Well ladies, my MIL "went there"......

I have read posts in the past about MIL's and/or Mom's doing this but I always said to myself, not my MIL this isn't her style. Well ladies, I was wrong. She totally went there yesterday. Now, I can't take any credit for my response b/c I remember reading it on here a while ago. Its funny b/c I didn't even have to think about it, the words just fell out of my mouth.

So MIL was very sweet and swung by yesterday to give me some of my favorite flowers. She asked how I was and then grabbed my belly and asked how "HER baby was doing?" I told her that, "HER baby was fine, he was painting the nursery." Then I patted my belly and said, "This is MY baby."
Will you believe she actually said, "No, its part of MY baby (meaning her son) so it's MY baby too."



I mean its not the biggest deal in the world, not gonna lie it upset me at the time but I'm over it. Now I think its hilarious especially b/c apparently she is mad at me now.

I love this woman, I really do but its things like this that make me wish we lived in different states.

Re: Well ladies, my MIL "went there"......

I know she is just exited but this would pisss me off too. It's like stepping on toes. I love your response and would have said the same thing. Except after she reiterated it was part her baby I would have said that she can only refer to it as her baby if she can find a way to carry and deliver it without you. I had no filter with my MIL way before pregnancy and I certainly don't have one now.

Re: Well ladies, my MIL "went there"......

Awww I think that was kind of mean... :( I talk to my mom all the time and she says "How's my boyyyy?!?!" and I think it's adorable - I love that she loves him so much already.

Now as for your MIL's response - that's a bit much. Just because the baby comes from her son that does not make it her baby. But she may have just said that bc she was embarassed by your answer.

Re: Well ladies, my MIL "went there"......

Re: Well ladies, my MIL "went there"......

I'm glad you said that.

It would bother me if she was mad too, but then who cares?

It is YOUR baby, not her baby.

And the fact that it is part of DH, makes it HIS baby also, not hers. What she replied was kind of rude, weird, gross and confrontational all at once.

Don't let her act like that.

Listen, this might turn into a long rant but it has a point in the end lol- my MIL is going to be the worst. She demands photos of my belly to show her friends at work and acts like she has a right to have these photos if I refuse and gets mad. She has been begging DH to know a name even though we have told her countless times, we do not actually have a name picked yet and even if we did we wouldn't share it until the hospital, and she wants DH to take pictures and show her every single baby item we buy that he mentions on the phone with her. She has mentioned SO many times how much she can't wait to see/hold/be with HER baby. Yes, in a way, all of these things are somewhat sweet and supportive and means DD will be so LOVED. However, I am becoming a mom- and I want her to know my place. She had her turn when she had my DH and BIL and now it's my turn. My own parents respect that. I told DH I was worried that when she comes, if I let her hold the baby... she won't let go or give her back... and how I was really having anxiety, terrified over this. I have been feeling very controlling and possessive over DD even though she is not here yet and I don't want MIL to just think that she's entitled to all of the bonding with the baby the first week she is born. Well, my DH said don't ever feel that you can't take her back. MIL's feeling don't matter at that point- If you have the need or urge to hold the baby and you want her back, pick her up and take her back. It is that simple.

Now whether it is that simple, time will tell... but at least DH said it right. Don't let your MIL do or say anything that makes you uncomfortable. You are the mom of your baby and you get to make these comments and/or decisions, not her.

Re: Well ladies, my MIL "went there"......

I think it would bother me too if my MIL said it was HER baby. I get kind of defensive too when family members get tooooo excited and act like this is great thing for THEM. I get everyone is excited and that's wonderful, but especially since its our first child, I feel people should step back a little and know that this is a huge deal for me and DH and it is OUR baby and we should have every right to make any decisions for our baby. Something my MIL says, that bothers me even though I know it shouldn't, is "thank you for giving me this gift". I never know how to respond to that. I"m not about to say "your welcome" because I don't want to imply in any way that we got pregnant just for HER benefit. We got pregnant because WE want this baby and we didn't care whether or not any family members were happy about it or not. So even though I know she's trying to be sweet and she's so excited to be a grandmother, it kind of annoys me when she says that. This kid was not intended as a gift for her or anyone else. It's our child!!!!

Re: Well ladies, my MIL "went there"......

eh, as I understand you want to establish boundaries, but i think your reaction was a little harsh. my parents, sister, friends all will ask how "their" little girl/princess/baby/etc. is doing. I ask the same thing of my niece and my friends children, "how's my pumpkin, how's my little man/buddy." I do it out of love and by no means is it said to stake my claim to a child that isn't mine.

and you know what, your MIL is kinda right, your child is very much yours, but is her blood, the baby of her baby, and grandparents take being a grandparent just as serious, sometimes more serious, than being a parent! hell, my parents live OOS and bought a BRAND NEW CAR for them to travel in to see their granddaughter. They have a nursery there for her, with toys, brand new carseats, highchair, etc. and we're only there 4-5 times a YEAR.

no one is taking this moment away from you & your DH, but this is a special special time for her as well.

Re: Well ladies, my MIL "went there"......

Re: Well ladies, my MIL "went there"......

I agree with labonnevie. When my sister was pregnant I ALWAYS said "how's my baby doing" just something so natural about it.

If my fathers girlfriend said that.. now THAT... Id have a problem with!!

But not family and close friends.. everyone feels connected to the baby and are just so excited to be a part of it!

Re: Well ladies, my MIL "went there"......

I think its definitely WHO says it and just knowing their personality. If my mom said it, I wouldn't think anything of it. If MIL said it I'd be mad because she has a tendancy to step on toes and be overbaring. (like giving my babies dumb nicknames which DH and I said NO to and she backed down off of- thankfully)

Re: Well ladies, my MIL "went there"......

there is a reason why the grandparents have "grand"kids........ they are not their own kids, it only takes 2 to make a baby.

I can only pray that your child does not look exactly like your dh, or she'll be even more confused calling them hers.