Am I being unreasonable?

I really need to know if I am being unreasonable here or not. My friend called today to find out when we could get together to see a movie. I spoke to her last week to say that DS was now in school from 9:00-2:30 and so I was free on the days I didnt have to work (I work p/t). So she calls excited that there is a movie playing at the theater in Deer Park on Monday (she is in amityville and I am in Selden and is usually a good halfway point). I ask her what time the movie is and she says 12. I then ask her how long the movie is because I am worried that it is 1/2 hour from my house and is cutting it close to get my son off the bus (2:45). Then it turns out the movie is playing at 1 so it is moot anyway. I suggest passing on the movie and just grabbing lunch or something. She is set on a movie. I see that it is playing in St. Brook at 11:45. She said that is no good. She wants to use her UA movie pass. And her car needs brakes. She then asks if my mother can get DS off the bus. I say no. My mom is not coming to my house to p/u DS off the bus and babysit him while I'm at the movies during the day. Then she says what about tonight? Can DH watch DS and we can do dinner and movie. I say ok...later dinner/movie would be fine. She wants to eat earlier and why cant I meet her earlier. I tell her I like to spend time with DS since I work (in Riverhead) on Fridays and havent seen him all day. If we do an 8:40 movie, I can put DS to bed around 7ish and get out to the outlets by 7:30-8:00. She said that going out is not an every-night occurrence and do I really need to put my kid to bed? No I dont NEED to, but I WANT to. I havent seen him all day. Its not M-W when I am home with him all afternoon or a weekend when I am with him all day. I saw my 3 y/o for an hour this morning. I don't want to drive from Riverhead to Deer Park (nearly an hour drive) and miss seeing my son. She said I am being unreasonable. Am I? (She is single/no kids/no "traditional" job)

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

ehh do i personally think its unreasonable for you to see your son before you leave for the night no.

Would i skip one Friday night of putting DC to bed even if that means i only saw them for an hour that day, to go out with my friend Yes.

I dont see the big deal about it.

This happens to DH once a week. I go to my parents and bring the baby by the time we get home DD is asleep. So he only get to see her awake in the morining. It bothers him a little bit but it works for us, i need to do things the one day a week thats by my parents which is closer to my job so there is no point of me going all the way home plus DH wouldnt get home in time for me to do what i need to do.

ETA: I have left DD for 2 days to go to AC wth friends for my bday . this is why i dont see it being a big deal.
I would also never tell my friend they are being unreasonable or start a fight cause they want to put thier kid to sleep.

Message edited 9/21/2012 1:43:55 PM.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Everyone feels differently - But from MY perspective (and I work FT in the city) I would agree with your friend.


That being said, going out with your friends to ME, is a break, and time to relax and have a good time. If you're not going to be HAPPY unless you can put your son to bed, then it kind of defeats the whole purpose of going out at all. It wouldn't bother me (in fact, I'm going out tonight and leaving at 7, when I pick the boys up at 6, and they go to sleep at 9) but if it bothers YOU, then you're not going to have a good time going out anyway ..........

I feel the need to add - SHE is ALSO being unreasonable - what's the big deal on her end to meet later on a Friday night? Unless she has to get up at 5 AM to go to work tomorrow? If she doesn't want to wait until 8:00 to have dinner tell her to have a snack !

Message edited 9/21/2012 1:53:59 PM.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

You being a parent and wanting to take care of your child trumps her wanting to eat earlier, sorry. I don't think you are being unreasonable. You have a pretty open schedule and gave her alot of options.

If she needed to get up early-had some reason for wanting to eat early, it may change my opinion.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Am I being unreasonable?

I don't think you're being too unreasonable but I can slightly see why your friend's side of it as it's just one night.

However I think this is just a classic case of a non-mom not "getting it" when it comes to kids. Not trying to be an @sshole or anything but before I had kids I didn't "get" the big deal about trying to organize things around their schedule. Now I understand. But since she is single with no kids, she really won't truly comprehend it.

However I will say that I think just one night you could make the exception and let DH put him to bed. It seems maybe she really wants to hang out with you and I think it's not utterly unreasonable what she wants.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Honestly, I think you're both being pretty unreasonable. Someone has to give a little, or just go another day.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

I think it depends on how close this friend is, how often you see this friend and how much you want to see her.

It doesn't sound like either one of you is compromising much. If I were you, I'd be annoyed that she didn't just meet me for lunch and/or she couldn't eat dinner later. If I were her (non-parent), I would probably think you didn't want to hang out with me very much since you can't have your mom or husband watch your child so you would hang out at a better time for me.

At the end of the day, I would be annoyed that this friend seemed more interested in watching a movie at a convenient time vs trying to spend time with me. My very good friends (only single friends I actually hang out with) and I never care what we actually do together. It is about seeing one another. Even if we don't eat a meal together, we will catch up getting a drink, sitting at a coffee short or just sitting on a couch. The other hanging out single friends just stopped asking me to go out. It was never convenient for me. They probably got tired of asking and I got tired of saying no.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I missed DS's bedtime routine once and I was practically devastated. I am a FTWM and my time with him is precious.

But when I was single I would have thought you (and my future self!) were being very unreasonable. LOL

Am I being unreasonable?

Personally, I would go. I go out with my 2 best girl friends once a week for dinner, and DH puts DS to bed. I have been doing this since DS was 2 months old and it's so good for my sanity! But, if you do not feel comfortable with it your friend should understand. 2 out of the 3 of us have kids, and if one of us has to occassionally back out a week, my friend without kids totally gets it.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Does your friend have kids, becuase it sounds to me like she doesn't. I really think she's being much more unreasonable than you. She won't just do lunch, wants to use her movie pass for that specific theater only (can't she just swing the $10 for a different movie theater and use her pass another time?), wants to eat early. It sounds to me like she's being difficult.

I don't think it's at all unreasonable to want to see your DS and put him to bed. He comes first and if that's what you feel you need to do then do it and don't feel guilty!

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

No , not unreasonable. Both of you might need to be more flexible though. I can understand not going out that night if you worked full time, but you still have a lot of days with Ds. One night out will be good for you, and I'm sure ds will be fine.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

You make the rules on your life and your family. you dont have to accomodate your friend. End of story. If she wants to go out she needs to negotiate a little as well. To me it sounds like she set more restrictions on you then you on her.