So you wanted and wished for a certain number

...of kids but due to circumstances - financial, infertility, other reasons etc you stopped a number short of that wished for number - ie you wanted three kids and only had two....have you come to terms with it and moved on OR are you still longing for that other child?

Just asking based on my own current circumstances and also after having a recent conversation with a mom who wanted three, had two and still regrets it seven years later.

Thanks

So you wanted and wished for a certain number

I fear this. I have 2 and we are just not finacially stable for a third. I honestly am not sure we ever will be. I try to convince myself all the time that "2 is a great number," "they are healthy and happy that is all that matters," "I can spoil the 2 I have." Honestly though, I am only kidding myself. I am only 28 so I have a decent amount of time to sort things out. But I get saddened by the thought of this being "it"

Not sure what your circumstances are, but I hope it all works out for you!

Re: So you wanted and wished for a certain number

DH and I always waned 3. We had issues getting pregnant with our DD and then TTC #2 was such a looooooong road. Finally after 2 years, 3 miscarriages, failed IUI's, tons of meds, and more we actually conceived #2 completely on our own and we're due in March.

Now that we're both 37 and we are expecting our second we both feel like our family will be complete even though we didn't end up having 3 like we originally planned. If by some miracle another baby came along we'd be thrilled but if all we have is 2 we are completely happy. It was such a long road to have our family that we feel blessed and content with our two.

Re: So you wanted and wished for a certain number

DH and I always wanted a big family but finacially we can not go as big as we'd like. We have 2 happy, healthy DSs but feel NOT complete.

It wasn't until recently that DH said let's do it...let's try for #3 that way we can say later on down the road that we gave it a shot and it wasn't in the cards for us. We gave ourselves until the end of this year to TTC. Sadly nothing has happened yet but I still have 2-3 more months of trying. After that we're done! We tried and I'll be happy with our decision.

I know it'll be crazy with 3 children and finances will be tight. I am 100% ok with that. I want my children to have each other later on in life and I want all the memories. That's what's going to make me the happiest in life.

GL! It's a hard decision to make but I agree that I would regret it to never have another (or at least try)...I'd never regret having another.

Re: So you wanted and wished for a certain number

I had originally said 3 but we decided our family is complete at 2 & after Nov #3 will not be an option anymore bc my tubes will be tied.

We conceived ds#1 through IVF & had some issues with DS before birth but thankfully he is fine now. Thn #2 was conceived naturally when #1 was only 3 months. He ended up being 8 weeks premature. We both said after him that we are done trying to play the cards. God gave us 2 miracles in themselves & we are so thankful.

I decided that it was time to end my childbearing years & opted to have my tubes tied in Nov. I'm at terms with my decision bc I know this is the best optin for us. Financially we are comfortable with 2 & since they were so close in age, we are not looking to go back to infant stage.

Re: So you wanted and wished for a certain number

I originally only wanted 2. Dh wants 3. We TTC #3 for a bit , nothing happened. Now I'm back on the fence. I worry about the economy , money, etc

I'm worried I'm going to regret not having #3, but I can't commit to it yet

Re: So you wanted and wished for a certain number

I am not sure if this is going to help you are not but my story was similar. We had issues getting pregnant and than had twins via IUI.
I always wanted 3 kids but DH and I decided that because of our IF and financial reasons we would stop at 2. I was ok with it but not fully.

Someone had a different plan for us. One night of fun and I am now pregnant with our 3rd. At first we were terrified!! Daycare, is the house big enough, college??? but after a few days and making plans and crunching numbers we will be able to do this and we are so excited.

I guess what I am saying is depending on your situation you never know what life is going to give you!

good luck with your decision

Re: So you wanted and wished for a certain number

Thanks everyone...my circumstances in a nutshell are:

Two healthy kids
Three miscarriages in the past 16 months
I am 41 and DH 43
Clock is booming in my ear and eggs are obviously past their sell by date for me

Logic tells me that I should be done...I mean three miscarriages in a row....BUT I literally lose my breath if I say out loud " we are done"

I believe its a huge roll of the dice to try again....it could end up in another miscarriage...or maybe there would be something wrong with the baby even if it survived the pregnancy.. but my heart is sad if this is it....I wish I did not have to make this decision but I do.

Re: So you wanted and wished for a certain number

I am sorry- I wish I had an answer for you. I have two and I just turned 40. I decided we were done after having #2 a few years ago. I think no matter how many babies you have, the thought of not having another one can make you sad!

I have a friend who had a similar situation to yours, except she had only 1 child already, not 2. She really really wanted a second, but age was not on her side. She had 3 miscarriages. She tried for several months between miscarriages and even started doing fertility treatments. This went on for a couple of years.

She decided to stop, when she told me she realized her efforts and fixation at having this second child was taking her away from enjoying the beautiful child she already had. Her fertility treatments made her moody and tired. She would be dragging herself around the house, overcome with sadness after her miscarriages.

She was crying in the bathroom one morning after yet another BFN and her 5 year old daughter appeared in the doorway, asking her why she was sad all of the time. That is when she decided enough was enough. They stopped trying and now her daughter is 10 years old, and they are doing great as a family of 3. I think she is now truly at peace with the family she has. Sorry long story but for her it was a happy ending, even though she ultimately didn't get what she wanted.

I hope things work out for you too

Re: So you wanted and wished for a certain number

DH is done, I could go for another one, but I can see his reasoning for not wanting another. Financial is the biggest, but there's also lack of family around to help, potential health issues, my sanity

Also, things were rough after our 2nd and we're afraid that it would get worse with 3. So, we're done. Am I 100% okay with it? No, but I have to be, because that's our reality. I would say that at this point I am 90% okay with it, but it's taken me a while to get here. I still get sad when I see a pregnant woman.

Re: So you wanted and wished for a certain number

My mom is 62 and still talks about regretting not having a third. DH says "absolutely not" to a 3rd and I could be swayed either way. I'm glued to posts about Summer Lyn's nephew and quite honestly, the thought of having such a seriously ill child scares the sh*t out of me. I almost feel like I should just quit while I'm ahead and be forever thankful for the two beautiful healthy girls I have.

Re: So you wanted and wished for a certain number

DHs cousin always wanted 3. She had cancer during her 2nd preg and went through lots of chemo 7 radiation after and could no longer have more kids. They recently adopted a 3rd

So you wanted and wished for a certain number

My husband and I have always wanted 4 children. Our 3rd is 1 now. His birth was terrible. He and I are both very lucky to be alive. He has cerebral palsy and numerous other issues. I still want a 4th someday but my husband is terrified with what happened last time. Honestly, I am terrified to be pregnant again, but I can't think of not having the 4th. I know how blessed I am and I am extremely grateful for what I have, but I just can't give it up. When we talk about it and my husband says he thinks he's done cause he is afraid of what might happen, tears come to my eyes.

So you wanted and wished for a certain number

originally we both wanted 2. After ds, after he turned 2 I think, we both said we'd like to have 3, we will cut back on more things in the budget to make the numbers work...

BUT, if infertility became an issue, or the budget couldn't be worked out, then yes I'd come to terms with it not being meant to be, and that we were blessed with the two ( especially having having 2 m/c before dc #1 was born). To not come to terms with it would take away from what I already have now, and wouldn't be fair to my kids for them to feel like they weren't enough.