Is your life what you always wanted?

This is kind of a spinoff to the SAHM thread.

Are you living your life the way that you want, are you cut out for the life you are living?

I am a FTWM, and my DH is a FTWD.

We have 2 gorgeous kiddos and they go to a daycare that we really like.

This is the life I've always envisioned for me-stability, financial security, etc. Being a SAHM never entered my thought process (see the sibling spinoff on how your parent's marriage affected you for more on that).

Not that I thought or think anything was wrong with being a SAHM, not that I wouldn't like being with my kids all the time-I think it is wonderful, I just never gave it a thought for myself.

Even when I was pregnant, I never questioned if I would go back to work. I just knew I would-not because of money (we are not rich but we would be fine)-but just, well, just because of who I am.


I'm pretty good at balancing everything though I get overwhelmed sometimes. When the kids are sick it's tough (all I want to do is be there with them, comfort them but DH and I trade off).

There are times when I wish the weekend would never end. I don't get sick of them-but sometimes, bedtime cannot come soon enough.

I don't think it's a matter of which life or job is tougher, it's just harder to do something you don't want to be doing and it's more enjoyable to do what you always thought you would do, kind of like life going according to plan.


Just curious.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I feel EXACTLY as you stated. I miss my DD ALOT during the week but I could not be a SAHM.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Well, it is pretty much what I envisioned it being, though it's not what I wish it was in terms of working. I'd love to be a SAHM but it's just not possible. I'm ok with it, but I wish it were different.

Message edited 1/4/2011 11:37:58 AM.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I do think this is exactly how I envisioned my life. I may complain and not appreciate it all the time, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Not yet-but getting there

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I get a little upset over my career path but I love my family as it is.

I just wish I didn't feel as stuck as I do. Work has just become work. I don't mind, but I'm just here b/c I haven't had the time or energy to do something else I'm truly passionate about and with each passing year (and child) I feel more trapped.

Somedays I get all gung-ho about a fresh start. Finding something that gets me excited for work, something with more flexibility and then by the next day I'm "eh, nevermind"

But, like I said, I couldn't ask for more with my family and am grateful for that.

I don't mind that I have to work and enjoy it to a certain extent but wish when people asked me how work is going I could respond with more than, "it's a paycheck"

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Not in the financial aspect but every other part of my life is how I pictured it.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Posted by SweetCaroline

I get a little upset over my career path but I love my family as it is.

I just wish I didn't feel as stuck as I do. Work has just become work. I don't mind, but I'm just here b/c I haven't had the time or energy to do something else I'm truly passionate about and with each passing year (and child) I feel more trapped.

Somedays I get all gung-ho about a fresh start. Finding something that gets me excited for work, something with more flexibility and then by the next day I'm "eh, nevermind"

But, like I said, I couldn't ask for more with my family and am grateful for that.

I don't mind that I have to work and enjoy it to a certain extent but wish when people asked me how work is going I could respond with more than, "it's a paycheck"

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Message edited 1/5/2011 12:21:03 PM.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I never pictured myself being a SAHM either. The only thing I would change, would be to work part time. Only bc some days there just aren't enough hours to get everything done!

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Posted by CrankyPants

Posted by SweetCaroline

I get a little upset over my career path but I love my family as it is.

I just wish I didn't feel as stuck as I do. Work has just become work. I don't mind, but I'm just here b/c I haven't had the time or energy to do something else I'm truly passionate about and with each passing year (and child) I feel more trapped.

Somedays I get all gung-ho about a fresh start. Finding something that gets me excited for work, something with more flexibility and then by the next day I'm "eh, nevermind"

But, like I said, I couldn't ask for more with my family and am grateful for that.

I don't mind that I have to work and enjoy it to a certain extent but wish when people asked me how work is going I could respond with more than, "it's a paycheck"

See that's interesting. I say I'm content but, I like my job but I don't have a passion for it. I like the package-the salary, the benefits, the colleagues, the flexibility, etc and that makes it "good enough".

Message edited 1/4/2011 11:48:41 AM.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

No I would love to stay home with my kids and we can't afford it. Also we are having some financial difficulties right now so we moved out of our apt and are living with my ILs. We are hoping to get things in order and hopefully get our own place again in the next 6 months.

I don't really mind working, but I woudl love to stay home with my girls.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

my life is totally different than i thought it would be at this point....working towards my new dream life.
as long as I have DD I am happy though!

Message edited 1/4/2011 11:49:22 AM.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Yes and no. I always have been career-driven. Babies/kids were not really on the radar and to be honest, I don't think I ever thought I would have my first kid at 30 and be pregnant again a few months later! There were times in my life that I wasn't even sure if I wanted to have kids or if I did, I pictured it happening later in life.

Now that I have a son and another on the way, I could not imagine not having them or having them later on!

And while I am where I thought I would be career-wise, unfortunately I have a very demanding job that really is not compatible with my family situation so things are very unbalanced. I never had a desire to be a SAHM and still do not. But I am hoping to reach more of a balance during this next year!

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

my one great aspiration is life is to be happy. to find joy in things.

I grew up a very very sad child. I don't know if that resonates with anyone or just sounds trite to some or just bs or whatever, but it is what it is.

once i realized I had power over what happened to me, what I felt, and how I lived, my goal has never been towards "things" more than towards a feeling.

career wise, I know I have not gone to my full potential, yet. I am very aware of that, but I don't let it affect my happiness, b/c work is work. and I can use it to be happy in other areas.

I have done things in life I never thought I would do...travel, own a home, have a good and loving husband and a nice family life filled for the most part with love and respect.

I am for the most part, Happy. and I thank God for that every day. I am grateful with ever fiber of my being for the joy that is truly in my heart.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

I love my life. I have a DH that I adore every day even after almost 20yrs together. I have an amazing, beautiful DD who is so much more incredible than I could've ever imagined, I am a SAHM like I always wanted, I have a house in a nice area, and I have a good family. I wouldn't change anything about my life although more money sure would make things perfect and a lot easier! Things have been tighter financially since I stopped working and although I wouldn't have done anything differently I wouldn't be opposed to a Mega Millions win tonight!!!

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

i actually always pictured myself being a SAHM.. i was never career driven.. didn't go to college.
so i would say this is what i always wanted.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Not as much as I envisioned it. Like you I grew up knowing that if i wanted something i had to do it myself. So while now i'm in a very secure, very good job, I know that i can do what I need to when i need to. Having 3 kids and having to work FT was definitly not in my plans. I work FT and DH works PT most weeks- FT some weeks. He lost his job 2 years ago with the economy being what it is, so luckily we've had my job to fall back on. While being a SAHM is my ultimate dream, I dont necessarily resent being a working mom. I hate that because of the economy being the way it is that i had to cut my maternity leave alot shorter than i would have wanted to.

In a perfect world i would have loved to take off at minimum the first year of each child's lilfe from working. In reality, i only got 3 months which was only partially paid by my vacation and personal days. Right now i am at an advantage where i can work from home 2-3 days a week and really only need child care 2 days a week. All in all i'm not disappointed in where my life is now, this just isn't exactly what i imagained, i'm just lucky that we have family and friends to watch our girls who know me enough to know that even if my child starts crawling for you,,, you better not say anything until after i tell you that"i" saw her crawl first. since missing all of the firsts and the milestones is what i feel like i'm missing working.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

not yet, but its on the right path.

Megamillions would help.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

Yes, but it is also a lot HARDER than I thought it would be.

Re: Is your life what you always wanted?

i love my life!

but no way did i want this

I wanted to be a stay at home WIFE, and I am not saying when i was 3, I am saying when I was 23 and DH asked my dad for my hand in marriage he said " I promise she will never have to work and I will buy her a house"

I never ever thought I would have to work. I was young and stupid and delusional.

DH told me after we paid for the wedding, I could stay home - no kids - just me and him and our dog.



Obviously, it is not the way that my life turned out but I am not waiting forever to start our family.

I will say it again, for me, IN MY SOUL, in my body - leaving my daughter for 45 hours a week is NOT NATURAL. It goes against nature. I cry every single day, yes, still. My heart hurts every single day - no human being should have to suffer like this constantly.

but, i am in love with my husband, i am in love with my daughter, i love my life and i actually really like my job - so I know how blessed and lucky i am!