How would you feel?

I am pregnant with my third child and it's a girl. I have two boys already (always thought I'd just be a boy Mommy! ) I've always been annoyed at the statement, "oh there is nothing like a mother daughter relationship" and lately the comments that come in like "oh you finally get your girl" ~ like I'd keep having kids just to have a specific gender
I do feel I have a good relationship with my mother, probably much better when I was younger than now, but nonetheless a good relationship. Well my question is would you be bothered if your mother was going to travel(by two planes) to go to her goddaughters wedding that is taking place 5 days after your due date, even making it a week trip since it's a far trip?
Background story, my mother recently moved closer to me and is traveling back to where she lived for 7 years for the wedding. She was here after the birth of my first son to help out, since she couldn't take time from work and we felt it was easier, she cut the cord for my second child. And now is probably more excited that I am having a girl than I am!(I'm having a bit of anxiety since I feel I "know" boys ) I was induced with both boys, DS#1 6 days past due date and DS#2 3 days past due date. How would you feel in this situation? Oh and she'll be traveling to another state for my brothers wedding the month before I'm due, twice. Once for the bridal shower and then again for a week for the wedding (I'm not going as I am pregnant!, and don't have a relationship with my brother) and then she will be traveling for another wedding the month after the baby is born to my other cousins wedding (I am not attending since I'll potentially have a four week old and it's too long of a trip)
I want to hear all sides of the situation. Because I do feel differently each time I think about it!

Re: How would you feel?

Well has your mother said anything about it. Like "oh hunny im sorry I didnt' realize when i booked it" or has she acknowledged it at all?

I'd first have to hear her reasoning before I could answer how i felt about it.

Re: How would you feel?

Why not bring it up to her?

Re: How would you feel?

She hasn't booked anything yet. She seemed to have no intention of not going, nor the thought that maybe she shouldn't. Maybe that's why I'm confused in how I feel. I couldn't come right out and tell her that I was hurt, because I felt weird feeling that way. She's knows I have made plans with my SIL to come down and help me out since we won't have any knowing she was going to a wedding. We do not have close family in our state (I even asked my neighbor if I could call her in the middle of the night to watch our boys just in case I went into labor!)

Re: How would you feel?

I think if you feel the way you do, you need to come right out and talk to her about it.

Don't let it build up until you guys have an argument over it.

It seems you have some expectations from your mom and sometimes it's ok if there's a precedence for it. Ie. she's cleared her calendar for your previous two boys to make sure she's there for you/them, but didn't do so for the 3rd child.

Re: How would you feel?

honestly, im opinion - there are other people in her life besides you. I hope that isnt harsh but perhaps she is looking forward to sharing these other wonderful occasions with family?

Of course traveling 5 days before your EDD means that she COULD miss this birth but, what if she decided not to go because your EDD was around travel time and you ended up being late again and she COULD HAVE attended the event 5 days before your EDD?

I guess my point is that you cannot plan everything around an EDD. If my mother wanted to travel to see other family, I wouldn't be mad. I can understand it.

How do you think the rest of the family would feel if she chose the possible birth over a wedding? I bet they would feel slighted too.

It is 100% natural, I guess my point is that no matter what, someone will feel as if they were not "the chosen" on, KWIM?

ETA - re-read your post. SO more than likely, she won't miss the birth. She won't be there to help much the first week to 2 after the birth but more than likely, she won't miss it! I guess I don't see what the issue is then? Weddings are major life events also

Message edited 5/30/2012 2:50:38 PM.

Re: How would you feel?

I dont know.. I love you maymama,, you know that but if my mom were still alive.. she'd clear her schedule for two months to make sure she was around for her grandchilds birth.

Re: How would you feel?

Posted by Linda1003

I dont know.. I love you maymama,, you know that but if my mom were still alive.. she'd clear her schedule for two months to make sure she was around for her grandchilds birth.

Re: How would you feel?

AND, why not see if they will induce on EDD? she could be there then, right? You were induced with both others? That is reason enough to induce at 40w.

Re: How would you feel?

Posted by maymama

honestly, im opinion - there are other people in her life besides you. I hope that isnt harsh but perhaps she is looking forward to sharing these other wonderful occasions with family?

Of course traveling 5 days before your EDD means that she COULD miss this birth but, what if she decided not to go because your EDD was around travel time and you ended up being late again and she COULD HAVE attended the event 5 days before your EDD?

I guess my point is that you cannot plan everything around an EDD. If my mother wanted to travel to see other family, I wouldn't be mad. I can understand it.

How do you think the rest of the family would feel if she chose the possible birth over a wedding? I bet they would feel slighted too.

It is 100% natural, I guess my point is that no matter what, someone will feel as if they were not "the chosen" on, KWIM?

Re: How would you feel?

Re: How would you feel?

Posted by Seraphina

Posted by maymama

honestly, im opinion - there are other people in her life besides you. I hope that isnt harsh but perhaps she is looking forward to sharing these other wonderful occasions with family?

Of course traveling 5 days before your EDD means that she COULD miss this birth but, what if she decided not to go because your EDD was around travel time and you ended up being late again and she COULD HAVE attended the event 5 days before your EDD?

I guess my point is that you cannot plan everything around an EDD. If my mother wanted to travel to see other family, I wouldn't be mad. I can understand it.

How do you think the rest of the family would feel if she chose the possible birth over a wedding? I bet they would feel slighted too.

It is 100% natural, I guess my point is that no matter what, someone will feel as if they were not "the chosen" on, KWIM?

I completely know what you mean. Hence why I'm so confused. I'm even at the point where I wouldn't want her to be here anyway, even if she chose to stay behind, based on how I feel.

I was just seeing if my feelings were more in the majority, that a daughter from this "gotta have mother/daughter relationship", would feel the same way. It wasn't even a thought for her to miss the wedding!!

Re: How would you feel?

Posted by Linda1003

I dont know.. I love you maymama,, you know that but if my mom were still alive.. she'd clear her schedule for two months to make sure she was around for her grandchilds birth.

Re: How would you feel?

Posted by Seraphina

Posted by Linda1003

I dont know.. I love you maymama,, you know that but if my mom were still alive.. she'd clear her schedule for two months to make sure she was around for her grandchilds birth.

Exactly what my DH said!

Re: How would you feel?

Posted by maymama

hugs!! its hard, I am sure everyone involved feels torn. I know that if it were me, I would not want my mom to miss my brother's wedding or the wedding of her goddaughter. Before we have kids, our wedding is the biggest deal in ours lives. My thinking would be that for your brother, this is the biggest event in his life currently, you likely had your mom there for your wedding ... i would feel awful keeping her from his (or the goddaughters). Don't stress it, I bet it all works out and she makes both!

Re: How would you feel?

i would not be bothered about traveling by car, even if it were multiple days. she could always drive back sooner than expected, if you go into labor.

however, i'm not going to lie and say i'd be 100% ok with my mom traveling around my due date. i'd want her to be there and be supportive and be one of the first few people to see LO!

I'd probably make a comment like "but what if you miss your granddaughter's birth?" and hope she changes her mind about flying for that wedding.

good luck