Would you be insulted by this? .........

The starter home post reminded me of this ...

We're moving into a new house this month. To us, it's spectacular and obviously a very expensive purchase/investment!!

I showed some pics to my friend who said it's nice and makes sense right now since we're just starting out... and made reference to getting something nicer one day.

I know this is our FIRST house and of course our first house isn't going to be our dream home (for us, that's just not where we are right now, as we both are relatively young and started our careers last year) Although all things considered, at this point, this is our dream home for the time being...... We love this house!

I found that this was a 'polite' way of telling us it's nice but not THAT nice.....

Am I being way too sensitive? I know I can be, so that's why I'm asking For reference, she is a friend who is unemployed and still lives at home with her parents- so it's not like she's comparing it to her own house that's nicer or anything.......

What do you think, am I being too sensitive, or was that an off color remark?

Message edited 2/13/2010 11:44:27 AM.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

She could be jealous...take it as that...you are doing what you and your DH know is the right thing for you..if the house is perfect for you, then it is...and you'll make it just the way YOU want it!

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

It was rude, and I agree she was either jealous or tactless. I'd probably just ignore, but because I was mad I'd probably talk about how awesome our house was around her a lot.

Congrats on the house!!

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

I don't think you are being too sensitive. If your friend was supportive and genuine, she should have congratulated you and wished you well. There is no need for her to be negative in any way. Period.

Congratulations on the new house!!!

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

I don't think you are being too sensitive, she's probably just bitter because of her own situation.

Congratulations on your new house!!! Enjoy it!

P.S. don't worry about what people say, people always have comments to make. Even if you had a huge, mega-house, someone would still find something they didn't like, or else criticize you for having such a large house.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

Who knows what she meant by it? Maybe she IS bitter or maybe she meant no harm. I would just laugh it off. As long as you're happy with your home, who cares what anybody else thinks, right?

And no reason for you to stoop to her level and go parading your house around her either. That would show about as much tact as she did.

Congrats!

Message edited 2/13/2010 1:18:17 PM.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

I would be insulted if someone came into my home and said, "it's a nice starter home" because that implies the house is lacking in some way or not good enough to be a "longterm" home.

Honestly, I've seen some really nice houses referred to as "starter homes" by others and I find that so pretentious. It's all relative, my dream home could be someone else's starter and so on.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

My MIL saw our house for the first time and said, what a cute little house.

Um..you try cleaning it and you tell me if it's little!

4 beds and two baths, two levels with a finished basement in Nassau..it's not huge but it's pretty average for the size of homes in middle class neighborhoods.

I guess she was comparing it to her other son's $2mm home in Seattle.

People have no filter.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

Sounds like an insult and that she is jealous, but I guess it would depend on the tone as well.

We had a few so called "friends" give us complements like that...and these people are still living at home rent free! I had a friend who walked through my house and pointed out spots where we missed painting or it wasnt completely even. I just took it as a sign of jealousy.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

Sometimes I give the benefit of the doubt when people haven't gone through a big change in life like getting married or buying a house. Once you're on the other side, you're much wiser and more informed. She doesn't know what an accomplishment it is, how tough the process can be.

However... if the same person was making similar insensitive comments in the future, I might let them know that it hurts your feelings. And that you worked very hard to buy your home, starter or not, and would appreciate it if she didn't make disparaging comments in the future.

Members of my family are quick to tell others or remind me that my house is VERY SMALL. They're right. It is very small. It really doesn't bother me that much, which is kind of surprising to me. What prevents me from getting upset, I think, is the fact that we're in really great financial shape *because* we chose a starter home. We don't worry about things like affording our heating bill or making a frivolous purchase here and there. And when we're ready, we'll get what we want, but I won't let people make me feel bad about that.

Congratulations, and don't worry too much about what people say. I know she's your friend but you made the right choices for you and your husband and that is what truly matters.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

I hate passive aggressive comments like that. Yes, I would be insulted and I would have made a snarky comment back-"we thought about moving in with our parents while we saved for a mansion but what adult wants to mooch of their parents-err, sorry!" (not that there is anything wrong with living with your folks while you save, but I would take a cheap shot)

Message edited 2/13/2010 11:09:38 PM.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

Thanks everyone!

I am like queen sensitive over here.. so I wasn't sure if this was just something I misinterpreted.

Looking back, it does seem like a comment made out of jealousy and showed no tact.

Honestly it's just a lesson really of how NOT to be. Sometimes passive aggressiveness is so transparent

In any case, in life there will always be someone out there with a bigger house... nicer car.... etc. We love this house and we're proud to show it off.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

i would ignore it but it sounds like this person may be a little jealous...and just b/c a house may be a "starter" or small in square footage doesn't mean it isn't fabulous...

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

I would be a little hurt by it too! but, I have learned that people say things out of jealousy like other posters mentioned. Its kinda annoying, but this world is filled with people that act like that, whether its a house purchase, a new car, a great job, etc etc. I'm sorry she didn't support you like a good friend should, but I'm sure she still cares

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

I think it's completely rude, but I also think that it stems from jealousy. We bought a starter house that could easily be our forever home. There's really not much more we would want, but I could see us upgrading some day long down the road. When I had a friend over after we bought it, she commented on how it was cute and she was sure we'd need something bigger if we ever had another baby For the record, we have three bedrooms and plenty of space And I realized that she has a much smaller home than we do, even though she has no kids, and it just screamed jealousy to me. So, while I'd be a bit offended, I'd chalk it up to jealousy.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

I would be annoyed as well.

Someone said this about an exact replica of my IL's old house. Their house was 3000 square feet and immaculate

I have learned to ignore people.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

Ugh jealousy and bitterness!

The worst!

I'm already cringing at the comments and snarky side remarks that I *KNOW* will be coming once we move in and start showing the place.

It makes me not even want anyone to see it!

Just remember, no matter what, no matter how BEAUTIFUL - it could be a freaking mansion and some people would find fault with it. Too nice: "oh so over the top - ugh!"

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

I guess it depends on the person but I would probably think that they wanted to cut me down for some reason. It isn't right.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

Posted by DaniRella


Just remember, no matter what, no matter how BEAUTIFUL - it could be a freaking mansion and some people would find fault with it. Too nice: "oh so over the top - ugh!"

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

Geez...I get this ALL THE TIME!

We moved to charlotte. Land of brand new 5 bedroom homes...everyone gets one.

We bought a 3 bedroom townhouse. People question this all the time. From realtives, friends, my mother....

It was a terrific deal in a great neighborhood. Schools are excellent, area safe.

Home is appraised at 40k more then we spent.

But constantly asked when we are upgrading.
It drives people insane when I sit in their 5 bedroom homes and explain that the only house I envy is our friend's home in FL...actually a few sq feet smaller then ours. He took out a 15 year mortgage and has 3 years left on it. That is the only home I sit in and say wow.

I can make double payments on mine for what people who have the 5 bedrooms are paying.

Our ideal situation is to keep this forever and then buy a condo in the mountains for skiing.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

she's jealous and has higher expectations for herself, but she can't even reach them. Just ignore her.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

I'd take it the same way you took it and I'd be annoyed. I don't know her, or her situation, or if she is the type of person that says things like that all the time but I wouldn't let her ruin your happiness and sense of achievement of being a first time home buyer.

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

I would be annoyed at that comment. Does this friend own a house? I would bet that she has no idea what she can actually afford one day, and has plans that are way out of what her actual budget would be.

This reminded me when I was with the wives/fiancees/GFs of DH's friends, and we were all looking at each other's e-rings. The girl who was beginning to shop for rings with her boyfriend looked at my beautiful round diamond solitaire (plain band...exactly what I wanted), and said, "you can always upgrade one day." I don't even remember how I replied. I was fuming!

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

First congrats on your home

You know this girl may be totally just out of it.Sounds like she is in a totally different place then you and may have no idea what homes cost

Either way the comment was rude.

I would brush it off--you have a beautiful home and you should be proud to have been able to work and buy it! Good for you--one day when she gets a job and moves out of her parents house she will probably be able to relate better

Re: Would you be insulted by this? .........

If I was in a bad mood, yes, I would be insulted and annoyed. If I was in a good mood, I would laugh it off to own issues that she actually said that to me. Either way, it's kind of a rude thing to say but it's definitely a reflection of the person who says it, not your purchase. Congrats on the new house! Don't let anyone bring you down.