Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Like you there was never a question that I would go back to work.
I have known all my life that I'd have a career AND a family.
A lot of it is the money- I make good money and that helps us give our DD the life we want to give her- but part of it is fullfilment and a sense of myself as something other than just her mommy.
I would never make it as a SAHM.
Working full time makes me a much better mother, wife, person in general.
And this is not to say it's easy- it's the hardest thing I have ever done.
But I woudln't have it any other way

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I don't know if I ever knew what I always wanted. I feel like my life has gone down so many different paths and I am VERY fortunate to end up where I am today. My life could be very different, and not in a good way.

Like Ophelia, I was not a happy child. I don't feel like I had much happiness in my life for a very long time and I still struggle to escape the many demons of my past.

There are many things I will still like to do in life but I am very content with where things are at. I have two amazing children and I am striving to be the best parent I can, which given my past is very hard and sometimes painful work. I have a wonderful husband who loves me in spite of my downfalls. We have a home and live a comfortable life. I am lucky to work very PT and spend most of my time with my children.

I don't know if the above is what I always wanted but I am happy with my life and my family and honestly it is sometimes more than I imagined I could ever have.

I would like to better myself in many ways but I've been trying to do that my whole life

Message edited 1/4/2011 12:53:30 PM.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I think I misread the question.

in terms of being a mom and working out of the home...it was never a question of what I wanted but rather what needs to be done.

I have an idea of how I want things to pan out overall, right now and down the road. I know that for some of my down the road goals to be made, I can't have everything I want now. but the knowlege that I am working towards our overall happiness and goals sustains me when I am feeling the pinch of what I can't do/have now, if that makes any sense.

I've always known I would work. I thought it was who I was.

but I feel like Tilde. so much. after more than 1 year of working, walking out of my house every day crushes my heart. especially when I go back after having more than a weekend with him. It affects every other decision I make...how much time I get with my son every day, and my brain works feverishly to have a balance in my life. b/c my heart tips the scales completely to the feet of my sweet sweet boy.

but, he is joy. anything else in my life does not matter when he puts his hands on either side of my head and brings it up together with his.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

For the most part. I'm a SAHM which I wanted to be, I live near a lot of my family which I didn't have as a kid and was always jealous of, and I'm married to a genuinely nice man who treats me with a lot of respect - something I definitely didn't have in the past.

The only thing I wish was different was my relationship with my dad, but he isn't interested in making the lifestyle changes necessary for us to have a more normal situation.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I have wanted a zillion different things in my lifetime. There was even a point in my life where I wanted NO kids. I have two now. I cannot decide if I want to stop here or have two more.

Also, right now, I want to be a SAHM, I've wanted that since I got pregnant with my first kid... but that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon. So no, right now, my life is not what I want.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Although I was in a very high-pressure, male-dominated type job before I had kids, I always wanted to be a SAHM. Honestly, I wasn't sure it would ever come true for me-- I was in a couple relationships where my salary was clearly important to the guy, and I think they would have resented me for not "pulling my weight" financially had we gotten married and I stayed home with kids.

Then I met my DH, who was completely on the same page as me, re: raising our future kids. We were married a few years before we had our first, and we banked every penny I made so that we would never have to adjust our lifestyles if I gave up my job. I haven't worked in almost 5 years now, I get to be with my kids and not miss anything, we have a very nice lifestyle, and my DH values my contribution to the family just as much as when I used to earn a paycheck. Sometimes I can't believe it all came true for me.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Posted by SweetCaroline

I get a little upset over my career path but I love my family as it is.

I just wish I didn't feel as stuck as I do. Work has just become work. I don't mind, but I'm just here b/c I haven't had the time or energy to do something else I'm truly passionate about and with each passing year (and child) I feel more trapped.

Somedays I get all gung-ho about a fresh start. Finding something that gets me excited for work, something with more flexibility and then by the next day I'm "eh, nevermind"

But, like I said, I couldn't ask for more with my family and am grateful for that.

I don't mind that I have to work and enjoy it to a certain extent but wish when people asked me how work is going I could respond with more than, "it's a paycheck"

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Nope. I wanted to have a house by now and be able to spend more time with my children (have 1 DS). Going back to work when DS was only 8 weeks was DEF not what I always wanted!!

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

If I was able to travel more, I would definitely be living a dream.

I have everything I need & everything I want is within reach- just have to do a few leaps & bounds to get there, but it is definitely possible.

I dont set unreachable goals for myself- or at least I try not to. I like the very normal life I lead. Just wish I was able to see the world a bit more.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Yes. I have a great husband, 2 beautiful kids and own a house.

I have to work. I have no choice. It is what it is. I know that working will help me to provide a better life for the kids.
Sure, I wish we had more money. I wish I didn't have to work. I guess we all dream about certain things. I'd rather be broke and happy then well off and miserable or lonely.

ETA:
I am very lucky that my job let me change my schedule so I can get home earlier and have Fridays off. Having that flexibility means so much to me.

Message edited 1/4/2011 1:31:00 PM.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I always envisioned myself a SAHM to 2 kids, but never thought it would be financially attainable.

Through a lot of hard work, saving and budgeting we have been able to achieve it with DS and twin girls on the way.

Although more money would always be a plus, I am very grateful for the life we currently live.

And if I had to go back to working full time tomorrow to help support the family, I would have no problem with it.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Pretty much , my Mom was a SAHM, she is also one of the most independent and intelligent women I know, she has her PhD and is incredibly talented when it comes to making things. She grew up as 1 of 5 girls so she learned to do it all - she raised us the same way. I have 1 brother and 5 sisters, there were no boy or girl chores - we all did it all -changed the oil in the cars, mowed the lawns, cooking and cleaning. I always looked up to her and was very thankful that she was there when I got off of the bus and when school wasn't in session. I have always wanted to be a SAHM like my mother.

I don't think having a working mom is bad in any way, just that my childhood experience involved my Mom being home and I wanted to be able to do that as well.

I have a business out of the house which I am proud of myself for building, DH and I live a simple life that makes us happy, I have the most incredible 2 year old on the planet (I may be a little biased ), we have a warm house, food on the table and loving families. I think life is pretty darn near perfect

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Message edited 1/4/2011 2:16:18 PM.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

For the most part yes.. just missing one person MY MOM.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

My life has changed so much in so many ways that i stopped projecting into the future to envision anything a long time ago. My life is not how I envisioned it, but if it were the way I once planned, I would have limited myself immensely.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I always wanted a bunch of kids...didn't think it would happen all in one shot, but it's a blessing.

I thought i'd have to work to own a home, and I never thought we'd be able to afford one in the area where I grew up, so I am extremely happy for my DH proving me wrong

I have a great husband, happy healthy kids and there really isn't any more I could ask for.

Now if I could just get my masters done....

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Posted by Tilde

i love my life!

I will say it again, for me, IN MY SOUL, in my body - leaving my daughter for 45 hours a week is NOT NATURAL. It goes against nature. I cry every single day, yes, still. My heart hurts every single day - no human being should have to suffer like this constantly.

but, i am in love with my husband, i am in love with my daughter, i love my life and i actually really like my job - so I know how blessed and lucky i am!

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I'm a FTWM and wish I could be home with DS. Yes, it's hard, but I hate that someone else (daycare) is raising him. I made enough friends to keep him socialized with other kids, so I really wish I could be home with him hanging out with my mommy friends!

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Posted by DRMom

Not yet-but getting there

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Um well I am not rich....

But....I have a great stable job that allows me to be home at a decent hour and has tons of vacation days (teacher), great healthcare and a pension.

I have a gorgeous, adorable JOY of a daughter and another one on the way.

My husband is an amazing husband and dad.

My family is fantastic and we all help each other out.

I have a slightly annoying, but lovable and very personable beagle that is awesome with my daughter.

SOOO...... Do I DREAM everyday of more money? YES, but maybe one day we will get there.

DO I hate my tiny house? YES, but we will be finding our dream forever home within the next few years.

But... I wouldnt change a thing if it meant giving up any of the AMAZING things I do have in my life!!!!

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I'm not going to lie... when things were tough with jacen's sleeping... oh how i thought it would be so much easier to be a SAHM. That way i could have had more control over his schedule (my in laws really messed him up- never let him nap). But at that point in time, we just had to go about our days and carry on the best we could (some days i failed miserably at this).

But i love working. I really do. In february i could stop working FT and work PT or not at all if i want. But i like working. I think i'm a more balanced mom because i work.

When #2 comes along, i am going to continue to work FT. But this time my in laws won't be watching #2. So that helps tremendously!!!

At this point in time, my life is exactly what i envisioned. Maybe when #3 comes along, i'll be a SAHM at that point. But not right now. Right now i'm good. Our son is good. My husband is good. it's a perfect balance.