How do you forgive your child when they really hurt your feelings?

I want to start out by saying that we are in the process of getting Damien evaluated for ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). I haven't mentioned it on here yet, we are getting to our wits end with him. He has horrible impulse control and an extremely bad temper. It is very frustrating and my DH and I end up yelling at him which doesn't work at all, it just makes it worse. He has almost everything on the checklist and I myself have ADHD.

So tonight Damien went into my cell phone and purposely deleted three of my rings tones. I am so upset with him. He did apologize but only after I asked him and it wasn't that sincere.

When we get angry with our DH's/SO it is somehow okay to go through a chilly period where you hardly speak. How do you handle it with your DC? I am really upset that he did this and isn't at all remorseful. I gave him his shower and he was acting like his silly self and it took everything I had to get through the shower without crying. So how do you do it? Thanks!

Re: How do you forgive your child when they really hurt your feelings?

its tough. I think you just have to remind yourself that its a disease and you are getting him help to make it better.

Re: How do you forgive your child when they really hurt your feelings?

I'm sorry he hurt your feelings.

Are you more upset that he deleted them or that he shows no remorse?

If it's that he shows no remorse, then it's okay for you to be chilly to him but you need to say to him ..."I'm upset with you because you did ....and I need some time to start feeling better. Please respect that and give me some room."

I used to work with children with ODD. It can be very hard to communicate effectively but one thing that you will probably learn is that visual cues will help tremendously and that most behavior is caused to "avoid something they don't want or to get something they do want." Once you find what is important, you can start helping them to learn more positive behavior. This is completely off subject but may help in dealing with situation like this.

Message edited 3/17/2010 8:18:45 PM.

Re: How do you forgive your child when they really hurt your feelings?

Staey you poor thing, I'm sorry you're going through this You definitely sound more upset that he wasn't expressing remorse or like "empathy" over the situation. No advice as I'm no expert in the field, but I think the evaluation will be a TREMENDOUS help, both to Damien and you and DH in terms of effective behavior modification techniques, etc. Obviously yelling won't be effective in the long run; just try to get through each day until the evaluation is in and recommendations are made. Does it help if you remove YOURSELF from the situation and cool down, then calmly explain to him why you're upset? I'm sure you've tried that obviously, just trying to see if anything "works" with hiim so you can keep the faith until you're getting the support you need

Re: How do you forgive your child when they really hurt your feelings?

Aw, I'm sorry you're going through this. That must really hurt you. I hope the evaluation process goes smoothly and that you get the answers and the help you need!

Re: How do you forgive your child when they really hurt your feelings?

Just wanted to give you some

Re: How do you forgive your child when they really hurt your feelings?

I don't know, my kids are much younger, but I wanted to offer you some

I know it's different but I did things as a kid to intentionally hurt my mother's feelings when I didn't get my way on something. She would tell me that I hurt her feelings and that she couldn't talk with me until she felt a little better. It really hit home (I remember, I was around 8 or 9).

I don't know if that was the right or wrong thing for her to do and I don't know if it would work with your son but it made me realize that mom's have feelings too-kids always think parents are superhuman and don't realize they can be hurt.