WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

DH usually goes hunting with his friend's family the weekend before Thanksgiving (Friday through Monday).

I've been telling him since I found out I was pg that it wasn't happening this year. He seems to think I'm being ridiculous.

I will be 37.5 weeks when he goes. My 1st DD was born via CSection at almost 39 weeks- I was induced.

He is annoyed that I'm choosing to try VBAC for this one. Mostly, I think, because if I were to have scheduled a section, I would know when the baby is coming (although, that doesn't mean I wouldn't go into labor before hand).

He goes hunting upstate- about 3.5-4 hours away. They stay in a man cave in the woods onthe friends property and their only means of communication with civilization are walkie talkies (his friend's mom stays in their vacation home.)

So, if I were to go into labor, I'd call the house and the mom would radio DH and tell him.

I already told him, I'm not forcing him to stay home. I thought he'd make the right decision. He asked me to make a few trays of cornbread for his trip.


One would think that he would've grown up since DD#1, but that's not the case.

Do I "forbid" him to go? I have plenty of support around without him. My biggest worry is having to take care of DD#1 (19m) all by myself from Friday to monday and him missing a day of work for this when I want him to take a few days off after the baby is born to help me out.

This is probably more of a vent than anything...but humor me- WWYD?

Message edited 11/2/2011 5:06:00 PM.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks

Just me, but I totally would not be ok with my DH going. Even if the chances of you going into labor are small, you still will be 37.5 weeks, uncomfortable, and have a small child to take care of!!! That's a lot to ask of you. My husband does a lot of weekend trips to see his friends and I never give him grief, but in this type of situation I absolutely would.

Good luck!

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

This is just me.....but....

I would make a huge deal out of it. The birth of a child is soooo special (whether its the first, second, third child...etc). My DH would need to be there and he would be expected to make plans around the due date accordingly. I am not super controlling with my DH, but this is one thing I would expect him to be there for (and stay home for around those dates!).

ETA..if he ended up missing the birth, not only would i be hurt....but I would hold it against him forever. (then again, thats just me!)

Message edited 11/2/2011 5:15:24 PM.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

i dont believe in FORBIDING....but i think you need to have a serious talk with him.
and let him know that if he does miss the birth that the consequences will be xyz... such as you will be angry or hurt or resentful etc... much less that now more than ever you need normalcy and help as much as possible.

i personally think i would want to smother my dh with a pillow and tell him mom on him!!! but um thats just me

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

I would make a big deal about it. It's not like you plan to have a child every year around this time so he could skip this year and stay close to home.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

I'll be honest, this would not sit well with me at all. I wouldn't FORBID him to go, but I would sit down with him and explain that it's too much unnecessary stress on me with a toddler at home by myself, plus he very well might not be able to make it home in time if I did go into labor. What if there's a snow storm that weekend? How would he get home. I mean is it that unlikely? Some places got 15 inches of snow last week!

At the same time, I'm not sure it's worth it to argue with him. I'd really have to sit down and let him know how much this upsets you. Maybe something will sink in.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

ITA with all these ladies! I am usually very laid back about DH and his guy time or whatever but hello! This isn't rocket science! I would be very, very upset that my DH would even consider this...or have the balls to ask for cornbread!!!!!!!!

My niece went at 37 weeks. If your child was born at 37 weeks would he still go hunting a few days after his birth?! I think one year will NOT kill him

eta: I will never "forbid" my husband to do anything but I would make it loud and clear how I feel and WHY i feel that way. And I am totally not against holding a grudge!

Message edited 11/2/2011 5:25:28 PM.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

Im going to join the bandwagon too.

I was angry at your DH for you as I was reading your post-- especially the cornbread part!!!

I used to be passive aggressive about these type of things but learned that doesnt work.. if they were going to figure it out on their own they woudl have alredy-- I agree with the pp's have a heart to heart with him (calmly) about how you need his help and hurt or resentful he would feel and that you hoipe he understands your position and maybe he can contoniue the tradition next year.

I hope that he decides to stay but if he doesnt, I hope thatyou can find a way to let any resentment you may have go so you can enjoy the time and that he makes it back in time!!

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

I would be very upset and hurt if my DH would even consider such a thing. That being said I hate using the word "forbid". I think that like all others said I would sit him down and explain to him how very hurtful and stressful it will be for me for him to go. I would spell it out loud and clear making sure that he knows exactly how freaking fuming I would be if he makes the choice to go.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

Oh boy I can relate.. I understand completely where you are coming from.. My DH also goes hunting upstate every year and when hunting season starts (he starts earlier with Bow season) nothing else exists.. With that said... I told him a long time ago when trying for kids that if a due date ever happened to fall during that time he is not to leave me past 35 weeks. So many times he has gone up there and for some reason or another has taken him almost 10 hours to get home from a regularly 2.5 hour drive i.e. snow, traffic, accidents etc.
His friend's, who usually goes with him, wife just had a baby a week ago and needless to say he didn't go at all either. She told him the same thing. It is in my eyes a perfectly legitamate request and he should respect your thoughts.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

I may come off sounding like a b!tchy wife but I would absolutely tell him he couldn't go. Like you said, even if you DID have a scheduled C-section, there is no guarantee you wouldn't go into labor before then. God forbid DH missed the birth of his child. I know it would be something that would be very difficult for me to get over.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

Honestly? I would be LIVID if DH even CONSIDERED that.

If DH saw how ****** I was- and I mean ******- I would imagine he would change his plans so telling him I "forbid" the trip would not need to occur.

IMO it is completely unreasonable and down right insensitive.

ETA I had my last child at 37 1/2 weeks- which is perfectly normal and not "early". Anything past 37 is fair game and FULL term. My labor lasted only 8 hours from the first contraction to the last push!

Message edited 11/2/2011 8:14:59 PM.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

Geez! That's awful! My DH hunts as well and I hope he'd never pull that on me. I would sit down and let him know how upset you are. I wouldn't forbid DH but I would hope he'd make the right decision on his own. I definitely would not be making him extra cornbread!

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

Holy sh!t he is off his rocker!

You guys JUST got snow in OCTOBER.

What if he gets stuck up there that weekend?

What if you do go into labor while he is there - he could miss the whole birth. Does he even feel the tiniest bit worried about that?

I would be raising holy freaking hell.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

Men and their stupif flucking hunting I am soooooooooo over this bullshitt. When ppg with my dd I had to change our shower date because of this "holiday" as the men call it. My brotehr, father, and husband all told me I CAN NOT deliver during hunting season. Arghhhhhhhhhh I am so sick of this. Tell me is the WHOLE season only 4 days? Can they NOT go another time? Did I mention I hate hunting season. Yes honey let em hold this baby in so YOU can go have fun while I wallow in misery with our dd until YOU'RE ready for him to be cut from MY body. Sorry.....touchy subject

I think there is a time and a place to talk to your dh about this, but I don't thing you should forbid him, and I don;t think you should calmly talk either. Just tell him it's a simple choice....either you want to be here for the birth of your child and to help with your other child or you don't. It's that simple. End. Of. Story. He has had months to prepare for this and make other arrangments. NO sympathy here. If he starts into the you may not deliever blah blah blah then just say make a choice either you stay or you go and if you go then that's a WHOLE other conversation we need to have and that won't be pretty.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

I would be so hurt. I would be hurt that he wouldn't want to be there just incase and risk missing the birth of his child. This would not be ok in my house.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

I would be ok with it. At 39 weeks, no. But 37.5....I think you'll be fine. I can understand you being annoyed though. There are so many things we can't do being pregnant. It's annoying sometimes that DH's get to just live their lives as normal.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

Okay...it annoys me SO much when we tell our husbands "I am not going to tell you, you do what you think is right" and they end up going with the completely WRONG decision!

Why do they do this? Don't they know that the wrath of their wife is way worse then anything they are chosing to do against our liking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I would probably tell my DH to just go if he thinks it is more important then being here when his child is born...

And then I'd be a total B - I - T - C - H to him in the mean time!



IMO he could totally do this trip a few weeks earlier to make it easier on the both of you!

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

I don't even know how to phrase this properly. I mean, I would send him to he7&, I think it's absolutely selfish.

Aside from potentially missing the birth of your baby, I feel a DH should BE THERE FOR YOU completely, especially so late in the pregnancy. Who will rub your back at 37 weeks? What if you feel ill? I'm not a needy person at all but we are carrying their child and THEY should be there. It also bothers me that he would prefer a scheduled C section to fit his needs. So who CARES about the extra trauma to YOUR body.

This is unreal.

Message edited 11/3/2011 1:15:05 PM.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

Even if you don't go into labor in that time you will be late in your pregnancy with a toddler, you will need is help with her and support with other things be it household chores, etc. It is just one year that he will miss out on, it shouldn't be a second thought to him, he should want to be close to home with his family during this time. WIth that being said I would definitely let my husband know how disappointed I would be in him if he went and how difficult it could be for him to get home in the event that you do go into labor.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

i totally understand where your coming from. My DH is a big hunter and I am due Nov 21, opening day is Nov 19.... there is no way in he77 that he is going hunting!!! DH and his dad and a few friends usually go up every weekend b/4 opening day to get things ready, set up the deer feeder, their tree stands, etc... and i told him i would really apprciate it if he does not go.... so far he seems to be staying home

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

I agree with all pp. And pls do not make cornbread or anything else for that matter. Funny how they can take a break but u have to be on duty 24/7 365..

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

I'm very laid back when it comes to my DH going out with the guys. He doesn't do it often, so I don't give him trouble. In your case though, I would be ******!! Not only can you go into labor early, taking care of a toddler for 4 days by yourself while 37 weeks pregnant is alot on you. I can't believe he told you to make cornbread. Don't make it!! I would talk to him and really tell him how you feel. Even though he should already of figured it out that a 37 week pregnant women might have a hard time by herself.
I'm due in March and told DH that I would like him not to go on any skiing trips during his Feb vacation. Maybe a day trip. It's only one year.

Re: WWYD: DH going away at almost 38 wks- lONG

Let me start off by saying that I consider myself to be a very laid back person and wife. DH has even said this to me so it's not like I'm tooting my own horn here. BUT I would be pizzed if DH decided to go SO far away and SO far out of reach that close to the end. This is our first child so I have no idea what it feels like to be almost 38 weeks preg yet, but I would imagine it's uncomfortable - especially running around after a 19 month old. On top of the fact that at the end - esp this being baby #2 for you - anything can happen at any time. I would NOT at all be OK with him going. FORBID it? No. I'm not his mother and he's not a child. But put up a big 'ole fight - pulling out the tears, screaming till the neighbors thought I lost my mind, and pulling out all the stops - you bet I would.

ETA - I will beat you up if you make the cornbread! j/k

Message edited 11/3/2011 2:52:07 PM.