anyone can say to totally ease your fears. Just know that I'm sure your DH is taking the right precautions and being as careful as he can. And while there were 2 tragedies so close together, the reality is that these incidents are not very common.
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| Posted 10/24/12 10:20 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
There really isn't much you can do to ease your mind.
The only way I slept at night was by forcing myself to not think about it.
You just have to go about your day and not think about it- because if you did, you would be debilitated by the what ifs.
I knew what I was signing up for when I married him- so it wasn't as if this came out of left field.
And the sad reality is, although they have an especially dangerous job, anyone can be killed just driving to work at their desk job.
You can't let the what ifs and the fear rule your life- if you do, you will never enjoy it.
I know it's hard, but there really isn't any other alternative.
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| Posted 10/24/12 10:33 AM |
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
Not married to a cop, but am the daughter of a cop (who was also in the Air Resrves) and my BIL is also on the job. These days are scary, violence does escalate in bad economic times.
This is what my Mom always said to me when I was little and scared about my Dad's job: Anyone can have anything happen to them on any given day. A truck driver can crash, a person crossing the street can be hit by a car. Just rememeber your Dad does what he does becuase he loves it, he's good at it and he knows his TRUE job is to come home every day to his family.
I know it isn't much but it always helped me to remember those things. And 35 years in, he still loves it, is GREAT at it and thankfully has always come home to us. Although it can be scary for the families, it is their calling and they and their partners or squad members all do everything they can to make sure they all come home every day.
I was always so proud of my Daddy (still am) and all your kids will be too! Scary times and all.
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| Posted 10/24/12 10:34 AM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17796 total posts
Name:
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
Posted by NervousNell
There really isn't much you can do to ease your mind.
The only way I slept at night was by forcing myself to not think about it.
You just have to go about your day and not think about it- because if you did, you would be debilitated by the what ifs.
I knew what I was signing up for when I married him- so it wasn't as if this came out of left field.
And the sad reality is, although they have an especially dangerous job, anyone can be killed just driving to work at their desk job.
You can't let the what ifs and the fear rule your life- if you do, you will never enjoy it.
I know it's hard, but there really isn't any other alternative.
ITA (DH is in the FDNY).
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| Posted 10/24/12 10:43 AM |
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MrsKelly
just hangin' around...
Member since 11/06 6305 total posts
Name:
Krista
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
Posted by NervousNell
And the sad reality is, although they have an especially dangerous job, anyone can be killed just driving to work at their desk job.
You can't let the what ifs and the fear rule your life- if you do, you will never enjoy it.
I know it's hard, but there really isn't any other alternative.
I agree. I am the wife, sister & daughter of a cop - as well as one myself. Have you thought of maybe seeking out counseling - just to be able to discuss your fears - sometimes talking it out just helps. You dont want it to eat at you.
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| Posted 10/24/12 11:07 AM |
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Kissy331
My two miracles!
Member since 5/06 17826 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
I am not a wife but a sister to a law enforcement officer. My brother recently came off patrol to go undercover in narcotics which is even scarier to me bc you knoe these people are not in the right frame of mind.
I try to not think about it much bc it would consume me. I know my brother does everything in his power to protect himself at all times. Unfortunately its a chance he takes.everytime he steps out the door.
Anything can happen at any given moment to anyone law enforcement or not. I worry daily about my dh bc he's on divested all day & with these terrorists.
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| Posted 10/24/12 11:32 AM |
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cowgirlkate
Twins times TWO!
Member since 1/11 1197 total posts
Name:
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses. I think I just really needed to hear from other people going through what I am.
It helped me more than you know to read your kind words.
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| Posted 10/24/12 3:23 PM |
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Bearcat
Love my little girls!!! <3
Member since 6/10 10818 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
Posted by cowgirlkate
Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses. I think I just really needed to hear from other people going through what I am.
It helped me more than you know to read your kind words.
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| Posted 10/24/12 3:24 PM |
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OrganicMama
So in love with my little man!
Member since 6/08 5172 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
Posted by NervousNell
There really isn't much you can do to ease your mind.
The only way I slept at night was by forcing myself to not think about it.
You just have to go about your day and not think about it- because if you did, you would be debilitated by the what ifs.
I knew what I was signing up for when I married him- so it wasn't as if this came out of left field.
And the sad reality is, although they have an especially dangerous job, anyone can be killed just driving to work at their desk job.
You can't let the what ifs and the fear rule your life- if you do, you will never enjoy it.
I know it's hard, but there really isn't any other alternative.
I also agree. There's nothing I can do to change our situation, and I just look forward to DH's retirement in 9 years.
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| Posted 10/24/12 3:44 PM |
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8ternity
<3
Member since 11/08 10586 total posts
Name:
Formally NYPD-Wife
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
I know how you feel and its only normal to feel scared and worried. I kind of knew what I was getting myself into but now you hear these tragic stories more often, you cant help but feel scared.
What makes me feel better, is texting my DH every few hours to see if he is ok. We are fortunate that he is in a specialized unit and not doing patrol however he works in the south Bx which is a high crime rated area. They put their lives on the line and its something we just have to deal with and accept.
FM if you ever want to talk, its nice to have a support group especially in times like these.
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| Posted 10/24/12 5:32 PM |
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Sweetlax22
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 1904 total posts
Name:
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
I am an FDNY wife/daughter and I get through day to day by thinking of a few things-I have to trust in the training and remember that in this area they are probably getting some of the best in the world. This training is what will keep them safe.
Also, while I don't have any real numbers there are plenty of hazards in many other jobs, even desk jobs ( for example: being sedentary and not required to get a physical every year then having a heart attack, or being a salesperson or delivery driver who is a victim of a hold up).
Times like this are tough, and I never feel 100% worry free, but like others said this is the life I chose and for some strange reason I would never trade it.
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| Posted 10/24/12 7:17 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
Posted by NervousNell
There really isn't much you can do to ease your mind.
The only way I slept at night was by forcing myself to not think about it.
You just have to go about your day and not think about it- because if you did, you would be debilitated by the what ifs.
I knew what I was signing up for when I married him- so it wasn't as if this came out of left field.
And the sad reality is, although they have an especially dangerous job, anyone can be killed just driving to work at their desk job.
You can't let the what ifs and the fear rule your life- if you do, you will never enjoy it.
I know it's hard, but there really isn't any other alternative.
ITA.
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| Posted 10/24/12 7:19 PM |
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KPanas
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1691 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
Posted by NervousNell
There really isn't much you can do to ease your mind.
The only way I slept at night was by forcing myself to not think about it.
You just have to go about your day and not think about it- because if you did, you would be debilitated by the what ifs.
I knew what I was signing up for when I married him- so it wasn't as if this came out of left field.
And the sad reality is, although they have an especially dangerous job, anyone can be killed just driving to work at their desk job.
You can't let the what ifs and the fear rule your life- if you do, you will never enjoy it.
I know it's hard, but there really isn't any other alternative.
I agree. When I start to think of the "what ifs" it completely consumes me and I fear life without my husband for me and our DD, its too much so I choose to not think about those things and just thank God when he walks in the door at midnight each night.
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| Posted 10/24/12 8:46 PM |
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luckyinlove
I love my baby girls!
Member since 12/06 2441 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
It is a very scary time for us. I always yell at my DH when he is late and doesn't call me to let me know, bc my first though always is that he is dead. I know it sounds harsh, but I am sure you all know what I mean. It is terrible that this is what I think about, but I can't help it and feel I have to prepare myself if it God forbid ever happened.
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| Posted 10/24/12 10:07 PM |
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cowgirlkate
Twins times TWO!
Member since 1/11 1197 total posts
Name:
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
Thanks for all your support! Today is a better day. Spending time as a family definitely helped.
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| Posted 10/25/12 11:04 AM |
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
My DH is in law enforcement and I've always had this mentality, which helps me a lot: Anybody can die at anytime in any profession- pharmacy shootings, school shootings, movie theatre shootings, construction site accidents, car accidents...it's a terrifying world we live in. At least DH gets a vest & gun to fight back. The recent news is so terrible & sad. I pray that this doesn't encourage violence against police.
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| Posted 10/25/12 11:44 AM |
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Kmarie36
LIF Adult
Member since 9/10 1449 total posts
Name:
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Re: Law Enforcement Officer Wives Please Come In…
I hate it. I honestly try not to even think about it (probably not the best way to handle it) but I do not like hearing stories about what goes on at work. I just try to remind myself that it can happen to anyone we just hear about it more when it happens to a police officer.
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| Posted 10/28/12 6:23 PM |
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