| Posted By |
Message |
azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
|
Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
First let me start out by saying I love my MIL. I think we have a great relationship. Since having DS she has been a bit overbearing but I tolerate it because I know it's out of love and excitment over the baby.
I had made plans to go out to dinner tonight with some girlfriends. I thought it was going to be a girls night out so DH said he would stay home with Dylan and invited his family over for dinner and to spend some time with DS since he we will not see them this weekend (they see him at least once a week sometimes more - last weekend she saw him on Friday and Saturday).
One of the girls said she was bringing her FH and another asked if I was bringing DS so I asked DH if he would go and perhaps we should just go as a family.
So last night he called MIL to cancel and she got very silent, hurried off the phone because DH thought he had heard her start crying.
We both then felt awful and are still not sure what to do. We were thinking of possibly dropping off DS at their house but then some of the people at this dinner still haven't met him (and came to my baby shower).
I thought this would be a good time for her to learn that she is not always going to be able to see him ESPECIALLY when I go back to work. Our quality time together will basically be on the weekends and we will need our time just the three of us.
Are we being selfish about this? Or am I right in thinking she is overreacting and being a bit much? Anyone else have a mother/MIL like this? I hate to say it but I think she is way to into this kid now...
|
Posted 8/19/10 11:32 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
CouponKT
Our family is complete
Member since 6/06 16494 total posts
Name:
K
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
My honest opinion? You shouldn't have cancelled the time with his parents. If your 'girls night out' plans changed and everyone wanted to bring their family, you should have re-scheduled with the girls.
If you want to talk to someone who's MIL is wayy into their kids, I can chat alll day 
But, I think she was just hurt that you cancelled her out of your plans.
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:36 AM |
| |
|
chikita315
Love
Member since 8/06 7945 total posts
Name:
M-lo
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
I have a MIL like that. She takes situations like this as personal insults.
It's a slippery slope. I don't have answers. My son is 2 and I'm still dealing with it.
To mend the fence, I would say to her, I'm sorry that the plans changed, but these girls were really excited about meeting DS for the first time.
Let's schedule another day time to come over. . .
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:37 AM |
| |
|
SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
I think her reaction was extreme. If you see them at least once a week, then there should be no reason if for to cry if you cancel one time.
She's going to have to realize that you, DH, and DS are a family - and she can't always be included. If you saw her less frequently, and cancelled, then it would be different.
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:37 AM |
| |
|
azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Posted by CouponMom
But, I think she was just hurt that you cancelled her out of your plans.
I know - I feel terrible  We literally can't reschedule this dinner because it is to celebrate 4 different people who graduated and 2 of them are leaving by the 31st and the other 2 are going away as of the 20th 
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:38 AM |
| |
|
azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Posted by chikita315
To mend the fence, I would say to her, I'm sorry that the plans changed, but these girls were really excited about meeting DS for the first time.
Let's schedule another day time to come over. . .
DH was trying to schedule something else. He was inviting her over for dinner on Monday or Tuesday (our first available days) and she hurried off the phone saying "that's okay you guys are busy I'll let you go" and hung up.
We were thinking of surprising her tomorrow at work and stopping by. But then we're thinking FIL will be jealous 
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:40 AM |
| |
|
Jen2999
Baby girls & beagles rock!
Member since 8/06 10356 total posts
Name:
Jen
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Don't cancel the dinner, call MIL and make another plan to hang. 
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:41 AM |
| |
|
LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
Name:
L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Is this her first grandchild?
Honestly, Azad, I think you're right. I think this might be the time for you to start laying down the law a bit, especially when you go back to work and you guys will have little family time.
What you should do is maybe do a family night once a week where you have dinner together (preferably during the week rather than your weekend) and maybe once a month plan a day when you get together for the day, or you and DH can get out and MIL can watch Dylan?
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:41 AM |
| |
|
Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
as the mom of a little boy, i think she was excited that she was going to hang out with her little boy and his new baby.
i am finding more and more that my mother is strange. she is in the strange place in her life, trying to figure out her purpose and where her place is in our lives.
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:42 AM |
| |
|
chikita315
Love
Member since 8/06 7945 total posts
Name:
M-lo
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Posted by azoodie
Posted by chikita315
To mend the fence, I would say to her, I'm sorry that the plans changed, but these girls were really excited about meeting DS for the first time.
Let's schedule another day time to come over. . .
DH was trying to schedule something else. He was inviting her over for dinner on Monday or Tuesday (our first available days) and she hurried off the phone saying "that's okay you guys are busy I'll let you go" and hung up.
We were thinking of surprising her tomorrow at work and stopping by. But then we're thinking FIL will be jealous
I can totally tell that you feel super guilty, but you made the attempt to resched - leave it at that.
Maybe reach out again on Sunday for Monday or Tuesday.
Don't go overboard, or else they will expect it every time.
Believe me, btdt!!!
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:43 AM |
| |
|
organichic
LIF Adult
Member since 9/08 2223 total posts
Name:
Lauren
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Posted by SweetTooth
I think her reaction was extreme. If you see them at least once a week, then there should be no reason if for to cry if you cancel one time.
She's going to have to realize that you, DH, and DS are a family - and she can't always be included. If you saw her less frequently, and cancelled, then it would be different.
ITA
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:50 AM |
| |
|
jenny
L O V E
Member since 4/06 2784 total posts
Name:
Mommy
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
As a mom who hasn't been on a child-free night in awhile, I would drop DS at MIL's and bring a photo of DS to show to friends. I wouldn't want to pass up a child-free evening if I had the option plus having to care for DS will sort of change the evening a bit.
JMO!
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:50 AM |
| |
|
Marbo
LOVE
Member since 7/08 2374 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Posted by chikita315
Posted by azoodie
Posted by chikita315
To mend the fence, I would say to her, I'm sorry that the plans changed, but these girls were really excited about meeting DS for the first time.
Let's schedule another day time to come over. . .
DH was trying to schedule something else. He was inviting her over for dinner on Monday or Tuesday (our first available days) and she hurried off the phone saying "that's okay you guys are busy I'll let you go" and hung up.
We were thinking of surprising her tomorrow at work and stopping by. But then we're thinking FIL will be jealous
I can totally tell that you feel super guilty, but you made the attempt to resched - leave it at that.
Maybe reach out again on Sunday for Monday or Tuesday.
Don't go overboard, or else they will expect it every time.
Believe me, btdt!!!
Yes, sounds very familiar. I would just let it go...you will see them next week.
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:50 AM |
| |
|
CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Posted by Jen2999
Don't cancel the dinner, call MIL and make another plan to hang.
I agree, how far away do they live? Just call her and invite them over another night or stop by their house.
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:51 AM |
| |
|
Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Posted by jenny
As a mom who hasn't been on a child-free night in awhile, I would drop DS at MIL's and bring a photo of DS to show to friends. I wouldn't want to pass up a child-free evening if I had the option plus having to care for DS will sort of change the evening a bit.
JMO!
ita with everything said in this post
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:56 AM |
| |
|
azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Posted by LaurenExp
Is this her first grandchild?
Honestly, Azad, I think you're right. I think this might be the time for you to start laying down the law a bit, especially when you go back to work and you guys will have little family time.
What you should do is maybe do a family night once a week where you have dinner together (preferably during the week rather than your weekend) and maybe once a month plan a day when you get together for the day, or you and DH can get out and MIL can watch Dylan?
Yes it is the first on both sides
They only live 5 minutes away. DS is not even 8 weeks old and they have already babysat him once while DH and I went out (DS is still not taking bottles too well so we are working on it). This weekend my brother is in town from Texas so we will be spending time with him and my parents will babysit while when we go out at night.
After I go back to work they are going to have him for an entire week to themselves (they took a week vacation to watch him). The week after that he will be starting daycare full-time.
It's not like they never see him or will never get to see him. Being so close to us they are most likely going to be his most regular babysitters.
Lauren I think that is what we are going to have to do. Have one night a week with them and then the occasional weekend day. My parents live 45 minutes away so we are not going to be able to see them during the week.
Message edited 8/19/2010 12:00:02 PM.
|
| Posted 8/19/10 11:58 AM |
| |
|
isabelle2137
LIF Adult
Member since 12/06 1076 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Honestly, I think your MIL is a bit much. I get that she's excited, but at the end of the day the three of you are your own family.
She sees him often, so there is no reason to get so upset. IMO
|
| Posted 8/19/10 12:06 PM |
| |
|
juanvi
Get Out!
Member since 10/06 4463 total posts
Name:
Christina
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Posted by jenny
As a mom who hasn't been on a child-free night in awhile, I would drop DS at MIL's and bring a photo of DS to show to friends. I wouldn't want to pass up a child-free evening if I had the option plus having to care for DS will sort of change the evening a bit.
JMO!
I'm with you. Ask your friends to come over for a visit.
|
| Posted 8/19/10 12:10 PM |
| |
|
EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Posted by juanvi
Posted by jenny
As a mom who hasn't been on a child-free night in awhile, I would drop DS at MIL's and bring a photo of DS to show to friends. I wouldn't want to pass up a child-free evening if I had the option plus having to care for DS will sort of change the evening a bit.
JMO!
I'm with you. Ask your friends to come over for a visit.
ITA! Are you guys going to dinner close by? Can your friends stop over for a drink or something and to see the baby then you all head out for dinner while your MIL watches the baby?
|
| Posted 8/19/10 12:15 PM |
| |
|
MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
Oh come on !!! - your MIL is being unfair to your DH, and being overyly dramatic.
A - Don't feel guilty. You didn't do anything wrong. I can understand her disappointment, but you, DH and Dylan are a family of your own now - You get to do things together w/o everyone else involved - and they are going to have to get used to that, so I think it's a perfect opportunity, like you said -
B. DO NOT start jumping through flaming hoops of fire to make them happy NOW - UNLESS you plan to contiue that behavior for the rest of your life ........b/c they will grow to expect it, and then you can't blame them for it KWIM?
It's not like they haven't seen the baby, or seen him infrequently - it's ONE night, your DH immediately offered another night in it's place ........let it go and don't go crazy trying to 'make up for it' b/c it will just come back to bite you -
|
| Posted 8/19/10 12:24 PM |
| |
|
beautyq115
New Year!
Member since 5/05 13729 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: Curious what you ladies think - re: MIL
A little extreme! He's YOUR child!If you want to bring him to see other people that is YOUR business!! Do NOT feel bad!!!
|
| Posted 8/19/10 12:24 PM |
| |
|
