WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

DH is being a totally doucher lately... I don't know what to do. Throughout the entire pregnancy, I've been really low key about him going out - I'd drop him off if need be... and pick him up - if he didn't have a ride... but now with 14 days to go (and being 1cm dilated and 50% efface - as of last Wed), he STILL deems it necessary to go out with the boys to watch football, or just "go out"...

We had talked about this throughout the pregnancy and he agreed that he wouldn't be going out the last three weeks - since it's a "who knows" situation... but it seems like it has gone right out the window. I told him how I feel about it - about how it makes me anxious that I'll be home alone and have to worry about whether or not he'll be able to drive me to the hospital if necessary... I know I won't be going to the hospital with the first contraction, but it's just the principal of the matter... KWIM??

I just don't know what to do anymore... he doesn't even react to me crying about it - I know... it's hormones, but it's getting old having to plead my case.


OH! and as a side complaint... I've been asking him to get the car seat base installed for the last two weeks... and still nothing.


What would you do/say???


OK... rant is over...

Message edited 1/3/2010 5:18:06 PM.

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

I'd tell him he can't go until he installs the car seat base.

I wouldn't mind him going to watch a football game but going out for a ton of social events (without me) at that time would be out of the question. Getting drunk would be out too.

You're close but this is the time you should be getting in that last minute stuff before baby comes - you, your DH and you two together. If you can, go out for lunch with friends, get a mani/pedi, go out to a movie with DH (I missed that the most after having my DD!).

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

I would say that if he goes out he absolutely CANNOT drink...if he feels he cannot stick to that then he can't go, end of story.

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

I honestly would not mind my husband going out, if I were you. I mean, I would ask that he not get drunk so if need be, he can drive you to the hospital, but let him get it out of his system now because once the baby's here, there'll be none of that for a while. And as long as you can contact him, you'll be fine.
If it makes you feel better, when I was at the end, my husband and his friend flew to Chicago for a baseball game. A baseball game. I gave him such hell about it, but I realized it was his last-ditch attempt to be free. And he was grateful when I stopped harping on him, he went and everything was fine.
As far as the car seat base goes, mine wasn't installed until I brought my daughter home, but tell him that he can go out when the base gets installed. I think that's fair.

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

I am encouraging DH to go out now. BUT I have 3 teenagers at home already (well 2 and a tween). So in an emergency situation, I'm not alone. He knows not to drink, though. He seems to think I will deliver within 10 minutes of getting to the hospital, which is rarely the case.

The car seat would be pizz me off. I would do what the PP said and tell him to go out after the seat is installed.

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

Message edited 1/3/2010 5:34:40 PM.

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

Two weeks to go imo is quite a long time, just tell him to lay off the booze. I would let him go out and have a good time, as his times out are limited!!!

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

Is he just going out, or is he getting drunk on top of it?

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

I think he is trying to enjoy his last few weeks of "freedom" He knows once the arrives he won't be able to go out to watch football w/ the boys, and he prob won't even want to or miss it. I think he is trying to soak some of it in before that happens. KWIM. Am I defending him No way Jose!!! Just giving you my take on the male psychology of it.
Honestly if me crying to him, and explaining it to him didn't make him get it, I would tell his mother. I know awful but it works. My MIL is always asking me how I am doing, etc.. and I would just tell her your concerns. That would be the end of it for my DH. Passive aggressive I know but effective.
I would have a good friend/family member on stand by just in case DH can't drive you so you don't have to stress about that. I also would call his phone often to make sure he is answering it so when it is time you don't have to worry he won't answer. Feel better

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

Maybe it's just me, but this would really bother me. I know his life is about to change and all, but ours have been different for awhile now and I think the change would be less of a shock to our DHs if they had to start making some adjustments sooner rather than later. Two weeks is a long time and I don't want my DH to suffer or anything like that, but I don't want him out having fun, blowing off steam every night either while I sit home bored, worried, and scared with a terrible backache and heartburn (and staying in with me shouldn't be viewed as suffering either). Frankly, I really appreciate the company right now with only 11 days to go. If this weren't my first, I might feel differently but it is and I don't. I do feel like I need him around when he can be if only to watch tv with me or rub my shoulders a little or calm me down when I start freaking out about things - the company means a lot to me so I definitely would not be OK with this but I seem to be in the minority here. JMHO.

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

I totally get his need to "get it out of his system"... but after going to the doctor (and he came with me...) and hearing the Dr. say that I could go into labor at any point, one would think that that would be enough for him to understand my concerns...
As hopeful2009 said, our (women) lives changed for quite a while now with being pregnant... but his??? He has lived it the same for the last 9 months. I just don't understand why he can't respect the ONE (and I really stress this) request I have made this ENTIRE pregnancy. I feel like my "needs" aren't being understood and met... while his are met at all times. No questions asked about his going out and drinking... driving his azz around - even up until New Years Eve...
I feel like my easy-going demeanor is being taken for granted. I guess I have to just change my "ways" when the baby is here - so he knows just how easy he had it...

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

I told DH no drinking for a month before my dd. I did the same thing when pg with DS and he complied. He can go out all he wants but if its more than a drink or 2 he is a dead man The night my water broke he happened to be bartending and he was still sober even tho is was 230 in the morning. Let him go out, but he has to limit the cocktails you don't want to be going to the hospital in labor in some dirty, smelly cab.

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

I've got just aout 1.5 wks to go and at my 38 wk visit I was 2cm and 70% effaced so I am pretty much in the same boat.

Honestly, if mostly everything was done and I didn't have a toddler I wouldn't care what he did as long as he wasn't getting drunk. I mean, he still has to go to work everyday and works in NYC so is at least an hour away and I can't expect him to stay home from work from now until the baby comes. Plus, you have plenty of time where even if he was out you'd have enough warning that it was coming that you wouldn't be driving to the hospital alone. That said, the drinking would bother me for sure for a multitude of reasons and I can't understand why he wouldn't see that.

That said, if my DH were to tell me he was going out tonight I would not be a happy camper for two reasons. First, we still have so much more to do that I need his help with and, second, it has become EXTREMELY difficult to watch after my 2 yr old at almost 39 wks pregnant that the weekends are my time to rest AND I think at this point I need the rest more than he does

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

last preg dh went to a wedding three days before i went into labor.. i look at and figure he isnt going to be going out for a while and so i rather he relax now... besides if he goes out to watch football then i get the tv to myself

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

I completely agree with you. I know you're probably extra sensative bc of hormones right now, but not for nothing this is his baby too and for the next 2 weekends he should not be looking at the situation as "suffering" bc he "cant" go out. I understand he wants to do what he can while he can BUT he needs to make adjustments just like you have, (well you have for the last 38 weeks). These next 2 weeks should not be like a death sentence to him bc youre asking things to be done that you cant do yourself right now. He's an adult and should be responsible for his wife and baby. The fact that he is not dependable right now bc he wants to drink I think is unacceptable. There are PLENTY of things for him to do with his friends or whatever if he wants to have fun. He doesnt need to get drink to the point where he cant drive. That would be my biggest issue here. I would try to have him compromise his activities, either have a few friends over for football or go out for 1 game, (not all day) and have 1 or 2 drinks, not get drunk. I'm sure things will change after the baby is here, but he should like I said be able to make adjustments now, just like you agreed on before you got to this point.

Message edited 1/3/2010 8:04:03 PM.

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

So... I gave DH the go ahead to go out with his friends... BUT! I made it ABUNDANTLY clear that he is to have his phone out (not in a pocket or whatever... basically to have the f'er in his hands) bc I WILL be contacting him at some point throughout the night. I also made it very clear that have more than 2-3 drinks is NOT an option. Unfortunately for him, I will be awake when he gets home... for a "once over"... muwahahaha

As for the remainder of this pregnancy, his days are numbered for fun... this being the last day. I am holding him to our agreement!!

Tomorrow - on the other hand - will be a "busy" day for him... between getting the car seat in (oh boy! I know - such a daunting task) and helping me with laundry... he won't know what hit him.

Thank you ladies for listening and giving me your honest opinions! It's very much appreciated!!

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

As long as he's going out locally I wouldn't have an issue with it.

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

You're entitled to feel however you want to feel. I will say that I think your DH is being inconsiderate - not because he wants to go out, but because his social life is taking priority over doing things that need to be done for your child.

I personally have no problem with DH going out when he wants as long as it's not out of town. I know that I can reach him or the friends he is with via cell phone. But that way of thinking doesn't work for everyone - and if you want him to stay home he should!

Re: WWYD about DH going out with 14 days to go?? (kinda long)

OH man...I don't think it's alot to ask to hang close to home when you are so close to the very end. Especially if you had a discussion ahead of time about what would happen as the time got closer.

We haven't had too many issues with this thank goodness, since we only have one car right now and we live kind of far from our friends right now. BUT when it has come up, and I had to be the taxi cab picking him up I was a little ticked off. But I kept reminding myself that he's safe.

This weekend he had a "guys night" at our house and got really drunk, which is extremely rare for him . I said nothing. The following morning he woke up feeling like garbage and said that he can't believe I "let" him drink that much and not be mad. I said the way you feel is payback enough... jk. I told him I understood that life was about to change in a huge way and that was a last hurrah. He said that wasn't fair b/c I didn't get my last hurrah. I said not to worry, b/c I will be going to Vegas with a few friends at the end of May!

You are welcome to come and join me!