WWYD?

I am about 7 weeks along. I have always known that although I want to wait until the end of the 1st trimester to tell people - that I would definitely tell my immediate family right away (I am very close to my mom and sister). My DH wanted to tell everyone he knew as soon as we found out. I think he just didn't understand why people wait and so I explained to him what could happen and had him read a bunch of posts on this site. After that he decided we should tell his parents but no one else right away. His parents are SO excited and it was really nice - but now my MIL is being very pushy about telling my SIL. She is desparate to tell the whole world and I keep hearing about how hard it is to keep a secret. She is telling us that it is totally not fair that I told my sister but that my SIL does not know yet. (I see my sister at least once a week and my SIL about once every 3 months, she is nice, but we are not close.) Frankly, I don't want to hear it anymore and I'm getting annoyed. My DH is being very supportive and agreeing with me about these decisions but it's hard to tell if he truly agrees with me or is just trying to keep the peace. I told him if he felt strongly about it we could tell people and he decided we should wait until after the first SG. Do you think I'm being a jerk? I feel like I am putting him in a tough spot between making me happy and making his mother happy. What would you do?

Re: WWYD?

NO, its your decision about who to tell. Dont let her pressure you!

Re: WWYD?

Nope only tell who you and your DH feel is important to tell at the moment!

I told my sister the day after my BFP (4weeks); DH told his sister that day too but that's because they talk daily and he's very close to her. As of right now his Dad; Sister; my parents sister and best friend know. That's it and I'm 8 week 5 days. We're telling his best friend tonight; but I've made it clear to my parents they're not to tell anyone (grandparents; aunts etc) until I decide to.

It's your decision. It's such a delicate time...if you don't want SIL to know they shouldn't be stressing you out about it!

Re: WWYD?

Honestly, I think if you told your siblings, it is only fair to let DH tell his siblings. I understand that you are not as close to your sister in law like you are to your sister but it is still his immediate family. But that is just my opinion.

Re: WWYD?

I thought your DH didn't want to tell her sister; that it's his parents pushing for him to tell her? Is your DH close to his sister?

My DH has a sister he's not close to. He did not tell her. And says he doesn't plan to...she will hear it through the grapevine.

Re: WWYD?

I kind of agree that it's not fair that you told your sister, but DH can't tell his. Regardless of how often you see your SIL, it's still your DH's sister. I would let him tell her and then explain that you're not comfortable sharing the news with anyone else until you're further along.

Re: WWYD?

While I do agree it's your choice who to tell, I have to agree with the other posters and say it's only fair that since you told your sister DH should be able to tell his also.

As for everyone else they have to respect your opinion to keep it a secret.

Re: WWYD?

Re: WWYD?

Same thing happened to us with our first. I actually waited almost 2 weeks after telling my parents to tell his because I knew his mom would make us tell his siblings right after. She cannot and will not keep a secret.

But we did tell all of our siblings within a few hours of each other. It only felt fair that they all heard in the same time frame.

Re: WWYD?

I got pregnant with ds after being off the pill for almost 2 years and suffering 2 early losses. We told dh parents, my parents and my siblings when we saw the heartbeat. I would have no issue with them knowing and would need their support if I had another loss. We specifically told everyone that if they blabbed then if and when we have another they would not know until we were ready for the world to know.

Well my mil could not keep quiet. I love her very much but it was very upsetting she did this. She told people and then told them not to let us know they know which was a slap in the face. She told every person in dh's family that he would have wanted to tell himself. Well when I got pregnant with #2 we told my siblings and parents at 8w. Then we dh's cousins (who he is very close to and found out through the grapevine last time) at about 12w. His parents were out of the country when we hit the safe time so we ended up telling them at 16w when I walked into Passover dinner visibly pregnant. Yes I am sure they were hurt but they had done it to themselves. Having a m/c is hard enough. I did not want the awkward conversations and sad looks. I did not need random relatives or in laws friends knowing that my body failed me yet again. I am a private person and will tell who I choose to.

OP I would give your mil the same warning. respect your wishes or next time she can find out with everyone else. Your dh wants to wait to tell his sister there is no reason your mil should not respect her sons wishes.