Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

I'm sure you are a mommy who loves her kids more than anything and would do anything for them, but do you ever think you are too selfish? Meaning, not that you put yourself before them, but that you wish you could live life for yourself again? The word selfish is probably the wrong one, but it's late and that's all I can think of.

I sometimes feel that way. I don't kick myself over it, because I know I do a good job, but I wish I had more naps, more ME time, more me and DH time, etc, and it makes me feel that maybe I am too selfish.

Message edited 10/4/2010 11:07:32 PM.

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

Posted by speakthetruth

Posted by nferrandi

Posted by speakthetruth

I wish I had more naps, more ME time, more me and DH time, etc,

I'm sure everyone here feels that way sometimes. I know I do!

I know..I just feel guilty about it.

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

I honestly don't think wanting more "me" time, naps, sleep, DH time makes you selfish, let alone too selfish to be a parent. I don't feel that I am selfish and there are many times I want to just sleep without being bothered, when I want to go out with my friends alone, when I want to shop for myself. I think it is normal and healthy to want to also take care of yourself!

I was a huge shopper prior to DD being born. I do miss it and want to just get myself something at times but I think that makes me human, not selfish. I really do not believe that motherhood requires you to lose all sense of self.

Maybe it comes from my years representing abused and neglected children in family court, but I generally feel that someone is too selfish to be a parent when they deny their children things they need so the parent can support some sort of habit, when the parent leaves the child for days on end so they can party, when they beat and shake their crying child so they can have a quiet night with their lover, you get the drift. That to me is a selfish person, one that is too selfish to be a parent. Not the person who wants a quiet nap every once in awhile.

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

Posted by speakthetruth

Posted by nferrandi

Posted by speakthetruth

I wish I had more naps, more ME time, more me and DH time, etc,

I'm sure everyone here feels that way sometimes. I know I do!

I know..I just feel guilty about it.

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

I'm totally with you on how you feel....then I feel guilty for feeling that way. I'm 34 and for 33 years I spent my time the way i wanted and spent the money the way I wanted. I think it's natural to feel this way....

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

I don't. I think there is a big difference between making your child the center of your world and making them your whole world.

A mom who takes the time for herself & her relationships (with friends & with her DH) sounds healthier to me.

I don't think it's good for someone to grow up thinking their mom lives & breathes them.

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

I sometimes mourn my old life, but never regret the choice I made to have a child. Never.

I think that's normal.

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

I don't think it's selfish at all to wish you had more things for yourself. I think that is human.

I think you would be selfish if you continuously choose your own happiness over the needs of those around you, but I would think that of anyone, mother or not.

I would LOVE a good nights sleep. LOVE to buy myself nice clothes. LOVE LOVE LOVE to jump my husband whenever I wanted to.

but my son needs me. and for now, his needs come first.

NEEDS. but if I had to choose between getting myself a new winter coat and getting him his eleventy billionth onesie just b/c it's cute, I go with me. guilt free.

b/c we ALL have needs that must be met. no matter how many months old we are...10 or 380.

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

Like the others said, I don't think it's selfish at all. I do everything for my sons. They are my first priority and I take care of their every need.

But, I am also a person. I have things I like to do, things I need to do for my sanity, and I'm not going to stop doing them.

After Jack was born I stopped doing anything that didn't fall into the role of "Jack's Mommy" - after Tyler was born I realized that I needed to not only be "Jack and Tyler's Mom" but I also needed to be "Diana" again.

I feel like the old me. I may not shop the way I used to. I may not sleep the way I used to. I may not party the way I used to. But I am still the good old me at the end of the day.

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

Hells yes! And I know what you mean, it's not selfish really, but I think most of us would like a little more time to ourselves.

I miss having date nights regularly with DH--really miss going out alone with him. I'd love to see my girlfriends more often, and I'd love to fit more exercise into my life.

Today when I left work (coming down with a cold and sleep deprived) I thought how I would love to not have someone to take care of tonight--I would adore jumping in bed and going to sleep early. And he put me through my paces tonight--HUGE tantrum.

But all this said, I wouldn't give up DS to have any of these things--I adore him plain and simple. So while I miss doing certain things at certain times, I wouldn't change a thing.

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

I don't think it's selfish to wish you had some more time for yourself. I sometimes have days where I think about how I would love to be able to sleep through the night uninterrupted, just get up and go whenever/wherever with DH, etc. but on most days, I look at DS and wonder why I waited so long to have him

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

I am pretty crappy when it comes to this. I fell into the mommy role so easily and I love every second of it.

However, when DD cries in the morning I don't think "Oh my darling little angel, whatever could be the matter!?" I think "POOP, if I pretend I ran away will she shut up?"

But then I get up and go get her anyway! LOL

ETA: And, I would never EVER suck boogers out of her nose. The End.

Message edited 10/5/2010 9:18:27 PM.

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

Yes, I do think I am a selfish parent hence the reason DS is an only child. But seriously, while DS is awake I am all about his needs with a couple of breaks for Mommy here and there (I'm a SAHM) but after he goes to sleep at night, its all about what I want to do. DH knows not to get in my way.

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

I could have written this word for word.
This is why we waited so long to even have a child- because I wasn't even sure if I was cut out to be a mother -ever!
And even now, I still question if I am.
I love her to death- but I do miss my old life- I miss it every single day. Especially since she is such a difficult baby.
I miss sleeping for 8 hours straight, I miss taking naps, I miss going out after work, or staying out late, or getting drunk with no worries. I miss going out with my husband whenever we felt like it- to dinner, movies, weekends away.
I miss the worry free, care free life of being childless.
But I know that it will get better- it's just been a rough few months for us...

Re: Do you ever feel you are too selfish to be a parent?

YES! I am 25 and NONE of my friends have babies yet, sometimes when they all go out together to a bar or something I miss those days. I miss the days when I use to buy a new outfit every week, get my hair, nails done. I know I can still do some of those things, but they aren't as important as spending time with my baby boy!